Last night I could not sleep; I tossed and turned to no avail
until the body had enough
and forced the eyes to close

What is for me will flow like a river to the sea
naturally
there is no need to worry
or to forget what day it is

I am whole and everything else is a gift
given at its own time

Look at the world around you
what once they said could not be
now slowly becomes reality

80's synthesizers for the win  
put aside the nice make-up or the pretty lashes
a pair of earbud and a little DX7 pick me up playlist
and I can ride off into another sonic dimension
as I take a walk through the neighborhood

May there be more room for joy
and more room for fulfillment
May there be surprises that raise the spirits high
May there be years that take your breath away while watching the sun fall below the skyline and set

maybe I will have children
maybe I will get dozens of bees to keep
and maybe I will turn into a tree

at this point all is possible

It is fragile  this heap of skin
but even more tender is what is inside

My dear friend and my mother both had a dream of me, both worried sought me out

They make me believe in dreams. They make believe the profoundness of this tethered existence, of the subconscious rattlings, of the complexity of life that sometimes I wish to make simple, they make me believe some bonds are unbreakable
and that they can indeed feel me from even an ocean away

Do you still believe in the immense beauty of life ?

Yes, even if the door just hit me right in the face

I rise to a radiant sun and you are first on my mind.
You are too wide and expansive that I cannot write anything close to what I would like to tell you. All of them are tiny icebergs that can’t get close enough to the truth.
the truth of how so deeply I care for you
even after all this time

these icebergs
if you bump into them I hope you would recognize
my affection runs deep
always hidden below the surface and always ever-present

Love, be well
rest
I have a whole heart
to give you
does not matter if you take it
just matters that I see you
Love, be at ease
thoughts can be so cruel
You have a whole heart
beneath them
matters if there’s joy within it
Love, be at who you need to be

You went from a small mount
to becoming a mountain
and then as the year progressed
you became a wide valley
and I agree that I might be lost, but I am lost your depths

In my eyes you are light
and shadow
And beauty and
someone I risked
so much to see
because your worth it
and so much more to me

Do not underestimate
how lovely I think you are
If it has been unsaid
if I forgot to tell you,
forgive me

I dig my head in books, I stop and stare at leaves
I just assumed you could feel my love
the way the we feel the wind over ours skins
So forgive me, I tried
many times to tell you
that you mean so much to me
that at my core you sit
and you never leave me

I come this way(for you)
come your way
steered for no other reason here
than to meet you
on this stream

if you do not see with eyes of love
i will understand and will respect that
if you frown I will take it or smile

I steered this way to see you
so I whatever fate awaits
it is in the making
in your hands
and in the trembling of mine

You crackle like an ember
and I know life is still burning within you. .

Just be what you are. I enjoy that,
I respect that from  the fiery depths
of this blazing lifetime

I do not know if I would cry or smile first
whichever it is
I do know I would be blessed to see you
no questions in my mind about that

allow the freshness of the cold air
to let you cry of sadness or of joy
let it purge whatever sits in your chest
so that you can feel so that you can dream,
because you ought to believe in the kinder things
and reach for them with might and tenderness
hold your arms out towards the most beautiful of visions
of what your life can be

there is no guilt in the worn tares of imperfection
there is no need to fold the cloth in such a manner that hides them; I see them with quiet love-filled eyes

we renew the mind
wash it like a cloth

no matter
how many days,
weeks, months
or years
have passed by

Me gusta escuchar a Silvio Rodriguez
ciero mis oyos
y es como si me cantara a mi

Si, no sola soy maza
tambien soy alma
y me gusta cuando escurre vida
desde las bocinas
desde un libro
desde una pintura
desde la risa de los peatones

Me gusta ecuchar
lo que la vida a sido para los demas
me gusta vivir
y es como si este mundo me hablara a mi

quotidian moments
you hide your preciousness
in of ruse of routine
but I see you there
behind the door
giggling
waiting as if you were playing hide and seek
inviting these feet to come find you

bliss oozes
in your companionship
your day to day charm  is a blessing
for those who need company

I love you genteelly
like the flapping of a birds’ wings
turns into a whisper at night

I love you genteelly
like the water that calmly flows
down the brook through the thicket
and over pebbles

All the birds could chirp and all the clouds could vanish leaving the clearest sky
but if I cannot muster the courage to go outside how much of it can I take in

How well can I say that I have lived ?

There is pleasantness
all around me
I will commit myself
to seeing it every day

comforting can be the night
as my body relaxes and becomes tender
with it, too the mind soothes
and there is no need to worry

there is pleasantness all around us
you can slowly let your body drift to into the serenity of sleep

I will wait for you here
said spring to winter
until you are ready

Sometimes I think of the weight I carry
and then I think about your weight
and I decide to stay silent and send you all the love I have quietly
without a hint
without words
without notice

Did I loose my funny bone?
maybe I need a new one
or did I break it
in that case will the pieces shake and rattle as I move ?

Baby blue bird when you feel the winds has  been knocked out of you
keep on chirping
There is still a lot of life to be lived
don’t you worry
When you are ready you can give flying another shot

Lovely girl there in your twirl is your magical way of spinning without care
you create more beauty to add to this world

Tend, I must tend more delicately
Tend more faithfully to this garden
to this body that smells of spirit and runs
on the love of living

I must tend carefully
Forget about mastery and become a conduit; let this lifetime unfold, slowly lay down its tracks

calmly I get closer to what has always been
breathing in the timeless
and seeing it in me I tend lovingly
to this one life of mine

“I am not going to be salty; I going to be sugar” that’s my motto for the day. :)

The things that are for us calls us silently, and never leave us
When the frenzy of the mind is quiet they emerge
those are the things meant for us to reach towards

Gotta have a sense of humor
carry it with you
hide it in your back pocket
and whip it out when it's getting too grim
a joke, a pun, a silly little dance
it can be the arrow
that shoots the harrowing times

Things seem simple to me even while they take us into the grey in-betweens of life.
What human being  has not been there?

maybe they are not simple maybe they are
whichever the perspective there is always choice; I refuse to give up my power to choose.

The quiet is my friend.
It allows ample time to think.
It hands me back to myself.

Cloudy weather cloudy mind

More practice is needed
I cannot let my thoughts run me over

this warm feeling rises from my chest
and it reminds me of you
I do not know what to do with it
except let it be

let the prairie grow around me
with its yarrow and smooth blue asters
scattered amongst it a few rough blazing stars with wild bergamot

let them envelop me
and do not leave a hedge between them and me

They all made fun of me
ridiculed me
judged me but I kept going because I thought
you would come through

I buried my head deep in trust or foolishness
who knows now

everyone does what they please
why should that be a surprise to me

Sincerely, I just want to rest now. Lay in a field of flowers and fall asleep.

I just want the gentle wind to embrace my body and the greenery to grow around me until it covers me and I feel safe again

I want to ask you "why did you give up on me?"

but I keep it to myself
that is not a question to ask
because no answer could bring me joy

Everyone flows like water
I must remember this

I must appreciate the flow of other things
even if they are heading away from me

I need your help dear but you do not reach out to offer it

the sun and Curicaueri watch a small phoenix falling to the ground
and they know she is dying and they know she will be strong
and they know she will burn

                                                     ...

the sun is bright and enough for me to see
the broken pieces on the floor their sharp edges glistening

...and slowly to the chirping of the birds, I begin to pick them up
I believe I can melt these pieces
and use them to make a beautiful stain glass window

in this lifetime I will make something of beauty
from all the wretched & unkind things
from everything that left me in pieces

the sun is bright and enough for me to see, I shine
even when scattered and left unwanted
when  no longer deemed useful
Bright enough for me to smile while picking up the shards
enough for me to see myself as worthy of being thrown into the fire
and being remolded

                                                  ...

­the sun and Curicaueri watch a small phoenix fall to the ground
and they know she is dying and they know she is strong
and they know she is burning
incinerating slowly with her flesh and fears all around her
as the flames rise they know she is closer to life than she has ever been before, so they wait for her patiently
                                                  ...
t­here from the distance  the sun and  Curicaueri watch over her
as does the wind, the brooks and the hidden moon

Some days I do not feel as strong
So I bring my left arm up,
fold it and on tilt my head left;
I lean on my own palm for now

A life I can live is a life where I have tried tirelessly
tried my hardest,
tried my best
took the risk
took the leaps for the things
that really meant something to me
because I now know I do not regret
having left it all for something that could have been

When I think of how beautiful the world is I dare not shut my heart to it
I dare not recoil from it; I take it as it is.