I can’t erase my past
It’s with me to the grave
I can’t expect everyone to understand me
To my past I am a slave

They look at me as an addict
The addict from my past
Not strong and recovering
They don’t bother to ask

I’ve been told to be proud
All I feel is shame
I feel judged everyday
No one to blame
  
They see the person I was, or could be again
Nobody gets me
I cannot blame them

How do I fit in this world?
I’m a square peg in the round hole
Trying to be true to myself
Trying to find my role

I could be that person again
It would be easier to give up and give in
What would that prove?
Who would win?

Rejection comes often
I can hear what they say
I could let it **** me
But I think not for today

I’m an addict
Nice to meet you

I must smile
I must laugh
Burry away
The pain from the past

I long for the day
When the pain goes away
The past is gone
But the pain lingers on

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A scared little girl
Looking back at me

Are you afraid, I ask
But I get no reply
All I can see
Are the tears in her eyes

Are you ok, I can be your friend
She looks back at me
Saying nothing….
Again

I walk away
Thinking how sad is she
Then I realize
That girl is me

I want to give up
I don’t want to play
This world is too much
Could today be the day?

What would it take?
Start with one drink
Blow my mind away
Into the bottle I’d sink

What is there to live for?
I don’t see the point
Waking up every day
Give me ***** and a joint

I thought I was over this
I guess I am not
The claws have come to **** me
Drown me in wine and some ***

I need something stronger
This won’t work fast enough
Maybe some heroine
Or some other white stuff?

This pain in my head is too much to bear
If I disappeared, would anyone care?
Me and my bottle crawl into bed
Nothing matters, I’m already dead

She’s always happy
That’s what they say
She’s always smiling
That’s what they say
She never gets angry
That’s what they say
She’s full of energy
That’s what they say
She’ll do anything for you
That’s what they say
She’ll lend you money
That’s what they say

As she lies in the bathtub
Water crimson red
No smile on her face
No breath of life left in her body

What do you think they’ll say?

I would love to just give up
Right now
This very minute
Crawl back into the bottle

Escape
Be free from people
From judgement
From life

Why bother
Two years, twenty years
Do we ever get respect back?
Do we ever get our sanity back?

Overlooked
Underpaid
Just a drunk
Always a drunk
No license?  Oh my!
Humiliation

Does it matter?
Would anyone care?
Or just laugh
With a stupid grin on their face
They were just waiting for it

Little minded people
In big glass houses
Don’t bother throwing stones
The bolder is rolling down the hill
Flying downward, toward you…

I pushed it
Now I need a drink

When I think of your lips on mine, I quiver
When I think of your touch, I’m on fire
When I think of your voice, I melt
When I think of how much I love you, I cry
When I think of you with her, I want to ****

Then I wake up
Praying it was a dream
And realize you are gone

The tape replays when I lay my head on my pillow
It is never a dream
But a nightmare

Thorns replace the feathers in my pillow
Reminding me forever…
Of you