Why?
Why I waste my time?
Why I even try?
I wish I could
just worry about myself.
***** everyone else!
But I want to care,
Though I'm too scared
I look like a fool,
so I'll hide away in my saferoom.
I'm just scared of people.
It's not even you.
I'm just too stupid
to know what to do.
These people won't hurt me,
so why I put up a fight?
I have no reason to be scared.
[But what if you're right?
What if these people
only want you to hurt?
You drown in paranoia
as you claw helplessly at your shirt.
You can't know what to do!
These people are unpredictable!
What they'll do next,
you don't have a clue!
So just come on in.
I swear I'll protect you.
Just come hide away
inside of your saferoom]

Slain into flame,
picked apart day by day
but I'm told to shut my mouth.
I have no choice,
alone I pout.
Is it me?
Or is it them?
If I speak,
would they listen?
How do I know who to trust
when the ones I love throw me into dust?
I'll throw myself to flame.
Then I can make sure things remain the same.
I'd rather hurt myself
than you have the power to hurt me
I need to have control,
so I'll lock away my soul.
I can't tell who holds the key
a foolish, desperate plea
from me.
I'll fly myself into the sun
just so you can't.
I throw myself to flame.
Who here is at blame?
Tears driven by anger,
anger by shame
of pain.
Are these simply foolish cries?
My happiness, it tries.
But it shall fail,
I shall prevail!
I'll keep fighting till the end of time.

The wind
blows my curly hair
into my face.
It rubs on my coat
causing it to static and frizz
and stick up on end.
Ugh.
The wind,
it bites my skin.
My lips go numb
and my quick tongue slows.
I hate the cold.
It’s bitter and unforgiving.
It holds no mercy
in its hole for a heart.
I hate the cold
but there’s something there beneath it,
something that pleasures
and warms my skin.
The wind
it hugs?
underneath it's cruel bite.
I hate the cold
but there's something underneath it,
buried in the snow and frost,
you'll have to dig to see it.
Oh, great, it's cold again!
but what's that hiding behind it?
An indiscernible figure
behind flurries of snow
offers something
...but what?
What's that semi-sweet scent
under the fighting cold?
I hate the cold
but if I tell you that when we talk
I shiver uncontrollably
don't take offense
because I hate the cold.
The wind is bold,
the snow, it rolls,
my small body shivers beyond control,
but there's something there beneath it...

The moon.
What a beautiful sight!
A glittering bead
in the dark of the night.
A hole poked through
an expanse of black paper
providing us light
indirectly in our favor.
Children, roam free!
bathe in the glowing moonlight
that illuminates dewy grass
through the glorious night.
Shadows in the dark,
Let them do no harm!
for the after-hour children
are peculiar, yet precious charms.
They have
no mother arms,
a father, they have none.
So nobody knows
where they truly come from.
All we can know,
is that, come night,
there they will roam
in the gleaming light.
Such beauty in their mystery.

For what it's worth,
I despise you.
I hate your guts,
and everything you do.
For what it's worth,
you're utterly worth less
than junk mail in the can,
than a penny in the gutter,
than water doused with sand.
For what it's worth,
I did bite my tongue.
It wasn't all you,
but what you did was still wrong.
Jewels of plastic
decorate the ground.
Worthless.
“Love”
throws filters over your eyes,
giving you false hope,
obstructing your view.
It made you desperate.
I bet that's your excuse,
huh?
But this act of treason
is inexcusable.
You played russian roulette,
and when the gun was at your head,
you shot at me instead.
Over.
And over.
And over again.
You shoved me down,
yet I would still stand for you.
But not anymore
cause now the gun is aimed at you,
my finger on the trigger.
Could pull it any time I like.
I'm in control now.
I could end your whole life.
I could tear this world apart,
light a match, set it all
just the way you did my heart.
I could destroy everything,
make a scene of your fall!
My blade is sharper,
colder,
than that of your betrayal.
Now who pulls the strings?
Oh, the outcome would be so fatal!
Your puppetry has gone on long enough,
the act is over, now I'm the star!
Spotlight on me,
center stage
and with a twinge of my finger,
watch things fall apart.
But what good would it do?
So,
for what it's worth,
it isn't.

[Your compassion.
Your worst enemy.
Why must you care?
Why can't you stay
out of others peoples hair?
This is your fault,
I hope you know.
You should've listened to me.
Don't trust a soul.]
No, stop.
Please stop.
This isn't his fault,
and neither is it mine.
I was just doing
what I thought was right.
[What you thought was right?
Well, look, you were wrong.
I tried to warn you
but you felt so sure.
You're such a fool!
You thought you wouldn't get hurt?
Just trust me!
I'll be your best friend.
I'll stay and protect you
from your very painful end.
(But little do you know
I'll let you die alone
as I tear you apart
with an illusion of safe home.)
I swear I'll protect you!
Just relax your mind.
Just sit back
and enjoy the ride.]

..and sometimes i might ***** up cause i have problems. I have more problems than i thought i did cause apparently i'm not over it. I tell myself i'm not depressed cause i'm certain that i'm not but what if i am? I wouldn't be able to tell, falling into an endless well. I told myself i don't care, said i don't need him, don't want him there, but that's supposed to be my family. And i know i'm simply rambling because it doesn't mean a thing, but the thought won't go away in any moment i'm alone but of course i'm ashamed to say that it hurts. It's the pressure on my soul, the crumbling of my skull, i throw up a shield around my heart, it's impenetrable, i'll say. But naturally i'm trusting and so from time to time i'll let it down but the secret that i hide is that i'm constantly afraid that i'm letting in an enemy, as i'm sitting in my dark, i think if you're planning to rip my heart, can't you just do it from the start? I want to trust again but when the smallest thing happens, i go “look at you. You thought you could make a friend? We'll you're too vulnerable and you tend to let in the wrong people, just look! You did it again.” but i tell that voice to shut up, it's not worthy of my hearing, and i am trying my best to refrain from always fearing