Have I finally found peace
Or is this just a charade
I feel the serenity
No clowns or parades
The ship is sailing smoothly
The sun kisses the ocean
I love the feeling
Of the slight rocking motion
The only thing missing
Making me blue
The touch of you're body
Yes, I mean you

At the airport again
Running away
From what I don't know
I just know I can't stay
I have the soul of a drifter
I cannot stay still
Someone might see me
They're all out for the ****
**** my spirit
**** my soul
Running from it all is my only goal
Fly away
I'm out of the race
No one cares about me now
I'm just an anonymous face

The door was half open
When she reached her room
She was suddenly overcome with a feeling of doom

Should she go in, was someone there?
This fear was more than she could possibly bear

She ran down the stairs and out to the street
She was moving so fast, flying as if she had no feet

She felt like floating
Above the clouds
When she heard the explosion
It was excruciatingly loud

She fell to the ground
Listening for a comforting sound
Sirens rang from down the road
Getting frightenly closer to her home

She looked up at her house
It was engulfed in flames
It could have been her
Who was to blame?

She watched the house burn
As it crumbled to the dirt
She couldn’t believe how much it hurt

A thought came to her mind
In this terrifying scene
*“Is there someone after me?”

She boards the ship with all her style
Wondering all the while,
What has happened to her smile…

She should be excited
Happy as well
But all she can think of
Is damning him to hell

How could he do it
Just leave her that way
To board this ship
Alone today

This should have been like a romance novel
Instead it’s a scene from a movie of horror

Alone she stands
As the ship leaves port
He’s really not coming
She has no lover, no escort

Holding her head high
Trying not to cry
She heads for the bar
Hiding the scars

*Is he thinking of her, like she’s thinking of him?
Of course not
I hope she can swim…

What is Love anyway...
It it lust
Passion
***?
Why are we always looking for "the one"
Instead of just having fun
The boyfriend
The husband
Oh how boring that sounds
I want a lover, who's sometimes around
No commitments, or till death do we part
No broken promises
Or broken hearts
I just want a lover
Just for today
Don't need any flowers
Don't want him to stay
What is Love anyway...

You don’t have a clue
How much I think of you…
I dream of a time
When we could be together
I want to feel your touch, light as a feather
Hold you in my arms
Safe from this earth
I need you my darling
What’s my love worth?

I want to kiss your lips so soft
I remember those nights, in your loft
I can still feel your touch, skin on skin
I can’t stop remembering when…
Our bodies would be tangled
Intertwined together
I can’t imagine
Anything better
I would do anything now
To have you back in my arms
Can I persuade you with my charm?
I want another chance, can we start over again?
I want much more, then to be your friend
*I love you

I woke up on the hard concrete
I was lying face down
Gravel stuck to my cheek
How did I get here?
My mind started to race
Fear swallowed me alive
I wanted to run, I wanted to hide
I picked myself up
Looked all around
No one was there
I could not hear a sound
It was cold and dark
Dreary and damp
In the distance I saw the lamp
I dragged my body to it
Turned on the light
What I saw was a horrifying sight!
Dead bodies hanging, like sides of beef
Some bodies looked fresh, others were bones
I need to escape, I need to get home
There is no door, no way to leave
The stench is overwhelming, it’s getting harder to breath
Then I see you
Standing there
Fire in your eyes, long straggly hair
You come closer
I have nowhere to go
I’ll be hanging here too, and no one will know

How do I get this stuff out of my head
I try to stuff it
I try to hide it
Through drugs and the *****
I didn’t think I could lose
But all it’s done
Is make me run
Run from the pain
Of the shakes and my brain
Detox again
No, it’s not my friend
I just do my time
Till I can get another line
Where are you Jack D
Can’t you see me?
I need you now
I’ll get to you somehow
Only two more days
Till we are together again
I miss you Jack D, my only friend

Am I awake, really here in my bed
Maybe I’m still sleeping
Maybe I’m dead
I have no idea what’s going on in my head
Did I die in my sleep?
I don’t feel afraid
Yet I can’t feel my body
And I can’t stop my brain
All I know is I feel no pain
If this is death, I think I like it
No snakes or dragons or fire pits
Just peace and quiet, the serenity I’ve craved
Finally I was no longer enslaved
This was too good to be true, and so it began
I could feel my legs, I could feel my hands
The alarm started singing
Ring ring ring
Please make it stop, I don’t want to wake up
I don’t want to think of last night and that club
I want to go back to the peace and serenity
Even if it means death is my only destiny

I want you
I love you
How can't you know?
I don't try to hide it
I need you so...
I want to move on
But I can't let go
I'm under your spell
It's torture, it's hell
I long for your attention
I long for your touch
I want you, my lover, you have no idea how much
but how can't you know,
don't you look in my eye's?
if you did, it would be no surprise
I want to tell you, but I'm kinda shy
I'd rather sit here alone and cry
Don't you see me?
I'm right here!
Please my love,
Please come near...
Then I see the two of you, walking hand in hand
On her finger, is a wedding band
The rage blazed strong, the blackout began
my blood was boiling
how'd the knife get in my hand?
I wipe off the blood, I'm now wearing the ring
Do you notice me now?
sounds of sirens sing
I sit and I wait, holding your hand
You are forever mine, darling
I now have the band

I am starting to believe I will always be alone
No lover, no partner, no one to share a home
No happily ever after
Till death do we part
No love of my life, no pounding of my heart
ZAZAZU is not to be found
No butterflies in my tummy
But I can still hear the sound
Of chapel bells ringing
Love's laughter all around...
I have to keep the faith,  I don't have a choice
I want to scream out,  but I can't find my voice
ZAZAZU will someday be mine,
Until I  find it, I will never be fine
ZAZAZU, I'm still waiting for you...

I can't keep it up
This smile on my face
It's making me sick
It's making me ache
How long do I have to pretend
Living this secret so long, I want it to end
I'm not ok, without you
What the Hell am I supposed to do
I don't want to wake up
And end the dream of you and me
Although I know, it will never be
You don't even see me
Or know I'm alive
What would get your attention
Can't you see the love in my eyes?
I go back to sleep, just to see your face
Will you notice me missing if I never awake?
I guess we will see, what will be, will be
*Goodnight my love...

Me me me
I want it now
I need it now
Me me me, it's all about me
I need the rush,  I crave the high
I want it when I want it, or I think I'll die
When I finally get it,  It's never enough
I need to gorge again, I need more stuff
The rush lasts for an instant, then I need more
The fix never comes quick enough, always looking to score
Me me me, I  just want it now!
The next high is coming, some way, some how....

Where are you,
My knight in shining armour...
I'm waiting for you by day and by night
To mend my heart, remove the knife
Only you can save me
At least I believe you can
I've been waiting for you,
my lover, my friend
I don't know your name, but soon I will
Is it Harry or Joe, maybe it's Bill?
I'lll keep waiting
Until that day
You come riding up
And sweep me away

What do they see....
A strong woman
Accomplished
A confident survivor
Good mother and sole provider
Pretty, Outgoing
Sweet, loving, and giving
She has them all fooled
her true soul is hidden
No one can see
How she's covered in scars
Always hiding, she's no super star
Just a scared little girl
in this great big world
She can no longer escape
In a bottle of ***** or pills
She has to face her life,  has to pay the bills
She's just a prisoner Inside her head
The masquerade is hard to keep up
When you can't leave your bed
She puts on her face,
To start the day
All she wants, is to run away...

I'm so angry
I'm not sure why
I'm usually the happy one
Turning frowns upside down
Giving encouraging words
But today, none will be heard
I need someone to rescue me
I am so tired of being strong
Always helping, fixing the wrong
Please Dear God, send someone to me
I need a shoulder to cry on, and help me see
That things will get better
This too shall pass
but just for now maybe
I need a kick in the ***

Alone

Why am I so sad
I just want to cry
What's wrong with my life
That I just want to die
I've done all the right things
I've made my amends
Yet still I'm alone
And sad once again
I miss your touch
Your voice on the phone
The way you used to make me moan
Don't you see I love you so
I should have never let you go
What the Hell can I do
To get the love I long , back from you

I had no idea
what was happening to me..
Feelings bubbling up
How can this be?
You walked back into my life,
a friend
an ex-lover
One of a kind, a gem undercover...
Memories of us are blissful and dear,
our time together becoming so clear...
The time wasn't right then
for you and me,
I thought I loved you
but it was not meant to be
Now it's years later
we are both single,
when I think about you, my heart starts to tingle
I'm afraid to know how you feel
I can't peel away your emotions of steel
Someone tell me, what do I do?
I think I have a crush on you

The sun is out
yet darkness is all I see
The air is warm
yet only cold encompasses me
The fear is overwhelming
fear of what?
I'm hiding in the closet now
afraid to come out
they might see me
who are they?
the voices
which voices?
the voices in my head
I know they want me dead
I breath
I hear
I see
I know they are after me
how long can I hide
they are screaming louder now
make them stop
I don't know how
I'm stuck with the voices
they won't go away
**** me already
I can't take another day!

I look at the clouds
how majestic they are
all different shapes
a heart, a star...
I'm amazed at the clouds
as they drift slowly by
then I think of you
and start to cry
can you see me down here?
I wonder if you can
I believe you are up there
but this wasn't the plan
We were meant to be together
for many more years
but here I sit
wiping away tears
I long for the day, when we meet again
Up in the clouds, I'll be coming my friend...

I'm told I should be thankful
for waking up each day
Grateful for what, that I'm breathing today?
I fall to my knees, begin to pray...
Pray for the day I will be happy, no longer think of you
I thought you loved me, I thought this time it was true
I can't stop the thoughts, they have taken over my mind
This thing, "gratitude", I just cannot find
I try to pretend
I play the game
I don't want you to know that I'm still in such pain
Here I go again, to face the world
Smile on my face, but my head in a twirl
I don't feel grateful, I only feel blue
I'm lost in my head, still missing you

What's the point of waking up
without you in my arms...
no, I'm not needy,
perhaps a bit greedy...
I want you all for myself
just you and me
That's how it was always meant to be...
If I can't have you
no one can
I'll cut off her lips
no more can you kiss...
I'll slit her throat
then watch her float...
down the river, how divine
my dear, my love, you will finally be mine!

I lie in my bed
one thought in my head
My mind swirling around
with thoughts of you
Sweet memories abound...
I want it to stop!
I can't turn it off
my mind keeps wandering
I dream of our loft...
Safe in your arms
Holding me tight
thinking of what might...
what might have been, if you didn't leave
what did I do, I know it was me!
You've take over my mind
I just want it to end...
Another sleepless night,
I wish I was dead

I woke up this morning with a smile and some hope
Until you showed up, all hopped up on dope
You said you would never do it again
But here you are, messed up before 10
You make me sad
You make me cry
But I stay with you, I ask myself why
I can't help you
Dear Lord I've tried,
It kills me to see you, full of promises, no pride
I closed the door, told you to go away
I'm not giving up my hope, not again today
*Goodbye darling ...

We see what we want to see
We hear what we want to hear
We laugh when we want to cry
We cry when we want to die
What is the point, what's really real
Are we just a deck of cards
Waiting for the deal?
I don't know what this day shall bring
New beginnings, hints of Spring?
I'll let the chips fall where they may,
And be grateful for another day

The human touch is a powerful thing
It can wake the dead
It can make the birds sing
When you took me in your arms, and danced with me
I felt your powerful spell
I didn't want to be set free
Then the song ended
I didn't want to let go
But you walked away
How did  you not know?

I wish I saw it coming
I wanted to be blind
I wish a had the chance now, to hit rewind
But would I do anything different?
I fear not
You had me under your spell
Forget-me-not...
You screamed at the kids
You kicked the dog
You were never the one , we were always wrong...
Your anger took over
You were out of control
Swinging the knife, you were on a roll
Now I lay here
In a pool of blood
My family lie dead
And soon I will be too
My last thoughts are I still love you...
I slowly start to drift away
To think I begged you, to please stay
Goodbye my love, it's time to go
Forget-me-not...
I still love you so

I want to fall in love,
Is that so wrong?
I hear lyrics of love in every song
Movies are made of tales of love
Books are written, love and romance
Everywhere couples happily dance
Movies and TV
Portray love as so grand
As the happy couples dance to the beat of the band
They try to trick us into believing in love
Wedding vows, rice, a flock of white doves
Ride into the sunset, another happy ending
For me, I'm still waiting, for a happy beginning

Her mind was cluttered
with thoughts of him
she replayed the tape
again and again
What did she do this time
words she can't take back
she knows he is gone
she made him attack
"I know it's my fault", she chants over again
I should have shut up
this can't be the end!
She looks towards the mirror
The bruises are fresh
"I know I deserved them" she says under her breath
Her eyes were so swollen, she could hardly see
Then the door opened,
Yes it was he!
Roses in hand
A smile, a soft kiss...
She smiles back
the bruises fade away
Her love is back, at least for today...

I drift into consciousness
My eyes glued shut
I can't feel my body
Or utter a word
Metal and dirt
Is the only grinding sound
I wonder, is there anyone around?
Help me someone, please hear my plea
What is about to happen to me...
I lie there helpless
No memory of the hours before
I only can hear a faint bang on my door
I hear footsteps coming closer
Is it help, I fear not
My eyes start to open
Where is a cop?!
I see just the image of a large human above
I want to fly away, turn into a dove
Just get it over with,
I wanted to say
I had no idea what would be coming my way
My body was dragged, over to the grave
Dumped into the hole, could I be saved?
I hear the sound again, of metal and dirt
My body was now covered, will this hurt?
Just blackness, no light
The dirt piled heavy on me
The air is cut off
I can no longer breath
My final thought before I floated away...
*Why me, why today?

I woke up again
Alone in my bed
I'm still here
Ringing in my head
I run to the bathroom
Heave into the bowl
I'm sure I've lost my mind and my soul
Not again! My body screams
Maybe, just maybe, this is a dream?
I stumble back to bed
One thought in my head
The bottle is empty, the pills are gone
I shouldn't be here
Something went wrong
I can't sleep, and I can't stay awake
My body is dieing, my hands start to shake
I have to try harder
Or find another way
I don't want to be alive
Not one more day

I sat on the bench, every day in the park
I'd love to sit there
From light to dark
Something was different,
When I saw your face
Your chiseled profile
And striking blue eyes...
Took my breath away
Took me by surprise
You strolled casually by
Confidence in every stride
Do I want you to see me?
Do I want to just hide?
Your powerful aura has me magnetized
I can't stop myself,
I'm mesmerized
I jump off the bench
I have no control
I follow you...
You don't even know
I walk faster and faster
To keep up the pace
I don't want to lose your beautiful face
I want to say something
But no words will come out
What’s controlling me,
What’s this all about?
Is it fatal attraction?
I know you want me too
Once I catch you,
I'll know what to do…
The park is getting crowded, it's hard to keep up,
Something inside, tells me I must
Then I see her, standing there
Tall and beautiful, long shiny hair
He walks up and gives her a kiss on the cheek
There's a small child running, underneath his feet
My heart is screaming "No, I'm sure he's the one!"
Who is this woman, I want her gone!
I sit on the bench, day after day, watching and waiting
She had become my prey...
The park was empty
She was walking alone
Distracted by the beeping coming from her phone
I walked over slowly, never to be seen
I took out the knife
It gallantly gleamed
I waited until the right moment,
Her back was to me
All I wanted was for him to be free…
I lifted the knife high, and struck it down hard
Her body went limp, her face grossly scared
I went back to my bench
Holding the knife tight
Sirens were wailing, I saw the flickering lights
They must understand
This is how it had to be,
He didn’t love her, he was meant to be with me…

She loved to have fun
The hot 'Party Girl"
With a sparkle in her eye and a smile on her face
No one on earth could keep up with her pace
Where is she going,
it'll be a surprise
You can see the mischief in her eyes
Let's do up the town, the city too!  
When she's finished with that,  she'll find a new place to do!
The world is all hers and she knew it too well
Come and party, burn in hell...
The red camaro is ready to cruise
Don't forget the white stuff, and the bottles of *****...
Speeding down the highway
let the party begin
Start passing around that tonic and gin
Keep the party rockin, if you dare
She gulped from the bottle without a care
The road started winding, but she didn't slow down
She's anxious and ready to burn up this town
Where'd the truck come from?
A load crashing sound
The camaro flew through the air, till it hit the ground
There was nothing left of the tiny sports car
It burst into flames
Her body floated high up towards the stars
All she wanted was to have some fun
The party was over, before it begun

She walked into the dark dreary bar,
wondering if she should turn back, run to her car...
Smoke billowed without notice, filling the small room,
a few regulars were perched on barstools, speaking of gloom
They saw her walk in as they poured down their beers
Her well pressed suit and designer shoes,
She definitely did not belong here...
The high tops stood empty, as she pulled up a stool
Ashtrays and peanuts strategically placed, beer on tap, being kept cool
She sat still in the darkness, thick smoke all around
She was a prisoner now, she could not make a sound
Her head began to ache, her mind began to race
She knew she did not belong in this place...
The jukebox began playing some sad country song
Her heart started screaming, something was wrong!
The door finally opened
There he stood
Wearing the red sweater, like he said he would
Strange grin on his face, he was covered in sweat
She couldn't move now, not a hair out of place
He walked closer and closer, her heart started to race
She had no where to hide, no where to run,
She knew right then, the nightmare had only begun...

I lost my friend
But cannot cry
Even as I said goodbye
I loved him so much
So why not a tear
Could it be denial?
Could it be fear?
I still see his face, his ghost everywhere
The sound of him prancing, rings crystal clear
When will I feel it?
Will I ever cry?
I don't want to believe
You had to die

"Keep it real"
That's what "they" say
But who are "they"?
Have they ever had a day of pain in their whole life
I've lived in reality
And I've lived on the outside
Reality can be sad, it's made me cry
There are other ways
To ease the pain
Then "keeping it real"
What is real anyway?
Does anyone know?
Here comes the nurse
Oh dear she looks mad
And she's coming toward me, I can't help but feel glad
Shes's on a mission, I know what for...
She makes her rounds throughout the floor
I sit at the table, waiting, voices in my head
Voices screaming at me, I want them dead
I turn to the nurse, the voices continue to follow
She hands me the pills, and waits till I swallow
She wants no trouble today
And there will be none
As soon as the handing out of pills is done
The voices will stop
as the pills take me away....
What is reality?
And who are "they"?