I love
that I don’t know
what to do
when you say
that maybe
you are in love
with me 😂

I used to think
that when life got old
it would somehow get vague
yet I see more clearly now
than when I was sixteen

I loved you
for about an hour
on a random beach in Dublin
sometime around 1979
or there about
friends say it never happened
I was too young
but it did
I know
I loved you
for about an hour
on  a random beach
sometime, somewhere , somehow
I loved you
for about an hour
on a random beach in Dublin
around 1979 or just before.

I see you
in all honesty
it’s murky
but if I move slightly
to the right
and squint my eyes
I think
I see you
albeit
slightly a
a bit too much
to the right.

This just might be what it’s really
All about
Not the great brilliant lights
Or the dark desperate lows
The rights
The wrongs
The lies
The unfolds
This just might be
all it’s about
Nothing more than
Sitting here
Being still
drinking gin
Alone
With you

I want absolutely nothing more
Than to live a simpler life
dogs and ducks and daisies
And daffodils  would be nice
I want absolutely nothing more
than to live a simpler life
But the effort and the time
Would cancel the sublime!

I am not looking
Nor seeking
I am simply drowning in blame
I am not asking
Nor basking
I am simply absolving
Your pain

Emptiness
invades the room  now
it falls like confetti from your lips
and scatters truth
into the abyss

Don’t play with me
or perhaps do
just know
fair warning
I was born with
a hand full of aces

Let your sorrow fall
like acid rain
upon your palms
it will burn
right through
and ignite your soul.

I will up my game
If you will too
I will  take the blame
Give it a name
I will up the stakes
acknowledge mistakes
I will up my game
If you will too

No one has lived here
For such a long time now
Sure, we all inhabit this house
But no one has actually lived here
or laughed out loud
for such  a long time
now

I cannot love myself
after loving you

afterwards
I regretted the words
that I had said
but not half as much as
I regretted
the life
that I had led.

remind me tomorrow
what I said last night
give me a chance
before you get inhale the pain
man up
and love me again.

If I could write the word
To make you fall in love with me
again
I would write it today
And tomorrow
Again
I would scream it from the treetops
Scrawl it on the walls
Again
If I could write the word
I’d be free as a bird
today
If I could write the word
to make you fall in love
With me .........again......

Ahh
and then
so it happened
that there was no one
left
except
us two
me and you
Christ
who knew?

You are not
me
or anything like me
You are just a strange alien
a sweet likeable person
who honestly
inexplicably
undeniably
unbelievably
gets
the point of me

All this
I am grateful for
All this
I hate us for

There is a slight cry in your voice
when you say
that you love me
is that about
love
or doubt
or just not being sure enough
of what we are
all about

I love you
Inside and out
have no doubt
I love you
rights  and wrongs
late night songs
and all
I love you
short nights and long
I have loved you
all along

I love you almost
and I know you almost love me too
how many more years
do we have  to make it through
to make us
almost true.

If someone almost
loved me
you did

With a few good friends
a life that was almost
gone
can be built again
Almost right again
with a few good friends

Is it just me or
are we almost
on the brink of
honesty?

When the party
is almost done
and the songs
are almost sung
and we are having
almost fun
that’s the time
I almost
run.

I waited until then
like you asked
floundering
haplessly
hopefully
half assed
before realising
there is no point
waiting
hopeful
wholesome
holy.

when everyone left
I found myself alone
not for the first time
but nevertheless
alone

I went to sleep last night
with someone
I hardly know
I woke up this morning
with someone
I don’t want to know
I went to sleep last night
like I always do
alone.

How come I go to sleep with you
yet wake up
alone

I don’t know.alone ness
although I am touching the edge of it
It’s sharp but
oddly soft
it’s cold but
strangely warm
it’s alien but
somehow feels like home

A love is for life
not just
for Valentine’s Day !

Don’t say you are leaving
I am already at the door
don’t say you are bleeding
I already hold the sore
don’t say you didn’t mean it
I already know the score
don’t say you are sorry
I already
already
already
I already
love you more

I have already forgotten
every face that I knew
I have already forgotten
what was wrong
between me and you

In a sea
Of sameness
I would
Always
Choose you!

I am not who I pretend to be
Although I do it very  well
Don’t you agree?

Every wound has a culprit
Every scar knows exactly who they are
You are mine
You hurt
You scarred
Deeply
Inside my heart
Then you moved
As I bled
And bled
Into the dead grey night
Eventually
I made it home
Staggering
Slowly
And lowly
Battle weary
And exhausted
Into
my newly
very well made
Empty
And now ridiculously
Ambitious
Bed.

America is ablaze
With heat
And feet
Running rapidly away
Sinking in deceit
Terrified of  defeat

Boys and girls
are rushing
way too soon
into men and women
who can’t consume
the reality
that this world was
not made purely
and solely
for
their amusement

and then
and most
unexpectedly
I was suddenly
plunged
deep into tomorrow.

here’s my smile
you always said you liked it
not sure I own it anymore
take it
not sure I want it anymore
and
you always said you liked it.

I am just about
And almost
A fully formed person
Thing is
When I am just about there
Either you
Or me
or they
Keep getting in my  way

And then
the words all got muddled
meshed into a life
deeply troubled
we became unsettled
slightly unfettled
like untamed horses
running wild
manes to the wind
galloping
uncontrollably
terribly and unknowingly
into gale force winds

I know you believe
she won’t fly away
you clipped her wings
long ago
she has fluttered away
fluttered
fluttered
and stuttered
until
TODAY!

I am glad
you are the one
who ended up
knowing me
the best

I wake
to a noisy Manhattan morning
while my children wake
to a boring boarding school
yawning
on the other side of this morning
on the other side of the world
every bit of mother in me
knows I should save them
be on the next flight from Newark
I could make it before nightfall
I could scoop them up
I could save their souls.

Evening falls like navy blue silk
sublimely gentle
upon our skin
Touching gently
the person within
Seeking answers
we could never
Begin

Do not ask
for answers buried deep within
my heart
they have laid  there
for so long
unattended
and forgone

what I really want to write
are the poems I didn’t write
the poems that I read
deep and profound
what I really want to see
are the things I never see
feelings lost to me
what I really want to write
are the words I didn’t  know
that
I  didn’t know
what I really want to write
are the things
I suspect I may
never know
but I really want to write them
anyhow

Where does your sadness come from
he said
I’m not sure
either from yesterday or
next door
Must be next door
he said
no one lives in yesterday
anymore