In search
of true reward
I brave the rougher path

You have guided me through all these seasons
moved mountains
helped me weather storms

I have come so far from my home on your call
lead me now where I must go
I have done what I was told
and I have followed the compass you put in me
when I pray to you
sing to you
meditate to find you will you answer like you have always answered
through flickers
dreams
with serendipity
and I will be paying enough attention so as not to miss your response

You have guided me
so I cannot fear the earth’s tilt

All I ask is that you carry me through this season how you have carried me through this living
Always opening the right doors always filling me with light because I am need of a gentle hand that knows how sooth blisters
perhaps it is my left hand returning to greet  my right with balm and gauze
but I ask of ye to aid their swift embrace of me

And then there was wind and then there was fire and then there was me not giving a flying ****... and oh how sweet that was!

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

We need to live and breathe and mingle with the joys of life
we cannot sever connections to the earth or any “them” energy flows from one to another as we are the one

Pieces of me that love you sway in front of me
and it is my first inclination to always hold my hand out
and want to say “are you okay?” it is in my nature and it is because
I care deeply
that no outcome, no gain, no debt, nothing need be collected
it is just my own peace of mind and will to share with you something
as I dram you forgot your jacket
and I knew I needed to return something
give something

Donde esta tu ánimo
algunos días aquí en mi pecho
otros días rondando senderos
¿Donde esta el tuyo?

aproximando montañas
o navegando por aguas ajenas
descendiendo finales hacia comienzos
¿Donde esta tu ánimo ?

I find this living so beautiful that I will myself to get up
may I let the day deliver me beauty
may I trust the unending loving nature of this existence will find me
open me to
and deliver me the gifts of joy
like walking calmly down a road my feet blessed with ground to walk upon
and eyes
my eyes with which to behold it
or feeling the wind blow as I look up at the clouds
grant me these small serenading joys

I trust that clarity
clears
that the spark  
of hope cannot be trampled
I give all trust to you

Gratitude emerge soft
and profoundly onto my palms

I am dipped in spirit
and bathed by it
soaked I return

Today I must go in deeper for shelter
I have no option but to furrow and dive
into my own skin
Today I must go within

Failing in the wind you were more than that
what the spark of you
ever present my women you bore a belt of bullets

and if I were to tell people I come from women who bore guns who fought in revolutions
a lovely Adelita
my lovely great aunt

how wild a heart
How strange a women they would  think  you were
What choice did you have but to sing a song of rebellion and to sing a song of war
I am  lucky that I get to be gentle and sweet
Drunk walking back from a bar
Having drank  a whole bottle of Chardonnay with friend whose family lived through war and moved out of Sierra Leon

How lucky I am to be able to have the option to be gentle and loving

Great aunt, we are of the same tree

You can it take it, that loving heap of words
or a love I held dear
you can carry it away in your hands
just take care of it
be gentle
water it with light and love
I will no longer cry late at night
it is the bird in your arms
that you hold onto
I do not need to know why
take care of that bird, love it deeply in this lifetime so that it’s wingspan expands and it soars during the day or dark of night
you can take this love I held dear
just be kind to it
don’t bicker over useless things
use your time to love
love the love I held dear

I could carry two suns on my back
and walk across the galaxies tread the universe because I am your dream of life

the legacies of the conquered, the conquerer
the slave and the prosecuted whirl within me “mixed”

I carry your sorrow
it used to feel endless and forever gaping

it was easy not to see the cord that binds to this earth but I discovered that when I closed my eyes
I felt it
and I let it guide me
through the terrain
through the the high mountains

Now I understand I carry your strength, too
Endless
You carried two suns on you back when they gave you new calendars and new names, when you forfeited ever placing eyes on your home again
when you got up and walked you had two suns on your back

I carry all your strength
your unparalleled boldness to reach for life
for hope
I can carry two suns on my back

thank you

This fragile mass
sways through this living
loves through this living
moves guided by your light
you hold me up
in the memory of every cell
that gives me form

I could carry two suns on my back
and walk across the galaxies tread the universe
I am your dream of life

Go deeply and then you see there is a lot of love
below everything there is love
from the moment you inhale your first conscious breathe to the moment you drift into the subconscious there is love there to hold you

It is days like these I wish to be lay over
the thick leaves
by spirit be colored in
and by the whispers of the timeless
dream

It is the way in which the sun rises
that emboldens life
that all things shimmers and grow
on one side of the world
and then onto the other side of the world

It’s not that I do not understand the ways in which leaves fall silently to the ground it
is just the thought of you falling that I cannot bear, so instead of being prideful, cruel, unforgiving, I swallow the knot in throat and put aside the “she doesn’t know what is good for her” “ what a pitiful thing” and turn around extent my hand and try to catch a beautiful leaf
I cannot let you hit the floor
it is not in my nature to be like so
even as you watching me stumble through youth and lack of judgement

It is not in my nature to be cunning, it is not in my nature to be insincere And if lose
I rather lose knowing I lost with grace
gently loving, catching leaves
uninterested in the opinions of others

I surrender to the peace of love
no control
no need to change things
no need to be fearful

only the need to learn how to love more deeply

nurturing blossom
cold winter hails dreary days
may I take heart
in the spirit of your
nature
find it on my silent walks
may I not freeze as the world around me does so
keep warm in your hope
keep me close to you, I need your  stem to lean on

There is no better breath
than the breathe
I breathe now

you come to me in dreams
but I cannot remember what you tell me
just the faint image of you lingers when I wake

slide the windows open
rest, rest now
or all day you will cheat yourself
out of ease
rest there is nothing wrong with quiet
it’s where your essence brims to the surface
frothing, and ready to refresh you
if you just pause in silence

You know when you know

I thought I knew

but what did I know

I should think more.

The salesman stood in front of the poet and tried to sell her words
what a sight

Be still waters
do not be late day break
be with me dear beloved
as I make my way through the day

I am grateful for the morning sun that awakens me through the window
it’s warm light brings me joy
I am grateful that I am endlessly strong
and loved
I am grateful that every year life takes me where I want to, no matter the outcomes
How magical is it that all I set forth comes back to me
That no love is too small or wasted
That there are no words uttered that go unheard
and no prayer unanswered
it is a matter of closing your eyes and listening


I am grateful for this small, fragile lump of mass, and this lifetime

My body feels drained
from what ?
I take the stairs and rarely take the lift or the escalators to emerge from stations onto populated streets

Something is leaking, energy is constantly leaving and I can’t put my finger on it
on what is leaving me so tired, so, so very tired

Little by little I sieve through water like a miner who headed west during the California gold rush

I pan through the river until my motion becomes part of the scenery by nature of its consistency

I kneel and feel as though an arm & a leg are missing
as if my energy is absorbed into a phantom limb
circling out of me into something else

What could it be ? I keep panning

I wish I could tell you “please do not be mad” or “lets laugh about this”, but it is too painful for me
and I do not know what to do
I am just trying my best to hang onto myself

Open fields
just look out on the open fields
What else do you need

The swirling butterflies
in autumn begin to disappear
but they will come again
with the whirl of spring

Look out calmly upon open fields
each direction speaks of endlessness
takes the tongue of spirit and soothes


opportunity is here , healing is here
in this open field you meet yourself

May there be a warm fire and a hearth you can sit at. May the preciousness of who you are linger always. I see so much beauty in you; may you always see it too.

My mouth might be shut, but let all of life discretely carry hints of my wishes to your door , and bring you daily joy.

If you need strength take mine
and if you need heart
borrow some of mine
you will be alright

I came early in the morning.


They were preparing. Hands over squares of egg sheets being cut into long rectangular shapes in anticipation of the orders that some might make later that day. The woman cutting the yellow sheets sang and bickered with the rest. Age does not steal one’s fire or ; they laughed together(not does it steal ones smile)

I waiting patiently for my food watching diligence

Every morning
and every night
I wake up and then go to sleep
having to make a choice
whether to shrink my heart
and my perception of the world
to only that which I can see
to become wounded and scared

or to become wiser and more in love with the kindness that holds me together
that cradles me at night and when I travel through towns amongst strangers alone

to keep allowing the beauty I see in eyes of old women and their silver grey hair
as well as the laughter of friends nearing my age laughing uncontrollably at each other’s words
make me believe in growing older and more tender
and in how loving and attentive one humanbeing can be towards another
how simple it is to show care
how important it is never withhold light or love

every morning and every night I choose again, and again

and again

I close my eyes, ball up my little fists and whisper “ do not shrink; take courage heart of mine” again and again
and again in my empty room I do not feel alone
I see more than lack
and sorrow in my life
I see the capacity of the empty space to hold; its abundance is clear

Do not come for me tomorrow
come for me today

too many have said “tomorrow”
too many excuses have been reiterated for years upon years
All attempting to shift responsibility
absolve inaction

“Leave it for the young”
“for another lifetime”

It is for this one...

for this day
that is why you are alive  
(It has been put off too long )

Take your courage and hold on tight

do not say you will come tomorrow
come today into the hands of your own responsibility

create this world you wish to see

for today, for today, for today


let these cross your lips “for today, for today” until they become soggy over you lips and must be eaten

take responsibility for that inkling to not conform in order to fit this status quo
for it is your nature to push boundaries compassionately and because you wish to bring more love into the world
tells the tale of why you are here

“Find me where you know I need to be”
I trust, that when I close my eyes, turn all lights are off, and start walking inwardly I will arrive where I need to be

Come to me gentle hands
smile and sprinkle laughter over me
I need soulful remedies
smooth me

heal under the trees
no harm to anything
calm
like all things under the sun
I am a temporary thing
smooth my being
lull me with your singing
...
She would sing to me
all the time
she loved to chirp like the little birds
that would land on her pomegranate trees

even on her wheelchair she’d find a song with my name in it and sing “mi Lupita”

For me there is was only love I wanted to give
everytime it felt easy
natural to give
that was all
all I intended to do
and when I held my hand out
there was nothing
except the wind that blew
and I knew your hand wasn’t for me or else it would of decided to reach out too

I do not regret a thing
you mean that much to me
that I would take the leap again even if I got a do over
I mean so much to myself, I would give myself the opportunity to go after what made my heart sing

For some this is just an election but for me this a marathon
a marathon I will be running my entire life

saving the image of USA will not diminish the number of people who voted to re-elect someone who openly flamed racism’s fire

Dear beloved
You have given me your line, drew it well and so I honor it that is now the only way I can show love and respect.

I chose peace.

I empty my pencil case over the wooden surface of my table it is time to pour out all the colors and use them to scribble
to jot down and dream something lovelier

I will slowly wake and decide that the day is beautiful and that it presents me with opportunity
that it is another great gift one is given
and that I should never forget that much
that quickly

I remember playing the same album every morning for an entire year. Blessed was I, to have an apartment mate who did not complain. Every morning “Dias de prosperidad” would blast from my room. That was a long time ago when I needed to heal. when I lived in the forest and I wasn’t strong enough to get out of bed, when music was my crutch and poetry my bread.

I began eating poetry yesterday. Separated each word from the other with thinly cut slices.
Hope              Do               Not                Leave    

Hope                 Be             With               Me

          Grace              Engulf                 Me
                              
                      Guidance    
              
Openness      ­                      I  welcome
                         You

I savored them each