You were supposed to be my guide.
I was the one to tuck you into bed tonight.
I was the one who watched the sunset turn to day.
That night you kissed my lips I knew we’d be okay.
I thought I’d spend my nights with you we’d cuddle all the time.
I thought that within your love i would reside.

I used to be the one you called till five.
We used to sing songs of stars and walks at night.
Now you’re gone I don’t know how to stay alive.
I used to ask why you cried at night.
I was always willing to drive to your side
I don’t know how to say goodbye.

I remember the nights you hold me tight.
In your arms.
I reach my arm around your back.
You said I’m cold don’t hold back.
That night I kissed your lips.
Then I left you in my mind.

Tears filling the gaps I couldn’t reside.
You say your fine with how you are.
I’m fine with me and myself and I.
What about how we used to be?
I remember when we FaceTimed until three.
And then I'd sleep.

You’d laugh and say just go to bed.
I’d say I’m tired but please bother me.
No one is rather break my heart.
But you.
And you’ve done it too.

You say "I’ll never leave your side."
Now you’ve gone and done it too.
Even though it was a one time deal.
It’s hard enough to lose you.
I can’t imagine what I’d do if you found someone else for you.

I don’t think I could ever go back to the way that we used laugh. The way I used to hold you in my arms.
I’d think back and see how you broke my heart.
I would never trust again.
Not to do it all again.

I know it’s not just you who deceived.
Your parents and society.
I would have never stopped loving you.
If you wanted me to.

Now you’re a different person in my mind.
I loved the something, something inside.
You used to be the one I held so tight.
Now another friend waves goodbye.

Cause it’s not like you changed your face your name or the way you walk.
But when I see your face you’ve changed from the someone I used to hold.
I thought I’d never fall in love.

There’s no more love to hold my heart.
No more love to hold me when I cry.
No more love to kiss me late at night.
No more love to warm my freezing mind.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye my life.
I’ll live on.
Live on without you.
But I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone to replace.

It struck me like a vacuum
Out of the love that surrounded me
it ****** it all away

I REMEMBERED...

I REMEMBERED how your breath felt against

I REMEMBERED how your lips tasted of chap stick (I was never quite sure of what kind)

I REMEMBERED the ice cream swirl of epiphanies brought about by your laugh.

I REMEMBERED "how lucky am I to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard"

I REMEMBERED crying in your arms

I REMEMBERED how we would stay up until ungodly hours speaking of life

I REMEMBERED how you showed me that I could feel.
That there wasn't just gray but rather a beautiful, wonderful, colorful swirl of pain and joy and kindness all around us.

I REMEMBERED the joking scoldings when I fell asleep

I REMEMBERED being able to complement you. When I could so "no!!! You don't look weird!!! You look gorgeous!". Then you would awkwardly try to push the complement away

I REMEMBERED how we used to talk. I was always knowing you better

Now: we are stagnant
Now: I am gray
Now: I am crying

The vacuum of remembrance
the only vacuum that gives to take away

We fool ourselves with the small things
But joy is never foolish

I sink deep
Out my tears leap

You slumped on the floor
With bottle by the door

Your sobs unheard, masked by the pain
A single glass window between you and the sane

I ask if you drank the pain,
swallowed the death,
lived a life,
cut the flesh,
drew the blood,
or... can I help you out of the ******* down mud

Life happens for you
Death comes no matter what you do

So, take the time you need
Process, but don't plead

Take a moment
Stand on your feet
See that wasn't hard
Just one small feat

Feel your legs
Touch your chest
Dance a bit
Try your best

After all, if you do
That's all anyone can ask of you

Now take a step
Then another
Keep on stepping
Live your life for no other

You see: a splotch of failure, a bucket of pain,
A skosh of contentment, and a clump of gain

Life is all of these, but it depends
On an ocean of life, a mountain of friends

So, when you lay in bed at night
With the knife pressed to your windpipe
When hope of life seems foregone
Drop the knife and carry on

Writing my soul out
Writing my tears out
Writing my thoughts out
Writing my emotions out

It won’t go out

I want my heart out
My pain out
It all to stop  
To be numb

But I can’t so I lie in bed
Unsleeping
Unmoving except to write it out

I write my soul out
I write my tears out...
And so it begins

Everyone except me accepts
me for who I am
I need to exempt myself
from the exemplary
Don’t focus on exempting me
Just focus on accepting me for me

Everyone meets...
except me

Everyone laughs...
except me

Everyone loves...
except me

Everyone everything...
except me
ACCEPT ME