irises search for attachment in hopes,
caring arms to tell you your qualities.
do you need them to remind you?
behind everything good there is ego,
for every mirror, we see god staring back,
we only know others as deeply as ourselves.
i look every now and then for their help,
but i always end up back alone with a pen,
do you need me? because i need me first.
we've barely met, but she seems half-decent.

this season is about me
how i read and speak faster
telling stories like a keeper
hugging longer every day
friends holding on tighter

laughing into sunshine gates
swinging hips to blissful fun
entertaining ideas and values
becoming better than yesterday

this season is not about love
the golden torsos and unsure flings
tense midnight overthinking
does he, does he not, does he?
i don’t need to know anymore

holding onto my own forearms
sweating into the steam rooms
to sit by myself in serenity
i love myself and my company
is becoming better than yesterday

Welcome mats, and overprescribed ******
that my cousin gifted me on Tuesday.
I don't sleep anymore, because i'm always up ruminating.
Not about anything righteous or measurable -
just eyes closed, pacing narratives.
Breaking off one rib at a time,
to save man, to give him her.
Sitting loudly under neon bar signs,
drinking absinthe with Van Gough’s depression.
Hope is a dangerous thing,
so it’s better not to have any.
I would have done a boring man’s laundry
just to form an attachment over my own delusion.
Love is a dangerous thing,
so it’s better not to have any.

i rubbed your back
as we broke up
i packed you a bag
you called me babe
even through then
wanting to be something more

i did your laundry
that you left here
you’re in ibiza now
posting money pictures
looking past me
wanting to be someone more

1 comes out of the wood works on King St.,
working every night as a server,
he used to call me pretty in high school,
I'm 25 now and when he asks me what i'm doing,
I say myself.

2 comes out of the tattoo parlour he shares with my friend,
he used to sneak into my parents basement sometimes,
he just got out of a relationship too,
i sneak him into our apartment.

3 comes out of Alberta skating,
where he met my guy friends online gaming.
Nate is sweet as ever, he makes sure
my breakup isn't ruining me.
He texted me good morning and asked me for coffee.

4 comes out of my university job,
but he looks older and wiser now, more ****** hair.
Banana Republic born and raised,
still wearing the same blazer I picked out at 22.
I pretend to know about hockey.

5 comes out of the gym we once shared,
he watches me run for 30 minutes,
and asks what elevation works best.
He guides my arms on the pulls,
and passes his soft number slowly.

they like to tell me
that rejection is redirection,
so my tears turn shorter,
that my energy should draw
on the men who reciprocate

you’re at your sisters apartment
snorting a line of coke,
listening to ajuna beats loudly,
looking for my instagram
to ignore my text messages

i crave your eyes
the soft look of wanting
slowly teasing
around my legs,
watching me laughing
with my girlfriends

i take a sip of gin
and pull you into
my magnetic gaze
shifting focus onto
the dj playing
techno beats

and you’re still watching

me