You went from a small mount
to becoming a mountain
and then as the year progressed
you became a wide valley
and I agree that I might be lost, but I am lost your depths

I find this living so beautiful that I will myself to get up
may I let the day deliver me beauty
may I trust the unending loving nature of this existence will find me
open me to
and deliver me the gifts of joy
like walking calmly down a road my feet blessed with ground to walk upon
and eyes
my eyes with which to behold it
or feeling the wind blow as I look up at the clouds
grant me these small serenading joys

It transcends me
it goes right through me
it is linked
I accept it
I will walk with this

It softly whispers to me
"i would wait two decades
if that is how long it took"

I say nothing;
I have no words for the wild heart
that pumps this blood inside.

there is no guilt in the worn tares of imperfection
there is no need to fold the cloth in such a manner that hides them; I see them with quiet love-filled eyes

I want to write about the way the stars swallowed with matter the emptiness
and how the moons began to orbit the planets and how the planets became
silent floating dreamers
witnessing a red giant’s combustion
the ardent way a life burns bright in the midst of such a universe as our
all inevitably traveling towards extinguishment

It is today I want to write about all the possible impossibles that brought me here
I sitting on an orbiting rock
my chest rising and falling with bones just below flesh and arteries pumping rivers of red blood through me

May whatever comes your way dear
make ya' smile
may whatever view is framed
by your window awaken the timeless
beauty in ya'
for you too are reflected within it
let the swaying trees outside gently whisper 
towards your direction  "you are our brother"

Keep him well through spring as you did through winter
as you done for years
and you have given him breath
keep it steady and constant in his being
deliver him joy
travel swift like the morning dew
and be there when the new day comes

It is days like these my being howls and wishes to diminish distance, fold miles and come close to you.

I am the maker of my destiny.
Writer, pilot, sailor of the raft;
I am responsible for my own life
for my own joy –no one else.

i keep a wrapper
tucked in the corner
of my wide-leg
jeans with a little
offering: a small
keychain dream
i can hang
from pair of keys

May the voice that rises from your depths guide to what you need

May nothing frighten or threaten your path towards the vastness of your soul; it is only you who can hear it call.

her little hands need you
so I quiet my mind and heart
trying to will them into submissive silence

Let gentleness be my way
let it lead me
direct me when my eyes must close

I trust that clarity
clears
that the spark  
of hope cannot be trampled
I give all trust to you

May the days pass and may you know with all sincerity you are loved.

Sleep with love in your heart
tomorrow is a new day
rest, close your beautiful eyes

it was just that the rain reminded me of you
and I had to hold all the unspoken words
and all my tangled web of misperceptions without clarification in a bag
apart from what you are
who you are
who knows who you are

and I hold what you might think of me in a bag, too

and I know the mind cannot arrive at truth
it can only circle around the field  
and drive itself dizzy
until it collapses

so I close my eyes and try to sense
what does not have words

All I have left behind is dissolving into the past
crumbling most of it
but it was necessary
for it prepared me for the now

to embrace you
to embrace whatever form you take
whatever song your life sings
whatever mood swings into gear within you

No matter the norms, the age gap, the multiple reasons someone might wave their finger at me or frown at my direction while thinking I’m out of mind

If you are a go, then baby I am a go
...ready as could be

Could you just hold me really tight
tight enough to squeeze the air out

Gratitude emerge soft
and profoundly onto my palms

May you be engulfed by laughter
chuckle hard and feel at ease
At one with the flow of
life around you
May whatever negativity comes
your way fall of your shoulders
and dissipate like a cloud of dust

May the wind aid you
like it has aided the blue patches of sky that were revealed
as the clouds floated off

May the breeze not just cool you
but also clear away & soothe your inner climate  
and lower the chances of internal precipitation

I love you, but you never came
I just sat here surrounded by buildings
and people in a neighborhood
within this big, big city
having left it all
and having bought my one way ticket here

I love you, but you have not come
and I have started to memorize the names of street and buildings
within the old neighborhood market:
I know what stand sells what
–having walked into all of them
and having peeked into the busy ones

I love you, but you still are not here

Under the layer of confusion
is the softness that seems to yield to you
and there you are
amongst all  
shinning never faintly
always brightly

In my eyes you are light
and shadow
And beauty and
someone I risked
so much to see
because your worth it
and so much more to me

Today, I want nothing, and so I have everything I need.

All will be well
I do not know how
but i do not need to know
i am done worrying about the things
I cannot control
All will be alright
rest, the road will clear
the hours will pass
the next day will come
and life’s love for you will
blossom in your heart
the light through your window
will testify to that
curve your back and rest your head
the night calls your cheek to the pillow

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

I hope I was as kind as possible
that I showed up when it mattered
even if it was not at your timing
and that I tried to lift you
higher
maybe in a young, shaky and clumsily way
but I sure hope it was higher

I hope I was gentle
what I do to others is already done unto me
I hope I lifted you higher
I can only hope

I lean further in
because from afar
everything is abstract

I refuse to be snarky
to sit in a room and poke fun of others
intentionally
to complain and complain to no end

I refuse to tear people down or roll my eyes at them. I just rather sit quietly and read my book. I want this space of mine to be calm and joyful.

I do not always have to do it alone
I always felt I had to but I am more open to receiving help now; I am more open to resting my head over a shoulder and admitting my own limitations
I am not ashamed of being imperfect I am blessed by it because I can see that I am just like everyone else
and I like that ordinary people can do extraordinary things together
nourishing one another for as long as skin, body, and who knows maybe even spirit goes

May your eyes shine because you are a gemstone of a human
May you know that all my words are only guides that take you to the doorway of the beauty that you already posses

(May you know that I know no one is perfect, but I still so fervently love humanity)

May the sky always be your ceiling
May the daylight and the bright distant stars always be what you reach for
and may the beauty of living be the reason
that this season you smile

A life yet to come
I think this world is so beautiful  
even when most things do not go my way
I linger under a ginkgo tree mesmerized
at at how lovely the yellow leaves in winter
look against the night sky

after this lifetime –make me light
after I have emptied myself out –disperse me
.









.
I can feel how impermanent this world is
and how solid and unchanging the unseeable one truly is

You sit in me
every once in a while
I swear, I just feel you

Wherever you are–
I hope it’s nice
every once in a while
I wear longing in my heart

I know, my affection for you is deep
Where does that leave me
I hope it’s somewhere close to the fondness of yours

There is a loving stream of light that embraces me. Never too far and never too weak in presence –always guiding me sheltering me with warmth. Years smile at this bravery to live and this inescapable joy to be authentic, authentic for the sake of my own happiness.

May better thoughts link arms
and dance their way into your mind.

did traveling an ocean change anything
you are still as silent as ever

and I still feel like I am nothing to you

I am dizzied and confused but I want to change my life
I want to set myself up for joy
to meet me in the mornings
I want to cultivate the seeds of giving
surround myself with those who also give back
no more letting anything else make my decisions for me
I accept my power of choice
and choose what my life becomes
and dare reach for a beautiful life
not free of struggle but enriched by it

behind the big wave
is grace

We need to live and breathe and mingle with the joys of life
we cannot sever connections to the earth or any “them” energy flows from one to another as we are the one

pen over the blankness
hands drafting
their portion intuitively reimagined

I do not need to be your lover or ever be your partner. I do not need the title of spouse or fling. I can be your friend and see you through in that way
But what I do need is to be fully myself

have people who can forgive me
and see my through
and love me more because I dare to try again and again

I do not know what storm you’re facing brown eyes.All I know is a portion of my best wishes and my good vibes are always sent towards your direction. However, right now I must keep my own ship afloat. I must figure out how to steer in a way that yields love and respect as I make my way across the ocean.

You can it take it, that loving heap of words
or a love I held dear
you can carry it away in your hands
just take care of it
be gentle
water it with light and love
I will no longer cry late at night
it is the bird in your arms
that you hold onto
I do not need to know why
take care of that bird, love it deeply in this lifetime so that it’s wingspan expands and it soars during the day or dark of night
you can take this love I held dear
just be kind to it
don’t bicker over useless things
use your time to love
love the love I held dear

I do not know if I would cry or smile first
whichever it is
I do know I would be blessed to see you
no questions in my mind about that

It does not feel great to be last on the list
nor does it feel great to be ignored
or to be forgotten
to not receive an apology
or any form of communication

it does not feel soothing
or healthy, nor loving and not even  friendly to be treated in such manner

it feels like punishment
for being a flawed human being that regardless of mistakes deserves to be appreciated, valued and not taken for granted

You crackle like an ember
and I know life is still burning within you. .

Just be what you are. I enjoy that,
I respect that from  the fiery depths
of this blazing lifetime