I’m sorry

sometimes
I think of you
and all that we done together

sometimes
I don’t think of you
at all

18 is a fairly small number in the scheme of things
but 18 years is a fairly large amount of time
18 years and life throws curveballs

18 is a fairly small number in the scheme of things
and 18 seconds is a fairly small amount of time
18 seconds and the day throws curveballs

maybe 18 seconds isn’t a fairly small number,
maybe it depends on the scenario and the context that 18 is put in

no matter how long it’s been
or
how far apart we are
i always find my way back to you

i write,
my reasons being selfish

i write,
just for me

i write,
as an outlet

i write,
for reasons that may not be so selfish after all

it’s been awhile  since i’ve felt

felt anything

felt anything strong enough to write

but here i am, wanting to restart

restart my life

restart my feelings

it’s been while,

hopefully it will be no more

In the quantum realm,
time works differently...
5 years seems like 5 hours.

I once wrote a poem
about being in my junior year of high school
and wanting to slow down time

I am now writing this poem
in my senior year of high school
and still wanting to slow down time

It seems like it flies
especially with good friends having a good time

The past year has changed alot,
some for the good and some for the bad

friends lost and made,
family lost and found,
through it all,
time never slowed

I am ok

When its storming outside,
I am OK

When its foggy and cold,
I am OK

even when it feels like all hope is lost,
I am OK

Even when Im not,
I will be OK

Sometimes
Hearts are broke

Sometimes
Hearts are fixed

Sometimes
Hearts never beat

Hearts are weird organs
because everyone says follow your heart

But its not the heart leading you,
its the brain.
The brain cant be broken  or healed.

The brain works before you're ever born,
and in  most cases,
does not stop until 7 minutes
after your heart

so maybe my hearts not broken,
my brain is telling it to be,
so i think it is


but really, its not
and im ok

I miss you
Your obnoxious laugh
Your double knee

I miss you
The rotating doors of girls
who planned a future w you


I miss you
My uncle, My bestfriend
My role model, My idol

I miss you.
Sergeant First Class Tyler Durden


Gone to soon

Sometimes
You meet the right people
At the wrong times.


That thing could’ve worked
If it was a bit later,
Or maybe a bit sooner.

Maybe
We would’ve worked
If it was at a different time
In a different place.
With different people

Maybe
We could’ve lasted.

Maybe
You were the right person
At the wrong time.

In the quantum realm,
time works differently...
5 years seems like 5 hours.

Sometimes,
I wish I was there.
To slow down my last 2 years of high school,
because I'm already a Junior,
and it went by too fast.

Sometimes,
I wish I was there.
So that I could spend more time with my friends and family,
because you only live once,
and life is short.

Grown Up is all she wanted to do
to be a big girl was  going to be a dream come true.
Well she grew up and reality hit.
"Yes i can go on a roller coaster by myself"
"yes I can have a phone"
...
I get all these privileges.
But Im not a little girl.
I don't have the sweet innocence of a child.
I don't have the mind of a child that doesn't care what people think because I care.
I don't want to but I keep going back.
Now the big girl wants to backwards and be a little girl.
A happy girl  
A free girl.

I don't know what to write
because when I write about your laugh
I miss the days when we would laugh endlessly.

When I write about your eyes,
all I can see is is the light blue that I could get lost in

Every single time.


So I don't know what to write,
because I only want to write about you...

But I can't write about you,
without hurting myself more

We say goodbye
Just to say hello again

14 days
336 hours
till
16 years
140,160 hours
of life

You weren't my first
but I sure do hope that you're my last

Birthdays are happy days,
untill they fall on the sad days.

Easter this year is my moms 35
Middle age,
grey hair,
wisdom beyond years.

easter this year is my nanas second.
57 years,
6 feet under,
Counting my tears.

When I think of you,
I think of perfection.

When I see you,
I see perfection.

I see toned body,
pretty eyes.

I think caring,
smart mind, understanding,
loving, funny,
perfect...


See, darling,
you are not just your body,
but your mind as well.
both working in perfect harmony
to make you, well, you.

Maybe the sand loved the waves
because everytime they left,
they always cam eback.

Wishes
are simply that..

wishes
are daydreams

Wishes
can be reality,

wishes
are unlikely

Pain is a strife
With strife,
I write.

Self love
is not measuring yourself
to other people.

Self love
is not measuring your worth
depending on how others see you.

Self love
isn't spa days and ignoring the world.

Self love
is facing your problems.
It's getting out of bed and being productive.

Self love
is cleaning your house, and going out.
It's talking to someone.

Self love
is looking in the mirror and being able to say
"I'm not perfect, but I am enough"

I really, really like your hugs....
Can I have more?

Sometimes,
I think about all the things
that I could've done differently.

Everytime,
My mind wonders back to you,
to me, to us.

All the time,
I think about why we ended
and how I could've stopped it.

All good things must come to an end..
That being said,
family don't end in blood.

Love will remember
everything...
.
From start to finish,
beginning to end
.

Poetry scares me sometimes

It can make anyone feel things that are so sudden
and unwanted...

Poetry scares me sometimes,
because it doesn't have a particular form.

Poetry can be found in the sky, or the oceans.
Poetry can be found in your eyes, and in your smile.

Poetry scares me sometimes,
because it reminds me of you,
in almost every.
single.
way....

And that scares the living daylights out of me

I know you're gonna leave me eventually...
but I'm going to try to postpone it for as long as possible

You mean everything to me

I don't wanna lose you

He likes me,
He likes me not...
He likes me

Diamonds dont turn to dust
or fade away..

you say I am your diamiond,
yet I am fading.

I miss you.

You ask for one more chance, a redo,
a do-over...

All I want to say is yes, a million time over.
yes.

Instead, I say no.
I can't

When you google 'What is family'
You get the following description:
"a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household."

But is it really?
Can you really be family if you never talk,
even when living under the same roof?

Can you really not be family,
when you talk 24/7 and help each other with everything,
but you're not living under the same roof,
so you're really not family.

Crap
It’s cold

The end

So many poems
and stories
have gone unwritten
due to fear of not being good enough

So many unsaid words
hang in the silence
between us

She says she's not a poet,
but she puts all her emotions
into her poems.

She says she's not a true poet,
but everytime I read one of her poems,
I feel the emotions that she put behind it.

She writes what she feels,
and that make her a true, real, unadulterated,
poet.

I feel happy...

Right now, It's because I can talk to him
freely

"This too shall pass"

But will it?

Will the pain of losing a loved one
really ever truly pass?

Will it go away just like a scraped knee,
or a broken heart.

I think not..

Why is self harm romanticized?
It's an awful thing,
and can lead to so much more.
It's a window to something happening
inside the mind.
These people need to get help,
they shoudn't be held up for all to follow suit.

Why is suicide romanticized?
It's an awful thing that hurts so many.
There are more options that one.
If someone is contemplating,
help them. Don't joke, don't fool.
These people need to get help,
they shouldn't be held up for all to follow suit.


HOTLINES:
Crisis Call: 800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention: 630-482-9696

1 year can change alot
about me, and you,
and just stuuf in general

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They say
Life is a gift
That you should cherish it
Because you only get one life
One chance
Life will give you gifts
Like a family
Friends
God
Day
Night
Air
Love
Happiness
But not all gifts are good
Life will throw curves at you
Like school
Money
Fights
Rain
Divorces
Heartbreaks
Broken promises
Deaths
Responsibilities
Anger
Sadness
With each person
Is a life
With different thoughts
Different beliefs
Different families
Different feelings
A different way to view things
Like challenges
Love
And life
Some might love life
They see the good in life
They see it as a gift
They love others
They love the journey
They smile
They laugh
Their sweet
Their kind
These people are on a boat
Floating
Floating ahead to see where they will go
But where they are now
They celebrate
That’s how to view their life
Then you have the others
They see life as a curse
They see the bad in life
They don’t talk to others
They hate the journey
They cry
They scream
They’re shy
They’re broken
These people are in the water
Drowning
Drowning in their sadness
The water in their tears
No matter how hard they try to swim up for air
A wave of their guilt
Brings them back down
But isn't that just life?

Why are titles
so important?

Can't we all just be nameless?