i should be crying in a taxi
from the toronto cobbled streets.
but i’m laughing with my friends
in an old stable pub in PC.
tonight i choose me,
i leave you behind a final time.

the love that turned to
half efforts and ice,
in under three months.
i have learned to be okay,
that i cannot choose
to love someone who
sees me as an inconvenience.

i am older and stronger now,
my boundaries and honest worries
are not manipulation tactics.
my sensitivity makes the coffee,
pays the hydro bills,
and gets you through 2 unemployment cheques.

now you have your fatal 9-5,
and the security to leave me.
all i can say to you is,
your 29 with the emotional intelligence
of a 19 year old.

i used to trace stars
around your spaces
& kiss your neck with hope
now i’m doing shrooms,
getting a masters diploma,
& listening to too much Lorde

i want an anchor,
a steady, heavy, rain
down on me, catch.
soft talons to grab my
flesh, keeping me.
above air or under.

tender winds pushing,
never falling through.
charging at amity
crashing into loves embrace.

To you my cellulite
is just pebbles on Sauble Beach,
and my baby hairs,
frame the best parts of me.

Sharing a bed with you
is like floating in water,
and let me tell you,
I could never be more shore.

Never rolling eyes,
but rolling a perfect joint
in your friend Nick’s
place, I feel safest.

Always kissing shoulders,
while I read horror fiction
together laughing at
our stupid matching moles.

Never getting the last word,
but having my last bite
in the trees of the Kawartha’s
under maple keys flying.

Always carrying my worry,
buying the good leather bags
so my shoulders aren’t burdened,
when you hold me up quietly.

Metal grinds quietly,
snapping branches,
holding ash on rubber.
Spinning wheels take us
on the long trek home.
I trust your spirit,
you look at me kindly.
Navigating our love
to the old cabin,
where we play Clue.
Giggling in our autumn
toques by a fire.
Kissing under resolutions.

You are predictable,
and reactive.
Calm and turning,
spinning virtues
humming truths.

I am stubborn,
and quiet.
Calm and turning,
twisting morals
chasing truths.

We are dancing,
taking stock of
tense moments
we would once sneer
to every resolution
in plain sight.

We are kissing,
taking stock of
beautiful orchids
we would once sneer
knowing endings
in plain sight.