Will I become a windchime lady?
I twirl and giggle out of delight
as I put all my belonging away
I sway, wiggle, slide back and forth from the suitcases
to the rhythm of reggae
I don't matter if it's a cloudy day
all that cool wind could surely be harnessed by the windcatcher
and the striker and the rods.

Could you just hold me really tight
tight enough to squeeze the air out

wherever it takes you may it be filled with joy
may the days meet you with exuberance
and may all harm halt at your door

somehow,
let it be so

so that you do not hurt  
because then I feel
as though I hurt too
quietly
without being able to tell you

so may you keep the light
and may it hang like a keychain
from your hands

what in me accepts these conditions?
what part of me lingers here and why?
what inside causes turmoil?
What needs to be deeply examined?

You are free
my palm is open
fly where you please

it is a beautiful world
and it is all yours
this lifetime is precious

I would never clench my fist
or cup you within my two hands

1.
Fizz and sparkles...
...undulated hair and a long salmon scarf
I stand over a running sink searching for you.

If there were fish swimming around my neck, defying gravity could I then reach for you?

Like i have reached countless times,
sometimes i have gotten close enough
to have seen the clearness of your eyes meet me in defiance...
...what do I say to a girl born into this world that smells of ocean?

2.
I met you years ago, when your  hands were small. And there was a sea rotating over your head. The whales seemed to soar above us –and you’d extend your left hand and guide me in.

3.
Your world... so gentle. You could not bare to leave it. When people saw water circle around your fingers, you did not care to explain to them such a phenomenon

that is why I love you
that is why I do not drink the soup of this     world

  that is why I keep sieving their words
  and this faucet water through my hands.


   that is why I wonder if in death I could come back to you but I think I get close enough in life


   4.you girl, that smells of ocean cannot be tamed do not let them drain the salt chuck above your head. As I became you, in me you become the living breathing world...
...inlets flow undeterred

lo qué  brota me acompaña
cómo la lengua pérdida de mi madre

mi piel morena es extranjera
en continente de piel morena

pérdida esta la lengua
cortada y dejada
sobre un camino de tierra

mi piel morena de dónde es
si no de aquí
aún que te duela reconocer
que sobre ese caminito
desmembraste muchos cuerpos

tanta fue la muerte que
que casi nadie quedo

tan exitosa fue la borradura
que cuando la gente de otro continete me ve
y me preguntan que de donde soy
nunca les parece cierto que pertenezco
a las americas  

que raro estar sobre este caminito
que aunque ahora esta pavimentado
sigue siendo el mismo que vio la sangre brotar

It softly whispers to me
"i would wait two decades
if that is how long it took"

I say nothing;
I have no words for the wild heart
that pumps this blood inside.

to be this is a privilege some write, and I agree

to be this that lives
and breathes
is a gift

I sat there
looking out the window
as vulnerable
and as frail as any other living creature
with my wounded feet covered in bandaids
with black chipped nails
with spongy untamed hair
undeceiving

it is a privilege Campbell
to sit here bare as I am
truly it is

I lean further in
because from afar
everything is abstract

The sun is already within you
yours, no key, no code, no price
no person, nothing stands between you
and the brilliance of your sunshine
you are forever endowed with its warmth

You sneak into my mind and I so joyfully want to welcome you in

My friends keep counting the red flags and leaving them on my desk inside little transparent ziplock bags.

If you are to share the open palm of your hand let it be gladly and with respect for the days that will each go by as each hour is a gift even if unnoticed. If you are to look my way, do so with appreciation at least once not lust. You can keep your lust last on the list because it alone won’t get you through this life. If you are to tilt towards me do so from the soul, and then I am sure a lifetime will not seem like enough.

the birds flutter through the sky and some suddenly dive  
only to emerge again from below the skyline and into my line of sight

where as the things below the outline of the cityscape remain distant
life remains ever close and present in the palm of my two hands

here I hold life, as I stare at my purple and green veins that give route to the warm blood
I also witness the unflagging effort of this heart
that joyously flutters too while keeping me alive
                                               ...

Joyous is the living heart alwaysstayclosetoit      a  n  d

i  f     y  o  u    f  i  n  d     y  o   u   r   s   e   l   f    
        
            g     e      t     t    i     n    g               m       o        r      e
                

d       i         s        t        a          n        t

            
                          f
                       ­                              r
                                                               ­              o                
                                               ­                                                      m
      


                                                         i     t

             y  o u   c a n  alwayscomebacktoit;theheartwaits

                            ­                        ...

It does not need to be summer for me to be a fountain where the birds can come to drink before they flutter and are gone from my line of sight or even for me to overflow and nourish the small weeds that too would like to grow and live. It does not need to be summer or be spring or be an easy life for me before I choose to become a fountain spouting water

                                                   ...
"Joyous be the truly living heart" she whispered
and my heart grew wings and fluttered
                                    the things the flora whisper astound me
                                    even the birds come to them for words of wisdom
                                                  ...
were­ we ever apart, the birds and I
we both like to sing and no one knows why
and we both love to fly even under a grey sky

the older I get the more gluten intolerant I become
the hives used to conjugate on my shoulders
now they have audaciously made their way down to my wrists and abdomen

"*** Hunahpu I truly am a child of the corn"
any more gluten sprinkled with time and I reckon
it will be a recipe for disaster

It is raining dear
do you hear it trickle down
can you hear the cars passing by
and the droplets hit your window

the freshness of the air is comforting
it refreshes
not just my skin, but my mind
enough so that I want to sleep and dream
as I lay here with the window half open
I’m still awake trying to coerce a mosquito to exit through the window, but it too hears the water pouring down
and it won't take a half-open window exit

Casting all the fears aside rapidly
before they cling like mussels
to the beams below my mental pier’s walkway

Casting them all aside
because I would rather try to understand you, than let these thoughts grow thicker

Casting them
because I indeed long to know you better
know the mighty lovely things about you and the not so lovely things too

I must start rethinking
I must start giving others the opportunity
to come closer

I must extend a hand
and slowly inch towards something new
as do the branches of a tree
as do I
as does everything that tilts towards the sun
over this earth when it wishes to grow

did traveling an ocean change anything
you are still as silent as ever

and I still feel like I am nothing to you

Are you ashamed to love me?
If yes, then you are not right for me.

6:49 pm
the smoke and pollution blocked out the red sun over Los Angeles

The crows circled over the 105 Hwy
and the whole sky was ominously glowing

We awoke to specks of white ash over our cars
the cloudy grey sky bore no sun just its heat
and the ocean breeze that cooled in my younger years had become futile
California burned
and although L.A  city did not
it was indeed a table that received a mantle of pollution

The thought of you
disarms me

I do still love you
this mushy heart
this messy hair
and these small pointy lips
just long to talk to you

I looked inside the box, opened it and picked up a rock and a stick from inside of it

I know what is inside that box now.

No matter how many times I try to put my hand back inside that box
I will always wind up pulling out a stick and a rock.

Only the first time I reached inside the cardboard box to pull out the stick and the rock was I truly surprised. The next couple of attempts were just denial. I tried it, so I already knew.

What is in the box is not for me. I have no need of a rock or a stick. Now if I found a notebook and a vinyl with a stray leaf then that would be my box.

If I were a geologist and a hiker then the first box would of been for me, but I am not and that is fine.

Under the layer of confusion
is the softness that seems to yield to you
and there you are
amongst all  
shinning never faintly
always brightly

Durante las fiestas Carmen siempre se auto designaba la niña niñera de la casa. Tras de ella siempre había tres o cuatro niños en filo. Ella los organizaba en grupos y jugaban y si a caso uno se caía Carmen al rescate.

Los niños nunca se cansan pero Carmen de 13 años si, era por esto que ella los sentaba bajo el árbol y les contaba cuentos y si ninguna historia le venía a la mente les contaba hechos innegables.

<<Bueno niños las guavas empezaron como flores blancas>>
<<como azares>> le gritaba Mercedes
quizás eran los tres años de diferencia cuales habían

I pull back the first layer
carefully, making sure not to be harsh

I pull back further
until this layer comes off

one by one
until I am no longer naked
but clothed by it all

What is in need of nourishment?
What needs more cultivation ?
What needs more of my time ?
What opportunities are presented ?
What calls me ?
What makes my eyes light up ?
When does time become still ?

Soy de las flores
de ahí nunca me mudé

Let people be and smile on through the day
feed the core, feed the core, feed the core

let people be and enjoy the breeze
nourish your being , nourish your being, nourish your being

Let others be
and just be

Trust
can I trust you?

Again,
can I trust you ?

Can I trust you will treat me with respect?
Can I trust you?  

But really can I trust myself ?
...if I cannot trust you to treat me with respect ?

Trust, great leaps of courage on the road to trust
                                 ...
I see no other way to live deeply then to take great leaps of trust

Can you trust me ?
Can we trust each other ?

on this path that bends in so many directions great leaps of trust await

open hands with the intent to trust remain
gentle and willing to try

There is meaning in the way your eyelids swiftly carry your delicate lashes
meaning in how they part
to reveal the beams of a new day

There is meaning in your breathe
and in its’ rhythm
meaning in the way it allows you to take a hold of wind and transform it into life as you exhale

There is always meaning

Meaning in a smile
Meaning in the appreciation of a warm sweater
Meaning in the trees
and in their leaves that seem godly
and profoundly tied to you
just as you walk underneath them
the scenery becomes meaningful to me

May you be well today
an ocean of distance does not reduce
a wish to rumble

so enjoy the vastness of this day
and the small but memorizing happenings of daily existence

You deserve calm

a whisper of love
so quiet
so far
echos
through the entirety of me
(through eternity)

Sweet being your face has changed so many times
do recognize me
in disguise?

We are all gifted
in different ways we are made
as infinity plays and giggles
expressing its abundance in form

but it is so hard to remember when
the strictness of dogma
and judgement get in the way

art is powerful
but an act of kindness is just as profound


we are all gifted
all these little desires
make us just right
and prepare for what is meant for us
what feels so familiar it cannot leave us

It swirls
all this love
I ask it to please
just sit still
I cannot think
I cannot make up my mind
sit still love

I do not know
what to do with you
you feel endless
and I have yet to understand
why

I tried my best, and even more
but who can compete with time
or with silence

Everytime my mind gets crammed with perceptions and I cannot feel what really lies below it all
I must pause, breathe and realize “I do not know”
I do not know what is true and what is not  so I think I should stop thinking I do
because slowly assumption and stories
can obscure it all

I rake the leaves from the floor and gather them into bundles and make them into adornments

I see their beauty
and I want others to see it too

I do not care if someone watching
finds it odd
the majesty of life  can be found in a leaf, too
and in all the small things
in the tinniest of creatures, too

I am open to all life giving things I could not imagine. I am open to reimagining several aspects of life      
                 I am
                            And must be
  Open

Love is a beautiful gift, but if it doesn’t come with respect you can have it back.

Todavía llevo la esperanza del amanecer en mi costado
llevo la amplia gana de desacéreme completamente hasta revelar las delicadezas que aún que
me hacen parecer frágil
me dan vida y mi dan valor
para vivir con atrevimiento

Las largas horas son un regalo
al ver la luz del atardecer
escurrir como agua
sobre las manos del tiempo

I do not know what storm you’re facing brown eyes.All I know is a portion of my best wishes and my good vibes are always sent towards your direction. However, right now I must keep my own ship afloat. I must figure out how to steer in a way that yields love and respect as I make my way across the ocean.

Still the softest part of me waits for you
its too hazy and I am too confused

Today I empty the chest and release all this longing and all this sadness. They do not suit me well; I think I rather go back to joy and my single cup of tea. The turntable is a good enough companion for me when the evening comes and I want to sing along to Nick Drake or attempt to dance rumba by myself.

Today, I want nothing, and so I have everything I need.

I do not know your struggles
but may you surmount each of them

May you thrive and may you be joyful
for inherently we all deserve kindness, nurturing, respect and care; may you never be withheld any of these. May you never know the sadness that grows inside your chest when one of these is refused to you.

May you keep good company; may you have folks around that lift you and walk you to the doorway of your own being; ears that do not judge.
May you be compassionate and may you receive compassion.May you be strong enough to apologize when you haven’t treated someone else well; it is bound to happen –you’re  only human.

May you live and love to the fullest; may you be the highest version of yourself.