I thought I had it all
The world by the *****
Little did I know
I was slowly destroying myself
Day after day
Pain and guilt, lies and deception
This was my way of life
For a very long time
I was in the deepest black hole
Called addiction
There seemed no way out
One big circle, get up and do it all over again
Until one day
I couldn’t do it anymore
I dropped to my knees, I dropped to the floor
I picked up the phone
And made the call
That was the turning point for me
Two years later and I’m doing fine
I have hope that some day
My life will be divine
One day at a time

Winter blues
What to do
I need to be
By the sea
Breathing in the warm salty air
This cold is overwhelming, it's everywhere
Take me away
I'm ready today
Where the sand is hot
The water's turquoise and blue
Far far away where I won't think of you
Somehow I'll get there
Get out of this place
Images of you
I need to erase
Until then I will sit alone by the fire
Dreaming of my lifelong desire
Happy and free
Warm and safe
How I long to be at that special place

I can't do it anymore
I just can't pretend
That we are anything more than friends
It doesn't feel right
I feel like I am using you
While you are using me
Like a ******* I'm beginning to feel
The entire relationship seems surreal
I am morally bankrupt
Emotionally drained
Everyday I'm with you
It's not pleasure but pain
It's time that I end this silly charade
We both know it's wrong
I'm no longer afraid
I have to let you go my love
It's time to release my inner dove

I woke up today
Ungrateful for what I have
I’m always wanting more
Day-dreaming of Amore
Like humpty dumpty I took a great fall
Early this morning, no one to call
I’m all banged up, wondering why
Because my head is always stuck in the sky
Not paying attention to the things at hand
Now I’m paying for it, the pain is grand
I get on my knees, bruised and on fire
I pray to God with deep desire
I’ve prayed a lot, but truly mean it this time
I need Your guidance, so divine
All I want is to do Your will
Mine isn’t working, carry me over this hill*
“Help me Dear God”

I just realized today
Being single is not so bad
I am finally happy, I’m extremely glad
No one to report to
No one to ask “please”
No one to worry about when I hear that first sneeze
The world is mine
I’m free as a bird
“I’m Single” I scream, for all to be heard
The thought of being single used to fill me with fear
But to my surprise, I like not having you here
I do what I want
Pick and choose who I date
I’m in no hurry to find a new mate

I woke up this morning to a terrible thing
I couldn’t find my wedding ring
Did it fall down the sink
Get lost in the park
Or the golf course
Oh no, I forgot, yesterday was the divorce
My ring is gone, and so are you
With a sigh of relief, I know what to do
Finally released from those chains holding me
*What a wonderful feeling, to finally be free

There is something terribly wrong with me
My head won't stop thinking
How ugly I am
Skinny
Old
Useless
Stupid
Unloved
What is wrong with me
Tell me, I can take it
It can't get any worse than it is
Free me from the chains that are chocking me
Cutting off my air
I can't breath
And you say,**
"Get over it"

I know what I want and what I deserve
To cuddle, hold hands
that sweet goofy stuff
hugging and kissing
All that good mush
Am I crazy, expecting too much
A phone call on queue just to make sure I'm ok
not too much to ask, isn't that the right way
Never have to wonder if he loves me or not
misses me terribly when we are apart
He would never break my heart
I'm still looking for someone to play the part
*Dream on....

I want to be in love
Is that so wrong?
I feel like a character
In a sad country song
I'm sick of hearing myself weep
This love I long for is making me weak
I'm tired of trying
I'm tired of crying
Pass me a beer, a shot of JD
This is how it was meant to be
Always alone
Never happy

I'm floating high above the clouds
Looking down through the crowds
what do you think I see
A horror film, starring me
I look so sad, beat to a pulp
I can't see a shred of hope
I want to stay up here, in the sky
Am I alive or did I die?
Will I wake up from this bad dream
I desperately need to get clean
I've burned all my bridges
Dug my own hole
It's too late to set another broken goal
So I pick up the needle
Shoot the liquid into my vein
Soon I will be floating in the clouds again

I don’t want to think about you anymore
Turn off my thoughts, turn off my brain
I can no longer bear this pain
I can’t explain why I get so mad
Always feeling like I’ve been had
If you don’t know what you want
Don’t give me miss-signals
Don’t keep breaking my heart
I want to stop thinking of you
I’m tired of always feeling blue
So I ask you kindly, “please go away”
Starting now, starting today

Look at you, eyes of blue
I feel like I'm looking right through you
You say you love me
but talk is cheap
you leave me home alone
to wonder and weep
I need to leave, I need to go
If I did, would you even know?
I've been blind, all along
I think of you at every sad song
I feel like a character in a play
That doesn't end well, for me anyway
I'll pack my bags and hit the road
Before I self destruct, and totally implode

I know he's a star
a fantasy
but I won't give up
I want him to love me
I'm good enough
I just need the chance
my sparkling personality
and a little romance
Now I'm no stalker
just love from afar
that wasn't me
tailing his car
I know it's not real
but I don't care
nothing else in my life is working
I'm not the least bit scared
I'll live in my dreamworld
I'm safe and cozy there
and dream of his blue eyes
and long silky blond hair

Yes I'm different
Somewhat unique
One of a kind, that's what they say
I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't try to fit in with the rest of the crowd
I want to be noticed, I stand tall and proud
When I was made they broke the mold
No one could ever fill my role
I have a purpose
I shall not be afraid
To be a little different
In a good way
Remember me
Im not always right
My only purpose is to spread joy and light

Here I go again
Another Monday
She's not my friend
Another day
Another week
Into the future I'd like to peak
What good would it do, it's always the same
Depression and confusion take over my brain
I go through the motions
A smile on my face
It's only a game
It leaves such distaste
But I do it again and again
Waiting for the next day
Waiting for the pain to end

Do I expect too much from people?
Respect
Kindness
Understanding
No judgement
Love
Friendship
Am I asking too much?
Does anyone care about anything other than themselves?
Are we responsible for this creation?*
The "me" generation

If I take off
Just disappear
Leave this town
Would anyone care?
I'm ready to run
Get away from this place
No one will notice
Just another day
I close the door
Turn the key
Walk to the train
Will anyone remember me?
I don't know where I'm going
But it matters not
I want to be happy
I just might have as shot

I'm done giving my heart away
I'm always ready to jump at the first thing they say
I'm lonely and desperate
But would rather be alone
I'm tired of waiting endlessly by the phone
It's time I take my life back
Mend my heart
Pet the cat
It's not so bad being single again
I'm not alone, I have my friends
It's better than being torn apart
Over and over again
My poor broken heart

She sits on the steps
Holding tightly to the cell phone
Where is he now, she feels all alone
It's dark and it's late
Only one street light
He said he would come
This doesn't feel right
She looks around the empty street
Licking her lip gloss, it tastes so sweet
The cool summer breeze
Keeps blowing her hair
She sits in stillness
Why doesn't he care?
Hours gone by
The sun starting to rise
She feels the tears
Swelling up in her eyes
She goes up to her room
And lies in her bed
Wishing she could turn off the voices in her head
Just another romance gone bad
She feels nothing this time
Not a bit sad
Closes her eyes
And falls finally to sleep
Only then, she allows herself to weep

Is today the day
I stop settling for less than I deserve
For hoping for things and people that were never meant to be
To be happy and joyous, with just me
I make excuses
And fantasize
When all I need to do
Is open my eyes
He doesn't love me
My job is a joke
I need to put down the ***** and the coke
I gotta stop running
I'm getting no where
My life is grey, I cannot see
I've gotten so far away from reality
I want it all
Be patient they say
I'll find my purpose
Somehow, some day
Please Dear God show me the way

I wake up early, day after day
Get my coffee, feed the cats
My head's so full of those horrible bats
This sinking feelling just won't go away
It's all up to me
To make that choice
It doesn't have to be this way
I just want to be happy
For just one day

I don't listen to anyone
When they tell me I'm great
I've always felt this way
Full of self hate
I'm destroying myself
More every day
Where's my self worth
It doesn't matter what they say
I still see the fat girl
Glasses, braces and all
I can hear the laughs
As I walk down the hall
Will I ever be free
Of this little girl inside of me

She walked down the stairs
Not a care in the world
All dressed up
Hair in curls
She waited patiently for him to arrive
It was prom night
But she felt like a bride
The clock kept moving
He still didn't show
Her dress was wrinkled
She was losing her glow
She was angry now
This just couldn't be
How dare he do this to me!
Then outside she heard the sounds
Police and ambulance scrambling around
She saw the car
Two houses away
It was his car
Smashed in the tree
This can't be happening
Not tonight
Not to me
She ran to the scene
Police held her back
They were waiting for the chopper
To take him away
No telling if he'd make it to another day
She stood in shock
such a tragedy
And realizd for the first time
It's not about me*
A night to remember

What would make you want me
Hmmmm let me see
What if I get naked?
Do a strip tease?
How do I got your attention?
Do I fall, break a leg?
I really don’t want to have to beg
I’ve got my low cut dress on
And my stilettos too
Still can’t get your attention
What else can I do?
I invite you up to my room for a drink
You say yes, you didn’t even think
I thought to myself
This is great, just divine
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll be all mine
We get to my room
And we quickly embrace
Onto the bed, it felt like a race
Then in a moment you were out the door
That’s when I crumbled to the floor
I cried and I cried
I was just being used
That’s what I get, for trying to ******

The library was open
She sat there alone
Surrounded by books
Some authors unknown
This was her escape
The land of the greats
She lived through these books
They gave her a life
She hid in her safe place
And read until they closed
Then went to her shelter
And dreamt of what they wrote
Only sixteen
But homeless for years
No parents, no family
She ran out of tears
She dreamed of the characters
The authors brought to life
Becoming them
Kept her going one more night

It’s a new day
Get the coffee and cream
Not everything is as it seems
The sun might be shinning
But inside I’m dying
I need to get out of this place
Of despair and disgrace
Put the past behind me
Look to the light
It's up to me to make my future bright
Stop looking for the next best fix
A man
New shoes
A vacation
Some *****
I want to be happy
I can't be the only one
Someone please come show me
How to have fun

I want to start over
A brand new day
I can't keep living this way
Lost and lonely
Scared and confused
My only relief is ******* and *****
I'm never gonna win
I'm always gonna lose
Lose my mind
Lose my soul
Sell my body for the *** of gold
Keeps me high
So I don't care at all
I'm sinking in quicksand
I'm hitting the wall
What can I do
Am I too far gone
Someone wave the magic wand
Save me

I want to be happy
I really do
The sun is shining, the sky is blue
The air is crisp
There's a beautiful breeze
you can see the flowers growing from seed
Everything seems perfect
A wonderful scene
Let's get some popcorn, and chocolate ice cream
Walking down the boardwalk
Freeing my mind
What a wonderful life
I pray for mankind

I'm too tired to pretend
That I'm happy once again
It's been so long
I don't know what went wrong
You left me that day
I'll never forget
I couldn't believe it
I hid in my bed
For days and weeks
Which turned into months
I don't know how to go on
Knowing you're not coming back
I'll stay in bed
With a drink and some crack
I look at your picture
I still want you back
But like a magician
You just disappeared
Was I just dreaming, did you ever exist
It's been so long, my head is filled with purple mist
Hopeless

A new year
A new day
What do you expect me to say
I have hope for the new year?
I'm overflowing with cheer?
Neither are true
I'm feeling just as blue
Nothing is different
Nothing has changed
Why do I buy into this hype
Of great things to come
Of a sweet stary night
Just another day
Not going my way
I'll have to wait till 3003
I'll be dead, I'll be free

When you look at me that way
My entire body starts to sway
My heart beats faster
I can feel the heat
Kiss me baby, sweep me off my feet
Your run you hand up and down my spine
I’m starry-eyed, no need for wine
Come closer baby
Hold me tight
Kiss me all over
All through the night
I feel your tongue caress my ear
You nibble my neck, whispering words so dear
Take me now
Let our bodies dance as one
I’m ready baby
To have some fun!

I want to be treated like a lady
NO, make that a Queen
I won’t settle
For anything in-between
I won’t be a doormat for anyone anymore
If that’s what you want, I’ll show you the door
I won’t be your bank or your room and board
You might as well just fall on your sword
I’m waiting for my knight
I know he’s out there
I’m done being used
It just isn’t fair
I will wait forever
I won’t compromise
I’ll know him when I see him
Just one look in his eyes

It seems like I’ve known you forever
I thought you were the one
We always laughed, we seemed to have fun
I’ve gone through some changes
I’m just not the same
I’m sorry my darling
You are not to blame
I need to end this
Can’t keep playing this game
Waiting for feelings
That will never come again
I must go now
Before I turnabout
I know this is right
There is no doubt
I'll see you my lover
It’s been a hell of a ride
Now I must bid you a tearful goodbye

Take me away
To a faraway place
Another town
Another state
I want to move on
But I’m so stuck here
Memories of you, everywhere
The memories will haunt me wherever I go
But I’m sure that’s something you already know
How could you leave me
The way that you did
You could have been honest
Instead you ran and hid
I’ll never have closure
On this love affair
My heart is broken
And continues to tear

I’m no angel
I’m surely no saint
If you knew the things I’ve done
You’d probably faint
I’m not the same person
I was a year ago
By the grace of God
I continued to grow
I now have a conscience
I sometimes do wrong
But I try to make it right
Before I fall sleep at night
My future is uncertain
So is every day
But I believe if I continue to pray
I have a chance at a happy tomorrow
My life no longer has to be filled with sorrow

Where am I going?
I have no idea
All I know
Is I’m full of fear
I can’t leave my house
It’s too terrifying
Lock all the doors
Don’t answer a ring
He could be out there
Waiting for me
I don’t understand how he was set free
He was locked up only a few days
Got out on bail
I’m still in a haze
I’m prisoner in my home
While he is a free man
I sit with my gun
Last time I ran
This time I’ll get him
If he comes near
I want him dead
This is too much to bear

I don't wish for much this year
All I need is you my dear
I have food on the table, a roof over my head
Wonderful friends, a warm cozy bed
I won’t feel complete
Without you in my life
I don’t know who you are
But I dream to be your wife
I’m a hopeless romantic
I believe in till death do us part
Please my darling, don’t break my heart
I’ve been waiting for you, all of my life
Times I wanted to end it, but I didn’t pick up the knife
I believe in miracles
And that miracles come true
This is the year, the miracle will be you

I run and I run
For the next big rush
I need the excitement
To keep my mind from turning to mush
Running in circles
Getting nowhere
What am I doing?
I have no idea
Nothing is good enough
The thrill doesn't last
Just puts me in debt
I can't even laugh
There's nothing funny about my life
Why can't I be happy with being alive
I need the next vacation
The next shiny thing
It's all external
I spend like a king
Deeper and deeper I go
I want to stop but just don't know
How to fill this hole in me
I'm looking for something that I can't see...*
Love

The  tears poured out down my cheek
Washing away the secrets I did keep
I'm done hiding
I'm done lieing
It's time to come clean
Whatever that means
I've done so much damage in my short life
I've abused and cheated and thought it was alright
So I make my amends
And take what I get
My life's just beginning
This isn't the end

The new year approaching
There's no stopping time
Why would I want to
It could be my time to shine
Looking back
This year wasn't so bad
Then why oh why am I so sad
Not everything went my way
But I kept waking up to another new day
So I'll say goodbye to another year
Praying the new one will bring me some cheer*
Happy New Year!