Hear me when I cannot speak to you
don’t you ever let anyone not even me make you feel like your not entitled to make mistakes

You are far too precious to think actions and events define you,
you define and give meaning to them

A life yet to come
I think this world is so beautiful  
even when most things do not go my way
I linger under a ginkgo tree mesmerized
at at how lovely the yellow leaves in winter
look against the night sky

after this lifetime –make me light
after I have emptied myself out –disperse me
.









.
I can feel how impermanent this world is
and how solid and unchanging the unseeable one truly is

I want to be light to the people I love
I want to help them to flourish
for it brings me true joy
to see others light up and blossom
I do not care if we get different things, blessed be the other person even if I sit here with empty hands
I know how to see through illusion
your joy is my own
and it also a gift to the world
kindness inspires more kindness and deep love inspires more love to seed and flourish in the world

If I could be anything I would still rush back into this body
hold it tight and remind myself how good it has been at helping me write & paint
how it has stretched
stretching its hands into cupboards  to reach for jars
stretching  its hand out to console
and to ask for help
or simply lathering my hair in the shower

I would look at the places we’ve been and thank this body who at times was my only companion” thank you for daring with me” I would say to my tiny feet

It unwraps like a hanker-chief sack
and the longing and sadness
are left on display over the squared fabric

I will let this life find me
as i walk towards trees
as I linger in front of bushes and gaze
at the grazing animals that now roam the city ever ease-fully those holding the wild in their walk, in the way they tilt their heads and decide to scavenger through parks because to them it’s just another piece of land
no name attached

I will let life bring me the moon at night
        and the sun
   during the bird’s early morning call

I will let it find me            while I undress
and while I cook
while I pray
while I sing
                                             while I forgive

              –in between all the whiles–

while I cry
while I rejoice
While I fill my own cup of tea     to the brim
at the brim of life
at the loneliest
at the most fulfilled
at any age it chooses           Life will find me
as it has always done
     And I will let it in
I will open the door
holding the **** in my hands  and a smile on my face
(...this life is not lackluster that much I can perceive)
and if it comes past my doorframe and into my expansive whiles
you must indeed bet on me because I am sure I will let it in

I love you
so I let you go
here,
beyond this
I might not be able to add beauty to your life
and I want there to be beauty for you
I do not want here to be unnecessary struggle
or shame or sadness
may your will be done

If I cannot add joy or a smile on your face
what is indeed the point
I may not be the best thing for you
so I lovingly with all my heart
let you go

human attachment released so I as a parting gift can hand you love
beautiful things will come to you
I am sure of it

eternally and foolishly,
– your cheerleader princess

I learned you have to stay on the bleacher cheering on the people
who cheer you on
that win or fail you sit there
with a towel ready to help ease their load
that mutuality is the key to growing and trust
and that deep, deep connection (that makes life worth living)  
comes from knowing they, too sit on the bleacher stand for you

Let there be beauty
Let there be forgiveness
Let there be renewal

I will look at all the lovely flowers that tilt my way and thank them for such lovely a gift is their presence
that I could cry at their beauty
at their kindness
so when I look at them I try to hold back my tears of gratitude
I can only stare at them and smile

I close my eyes and think of the warm smiles and hands of friends who have held out their open palms and lifted me

when I close my eyes I feel them
gather within me and I know I am strong because I am not alone

And I thank them for not leaving me out in the cold, alone when they could hear me struggling through the storm

I thank them for being true to their hearts
for stepping out on a limb for me
for such a love is grace received

when I close my eyes i feel warmth, peace and I have the sense that life will only get better
that this will only deepen

I hope I was as kind as possible
that I showed up when it mattered
even if it was not at your timing
and that I tried to lift you
higher
maybe in a young, shaky and clumsily way
but I sure hope it was higher

I hope I was gentle
what I do to others is already done unto me
I hope I lifted you higher
I can only hope

I never thought my wings could be so warm, could spread this far and shield everything around me in my *****
nurture and protect the little sparks of light
flickering like stars yet to grow
and transform this world
some older, some younger, some that I have yet to meet

Today is a Sade kind of day
rest and lay down over the smooth
blanket that is her voice

If there is still hope of a life to come that is beautiful, fulfilling and nourishes my the being –even through the thick wilderness of  hefty uncertainty–let it come

I do not want to suffer self denial;
if there is still courage inside
this frame of mine
let it visit me daily when I am most afraid
and remind me: I deserve joy

I can no longer write poetry
I get lost in images

I unlearned synonyms, words
how to run my fingers over verses
while reciting them to be able to tell
what is stressed and un stressed
aspired for their depths and left them at the door (as far as they could go)
so I cannot write poetry
if it lingers in a vacant lot


the last womyn in the grocery store strolled out with her cart to her car and never turned around to see she dropped her vehicles’ keys at the door

I need poetry: the keys

I have always been this way
prone to get up off the floor with a ****** nose
dusty shoulders and all
and still want to smell the daisies

In search
of true reward
I brave the rougher path

You have guided me through all these seasons
moved mountains
helped me weather storms

I have come so far from my home on your call
lead me now where I must go
I have done what I was told
and I have followed the compass you put in me
when I pray to you
sing to you
meditate to find you will you answer like you have always answered
through flickers
dreams
with serendipity
and I will be paying enough attention so as not to miss your response

You have guided me
so I cannot fear the earth’s tilt

All I ask is that you carry me through this season how you have carried me through this living
Always opening the right doors always filling me with light because I am need of a gentle hand that knows how sooth blisters
perhaps it is my left hand returning to greet  my right with balm and gauze
but I ask of ye to aid their swift embrace of me

And then there was wind and then there was fire and then there was me not giving a flying ****... and oh how sweet that was!

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

We need to live and breathe and mingle with the joys of life
we cannot sever connections to the earth or any “them” energy flows from one to another as we are the one

Pieces of me that love you sway in front of me
and it is my first inclination to always hold my hand out
and want to say “are you okay?” it is in my nature and it is because
I care deeply
that no outcome, no gain, no debt, nothing need be collected
it is just my own peace of mind and will to share with you something
as I dram you forgot your jacket
and I knew I needed to return something
give something

Donde esta tu ánimo
algunos días aquí en mi pecho
otros días rondando senderos
¿Donde esta el tuyo?

aproximando montañas
o navegando por aguas ajenas
descendiendo finales hacia comienzos
¿Donde esta tu ánimo ?

I find this living so beautiful that I will myself to get up
may I let the day deliver me beauty
may I trust the unending loving nature of this existence will find me
open me to
and deliver me the gifts of joy
like walking calmly down a road my feet blessed with ground to walk upon
and eyes
my eyes with which to behold it
or feeling the wind blow as I look up at the clouds
grant me these small serenading joys

I trust that clarity
clears
that the spark  
of hope cannot be trampled
I give all trust to you

Gratitude emerge soft
and profoundly onto my palms

I am dipped in spirit
and bathed by it
soaked I return

Today I must go in deeper for shelter
I have no option but to furrow and dive
into my own skin
Today I must go within

Failing in the wind you were more than that
what the spark of you
ever present my women you bore a belt of bullets

and if I were to tell people I come from women who bore guns who fought in revolutions
a lovely Adelita
my lovely great aunt

how wild a heart
How strange a women they would  think  you were
What choice did you have but to sing a song of rebellion and to sing a song of war
I am  lucky that I get to be gentle and sweet
Drunk walking back from a bar
Having drank  a whole bottle of Chardonnay with friend whose family lived through war and moved out of Sierra Leon

How lucky I am to be able to have the option to be gentle and loving

Great aunt, we are of the same tree

You can it take it, that loving heap of words
or a love I held dear
you can carry it away in your hands
just take care of it
be gentle
water it with light and love
I will no longer cry late at night
it is the bird in your arms
that you hold onto
I do not need to know why
take care of that bird, love it deeply in this lifetime so that it’s wingspan expands and it soars during the day or dark of night
you can take this love I held dear
just be kind to it
don’t bicker over useless things
use your time to love
love the love I held dear

I could carry two suns on my back
and walk across the galaxies tread the universe because I am your dream of life

the legacies of the conquered, the conquerer
the slave and the prosecuted whirl within me “mixed”

I carry your sorrow
it used to feel endless and forever gaping

it was easy not to see the cord that binds to this earth but I discovered that when I closed my eyes
I felt it
and I let it guide me
through the terrain
through the the high mountains

Now I understand I carry your strength, too
Endless
You carried two suns on you back when they gave you new calendars and new names, when you forfeited ever placing eyes on your home again
when you got up and walked you had two suns on your back

I carry all your strength
your unparalleled boldness to reach for life
for hope
I can carry two suns on my back

thank you

This fragile mass
sways through this living
loves through this living
moves guided by your light
you hold me up
in the memory of every cell
that gives me form

I could carry two suns on my back
and walk across the galaxies tread the universe
I am your dream of life

Go deeply and then you see there is a lot of love
below everything there is love
from the moment you inhale your first conscious breathe to the moment you drift into the subconscious there is love there to hold you

It is days like these I wish to be lay over
the thick leaves
by spirit be colored in
and by the whispers of the timeless
dream

It is the way in which the sun rises
that emboldens life
that all things shimmers and grow
on one side of the world
and then onto the other side of the world

It’s not that I do not understand the ways in which leaves fall silently to the ground it
is just the thought of you falling that I cannot bear, so instead of being prideful, cruel, unforgiving, I swallow the knot in throat and put aside the “she doesn’t know what is good for her” “ what a pitiful thing” and turn around extent my hand and try to catch a beautiful leaf
I cannot let you hit the floor
it is not in my nature to be like so
even as you watching me stumble through youth and lack of judgement

It is not in my nature to be cunning, it is not in my nature to be insincere And if lose
I rather lose knowing I lost with grace
gently loving, catching leaves
uninterested in the opinions of others

I surrender to the peace of love
no control
no need to change things
no need to be fearful

only the need to learn how to love more deeply