My heart is warm and my love is not a sin
my love is blessing that makes the flowers grow
and lifts life from the ground
my love is a warm breeze
and I cannot go on thinking my love destroys
or that it has got a bad scent

My love is profound and above all it is a gift
tender and gentle
lovingly finding spring even in winter

some part of me waits “ for what?” I ask
I think back to the night I saw you
you were good on luck
work was good and you were busy
too busy to chat,
too busy full of good luck to make room

I thought it was good so I smiled and sat silently waited for you there.

But when you came you sat across the table as far as you could possibly get from me
too busy in thought you didn’t even really say a word

Then I felt like an inconvenience like a pole people moved around
so I left

I came too far
and I gambled too much on you
jumped off the cliff thinking your love would be a net

I left that day feeling half dead.
I couldn’t feel my myself. Couldn’t cry for the next few days. I just wanted it to be a horrible nightmare. A bad joke.

So I ask that part me “ what are you waiting for” is it the punch line ?
And it tells me “ I am waiting for my love”
and I just cry...

everything is spoken into existence
life begets life they say
and so I wonder what part of life dram me into existence
called me forth from the womb of imagination
who saw me before i was someone
and called a person like I onto this earth

all the tools are here in this shed of a chest
i need just grab one

There is just this calm underlying love that slowly unfolds and eats up the fear

and so I write you
keeping it short
keeping my heat away  
trying to at least salvage friendship
because it care for you
and I hope you were right about time

so far it doesn’t seems to be lending a hand
I just accept that I must really just love you
and well that’s where I’m at for now

sometimes if you are really still
–and your limbs are branches–
–and your breath is the wind–
you can feel the earth turn.

I gather the riveting shards of glass
that have pounced like garden cats at the sight of a moth
when cracked by the simple act of you
pulling your hand away

I will build you a temple with words of resounding beauty
of all the dreams collected from the spores and the pollen of spring
so that among the trembling uncertainty you rise
surrounded by weightless warmth
fully formed and grasping
floating magnolias and light

cheeks sweetened and eyes pearled
gleaming to joy, while your tongue unfolds its language
and learns to pick up chisel
learns to pick up hammer
and guild its own temple

We have been friends for 15 years her and I
like the waves that retreat to the sea
and then come back to the shore
we change shape so often
in the smallest of ways
but the essence, it never changes
it is her marrow, her quintessence  her light that burns bright

we were born four days apart
"for the fishies" she had engraved  
on a leather journal she gifted me years ago
I take it everywhere I travel

the years go
the seasons go
the days go
without a visit
and somehow we listen to the same things
same albums –shamelessly repeating them
until everyone around us has had enough–

I laughed so hard when she wrote to me
how could it be
telepathy? lol

Flashbacks of laying on the floor listening to music for hours
sharing headphones
singing our little hearts out

shamelessly repeating and repeating
shamelessly drowning in the sonic landscape

fishes who still know they are indeed
surrounded by water
flowing through it and calling it "life"

Blanketed is this world
with permeating love
all else
is a fleeting illusion
very tactile and in that sense real
but it is not the reason we are all here

The world within me is expanding
and I can carry more things and dream more audaciously

it is colorful, and it is constantly swirling this possibility of a loving
and peaceful future

this opportunity
to drape this moment with hope

The quiet helps

It rearranges the pieces and it maps out the

rest

It inundates the outside voices and timelines for what human living ought be like and it frees me

and in my palms it lays an offering

and calmly whispers “here”

Wake from slumber

today nothing weighs

and what we have is, is what we need

and what makes our hearts sing

tells us where we ought to go and around who

we ought to be

when we listen

the song of change is all that can be heard,

not the perceived “strong” or the perceived “weak”

can wake from slumber complete

and be able to navigate

with ease this reality

only the ones who accept change

can make it through this

which we call life or so it seems

Chameleons of living

I look in the mirror and I try to change color...
I am unsuccessful but I laugh; slowly I know the world is changing and so  am I. I try to greet it all      with little to  no resistance.


Today nothing weight

as the intervals of presence become longer as the intervals of thinking which interrupt it
become shorter
I slip deeper into this living

I feel you at the oddest times.
how could it be ?
Is it even you ?

There is still the loveliness of today that roams through the quiet moments and the mystical dream of what this world could be and what it already is
All things change and nothing is ever set that’s the real magic

I will pick up the whispers over the dry patches of land amongst the chaparral

the womxn who births over the earth in a dense city bears the name of “mother” when I call out

The long fabric roll unfolds her story and the those of the ones she calls “brother” and “nana”. Crafty hands and animal loving eyes set to see the sunrise over the North American sky reflect its light over the railroad fabric and back into my eyes

I pick up the radio waves, the ones my cousins, my friends, my sibling and my grandparents heard as they serenaded each other or played music in the living room . It was always static I could never make it out. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz

A static buzz was all I could hear for a very long time.

Then the two bars of 8 beats for salsa; the 4/4 ballads I always giggled and stumbled my way through at parties when the old folks got up to dance, and I would grab my one of my best friends and give it a go

the endless ways in which I was taught to feel the world around me, to weave myself into the music, into words, into this earth and into light begins to carry me through hard seasons,
and I understand now if life is meaningless, If I am only an irrelevant speck in this cosmic ocean the best “****  you” the ultimate undoing of this
is to live a life of meaning, and burn bright and authentically until there is nothing left and this existence is enough

(in truth it has always been enough)

I want to just walk up to you and hug you.
I do not want to offend by being so bold, but in dreams I still long to kiss you

I open my palms, and try my best to liberate you
but then the wind picks up
and I start to cry
I cannot even hold onto myself
for those few minutes I feel half dead
and sun it feels like it doesn’t orbit anymore

There is no rush to hold another hand
or to come home to anyone
there is no ticking clock
there is no date another to get over another
there is only the early morning tea, the sunlight from the window and the opportunity to frame today as a “day of gratitude” and so you see there is only this zest of wanting to live and to heal

The thought of you enters
late
when I should close my eyes
so I sent you blessings
and I try to get some rest
before the thinking gets too much
I send you my best wishes
hoping they tug at lifes’ arm cuffs and serendipitously fill you with warmth
wherever you are now

I see the two choices in front of me

I can choose to become wounded= let this moment break my heart unrepairably, so that when someone speaks of love I laugh in their face boldly and with disdain because I lack trust and have taken the long road leading as far away as possible from my vulnerability

or

I can choose to become wiser = let this moment pass and just hold onto myself as the strong winds try to knock me over because I want to believe in a good love; I do not mean a perfect love  just the kind that makes your stronger because it frees you and walks you to the door of your own beauty



I think I should become wiser.

when someone wants you
they find ways to make time for you  
they pick up the phone
they gift you their presence
they find the courage to dance along with you no matter how uncool
the folks around you might think you both are

when someone wants you in their life they let you know
simple.

I get to spend more time alone figuring out
what makes me tick
rearranging thoughts, visions of life and
getting lost in streets that seem older than me
opportunities to ponder life and live it are my companions
I find them agreeable, even mysteriously charming

Last night I could not sleep; I tossed and turned to no avail
until the body had enough
and forced the eyes to close

What is for me will flow like a river to the sea
naturally
there is no need to worry
or to forget what day it is

I am whole and everything else is a gift
given at its own time

Look at the world around you
what once they said could not be
now slowly becomes reality

80's synthesizers for the win  
put aside the nice make-up or the pretty lashes
a pair of earbud and a little DX7 pick me up playlist
and I can ride off into another sonic dimension
as I take a walk through the neighborhood

May there be more room for joy
and more room for fulfillment
May there be surprises that raise the spirits high
May there be years that take your breath away while watching the sun fall below the skyline and set

maybe I will have children
maybe I will get dozens of bees to keep
and maybe I will turn into a tree

at this point all is possible

It is fragile  this heap of skin
but even more tender is what is inside

My dear friend and my mother both had a dream of me, both worried sought me out

They make me believe in dreams. They make believe the profoundness of this tethered existence, of the subconscious rattlings, of the complexity of life that sometimes I wish to make simple, they make me believe some bonds are unbreakable
and that they can indeed feel me from even an ocean away

Do you still believe in the immense beauty of life ?

Yes, even if the door just hit me right in the face

I rise to a radiant sun and you are first on my mind.
You are too wide and expansive that I cannot write anything close to what I would like to tell you. All of them are tiny icebergs that can’t get close enough to the truth.
the truth of how so deeply I care for you
even after all this time

these icebergs
if you bump into them I hope you would recognize
my affection runs deep
always hidden below the surface and always ever-present

Love, be well
rest
I have a whole heart
to give you
does not matter if you take it
just matters that I see you
Love, be at ease
thoughts can be so cruel
You have a whole heart
beneath them
matters if there’s joy within it
Love, be at who you need to be

You went from a small mount
to becoming a mountain
and then as the year progressed
you became a wide valley
and I agree that I might be lost, but I am lost your depths

In my eyes you are light
and shadow
And beauty and
someone I risked
so much to see
because your worth it
and so much more to me

Do not underestimate
how lovely I think you are
If it has been unsaid
if I forgot to tell you,
forgive me

I dig my head in books, I stop and stare at leaves
I just assumed you could feel my love
the way the we feel the wind over ours skins
So forgive me, I tried
many times to tell you
that you mean so much to me
that at my core you sit
and you never leave me

I come this way(for you)
come your way
steered for no other reason here
than to meet you
on this stream

if you do not see with eyes of love
i will understand and will respect that
if you frown I will take it or smile

I steered this way to see you
so I whatever fate awaits
it is in the making
in your hands
and in the trembling of mine

You crackle like an ember
and I know life is still burning within you. .

Just be what you are. I enjoy that,
I respect that from  the fiery depths
of this blazing lifetime

I do not know if I would cry or smile first
whichever it is
I do know I would be blessed to see you
no questions in my mind about that

allow the freshness of the cold air
to let you cry of sadness or of joy
let it purge whatever sits in your chest
so that you can feel so that you can dream,
because you ought to believe in the kinder things
and reach for them with might and tenderness
hold your arms out towards the most beautiful of visions
of what your life can be

there is no guilt in the worn tares of imperfection
there is no need to fold the cloth in such a manner that hides them; I see them with quiet love-filled eyes

we renew the mind
wash it like a cloth

no matter
how many days,
weeks, months
or years
have passed by

Me gusta escuchar a Silvio Rodriguez
ciero mis oyos
y es como si me cantara a mi

Si, no sola soy maza
tambien soy alma
y me gusta cuando escurre vida
desde las bocinas
desde un libro
desde una pintura
desde la risa de los peatones

Me gusta ecuchar
lo que la vida a sido para los demas
me gusta vivir
y es como si este mundo me hablara a mi

quotidian moments
you hide your preciousness
in of ruse of routine
but I see you there
behind the door
giggling
waiting as if you were playing hide and seek
inviting these feet to come find you

bliss oozes
in your companionship
your day to day charm  is a blessing
for those who need company

I love you genteelly
like the flapping of a birds’ wings
turns into a whisper at night

I love you genteelly
like the water that calmly flows
down the brook through the thicket
and over pebbles

All the birds could chirp and all the clouds could vanish leaving the clearest sky
but if I cannot muster the courage to go outside how much of it can I take in

How well can I say that I have lived ?

There is pleasantness
all around me
I will commit myself
to seeing it every day

comforting can be the night
as my body relaxes and becomes tender
with it, too the mind soothes
and there is no need to worry

there is pleasantness all around us
you can slowly let your body drift to into the serenity of sleep

I will wait for you here
said spring to winter
until you are ready