6:49 pm
the smoke and pollution blocked out the red sun over Los Angeles

The crows circled over the 105 Hwy
and the whole sky was ominously glowing

I mother my sadness
and I mother my fear
I hold them in my arms
and sing to them songs of hope,
Compose for them
vocal melodies to blanket
their hurt  
Stuff a pillow full of the resilience
to to get us through the night
and safeguard us through these times

The things that are for us calls us silently, and never leave us
When the frenzy of the mind is quiet they emerge
those are the things meant for us to reach towards

when someone wants you
they find ways to make time for you  
they pick up the phone
they gift you their presence
they find the courage to dance along with you no matter how uncool
the folks around you might think you both are

when someone wants you in their life they let you know
simple.

I will wait for you here
said spring to winter
until you are ready

"where are you from?"
"where are you really from?"

Go to questions; simple questions
some
may never think twice before asking them  

"what is behind them"
"what are you saying?

When you ask someone solely based on their brown skin "where are you from?"

You are saying this "your skin is brown, so must not be from the here. Why, well there aren't brown people here anymore; we killed all the brown folks."

And what you are doing is verbally trying to wave your wand and vanish cultures that are present & still survive.


"Silly you, can't be brown and be from America. Where are you really from?"

I carry it
as a satchel
its’ strap hung across my chest

sometimes when I run
through the loops of time
and the great expanse of memory
it sways and thumps
against my hip

still I bring it with me
always choosing to carry its’ luminance
untouchable
by anyone else or anything else

inside the canvas of my bag
lies hope and it’s brilliant light
from birth
till the day of return
I venture with it by my side
choosing to keep it on

The thought of you enters
late
when I should close my eyes
so I sent you blessings
and I try to get some rest
before the thinking gets too much
I send you my best wishes
hoping they tug at lifes’ arm cuffs and serendipitously fill you with warmth
wherever you are now

Little bits of awe wake me up
and undo all knots

They so elegantly swing me and  sway me into the following day with a sense of patient purpose

Small moments of life that make the heaviness exit and again,
make me light and able
to ascertain that dancing is for the spirits and the living who are
as willing as the leaves to rustle in the wind

1.
Fizz and sparkles...
...undulated hair and a long salmon scarf
I stand over a running sink searching for you.

If there were fish swimming around my neck, defying gravity could I then reach for you?

Like i have reached countless times before,
sometimes i have gotten close enough
to have seen the clearness of your eyes meet me in defiance...
...what do I say to a child born into this world that smells of ocean?

2.
I met you years ago, when your  hands were small. And there was a sea rotating over your head. The whales seemed to soar above us –and you’d extend your left hand and guide me in.

3.
Your world... so gentle. You could not bare to leave it. When people see water circle around your fingers, you do not care to explain to them such a phenomenon

that is why love you
that is why I do not drink the soup of this     world

  that is why I keep sieving their words
  and this faucet water through my hands

  4. I lose you sometimes, but I always come back. It’s odd to live in a place such as this without your company.

the salt chuck above your head and the inlets that hang close to your ears guide me back in to the reefs and among the floating fishes.

5.
Fizz and sparkles...
...undulated hair and a long salmon scarf
I stand over a running sink and I see the reflection of  you
smiling back at me.

quotidian moments
you hide your preciousness
in of ruse of routine
but I see you there
behind the door
giggling
waiting as if you were playing hide and seek
inviting these feet to come find you

bliss oozes
in your companionship
your day to day charm  is a blessing
for those who need company

Wake from slumber

today nothing weighs

and what we have is, is what we need

and what makes our hearts sing

tells us where we ought to go and around who

we ought to be

when we listen

the song of change is all that can be heard,

not the perceived “strong” or the perceived “weak”

can wake from slumber complete

and be able to navigate

with ease this reality

only the ones who accept change

can make it through this

which we call life or so it seems

Chameleons of living

I look in the mirror and I try to change color...
I am unsuccessful but I laugh; slowly I know the world is changing and so  am I. I try to greet it all      with little to  no resistance.


Today nothing weight

as the intervals of presence become longer as the intervals of thinking which interrupt it
become shorter
I slip deeper into this living

I let go of the many thoughts that walk into my realm of mind,
today is still here and so am I
I grow joyful just to feel the wind pick up
and this calmness surge from the steady breeze as presence cloaks me and sways me like the leaves

the old women in a circle sing
into the long hours of the night
this has never been entertainment
or for the sake of perfect execution

this is has not been “the best rise”
or an assemblage to “showcase”
this has been bare feet on earth
spit chucked out in reverence

calling it a celebration would be close
but you would be closer
if you closed eyes as they sing
for then you too would understand
it is payer above all

Let there be beauty
Let there be forgiveness
Let there be renewal

I need your help dear but you do not reach out to offer it

the flower blooms towards the sun
the coral reef becomes the home of the little fish
the path the water threads as it makes its way to the sea becomes the drinking source for all creatures below
all things show their love and appreciation
all things give, in one way or another  
when they ask me about you
I have to pause

how do you show care and appreciation ?
what’s your way?
I am eager to know the ways you bend
and soften
the ways you freely give
curious about your hair in the dark
or your hand holding mine in the light
patient and curious to know you
and the way you love

i hang in there
i choose to trust you
i choose to give this a chance
i choose to hang in there
i chose to keep finding
the renewed strength
because choosing you is worth it to me
in choosing you
i also choose me

let these hours pass and let them drift off
I ache to come closer
but I sit here like a duck waiting
for this world & its bureaucratic pile of paperwork
I teeter between excitement and longing

if lonesome has ever been a scent
it's the one I wear tonight

Open fields
just look out on the open fields
What else do you need

The swirling butterflies
in autumn begin to disappear
but they will come again
with the whirl of spring

Look out calmly upon open fields
each direction speaks of endlessness
takes the tongue of spirit and soothes


opportunity is here , healing is here
in this open field you meet yourself

Time became too painful so I rid myself of it
took its coat and hat from the rack and walked it out the door

I am open to all life giving things I could not imagine. I am open to reimagining several aspects of life      
                 I am
                            And must be
  Open

Coriander on a small rotating counter rack
    Left foot first with a smile
         Unless there is a fire in which case get the
Emergency fire extinguisher and try to put the
Simmering fire of such a young girl's
c
l
u
e
l
e
s
s
n
e
s
s  omewhere where it does not hurt

On some mornings I wake from a dream of you
and there is so much longing that my words cannot express it
my entire body feels tender like the skin that grows after a burn
pink, sensitive and vulnerable

During days like these the thought of you does more than tingle through me
it sits over me and for a few minutes I can move without acknowledging it

My dear friend and my mother both had a dream of me, both worried sought me out

They make me believe in dreams. They make believe the profoundness of this tethered existence, of the subconscious rattlings, of the complexity of life that sometimes I wish to make simple, they make me believe some bonds are unbreakable
and that they can indeed feel me from even an ocean away

One well-written poem or thousands throughout a lifetime
could still not be worth as much as simply sitting next to you in silence; practicing love is more important than professing it.
I feel this to be true. So where does that leave me; hours away –away from your quietude. I know that only you know.

It swirls
all this love
I ask it to please
just sit still
I cannot think
I cannot make up my mind
sit still love

I do not know
what to do with you
you feel endless
and I have yet to understand
why

It is good to lose sadness on a long walk and find serendipity attached to a piece of bread to find the divinity and the magic  of life that follows when we close our eyes and steer toward the direction that calls to you.

I am eternally in awe with the power of the human spirit. How is rises each and everyday. How there is nothing it cannot overcome.

May the sacred and the intimate guide me,
tilt me towards my soul and towards the great cosmos
to everything that can only be felt

the guava flowers are in bloom
late in summer they dismount
from the circular green lumps free-falling
down onto the grass

specks of white fill the ground
lulling like dancers do
to the rhythm of song
sinking down in the absence of gust and lifting up when the wind picks up

Lovely girl there in your twirl is your magical way of spinning without care
you create more beauty to add to this world

May there be beauty and joy in your life that is my never ending wish for you

May the breeze carry it to you silently
without the weight of words to slow it down

You who came on ships to this continent, you whose family ached for a beginning. I ask you to stand in front of your ancestors as they reached  for promise & solace on this land and ask them to leave at the dock.  Why are your immigrant roots more legitimate than any others? Why should it be ? Is it because you enslaved bodies to built your wealth, or stole land from others to construct your suburbs if this is the reason you claim this land to be yours
what glory are you defending?

It is fragile  this heap of skin
but even more tender is what is inside

Everyone flows like water
I must remember this

I must appreciate the flow of other things
even if they are heading away from me

May the mind quiet
drift off
as the body does need sleep
and there is no need to hang  more weight
on a passing thought

I tried my best, and even more
but who can compete with time
or with silence

I lean into trust as if it were a warm bath
my skin bare and submerging into it’s therapeutic waters to be embraced and calmed

you are a stream that flows
and I no longer ask why
you flow in that direction

This must be how we grow. 
I have always loved trees. So, I can’t help but to think to myself
“This is how a tree must feel
when its trunk grows a new ring.”

I want to ask you "why did you give up on me?"

but I keep it to myself
that is not a question to ask
because no answer could bring me joy

“I am not going to be salty; I going to be sugar” that’s my motto for the day. :)

A life I can live is a life where I have tried tirelessly
tried my hardest,
tried my best
took the risk
took the leaps for the things
that really meant something to me
because I now know I do not regret
having left it all for something that could have been

I want to just walk up to you and hug you.
I do not want to offend by being so bold, but in dreams I still long to kiss you