Open your mind
I swear I'm about to burst
How can some of you be so blind?
With your looks of ignorance; lips all pursed
Who the hell are you to be so quick to arbitrait?
Come and take a dip into my Universe
Find the silence that penetrates, dive in and meditate
Everything evolves from a dream
Awaken your awareness, stretch the fibers of thought
I am, you are, and this world is so much more than it may seem

I’ll never let you see
  The way my broken heart is hurting me.
I’ve got my pride,
  And I know how to hide
    All my sorrow and pain:
I’ll do my crying in the rain.

If I wait for cloudy skies,
  You won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes.
You’ll never know
  That I still love you so.
    Though the heartaches remain,
I’ll do my crying in the rain.

Raindrops falling from heaven
  Could never wash away my misery,
But since we’re not together
I’ll look for stormy weather
  To hide these tears I hope you’ll never see.

Someday when my crying’s done,
  I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun.
I may be a fool,
  But till then, darling, you’ll
    Never see me complain:
I’ll do my crying in the rain.

Anxiety.
The evil twin of an adrenaline rush.
Heart starts pounding, forehead, palms are sweating.
Pupils dilate and then begins the nervous twitching, the restless attempts at sleep.
Staring at a digital clock. Is it morning yet? No. It’s 2am.
And all I can think about is what I should of said differently.
Maybe a minute sooner. Or a minute later?
I can stand at the pulpit of “Just relax, Don’t stress, Don’t worry about it” all night and day, but I couldn’t possibly practice what I’m preaching.
I continue resisting, but my efforts are worthless I feel.
Cursed, will I bear this disease always?
An invisible cancer, no can see it, but my heart is burdened
Heart break, heart ache.
The fear of no equilibrium, and now my fear is reality.
My chest now has been torn into and the contents have been burned.
My mind rushes to help, but logic is defeated by the guessing and the unknown.
Am I mad? Am I alone?
Please. save. me.

Wanting to break free,
But the prisoner is me,
My emotions are the enemy,
Tears fall,
Hopelessly,
With no control at all,
For miles it seems,
Like a never ending stream,
Of broken dreams,
hopelessly,
I hit the ground,
Waiting for new tragities to be found,

so confused
no where to go
empty space
that is all i know
looking at trigger
i know there are no winners
and with a sudden pull
i hear a loud boom

Sometimes,
I wonder,
Do you think about me?
Not a day goes by that
I don't think of you.
The way you
Never failed to tell me you loved me,
Always made my day brighter,
Helped me through my depression,
The way you were there for me in a time where I was at my darkest.
How you hated tomatoes, except on pizza.
How you wanted to be in the Army.
How you called me every night before I went to bed,
Just to tell me I make you happy.
How we planned our wedding,
Named our kids not yet born.
How I kissed the scars on your wrist,
Because they were part of you,
And you were beautiful.

Sometimes,
I wonder,
Did you care at all?
Was it hard to cheat on me
Or was it easy as breathing?
Was it hard to remember to tell me you loved me?
Was it hard to love me at all?
Did I not try hard enough or too much?
Did you forget what you promised me,
Or did you not care?
Was it easy to leave her?
Was it easy to lead me on?
Was it easy to leave me the way you found me,
Broken and hopeless?

Sometimes,
I wonder,
How I got through those lonely nights,
Sobbing into my pillow
Because I lost the only light that I had.
How I knew no one could love me the way you did,
If you loved me at all.
How I didn't just drag that knife over my neck
As I dreamed of doing so many times.
How you left me with the monsters in my head,
With no love to fend them off.


Sometimes,
I wonder,
Do you think about me?
Because I think of you.
Every day.
You were the first man I loved,
And the first person who taught me that
Love can destroy.
Because your love destroyed me.
You built me up,
And tore me down.
Do you think about how you hurt me?
How I cried over the phone,
When I told you I could no longer be with you.
When I chose my own sanity over our toxic love.
Over my toxic love.


Every day,
I remember
All the pain you put me through.
How the good times don't make the bad times more bearable.
How I wish you the best,
Because you weren't a bad person.
You were a ****** person,
Leading me on when you didn't really care.
But you weren't bad.
So I hope you get everything you deserve in life.
Because,
Sometimes,
The best way of moving on
Isn't letting go,
It's showing the person who did you wrong kindness,
And hoping they drown in it.