How magical is life that I still want to open my palms
breathe the dust, pollen,  

and carry flowers from the fields
to my gentle resting place
How magical that we suffer
but that woe is never us

I am in a field of lilies
collecting flowers–making bundles
I will not come unless I am called

I love you and I want you to flourish
carry that shine in your eyes
I don’t matter how old you are  
smile and feel as light as the day you first entered this world

nine days of prayer
ceaseless for you
as you transmute

“May the light of hope never extinguish” she sent me this and countless other messages right up until two weeks ago. Busy, “ she must be busy” I thought. My first response is always to assume the best.


Her loving arms, that stretched far to hold me with so much warmth. From child to adolescent to adult. I thank her and I grieve her
and I sit
and love her
and I thank her eternally
for helping me see the gentleness that life can always offer
and I grieve our loss
and I love her
and I see her in part of everything I have become

All the Eyes of Eye are walking through the markets
performing a dismounting dance from buses
onto sidewalks
crossing street lights erratically
diagonally tracing their feet over a surface not as impressionable as sand
their gravity given weight: leaving little trace behind

...
The eyes of eye
are born one day, burgeon and transmute
and more eyes open
like lilies replenishing: the eternal spring of consciousness
Each pair of eyes is the Eye
...
It is late now but I have gathered my keys, put on a coat and walked to the corner store to buy Chamomile tea. I close my eyes and feel the cold breeze. One. One other person is walking far off in the distance down the same street as me. I see recognize them and whisper to myself “eyes are I”
...
Her eyes are the same color as mine. You could say she gave them to me–my eyes. I move through the world with them.

It is never ending:
the warble of mystery
and the rebirthing of life
and us with our many eyes.

It is fleeting:
the sky and the leaves
and I.

All my dreams you have expanded
magnificently woven them into something
intricate, breathtaking and unimaginable.
So I  take it, take  it all
all of it

Heart
illuminate my travels
turn my attention towards my emotions
and let them be my map
my mind does not see

We jumped and dodged mops
and chairs around the house so that we could in fact deliver the antidote to our dying playmate on the other side of the house. Then upon our arrival we opened our palms to reveal the loose pills of sweetart rolls that would indeed cure the our peer’s fatal illness as they giggled, and we choose what game we would play next.

I can see myself loving again
I can see myself helping nourish the plants and creatures around me
I can see myself walking in a long dress with flowing hair
with little heads around me peeking into bushes and trying to feel everything in sight
I can see myself singing to my friends
and reading them poetry
sketching the neighbor and feeding the stray animals
I can see dreams being woven inside of more dreams
dreams being expanded and liberated into the hands of the all

I want to stay away
because it find it loving
to get out your way.
Boulders do not move
rarely do any obstacles we face willingly depart
but I am not a rock I am a person and I choose to
get out of your path
so you can get on with your life
and thrive where you see fit
among those you call good company
where things flourish and fly off
from the belly of your joy

The things we dare to do are magnificent no matter
how insignificant they may be to others

As dangerous as walking a long road with the wrongs shoes
and trying to adjust them over and over
as if somehow that will change their material
   their essence
   everything has its own way of being
just because the shoe fits does not mean it can help you make the journey
joy is a compass and you shouldn’t wait until sharp pains
arise over and over

Keep good company
and learn to forgive
surround yourself with loving people
whose eye light up when they see you

who know how to say I am sorry when they have
not listened or have not showed up for you

the company you keep you become
choose wisely
pick those who guide you to the door of your divinity
who can pick you up with as little as their sincere smile
and loving ears who might only be able to listen
but do so with attention
because they see you, they truly see you
and that is a gift

Winter has become the mighty director of direction subverting routes from the longest to shortest
the least exposure is not meticulously planned just arrived at
welcomed almost without a second thought  
the hands in pockets
the way the body shivers and the way it sighs in relief to be inside
to sit on a chair and let the limbs loosen letting tension slide off

I cast my wishes
into the endless fountain of time
and release my palms to the openness of
possibility
to the songs of forgiveness
and the scent of embrace
that binds me to this very living

My left foot steps onto a cloud and then the right foot proceeds
before I know it I am walking celestially
unencumbered
I want to perceive and understand what else is there
What other inner cabinets of aliveness await
the endless curiosity unfurls from my eye
and so I keep hopping
taking step one step at a time
from one cloud to the next

Did you know you glow in magnificence? how you beam and stretch across the darkness just by offering a smile or a warm hello you hold back the night or you deliver me the stars
you see your hands and make them meaningfully toil to get closer to your dreams to get closer to your heart
your divinity and beauty is in no competition with any other womyn
you are calm, sturdy and resilient
you make it out the door with an air of faith and the scent of grace that works through you onto the hands of all who witness you
For all these and more I love you

I refuse to be snarky
to sit in a room and poke fun of others
intentionally
to complain and complain to no end

I refuse to tear people down or roll my eyes at them. I just rather sit quietly and read my book. I want this space of mine to be calm and joyful.

I have the urge to buy a glittery pink jacket and a turquoise hat
wear one personality and then wear the next
loosen up the ego

How little I know is the constant
but I am not frustrated or in denial of that
it is fine by me
kicking off my shoes and resting my back over the bed
feet dangling
knowing zero is less daunting now
always humbling
the traffic off of the main road is muted by the floor heating
my fear tamed by my will
that does not want to let uncertainty climb up
upon me

The hinge that holds the door
does not creak this is evidence enough that I should be grateful

but I take deep breathe and it’s as if I inhale the world pain and so I creak
 even if the hinge on the door does not

The hardest thing by far is
lovingly letting go
I smile and I cry at same time
I am joyful and in sadness simultaneously

My eyes well up and I not sure why anymore

It feels bruised
The area to the right of my heart
towards the middle
almost at the midpoint where my ******* meet
is in pain
but when I look in the mirror
there is no green, purple or yellow
and I wonder if in a few days it will show itself or if it will take years

Are you conscious of the power
your thoughts and words have to create

when you awake dear
do you say thank you, too

do you like excessively warm showers
do your toes turn red as you stand there, too
?

and have you learned to pray even if you do not call it by that name

Do you meditate
do you see divinity in everything
can you see god–the all– in the swaying of the leaves
have I met you

I am here
alive at the same time as you

you can come in dream if you wish

May you wake up and may the sun smile upon you
The are many triumphs that might not seem mighty
but they are
like looking in the mirror and smiling gently at your reflection
putting your palms together and saying “thank you for this new day”

I am inviting all the beautiful
I am inviting all love and serenity
I am inviting hope to walk alongside me
I am inviting unmeasurable light to guide
I am inviting that which brings me true joy

I have decided that in this lifetime I must not give up
I must indeed go further in
wring out the chatter
wring out the events some might deem unfortunate
wring them until life giving water is released
enough to grow beautiful things

If she leaves tonight
the women will begin their circles of prayer and the flowers will arrive
but will not get there in time
so I sit and go within
light up candles and carve an inward path to her
I will be with her to see her through
I will have to dig deeper
for her life gave me life
and we are linked
forevermore

When I feel real sad I put on some old school salsa and make my to cumbia. I dance like no one is watching because no one is and I end up having a blast. I revert to feeling like I am 5 year old again dancing surrounded by aunts and uncles
by my cousins and friends

Tomorrow I will hike up a mountain to meet a group of monks
I will sleep at 8:00 pm and wake at 4:00 am
and repeat.
I will sit by the lake        
and freeze if I have to
the cold always makes me aware
of more than just this mind of mine

She has escaped us
reached past the bend and cracking of her own bones and left us
stretched out her hands past the copper plumbing of her mind
and made a hug glorious because it came from her
ever present her warmth rings
over this bell of a body that feels
every vibration even in death she rings through me
as does the eyes of her mother
and her mother’s mother
–their eyes have not escaped me
(they ring from the tower that I circle)

You can borrow my strength
in moments like these
you need not ask
my prayer flies off
off of the tiny mounts
that are my lips
onto you

The part of me that loves,
still loves maybe eternally
I do not argue with it

I argue with the part of me that wants to hold–the one that isn’t love
the one that perhaps wants possession, fears change, or both

I kindly tell it “ they are well taken care of, we can go live your lifetime somewhere else” but still it furrows its brow

And I understand this part of me is hurt and I look at it with eyes of love because that’s the only way it will heal
and I kiss this weepy girl :)

The glowing vase in the middle of the garden calls to us and we jump up from our  cozy spots breaking with our lower halves’ crossed legged slumber
–limbs unraveling–
picking up speed towards it as if we were  about to take off
and gusts of playfulness revitalize our endeavors
takes us and we more than willing
laugh again
our chests rising and falling in exaltation 
our breathing heavy  

the glowing vase remains far in the distance but that is not what we are really after

I came here for me
and I came this way for you
that was all

for the things that have the greatest meaning
take the biggest leaps of courage

May there be more roads that open up daily onto joy
May there be more silent moments where gratitude
takes the heart into its two hands and we become filled
with an unending warmth
because we trust ourselves
and this great unfolding to sieve us at the end of this process 
into light

And you see things for what they are
and instead of letting it break your heart
or decide to run on the hamster wheel , ride the many Ferris wheels or rollacoasters of distractions
you choose to laugh in delight because you are Human
endowed with the gift of creating  alongside that which moves through you
and gave you life
and you know you can add what you see lacks
so smile not because someone told you to girl but because you have realized you’re as mighty as any other who has graced this world
Go on if you would like and  make somethings beautiful as an offering

You see things for what they are
ever changing 
 always flowing eternally towards the infinite
you need no one to tell you this    just close your eyes (feel it)
or wait
time will try to cocoon you, over and over
in an attempt to deliver you to the infinite
you will get there
in due time
for now rejoice in your humanity

I want a garden and an upright
a little head running through the grass
I want a desk facing the window
and a glass mug for my tea
and bookshelves full of books and vinyls

I want the sunset as much I want the sunrise
I want the deep fine lines that come with time. I want it, I wish it
Ms. Adrienne Rich I know it will take all my breath, but I hope it will become my will.
Like you wrote “it will not be simple”
So at the entrance of my home
I will hang a copy of your poem above the door. And when I turn back to look at that door frame I will think of this road, of this journey to that humble abode

... I try

when clarity comes
It seems to do away with my best logic
I always thought clarity would reinforce practicality
But it doesn't
Clarity speaks truth to you whether you like it or not
It says to me “you are linked"
And I think of the great expanse between you and I
Between this earth and these stars
and I am humbled but saddened that you are not here

May there be joy in your heart
I know it’s absence and may it never leave your company
May you be blessed with the kindness of one sunrise after another, a new day after another new day
and may ease sit in your belly

It transcends me
it goes right through me
it is linked
I accept it
I will walk with this

The truth is I want to be there
I want to sieve through it all
but I right now I oscillate from functionality to the 5 seconds it takes for my eyes to redden and my nose to join it by then it is hard to breathe, sorrow is a heavy daypack

I have reached a wall in my heart, and the climbing is so hard
everyday I have to fight the inclination to recoil in pain
I know I have to summit this peak and then walk the many miles down
but I oscillate

The clothes hanging on the foldable rack dangle: socks, shirts underwear, and t-shirts. The pile that awaits to be loaded into the washer keeps nameless pieces of cloth- just a pile. The people you read about whose faces dangle in front of your screen and on the billoards outside, you can name: First name Last name, Jane Doe and John Doe, Maria Lopez y José Lopez. The people you walk besides, the crowd keeps nameless - just a crowd. But if you would turn and smile even while wearing your mask you'd know that there is no such thing as a “just a ______” and the soliloquy of life would become a fully staged production where you could be writer.

My ability to respond is limitless
walls are again down
and I know I am responsible for everything in my life
only me, not someone else
for the sweetness or lack of sweetness in my heart
from now on I ought bring my own honey with me everywhere I go
What’s inside I can make pleasant
for I chose to respond now with sweet
sweet involvement  and engagement