I don't crave your heart,  
I crave the command
In Your silence.
The bruises you leave,
Like scripture on skin.
You tether me
In leather and breath.
Every gasp a confession,
Every strike a deeper vow.
No safe words here
Only surrender,
Only the holy ache,
Of being owned
And utterly seen.

autumn now cut
and curled away
slips asleep

the fields are afloat
in great white sheets

the trees filled
with drifts and blooms  
in the falling light

a fox
that ancient coil of flame
appears beside the dark river
contemplating codes
hidden in the snow
and the cold

what is it in life
that calls your favor?

why
after every storm

do we immediately
seek stars?

i told my friend,
it wasn’t like that.
we said — agreed —
this still wasn’t a date.

then you sat down
with a coffee,
making me forget
every careful phrase,
every non-confession
i’d whispered to my mind.

we wandered the city
until sundown,
as if we didn’t know
every corner of it.
and when the night
started to settle,
i offered you an out —
you had plans.
you just smiled,
waving them away.

neither of us knew
what we then began.

because i told my friend
it wasn’t like that.
but now i’m not sure
what i was trying to defend.

It knocked
softly
a breath at the door
but I
bolted the windows
and swallowed the key.

It came wearing warmth,
but I mistook it
for fire,
for teeth,
for grief with a new face.

So I fled,
faster than joy
could reach out its hand
afraid it might feel
like home.

Oh baby.
You say words, words you don't understand.
"Why can't you just be happy!" "Just let me be free!"
You say in a silly voice.
If only you knew what reality was like.
That there's rarely rainbows, even on rainy days.
That the sun isn't always shining, and instead is hiding.
That there aren't unicorns flying up and around.
That not everyone is kind.
Oh to be a kid again.

It’s alright.
Everyone feels differently.
There is no shame
In what you feel.
Your heart, no matter how different
Is still perfect and beautiful.

It’s alright.
I still love you
And miss you
And know that I matter to you
Just in a different way

It’s alright.
These tears aren’t meant for you
Or anyone else.
Just for me
And the past that can never return

It’s alright.
I just wish I was too.

I saw the smoke from the mountains,
Early in the morning sun,
Billowing deep from the trees,
Where the great mountain beast once was.

I saw the smoke from Paul Bunion’s cabin,
Rolling up into the sky,
So when I climb up there tomorrow,
I’ll bring him a great big pie.