It is strange to feel like I am right where I belong
when I am alone with my tender mind, my malleable body and
the continuous spirit that waves to me from inside while on the outside, I am surrounded by four walls, two windows, and few belongings.

I no longer own a car, I no longer have a garden to walk out to, I no longer have pets, or trees to pick fruits from, nor grass to lay over just
linoleum wood flooring to sit on and one mug that reads "Live Happy"

nurturing blossom
cold winter hails dreary days
may I take heart
in the spirit of your
nature
find it on my silent walks
may I not freeze as the world around me does so
keep warm in your hope
keep me close to you, I need your  stem to lean on

May there be a warm fire and a hearth you can sit at. May the preciousness of who you are linger always. I see so much beauty in you; may you always see it too.

My mouth might be shut, but let all of life discretely carry hints of my wishes to your door , and bring you daily joy.

The part of me that loves,
still loves maybe eternally
I do not argue with it

I argue with the part of me that wants to hold–the one that isn’t love
the one that perhaps wants possession, fears change, or both

I kindly tell it “ they are well taken care of, we can go live your lifetime somewhere else” but still it furrows its brow

And I understand this part of me is hurt and I look at it with eyes of love because that’s the only way it will heal
and I kiss this weepy girl :)

I chose peace.

I like the quiet way that life yields itself to its own tongue or torso tripping on its own soles when it hits a sidewalk
how clumsy can be poetic and you can laugh even after you fall as long as you are in good company

“May the light of hope never extinguish” she sent me this and countless other messages right up until two weeks ago. Busy, “ she must be busy” I thought. My first response is always to assume the best.


Her loving arms, that stretched far to hold me with so much warmth. From child to adolescent to adult. I thank her and I grieve her
and I sit
and love her
and I thank her eternally
for helping me see the gentleness that life can always offer
and I grieve our loss
and I love her
and I see her in part of everything I have become

Will I become a windchime lady?
I twirl and giggle out of delight
as I put all my belonging away
I sway, wiggle, slide back and forth from the suitcases
to the rhythm of reggae
I don't matter if it's a cloudy day
all that cool wind could surely be harnessed by the windcatcher
and the striker and the rods.

What is in need of nourishment?
What needs more cultivation ?
What needs more of my time ?
What opportunities are presented ?
What calls me ?
What makes my eyes light up ?
When does time become still ?

For me there is was only love I wanted to give
everytime it felt easy
natural to give
that was all
all I intended to do
and when I held my hand out
there was nothing
except the wind that blew
and I knew your hand wasn’t for me or else it would of decided to reach out too

I do not regret a thing
you mean that much to me
that I would take the leap again even if I got a do over
I mean so much to myself, I would give myself the opportunity to go after what made my heart sing

I am inviting all the beautiful
I am inviting all love and serenity
I am inviting hope to walk alongside me
I am inviting unmeasurable light to guide
I am inviting that which brings me true joy

love, like a balm
love, like a winged being
love, like every branch swaying in the wind
love, like a force that keeps the celestial bodies in place

love, as an ointment
love, as transportation
love, as growth
love, as physics

Love is the only way I can describe how I feel...
...each path leading back to love; love –love

let that little inclination to tap your feet when the music plays
or smile back
fill ya'

let the sudden little desire to say good morning, good afternoon, or good evening
burst out of ya'

ain't no accumulation prize
for the most repressed

if you got limbs you oughta
shake them

if you got words stored in ya'
you oughta pour them out
like pennies from a jar

I push through
hanging little paper notes on trees
pinning up reminders on walls
walking my feet over the grass
and running my finger through my hair
I push through
mustering a little storm of hope
to shake with gusts of wind and cleanse with water
all the negative thoughts

I open my palms, and try my best to liberate you
but then the wind picks up
and I start to cry
I cannot even hold onto myself
for those few minutes I feel half dead
and sun it feels like it doesn’t orbit anymore

played too many albums and ran my fingers down too many cold pillows that at this point I should feel silly
which I do only because they aren’t you

I surrender to the peace of love
no control
no need to change things
no need to be fearful

only the need to learn how to love more deeply

to the years that have emboldened you
and the soft cotton of shirts that have held
your chest and the loud beating heart of a child
who tenderly became this man

to the embroidered years
with harsh winters and humid summers  
through all four seasons and all four decades of your life
there has been wind to cool and there has been light to warm
More often than not, I see the trickle of silence play guard
but sometimes it shatters with a big smile

"I like it when you smile" is as much as I can write to you
when truly, I would like to tell you "I like it when you smile because I slide into it, like a cozy sweater and I smile,too"

so to the years, to the stomping ground that brought you up, to the many lips you've graced and/or  left un-kissed, to the bad shady stuff that no one in this life escapes, to the very good breaks and very profound moments of rebirth, to all that could fit and has fit into your making I thank them –be who are, live a life unique to you because these years have made you, you in all the right ways.

One more rotations around the sun, is most certainly a "win". Cheers to the years!

Blanketed is this world
with permeating love
all else
is a fleeting illusion
very tactile and in that sense real
but it is not the reason we are all here

Dear beloved
You have given me your line, drew it well and so I honor it that is now the only way I can show love and respect.

My hands
are always
dry.

I know the road is long
you could liken me to slug
this year has made me a snail,
but be sure I am slugging your way.

Maybe it was unwise to leave ...
... I told a friend my dad kept insisting I come home at least for a year. She said “that’s a big sacrifice”

Maybe it was unwise to be born a girl...
... in my society they think  you belong to your family. Even my mom came “to get me”
She loves me/ she’s getting older/ This time I should listen to her –those are the thought that won.

Maybe all these decisions were not wise... and it’s not a maybe my plans let you down...
... my plans let me down, too. I was sure I could make it. It seemed as certain as waking up the next day.

But it was not my decision not to get on that plane. It simply wouldn’t go. The whole world has halted and the boats won’t go and the planes won’t take off  –they are suspended.

Maybe no wand I could wave could fix
a world crisis
and maybe not even the disappointed
& strain this has brought,
but maybe compassion and understanding could begin to heal not just you or me but everyone whose boats were docked, flights canceled and schedules ruined.

Maybe I can step away from my personal tragedies to see the larger framed photograph that hangs on our global galleria...
...there are some people out there tonight in hospital rooms crying for loved ones who have left and other fighting an illness because they long for life –for the breath we’ve still got. ( as long as I breathe I told my self I try to back it back)

Maybe it is wise for me to stop crying now. There are things that are out of my control and my reaction is a child needing love whom I can rear.

Be still waters
do not be late day break
be with me dear beloved
as I make my way through the day

May the weight of the small tasks as well as the daunting ones
not linger on your shoulders
may a day not be lost on you,

money may be lost, belongings may be lost
but let it not be you
–your being– that is lost or your anchor of perseverance
or your nature to lean towards the sun

and if you there are too many thoughts tied to tasks
then I offer my hands and my words as wagons
on which to place some of that weight

let us tilt towards the sun
let the day evaporate our worries as it does to morning dew

I empty my pencil case over the wooden surface of my table it is time to pour out all the colors and use them to scribble
to jot down and dream something lovelier

I came early in the morning.


They were preparing. Hands over squares of egg sheets being cut into long rectangular shapes in anticipation of the orders that some might make later that day. The woman cutting the yellow sheets sang and bickered with the rest. Age does not steal one’s fire or ; they laughed together(not does it steal ones smile)

I waiting patiently for my food watching diligence

Let him grow like a flower
among the grass where he was planted

Swaying among the greenery
swaying among the people

observe quietly
listen –all things speak with silence

dare to love the whole scenery
while closing your eyes and picturing abundance

infinite and creative
close your eyes and know all possibilities are open
waiting like a bud to manifest their bulbs into this expansion
so there is no need to go plucking flowers

I remember playing the same album every morning for an entire year. Blessed was I, to have an apartment mate who did not complain. Every morning “Dias de prosperidad” would blast from my room. That was a long time ago when I needed to heal. when I lived in the forest and I wasn’t strong enough to get out of bed, when music was my crutch and poetry my bread.

I began eating poetry yesterday. Separated each word from the other with thinly cut slices.
Hope              Do               Not                Leave    

Hope                 Be             With               Me

          Grace              Engulf                 Me
                              
                      Guidance    
              
Openness      ­                      I  welcome
                         You

I savored them each

The day has been so long my dear friend
I have yet to answer the Stars with my prayers

silence
has never suited young mouths
at least not these

I feel you at the oddest times.
how could it be ?
Is it even you ?

My fear runs right alongside my courage; my courage is only one inch ahead of my fear, but that is enough.

Sometimes I think of the weight I carry
and then I think about your weight
and I decide to stay silent and send you all the love I have quietly
without a hint
without words
without notice

May you be well today
an ocean of distance does not reduce
a wish to rumble

so enjoy the vastness of this day
and the small but memorizing happenings of daily existence

You deserve calm

I awake with a dream of you, that carries over into the next day.

I keep it warm and in my reach, so that if winter ever seems too cold the thought of your smile might warm me starting from the inside out.

It was so hard to get here
so many months
so many obstacles
I fought so hard, dug my nails deep into
perseverance
that now, I do not know how to feel
I just know that for tonight
I must close my eyes, rest my body
and sleep

Las largas horas son un regalo
al ver la luz del atardecer
escurrir como agua
sobre las manos del tiempo

somehow you could empathize with every other woman
left and right but not me,  not my eyes or the way i walked

or even tried to be warm in this wintry desolate situation
left and right but not here, i left and perhaps it was an angel

that carried me purposefully away

You are like the clouds above, like the silence and the laughter
...the birth and the mysterious happenings of a destiny unfurling.
You are the recipient of the ever flowing love that brings my consciousnesses into tangible fruition.

You are a kingdom unto your own. I know, you are the ruler of yours, as I am the ruler of mine. (I do not aspire to control you.)

I am content to gaze upon you and appreciate your plenitude (everything you are),which is as natural as the sky above me.

The world within me is expanding
and I can carry more things and dream more audaciously

it is colorful, and it is constantly swirling this possibility of a loving
and peaceful future

this opportunity
to drape this moment with hope

I am ready to delve into you

To feel the edges where your words flopped over and bent into themselves

To say more than “don’t worry”
to pull up a chair and read you literature          to soothe you –coming from all over the world; wisdom cannot be monopolized
nor can love

I am ready to see the laughter bubble in you
and share in the exalted episodes of ecstasy; heaven is in the never ending now

I wonder why you quit
like if you don’t deserve a win

The things that are for us calls us silently, and never leave us
When the frenzy of the mind is quiet they emerge
those are the things meant for us to reach towards

I am here
in the vastness
surrounded by the best thoughts I can muster

I am there
in the openness
willing to accept these great opportunities for change

I am over there
waiting for the door to unlock
engulfed in hope, I patiently sit
listening to the mystery rattle its keys
as it stands outside over the welcome mat

I mediate on illness;
My friend said “you’re already so strong. When you get through this you’ll be like a diamond” I held the phone and cried.

Every ounce of me waited
and held in there for you

every & all leaps taken