A gun
Some pills
A knife
A bottle
Either will work
To put death in full throttle  

I’m all used up
No reason to live
I can’t feel anything
Nothing left to give

Take me away
To a place better than this
I’m ready for serenity
Sweet everlasting bliss

I’m not good enough for you?
Was being honest a mistake?
I put myself out there again
And you cancelled our date

Who wants an addict?
I’ve been in recovery for years
The word itself scares humans
It brings me to tears

They will never get it
Nor give me a chance
You said you really liked me
But never made it to the dance

Why are you better than me?
No skeletons in your closet?
Can you throw the first stone?
Can you be that honest?

Do I give up on love?
Do I lie about my past?
I’ll just pick up a drink
That’s the part I was cast

I woke up this morning
A smile on my face
I didn’t think I could be happy
Trying to keep up this pace

I’ve slowed it down some
Cut some things out
I want to be happy
Isn’t that what life is all about?

It’s impossible to do everything
So why do I try?
I end up exhausted
With tears in my eyes

I’ve been running and running
Like a hamster on a wheel
It’s time to relax
And regain my zeal

I awoke in the ER
Not again! Said my brain
What happened now?
I must have surely gone insane

I have no memory of what happened or how I got here
Just the gallon wine bottle and ***** in my hair

I’m now strapped to the bed
There is no one around
My mind is racing
How was I found?

I did it again
How many promises I broke
Do I get another chance?
It is a miracle I awoke

I won’t say it was easy
But I fought through the storm
My old best friend
I do not mourn

Two years later
I sit here and ponder
Thanking the Lord for my new life
I promise never to squander

I'm not a bad person
I'm just confused
Tied and sad from being abused

I wasn't beaten, starved or locked up
But what I went through has surely been enough

I am trying to climb out above the rubble
I trip and fall and sometimes stumble

Please bear with me while I put my life back together again
I truly need the love of a friend

I don't wish for much this year
All I need is you my dear
I have food on the table, a roof over my head
Wonderful friends, a warm cozy bed
I won’t feel complete
Without you in my life
I don’t know who you are
But I dream to be your wife
I’m a hopeless romantic
I believe in till death do us part
Please my darling, don’t break my heart
I’ve been waiting for you, all of my life
Times I wanted to end it, but I didn’t pick up the knife
I believe in miracles
And that miracles come true
This is the year, the miracle will be you

I know he's a star
a fantasy
but I won't give up
I want him to love me
I'm good enough
I just need the chance
my sparkling personality
and a little romance
Now I'm no stalker
just love from afar
that wasn't me
tailing his car
I know it's not real
but I don't care
nothing else in my life is working
I'm not the least bit scared
I'll live in my dreamworld
I'm safe and cozy there
and dream of his blue eyes
and long silky blond hair

I’ll never forget my very first crush
I remember feeling like a great big mush

I was only sixteen, I didn’t know what love was
All I could see was fireworks and doves

Many years later my crush did find me
He proclaims he’s always been smitten
But how could that be?

He’s happily married, at least that’s what he says
But he also told me I’ve always been in his head

So why now is he searching me out?
I don’t understand, I have lots of doubt

Is it the truth or is it a scam
Do I take a chance and meet him
Do I really give a ****?

It’s been thirty years
But my curiosity prevails
I shouldn’t be nervous
He’s just another male

I sit and I wait for my crush of years ago
I hope I don’t choke when it’s time to say hello

Feeling weak in the knees and sixteen again
I see him walk in, the reunion begins…

If I make the statement “I want to die”
Would you even bother to ask why?

“Why not die”
I would reply

There is no reason I should stay
Just to suffer one more day

To live in grief and misery
Pain and anguish smother me

It doesn’t seem so hard to choose
Either way I’m destined to lose

I think I should just take my life
I need to make sure I do it precisely right

One mistake and here I will stay
If they find me alive, they will put me away

Here comes a nurse, where the heck am I?
Am I alive, or did I already die?

I need
I want
I have to have it
All lies…

I need to breathe
I need to eat
I need to sleep

Do I need love?
I want to love
I want to be loved
I want to fall in love

Do I have to have love?
Or do I want it so bad I’ll do anything for it
Is love worth the risk
Of that first deadly kiss?

I need to stop obsessing about love
If it’s meant to be, it’ll be sent from above

As I sit here feeling my heart bleed
I realize what I want isn’t always what I need

I can't do it anymore
I just can't pretend
That we are anything more than friends
It doesn't feel right
I feel like I am using you
While you are using me
Like a ******* I'm beginning to feel
The entire relationship seems surreal
I am morally bankrupt
Emotionally drained
Everyday I'm with you
It's not pleasure but pain
It's time that I end this silly charade
We both know it's wrong
I'm no longer afraid
I have to let you go my love
It's time to release my inner dove

I'm done giving my heart away
I'm always ready to jump at the first thing they say
I'm lonely and desperate
But would rather be alone
I'm tired of waiting endlessly by the phone
It's time I take my life back
Mend my heart
Pet the cat
It's not so bad being single again
I'm not alone, I have my friends
It's better than being torn apart
Over and over again
My poor broken heart

If I could just strip away
All the superficial crap
Am I too thin
Am I too fat?
Old
Young
Pretty
Ugly
Too outgoing
Too shy....
This is how I'm judged, I dare wonder why
If you could see past this cover, into my soul
You will find nothing less than a heart of gold
Peel away the layers, see what lies within
It's a beautiful butterfly, with a broken wing

I thought I had it all
The world by the *****
Little did I know
I was slowly destroying myself
Day after day
Pain and guilt, lies and deception
This was my way of life
For a very long time
I was in the deepest black hole
Called addiction
There seemed no way out
One big circle, get up and do it all over again
Until one day
I couldn’t do it anymore
I dropped to my knees, I dropped to the floor
I picked up the phone
And made the call
That was the turning point for me
Two years later and I’m doing fine
I have hope that some day
My life will be divine
One day at a time

The sound of bagpipes in the air
The bittersweet taste of dark green beer
Leprechauns playing in the yard
Finding trouble isn’t that hard
They are doing back flips off the lawn chairs
Shamrocks flying all through the air
Time to let loose, let your worries be gone
Everyone get your Irish on!

Happy St. Patty’s Day!

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A scared little girl
Looking back at me

Are you afraid, I ask
But I get no reply
All I can see
Are the tears in her eyes

Are you ok, I can be your friend
She looks back at me
Saying nothing….
Again

I walk away
Thinking how sad is she
Then I realize
That girl is me

They showed me your picture at twelve weeks old
I wasn’t sure about this “parent” thing, but I was instantly sold

You grew inside me for seven long months
It made me happy, it made me complete
I could feel your body growing, little kicks from your feet

Now I’m in this bed, just waiting for you
I know it’s early but they say they know what to do

I feel the pain of you struggling to get out
I can understand what that’s all about

The doctor came in and said it is time
I’m ready to meet you, I’m ready to shine

They see your head and tell me to push
I do what I’m told, I can’t wait to see your little ****

It seemed like days, I was ready to pass out
And then by some miracle, you came out

I heard the cry, then they whisked you away
To clean you up, that’s what they did say

I waited and waited for them to bring you to me
I was getting restless, but the doctor I did not see

They said they tried everything
There was nothing they could do
Apparently you started turning blue

I just wanted to hold you
Just for one time
They put your body in my arms
Your hands seemed the size of a dime

I sat and rocked you
Until they took you away
I’ll never forget that horrible day

I’ll always love you
My angel up above
Mommy is here
You are my dove

Back on the plane
Being rocked to sleep
One year old twins screaming
Causes a mother to weep

So many sounds
Taking off, touching down
People are sleeping
Snoring abound

Sneezing and coughing
A symphony in the sky
I try to remember
Why it is that I fly

I feel like a robot
Flying again
All alone
Never a friend

There's no place like home
Or so it's been said
I do love to travel
But I long for my bed

Where am I going
What is my path
I have to make choices
Put aside my wrath

Trails lay before me
Like cards in a game
Which trail do I take
Will I end up in shame

Choices are not easy
Overwhelming at times
Which way to turn
I can’t cross that line

Stand still for today
No decisions can be made
Only time can guide me
All the way to the grave

A beautiful white blanket
Covers the ground
Not a soul was outside yet
You couldn't hear a sound

The first snowfall
How majestic are the trees
Painted with pure white
They are so beautiful and bright

Here comes the plows
Salt trucks too
Covering the beautiful painting
With black and some blue

What a shame
Let nature be
At least the didn't salt the trees

Why fall in love
Disappointment again
I thought you were my lover
My soul mate, best friend

Betrayed so many times, it’s no surprise
Why didn’t I see the deception in your eyes

Are my expectations too high
Should I learn to accept
Take less than I deserve
None of my needs being met

I do have a choice
I can just walk away
Feeling lonely again
Like every other day

I think I’ll run….

I wake up each day
With sadness in my eyes
Sun peeking through the curtains
It’s my time to rise

Getting out of bed is as much as I can do
Tears flowing down my cheek over losing you

I keep going on
With a smile on my face
Wanting no part of this human race

Without you in my world
There is no reason to live
Besides grief and depression
I have nothing to give

V-Day
Just another day
That I’m not Ok

For some it’s a day full of love
Chocolates and flowers
Flying doves

It only comes once a year
But every time, I shed a tear

Is it real, or is it fake
A Hallmark moment, or just another heart ache

I’m still alone on this Valentine’s day
Go away all you couples, stay the hell away

I hope you bleed from the thorns on your bouquet
And your chocolate melts into a pile of clay

Go out for your fancy dinner
Break open the champagne

It’s only one day
But for me, one full of pain

Super Bowl Sunday
How I love the game
It’s different every year
Nothing is usually the same

We root for a team
And bet in a pool
Eat a bunch of snacks
Watch the new commercials, how cool

I’m lost in this world of football for a day
My friends and I laugh, and all my troubles go away

Super Bowl Sunday is special to me
Whatever teams are playing are meant to be

A time in the winter
When I’m usually blue
Finally something happy
Super Bowl Football, it’s you!

What do I want
I guess it's not clear
I thought everything was perfect
But now I lie here

I lie in my bed
A million things going through my head
No sleep to come
Why am I feeling so glum

I wanted you
So terribly bad
Now that I have you
Why am I so sad

What do I do now
Stay and accept
Will I smile again
Am I trapped in your net

Is it too late to run
Admit I was wrong
Should I just float along
Like a sad country song

Be careful what you pray for
You may get what you wish
My heart's been deflated
Too broken to stitch

Hate is such a strong word
Like death
It feels so permanent
So drastic
And we use hate so freely
I hate this, I hate that
Is it really hate we feel
Or dislike
Distaste
So many other words we could use
But we choose hate
Do we love enough?
We sure do hate enough...

I’ve been trying to fill up my life
With people and things
The next vacation
The next boyfriend
The next new dress
What a sad mess

What do you do when nothing works anymore?
I’m tired of buying things, and acting like a *****

Nothing is thrilling or the least bit exciting
It’s getting boring and terribly frightening

I used to be able to buy something new
That would help keep me from being blue
Find a new man
A brand new romance
I’m too tired to even get up for the dance

My heart...

It beats
It breaks
It loves
It hates

It flutters like thousands of butterflies have taken over my body
It is happiness, it is pain
It keeps me alive, sometimes a prisoner, against my will....
My heart is fragile, so easily broken...

How do I listen to my heart.. when it has mislead me before?

Do I open it up again, exposed naked to the world, when it's caused me so much pain?

As long as it is still beating, I will roll the dice and take a chance, one more time...

My best friend
I can always count on you
To be there for me
Night or day

You smell so good
Just a hint of vanilla
I'll never need another fella

You are always around
Never is a day you can't be found

I can count on you
To get me out of bed
When I'm tired or down
You fix the demons in my head

Your brown and beautiful
So sweet and warm
With you by my side
I can weather any storm

I pick up my cup, and drink you down
You are by far my best friend in this town

"Another latte please?"

Rainbows and unicorns
Kittens and bunnies
Four leaf clovers
Poo Bear and honey

In my world
Nothing is real
I see an elephant
Now a seal

I sit in my chair
And play with the air
Have I lost my mind
You’re much too kind

It’s time for my meds
To ***** with my head
I’m not going far
Not leaving my bed

Rainbows and butterflies
Puppies and dragons
Monsters and vampires
Have I fallen off the wagon

This is my world
A room with restraints
Making things out of leather
Stroking canvas with paint

Everything is distorted
But that is ok
Life was too hard
Acting sane every day

I want to give up
I don’t want to play
This world is too much
Could today be the day?

What would it take?
Start with one drink
Blow my mind away
Into the bottle I’d sink

What is there to live for?
I don’t see the point
Waking up every day
Give me ***** and a joint

I thought I was over this
I guess I am not
The claws have come to **** me
Drown me in wine and some ***

I need something stronger
This won’t work fast enough
Maybe some heroine
Or some other white stuff?

This pain in my head is too much to bear
If I disappeared, would anyone care?
Me and my bottle crawl into bed
Nothing matters, I’m already dead

I rode out the storm
the sun shines brightly today
I can almost reach the rainbow
not so far away

I've fallen
Like dead leaves in autumn
A fallen Angel
Who never had wings
A fallen bird
Who never could sing
A fallen plane
With no survivors
A fallen star
Full of fire
I need to get up
And fly again
High above the clouds
Until the end

It’s dark in my room
The sun has yet to rise
I’ve been awake for hours
Not to my surprise

I never seem to be able to sleep
Until the sun rises
Or my alarm starts to beep

So here I sit again, all alone
I can’t even call anyone on the phone

The rest of the world is sleeping
Everyone but me
So what will I do?
I’ll write endlessly

I look into your eyes
With my special smile
I can lie to your face
I make a **** good case
I didn’t do it,
I didn’t **** that man
Evidence you say?
Do I look like I care?
Don’t give me that policeman stare
I can swear under oath that it wasn’t me
Don’t try to threaten with the death penalty
I have no conscience
I can feel no pain
Try as you might to hurt me again
You can’t **** me
I’m already dead

I ain't too pretty
I ain't too bright
But I know good lovin
And how to treat a man right
Give me a chance, to take you to the moon
And when we're spent we'll snuggle and spoon
I'll do anything you want
A strip tease, a pole dance
Come on baby, give me a chance
I ain't too pretty
I ain't too bright
But I promise you
One Hell of a night!

The tears feel down my cheek
Like little water falls with no place to go
No basin to catch them, no pretty rainbow

So here I am another day
What am I supposed to say?
Yippee I’m glad to be alive
That would just be a big fat lie

On and on and on I must go
Can’t let on, let no one know
I’m miserable as can be
What the hell is wrong with me?

I still see your face
With that grin so brash
Taunting me
Teasing me
Torturing me
Then gone in a flash

You don’t show your true colors
You hide them so well
Hidden behind that sweet smile
Those kind words you sing come straight from hell

Peel back your mask
Reveal your true self
The devil appears
Hiding on the shelf

You’re incapable of love
Your anger is fierce
Perverted thoughts
You try to hide
But you can’t help yourself
You enjoy the ride

The charade is over
You come exploding through
You can’t fool me anymore
I can see right through you