Don’t pull on your sleeves
Don’t let them see you swallow
There’s someone looking at you
Do you make a sound when you move?
Something to make someone notice,
All the little things you do?

Should I eat?
No. That makes a noise,
Noise could disturb the others
But they’re talking loudly,
And they probably wouldn’t hear you,
But don’t, just in case they do.

Don’t be a bother.
Should I even be sitting here?
I’m taking up space,
Someone else’s much needed,
Required to work, place.

Put on your vest,
Put back on your mask?
No. That would look weird,
But then at least they wouldn’t be able to see my face
And I could move it around without them looking,
But if I cover my face, they’ll look and stare and think
Who’s the *****, covering her face?
Is she ill?

Get up, you’ve seen this before,
Not even three weeks before,
Ignore them, they won’t remember
They’ll talk and laugh and talk
And you’ll be made a fool.
You’ll show vulnerability.
Go, go now, when it’s still okay.
Would they think now,
That I can’t handle the content?

They stared as I walked in,
Did I hear them whisper as I rose?
****, the teacher’s still standing in the hallway
This film-inspired shirt was a mistake.
Does he know who I am now?

This class is filled with all the *******
I don’t like, or know.
I need air. I can’t focus.
Go now, so you’ll be home early,
But that will **** them off,
If you suddenly appear.

Don’t cry.
Don’t pant, it looks ridiculous.
You’re so ******* unfit,
You’ve only gone down two
Flights of stairs,
You’re pathetic.

Don’t think about the fact
That you just spent two hellish hours
Waiting for this class,
And are now leaving.
Don’t think, just walk.
Just walk.

You’ve made yourself
Quite the target,
Wearing that bright red vest,
Their eyes will follow you
Surely, as you  walk down the street
Take it off, and hide it in your bag
Hide your shirt with your jacket,
You’re not standing out.
Why are my shoes so loud?

Don’t look straight ahead,
Do something with your hands
Don’t just let them hang by your sides
That looks stupid
Don’t fidget.
Don’t meet eyes.
Almost there,
Music on, volume way up,
Drown out the thoughts,
You’re a desert baby,
And your mind’s overcome by the drought
In the silence my mind’s empty.