There are times
when life invades
our thoughts
Assuages
our best
intentions
falls away
from who we want to be
There  are times
When life
Shouts louder
Than
Who we set out
originally
desperately
set
out
to
try
to
Be
Sorry

I’m sorry
that
I love
out loud
Are you?

Do not drip feed me
your love
drown me in emotion
and over the top words
scare me with honesty
and silence

we speak the same language
yet can’t understand
a single word
we are trying to say
to each other.

Do not whisper
Speak your truth out loud
Do not be silenced
By the crowd

There is nothing much left now
feelings fall
like autumn leaves
crushed by heavy boots
and soon forgotten in
winters debris
there is nothing much left now
but a spring clean
of everything we ever
strived to be

I was always a bit square
Desperately trying to fit into
A very round circle
I am still pushing
Seems like forever
Little square me
pushing
Exhausted
Into this very big
Too round
circle of life.

You have left a stain
on my soul
and my home
like blood
it seeps endlessly
effortlessly
freely
into my bones

I will stand up
Scared
Yet standing
Naked
Exposed
Reaching
Yet reclining
I will stand
I will hold you
If you falter
I will stand up
Scared
Yet standing
Will you?

Dark stars fly above me tonight
the light ones
have all taken flight
they soar
to happy places
embracing the hearts delight
I long to reach for them
again
and feel their warm sun
upon my skin
their magic
igniting
from within

Big bits yesterday
fall into my
today
encroach  on
my tomorrow
making it impossible
for me
to stay.

you are my steady
**** knows
I needed
something steady

This should be beautiful
and real
instead
it’s difficult
and steel

Baby steps, she said
My sweet dying Mother
Upon her unmade bed
Baby steps, she said
instead
I take huge wide dangerous
Leaps
Into the world
ahead

I will walk every step forward
with you
and more
if you will just walk one step
back
with me
every
now
and
then

I had to listen
a little harder
to hear you
but still
you never raised
your voice

let it be
let it lie
if you will
let’s be still
yes, I will
I will be still
a bit  against
my will
but I will
nevertheless be still
at least
for now

Yep,
I ****** up
I lost my head
you can either
blame me
hate me or
forgive me
leave me
or still love me
instead.

sometimes
I regress
to a little sister
desperately
seeking your love
still

Leave your words here
scattered across the floor
its late
you’re tired
I will pick them up tomorrow
look at them
in the cold light of day
discard and throw away
the ones that might make you stay.

Whoever you think I am
I am not
Whatever you think I say
I say not
Whenever you think you know
You do not
Whoever
Whatever
Whenever
Stop
turn the other side
Stop
Search
Listen

You wake me
when I sleep
stop me
before I leap

This is enough
For me
Now
Let’s stop
And breath
This is enough
For you
now
I know it
To be true
So stop
Honesty
Let’s stop
Now
And breath

Stop
bleeding all over me
Stop
crying tears I can’t see
Stop
asking me
to belong to you

The winds are gale force
as they have been
before
but this time
they are heading right
to our door
I am ready
I think
I can handle the ride
know where to hide
do you?

how strange
between us now
that silence
shouts

I have been such
a stranger here
deep inside
the  inside of me
did not know
what to say
did not know
who to pay
I have been
such a stranger
here

Strangers
in our house
which one of us
will speak out?

Thank you
for
getting the point of me
and still loving me
when
I struggle
to get the point
of us

stay exactly
as you stand
today
for me
you are perfect
and I know stuff!

I can write two hundred poems
and more
each one fine
I can write two hundred poems and more
All in the quest
Of writing just one
not just fine
but to you
and me
totally sublime
Perfectly in time
And without
A perfectly
predictable
******
rhyme

The sun sinks
and I do my best not to sink with it
at least it’s done it’s job
lit the world for another day
I have just sat here
and complained all day

This sunrise
Is the best sunrise
Ever
And probably
the only sunrise
We will ever
see together

Eventually
the lies disappear
like smoke upon touch
the truth appears
without warning
that it could ever mean so much
eventually
morning dawns
from a night filled with tears
eventually
without the fanfare
life starts again
to everyone’s surprise
we awake
again
a little embarrassed
again
to a glorious
and  unexpected
sunrise.

I  am not sure
and I have travelled
a lot
met every version
of us
and me
and you
and more
and still
I am not sure

if we say stop
scream stop
shout stop
cry stop
utter stop
whisper stop
whimper stop
long enough
loud enough
enough enough
then surely
at some point
eventually
enough will be enough
at some point
surely?

Leave it now
at this late hour
leave it at the door
in the morning
the sunrise will
surely scourge its power

Life kicked in
around nine o ‘clock
last night
don’t know why I am
surprised
my father told me
it would happen
someday
still
it took me unawares
it took me
totally
by surprise

I have no strength
to wage war upon you
anymore
white flag
It’s me
I surrender

I will leave my words here now
scattered upon the floor
as I have
so many times before
gather them or discard them
reject them or suspect them
scorn them or pity them
love them or lose them
or simply dismiss them
as you have done
so many times before

I have many many
friends
and a few of them
I suspect
are real.

Do you remember we swapped toys
when we were five
Do you remember we swapped promises
when we were ten
Do you remember we swapped kisses
at fifteen
Do you remember we swapped dreams
when we were twenty
Do you remember we swapped tears
at twenty five
Do you remember we swapped lovers
when we were thirty
Do you remember we swapped lives
at thirty five
Do you remember we swapped lies
at forty
Do you remember we swapped partners
at forty five
Do you remember we swapped kids
at fifty
Do you remember we swapped dreams
at fifty five
Do you remember you swapped life
when you were sixty .

You are not stupid
you know
there are roughly 267 questions
scattered on the floor
go now
I will sweep them up
I will put them somewhere safe
away from you
where they
will only have meaning
to those of us
who
know enough
to
sweep the floor.

somewhere in the the depths of this
I saw myself
drowning in pain
it was a distant and silent view
somewhere lost in tomorrow
I saw myself
desperately reaching for the surface
it was exhausting and harrow
somewhere in the shadow.of this
I see myself
swimming  desperately swimming
desperately searching for the shore

Here’s the truth
I’ve switched the truth
to make you look bad
it’s a small twitch
but enough
to help me sleep well
and happy.
Night all!

I lost you just when the tailwinds started
God, they howled
Now I am swimming just a beat ahead of
the storm
I’m running for cover
and looking back for you
always.

I have a hundred dreams
that didn’t happen
take them all
now
You are welcome
I have no use
for them
anymore