What do you do with love someone will not take?

Where do you place it ?

How should you feel ?

Everyone has their own heart and it is not their fault their does not love yours.

How can I become more of myself?
What can I give?
Have I given enough ?
Whose eyes should I borrow ?
And what shoes should I walk in ?

Judgement does not keep company with truth;
Have I cleared my mind?
Have I opened it wide enough ?
What perspectives need to be placed down?

her little hands need you
so I quiet my mind and heart
trying to will them into submissive silence

May your eyes shine because you are a gemstone of a human
May you know that all my words are only guides that take you to the doorway of the beauty that you already posses

(May you know that I know no one is perfect, but I still so fervently love humanity)

At random hours of the day
I feel a warm pulse in my chest
and the image of you surges from the depths of my mind

May the days pass and may you know with all sincerity you are loved.

May you be engulfed by laughter
chuckle hard and feel at ease
At one with the flow of
life around you
May whatever negativity comes
your way fall of your shoulders
and dissipate like a cloud of dust

I am the maker of my destiny.
Writer, pilot, sailor of the raft;
I am responsible for my own life
for my own joy –no one else.

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

I find this living so beautiful that I will myself to get up
may I let the day deliver me beauty
may I trust the unending loving nature of this existence will find me
open me to
and deliver me the gifts of joy
like walking calmly down a road my feet blessed with ground to walk upon
and eyes
my eyes with which to behold it
or feeling the wind blow as I look up at the clouds
grant me these small serenading joys

All will be well
I do not know how
but i do not need to know
i am done worrying about the things
I cannot control
All will be alright
rest, the road will clear
the hours will pass
the next day will come
and life’s love for you will
blossom in your heart
the light through your window
will testify to that
curve your back and rest your head
the night calls your cheek to the pillow

Under the layer of confusion
is the softness that seems to yield to you
and there you are
amongst all  
shinning never faintly
always brightly

And the day comes and the sun sets
and still I harbor so much love for you
that it takes me by surprise
and I dissolve like dust in the memory of you

wherever it takes you may it be filled with joy
may the days meet you with exuberance
and may all harm halt at your door

somehow,
let it be so

so that you do not hurt  
because then I feel
as though I hurt too
quietly
without being able to tell you

so may you keep the light
and may it hang like a keychain
from your hands

I think you would find me silly
for closing my eyes not just for the purpose of sleep but for the purpose of seeing your face in a lucid dream

You sneak into my mind and I so joyfully want to welcome you in

I refuse to be snarky
to sit in a room and poke fun of others
intentionally
to complain and complain to no end

I refuse to tear people down or roll my eyes at them. I just rather sit quietly and read my book. I want this space of mine to be calm and joyful.

I lean further in
because from afar
everything is abstract

I need someone who genuinely cares about me
who doesn’t need to will themselves to love me, but that in their heart knows they would like to greet each day by my side

I need a hand sometimes. I can handle my own, but it would nice to have someone show up for me.

To take a walk with or invite me out for cup of tea

Someone who wants to know how I am doing. If I am okay?someone I can turn to and feel comforted and loved by even if we don’t have much

Someone I could talk to, that could speak back to me

Someone who helps me grow and looks at me with eyes of compassion and gives their smile to me as a gift

I trust that whatever crumbles will give way to something better
that cutting to the core will reveal the immense loveliness
that never departs my side

My hand is extended towards you but yours seems further and further away.

Can’t make it out in the distance anymore even though we live in the same city now.

You crackle like an ember
and I know life is still burning within you. .

Just be what you are. I enjoy that,
I respect that from  the fiery depths
of this blazing lifetime

If you are to share the open palm of your hand let it be gladly and with respect for the days that will each go by as each hour is a gift even if unnoticed. If you are to look my way, do so with appreciation at least once not lust. You can keep your lust last on the list because it alone won’t get you through this life. If you are to tilt towards me do so from the soul, and then I am sure a lifetime will not seem like enough.

It softly whispers to me
"i would wait two decades
if that is how long it took"

I say nothing;
I have no words for the wild heart
that pumps this blood inside.

I will look at all the lovely flowers that tilt my way and thank them for such lovely a gift is their presence
that I could cry at their beauty
at their kindness
so when I look at them I try to hold back my tears of gratitude
I can only stare at them and smile

Could you just hold me really tight
tight enough to squeeze the air out

I do not know what storm you’re facing brown eyes.All I know is a portion of my best wishes and my good vibes are always sent towards your direction. However, right now I must keep my own ship afloat. I must figure out how to steer in a way that yields love and respect as I make my way across the ocean.

In my eyes you are light
and shadow
And beauty and
someone I risked
so much to see
because your worth it
and so much more to me

I keep my hope close like a pillow
that I can rest my head upon

All I have left behind is dissolving into the past
crumbling most of it
but it was necessary
for it prepared me for the now

to embrace you
to embrace whatever form you take
whatever song your life sings
whatever mood swings into gear within you

No matter the norms, the age gap, the multiple reasons someone might wave their finger at me or frown at my direction while thinking I’m out of mind

If you are a go, then baby I am a go
...ready as could be

May better thoughts link arms
and dance their way into your mind.

The sun is already within you
yours, no key, no code, no price
no person, nothing stands between you
and the brilliance of your sunshine
you are forever endowed with its warmth

pen over the blankness
hands drafting
their portion intuitively reimagined

Today I empty the chest and release all this longing and all this sadness. They do not suit me well; I think I rather go back to joy and my single cup of tea. The turntable is a good enough companion for me when the evening comes and I want to sing along to Nick Drake or attempt to dance rumba by myself.

Love, be well
rest
I have a whole heart
to give you
does not matter if you take it
just matters that I see you
Love, be at ease
thoughts can be so cruel
You have a whole heart
beneath them
matters if there’s joy within it
Love, be at who you need to be

Casting all the fears aside rapidly
before they cling like mussels
to the beams below my mental pier’s walkway

Casting them all aside
because I would rather try to understand you, than let these thoughts grow thicker

Casting them
because I indeed long to know you better
know the mighty lovely things about you and the not so lovely things too

You have guided me through all these seasons
moved mountains
helped me weather storms

I have come so far from my home on your call
lead me now where I must go
I have done what I was told
and I have followed the compass you put in me
when I pray to you
sing to you
meditate to find you will you answer like you have always answered
through flickers
dreams
with serendipity
and I will be paying enough attention so as not to miss your response

You have guided me
so I cannot fear the earth’s tilt

May the voice that rises from your depths guide to what you need

May nothing frighten or threaten your path towards the vastness of your soul; it is only you who can hear it call.

I am dizzied and confused but I want to change my life
I want to set myself up for joy
to meet me in the mornings
I want to cultivate the seeds of giving
surround myself with those who also give back
no more letting anything else make my decisions for me
I accept my power of choice
and choose what my life becomes
and dare reach for a beautiful life
not free of struggle but enriched by it

May the slow falling of the rains
sing you a lulling song

It is days like these my being howls and wishes to diminish distance, fold miles and come close to you.

You are free
my palm is open
fly where you please

it is a beautiful world
and it is all yours
this lifetime is precious

I would never clench my fist
or cup you within my two hands

May there be joy in your heart
I know it’s absence and may it never leave your company
May you be blessed with the kindness of one sunrise after another, a new day after another new day
and may ease sit in your belly

We need to live and breathe and mingle with the joys of life
we cannot sever connections to the earth or any “them” energy flows from one to another as we are the one

May there
always be kindness
close to you
revealing itself
when you need it most

The things I thought about:

I could never take someone’s parent away so I thought your girl could have three.

I thought of about really having to change careers so I could help you put your girl through school (and get her anything she needed) and so that her mother wouldn't have to work so hard.

I wanted your baby girl’s mother to reach her dreams because then baby girl would grow knowing she could do anything.

I thought about having to become her mother’s friend. And I also thought about her hating me and your little girl hating me too.

I thought about needing to live near them, so you could be there Incase of an emergency.

I thought of the ways people would try to guilt me or shame.

I thought about you dying sooner than me. I thought about those final years and I would miss you.


Silly, that I thought about all this. silly that I moved across the world. Silly that I sit here alone, but true.

Your like a long blade of green grass swaying in my mind.

You come in dreams, and linger in calming fragments of conversation that make my heart sing.

May the steady rain trickle it’s song  over your umbrella and accompany you
sweetly while it pours over the streets you know.

You sit in me
every once in a while
I swear, I just feel you

Wherever you are–
I hope it’s nice
every once in a while
I wear longing in my heart

I know, my affection for you is deep
Where does that leave me
I hope it’s somewhere close to the fondness of yours

You feel genuine to me
natural
a breeze with the right temperature
a soulful hand with profound brown eyes that sail like ships through this life’s ocean
your mainsail and jib that have weathered storms give me the courage to steer