500.
500 roses.
500 lives
to die today.
500 loves
to wilt away.
Love can stay,
quite possibly remain
forever, but
we let it die
right in front of our eyes.
500 roses
across the face of the earth.
500 bright, fiery reds
crumble to deafening black.
No coming back.

See it once,
see it twice,
see it any way it's sliced.
Take a chance,
roll the dice,
it's just the game of life.
It can be cruel,
stab you with a knife
take a step back
don't let it rule over you.
Things fly out of the blue.
It's hard to know what to do, when
life doesn't pick any sides,
its neither wrong,
nor right.
Don't try to fight the light
you look better in plain sight
with the rest of us,
this is a must.
Left alone to rust
truths hidden under dust
brush it away
and you'll see
it's all just a race between
death,
you,
and me.

The ever-growing list.
A thousand names
penned by my wrist.
The names of
lives gone by.
It's no surprise
that they would die
blood on my hands
their shadows faded with the mist.
Knife in my fist,
another addition to
my ever-growing list.
The names of
the ones who wronged me
set their souls free
from the guilt they should feel
but certainly don't.
Instead the pain I feel,
but once they're gone,
I won't.
Blood at my fingertips,
surely they won't be missed.
Soon they only exist
on the ever
                   growing
                                 list.

What's wrong with me?
What's missing?
I'm clawing at thin air
hoping
praying
that there's something there
but what?
What do I want?
If you're confused,
don't worry- so am I.
Don't strain yourself
when I can't even understand myself.
I couldn't tell you what or why,
but something doesn't feel right...

Time,
it passes so quickly
to steal away life.
How do I know what I'm doing is right?
How do I know I'm not wasting my life?
Just living day by day,
shouldn’t I have something to say?
A vast array
of flying colors.
My God, what if I die?
before I really live life?
Oh, no-
I'm gonna die!
Its inevitable!
cutting away at a line
bit by bit.
It doesn't stop!
until there's nothing of it,
of you,
of me!
This idea of death,
the end,
of never coming back
it terrifies me.
I'm smart.
I learn more everyday.
Im talented.
I can do so many things
with ease.
Im happy.
I smile any chance I get.
But what's it for?
Why are we here
to live
          then die?
No- there must be something more!
And not eternal life.
But why do we exist?
What did we miss?
I want to fight
and break away from the crowd, but
How do I know that that's what's right?
I could never be sure,
and this conflict inside
will never be fixed
until the day I die.

Was listening to a playlist spotify made for me and a song he showed me showed up. It's a good song but he ruined it. Opposing sides, one says, no listen to it and rock out to it, show you don't care, that he means nothing to you, other side responds, but he does. Feel pathetic, why does it matter, why do I let people control me, it's stupid. Wish I could talk to my friend but what would I say. Its dumb, really I let a stupid song get to me. Why should I burden him with something so silly. But I know it isnt silly. I'm stupid, no reason to be upset. I'm strong. I'm weak. I cant take it and I'm upset. I have full reason to be upset, he wronged me. Why do I care though, why must I care. My stomach hurts I cant think straight. I need my friend now. I wonder if he needs me.i wonder if its selfish that I want him to so I dont seem so pathetic for needing someone. I want to take the song off of my library but when I go to do it, a voice goes, aren't you strong? Prove it. Taunting, taunting. What to do. This is ridiculous, it's just a song.
So delete it.
So keep it.
What to do.
Who cares. It's just a song.

Why?
Why I waste my time?
Why I even try?
I wish I could
just worry about myself.
***** everyone else!
But I want to care,
Though I'm too scared
I look like a fool,
so I'll hide away in my saferoom.
I'm just scared of people.
It's not even you.
I'm just too stupid
to know what to do.
These people won't hurt me,
so why I put up a fight?
I have no reason to be scared.
[But what if you're right?
What if these people
only want you to hurt?
You drown in paranoia
as you claw helplessly at your shirt.
You can't know what to do!
These people are unpredictable!
What they'll do next,
you don't have a clue!
So just come on in.
I swear I'll protect you.
Just come hide away
inside of your saferoom]