To being 18 and insecure
Every day fighting more and more
Love hurts worse every time
Losing myself in a poem's rhyme

Missing you always
Endless nights and tiresome days

Your voice echoes in my brain
Over and over, again and again
Useless feelings, my insecurities reign

Covering up my scars
And frequenting bars
Really it's not that great
E**ighteen is just ten years of misery, plus eight.

I want to trace your outline with my eyes
Burn the shape permanently into my mind
I'll listen to your little sighs
As we kiss and you begin to unwind

I crave my head cradled in your neck
To look up from that safe place
And stare into your eyes of golden flecks
I want our fingers to intertwine
And my scent to linger on your everything
I want to sleep close to you
And listen to our rhythmic breathing
I want the moon to be in my heart
And the stars to be in your eyes
Because we wish on stars to give us hope
And you're where my hope lies

I don't know what it is about late nights and seasons of love and why they make me miss you more than I already do. Something about thinking of all those plans we had and the fact that I'm living them without you. Something about the scent of your skin mingling with my perfumed wrists. Something about the way I'd argue that I wasn't beautiful but you'd just continue to insist. Something about all those I love you's I held back in fear of rejection. Something about the fact that all along you needed my protection. Something about these memories and feelings I just don't understand. Everything was so much clearer when I was holding your hand.

I'm so insecure
Deeply unsure
Scared to my core
Can't take it anymore
Heart's on the floor
Every day's a chore
Can't make it to the door
Who am I living for?

You've left me
Not in anger
Not in sandness
I fear you've left me
In the worst way possible
In utter disinterest
I fear you got tired of me
My babbling that morphs
Into inexplicably cold nature
So unsure of myself
Anxiety ridden
You don't seem to care anymore
I'm not sure if I miss you
Like I miss her
Because I had this nagging feeling
All along
That you would soon grow tired
And weary of me
And pack your things
And leave me here
Without a second look.

You can call me winter
I'm cold and unforgiving
Beautiful and dangerous
Harsh and untamed
My heart's not warm
It's frigid and blue
They call me winter
Because of you