Took the night for myself,
Spent it in a basement full of liquor and people who's faces I've barely come across.
You couldn't find the time or the reasons to see me until I didn't care anymore,
Only a handful of exhausted excuses.

Twelve o'clock with Piper,
Cigarettes on the front porch,
You were calling my phone,
I was too busy to answer.

And if you thought I was yours,
You were wrong.
I hope you know
I don't want you to put in more effort now,
I don't want you anymore,
Now you're on your own again.
I'm kissing your friends.

It's sinking into me again
Or maybe I'm sinking into it.
The darkness that washes over me,
And stains my skin and spirit.
I keep soaking in the bath in the hope it'll leave,
But alas...

Wish I wasn't so in my head,
Ripped from the outside where I have been content for so long,
Now I'm always looking out the windows,
Longing for a trouble.
I need attention,
There's no stimulation to keep me functional anymore.
God,
Someone ******* hit me or something.


I got pulled over today
Going 50 miles over,
And he told me I could've killed myself,
But at least I wouldn't be so bored anymore.

And
And
And
Please don't look at me that way,
Like I'm someone here to save you,
I'm just in an odd position,
Catch me in the brief moments when I'm around.
Is it the inconsistency that draws you?

Wish I was something else,
Or we were on different  planes
Where we weren't just floating parallels,
Maybe we'd collide?


Sorry.

The connections we have
******* I feel them in my bones
More than the spirits that haunt this house
Like the ghosts of Christmas.

I heard the voices last night
Saying I can do better
And you on the phone pushing me through
Yeah, I'll love you forever.

You ever get that feeling when you're trying to look into snow as it's falling and you just get lost in where it's coming from and where it's going?

That's kinda how I feel when I look at you.

I lost myself sometime back in September,
I don't remember if it was by the school or in my car,
The grocery store parking lot.
Something like that.

I must have escaped suddenly,
I barely noticed until my chest felt too hollow to pound at the sight of the ocean waves crashing to the shore,
My hands were always awkward and confused,
Not knowing their place in social situations,
Pockets?

I went to a party in November with a plot already in my head,
Tied my white converse together with loose morals,
Too much makeup on.
No time for small talk,
"Don't play games"
"You know what I'm here for"
I don't know why I was there though.


Almost January and I guess I found a way back to myself,
In my own bed covered in blankets to hide the shame
On the phone with Brian.
He kept telling me I was somebody's child,
And what was I doing to somebody's child?
What an odd ******* thing to say.

But I started missing myself more than I ever thought possible,
And flooding back in harder than the rain hitting my window pane.

You're a selfish lover,
Waiting at the end of the bed.
Guess we're done,
You finished.

Felt something inside me that wasn't love,
Wasn't pleasure but warmth.
Here comes the uncertainty,
I need forty seven dollars even.

Taking a shower,
Trying to burn off the sins,
What an unfortunate event.
Stop taking off your shirt.

Remember when we were young and our parents weren't dead yet?

Ethereal feel,
Bright lights,
*** appeal.

Tattooed chest,
Short dress,
Trying to impress,
Took too much,
I'm a mess.

Laughing too loud,
Escaped the crowd,
Numb limbs,
Dancing way out.

Nineteen seventy five,
So alive,
Apprehensive about the drive.

Talking out of context,
I forget what comes next,
But that song is ******* cool,
Goodnight text.

Bury the satire under pillows and sheets,
Why is this me?
Why is this me?
I keep reading the stories of older women who will someday be me,
Why can't I see?
Why can't I see?
In the glasses I fill with wine,
In the rooms that smell of pine,
The cheek that's touching mine,
When will I be?
When will I be?
I am thinking all alone
Calling strangers on the phone
"Hey it's me. It's me. Hello?"
I am reaping what I've sown,
Why is this me?
Why is this me?

Don't call me baby
I don't care
Why don't you stop wasting your time on someone who's only half there?

I'm not trying to be the protagonist
And this time I am the bad guy,
Fine,
I've been the one so back and forth with making up my mind.

I can't answer your calls when I'm out getting my friends
I'm tangled in the webs of drinks, faces and heads,
Please don't get upset, I don't want you mad,
But when I'm not around, it's because I'm trying not to feel sad.

And you've told me so many times you would fill the holes,
And you're trying too hard to make me hot when I'm cold,
I wish I did care, but I don't have the time
To think about life with you in mine.

I know I know I know it'll come back to me,
I'll be a lonesome queen someday,
But you can call someone else baby
And they'll feel the same way.

I miss when you were a child you would pretend you were an airplane,
Spread your arms out and run across the backyard like it was the sky
And you were flying over the baseball parks and lake nearby,
Back when your shoes had Velcro straps because you couldn't tie them,
And you took naps every day so you would grow up tall and good.

I miss when you were a child and you weren't always so apprehensive,
You took chances and had faith in your yourself like a bird with its wings,
And tomorrow wasn't even considered
Because today there was so many things to see.
Back when that mushroom haircut wasn't your decision
And mom only allowed you to have sugar free lollipops after the doctors,

Yeah, I miss that so much.

I miss when you were a child.

I just want to be untouched by this
Laying on the living room floor like the rug with a black book and some pens,
Old records and their crackling can fill the room but it won't make it better.
I think I'm better left to think for myself and I'm better left to be misunderstood too, maybe.
I don't need you to work out my complexities.

And you said that I could undo you,
Well I already did,
Took off your clothes and pulled you into bed,
I miss you all the time even though you can't tell,
I miss you so much even though you can't tell.

I write about it all the time,
Your mouth, your mattress, your bad habits and everything you tell me .
How come I hid from you when you passed the drugstore window?
I don't know,
I don't know why I do a lot of things.
I just want to be untouched by this.

Black and white filmography
Sky fallen melt away cotton,
Still at sea level, but in the pines.

Collect the sticks we'll put together
Build a fire in our newly white cathedral.
Tobacco and lavender soaked up in the fabrics that embrace me.
Some cinnamon too.

A song called Holocene made me cry when I heard it,
I don't know what it was about though.
White noise and blank space,
So so much of it.

Warm inside and it's cold out there,
Raw hands from my constant smoke breaks in the wind ,
Meat and potatoes,
Bread and milk, love.
I don't know when we're getting into town again.

I looked up at the setting sun today and something felt strange.
Leaning up against an old oak tree that used to hold a swing I would spend summer mornings on after tea,
And noticing the basketball hoop was now ridden with rust,
the one that my brother and I played with constantly
A decade or so ago.

And in this strong dose of nostalgia
I looked over to the pool,
now covered for the winter months,
And dreamt back into the summers I spent filling my lungs with air before taking a long dive and eventually breaking the surface into sunbeams
the top 40 hits on the radio once again.

I could almost hear the voices of all of my cousins and aunts and uncles,
The excited yelling and laughs at a party in this same backyard sometime so long ago,
And I just sat in the dark for an hour,
Contemplating with myself.
It's not normal for me to  wither in the past,
Because I know it's gone, and I know it's all just in photographs and thoughts,
But I couldn't get past how much everything has changed tonight.

Babe called me Film Noir
Said my head was darker than onyx, ashes and ebony,
And I was soaking in a solace that was felt with my presence,
Like hot candle wax dripped down the spine.

Film Noir with more than fifty shades of grey,
And messages I liked to leave in his pants pocket
"God is Dead" to deepen his uncertainty of faith.
Merlot on my tongue like a mouthful of blood while I watch him unravel.

Babe called me Film Noir
Said I always felt like home,
Like home was hell and made you anxious and suicidal,
Like a door with nothing behind it.

Film Noir that was art and lovely and terrifying.
And appreciated for it's talent of deepening wounds that were thought to be already healed.
Then kissed them apologetically, stitching them closed,
But so insincere.

Maybe now he's my Film Noir,
So tragically ending our love.
Like broken china on the floor of the parlor,
So precious to look at, but unusable and a waste.
Till the day he took his life
Babe called me Film Noir.

Souls have no meaning here,
This is reckless behavior.
In the wrong places,

I am impatient and let the future get blurry.

I cannot make a decision at this point in time
If I am okay with the fact I carry no value to the one I let hold me.

I am laying exhausted next to someone
Who does not love my thoughts,
And brushes over my words with his own.

I am restless next to someone who's parents and friends I am not allowed to meet,
And leaves empty beer cans scattered after a night with his boys.  

But it doesn't feel as terrible as I thought it would.

So I keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost,
And never looking forward enough to recognize the cost.
When this had been a train with no stops to let myself recover,
And I was constantly leaving my imprint in the thoughts of all the others.
I was trying to heal without letting it cross my mind,
Of the time I was touched and the choice wasn't mine.
I kept building all my relationships on vanity and lust
When I realized there wasn't anyone left I could trust.
Maybe I needed to grow up a little,
Gain some self respect back,
Stop smoking cigarettes and drinking six packs.
Maybe it was my fault and I miscalculated my moves,
And I was a pawn in chess and he was a black shadow in the corner of the room.
I wish I could've told someone earlier,
Rebuild the barriers that were crossed,
I just keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost.

Flickering lights in old parking lots
My head on your chest
Blink-182
I miss you, I miss you.

Kisses on my neck
On my *******
On my hips
I dare you to choke me,
Don't let me breathe, don't let me breathe.

Radio down and expensive coffee on the floor,
Take me for granted tomorrow
I like how much you hurt me.
Love you forever, love you forever.

In too deep,
Falling asleep,
Nobody but me,
Better not be anybody but me,
You don't have to love me, you don't have to love me.

I write a lot about being in the passenger seat,
In cars that are beat up,
Or sometimes they're luxe.
About soft linens and and duvets like winter's best angels,
About smoking Marlboro reds on front porch steps.
About cold and blank mornings.

I write a lot about coffee shops.
Looking out the window and watching passerby's,
Feeling the sonder seep into my bones,
About the ones who smile at me,
Those I don't know,
And those I eventually get to meet.

I write about falling in love,
Getting my heart broken,
*** with strange men,
Which was only one time.  
When I felt loss in my chest and got carried away.

And so I want you to feel me the way I feel all of these things that I can't help but be so obsessed with and I don't know why.

I ****** it all up,
I moved too fast.
I tried to be different,
innovative.

They got the college boys,
I got the older men,
And no luxury, just secrecy.
Secrets aren't exciting to me.

I wanted to attend the parties but I was two hundred miles away,
Ridden with anxiety,
Now it's a year later,
And I'm stuck in this routine,
Please help me.

I make art and I watch films and I make myself smile through pathetic realization.
When's the last time I went into the city?
Or someone set my heart on fire?
I don't know and it's killing me.

Where did I go wrong?
I keep asking myself over and over.
I can't find any adventure,
My friends barely exist outside of my own head.
I'm dying inside.

How could she reveal it all, yet still be so mysterious?
I nearly choked on my drink when that beautiful mouth let such foul words grace her lips so soft and sweet.
Her stare gave me cancer,
As if it was finding its way deep inside me,
Hunting and sifting through my thoughts,
And she shot horrible looks of disapproval when I mentioned my favorite music and films.
Guess we have different tastes.

But god,
that laugh was so ******* divine I wanted to capture it in my pocket and save it for later.
She flashed her smile so briefly and sparingly,
Like the flashbulb of a camera, teasing
"Baby, don't you love me?"

I don't even know why I'm so entranced by a twenty year old smug *****.
She didn't even kiss me when we parted ways.

Don't ask me how we met,
I'll just say "god's will"
It was 2 pm and you were drunk,
And I had just taken a handful of pills.

The coffee shop was empty besides faces I couldn't see,
When you stumbled a little more closely and melted into me.

I think I ordered something,
But we were tired and left,
You fell asleep in my lap,
While I listened to your breath.

The wind moved slowly and picked up the leaves,
Licking sugar off the spoon of love and full moon eve's.

There was a song on the radio that reminded me of your head,
All the madness running inside it,
Too much madness to ever be dead.

I think we got home okay
because we're on our fifty fourth date,
And I'm making my baby a pie,
To celebrate the time we met and managed not to die.

He was quick and he was nothing,
Almost something, but still nothing.
He had an unattractive uncertainty of himself,
And desire to change into whatever I would love,
But I would never love anything about him.

He was transparent and flimsy,
He tripped on every word he spoke to me,
He was a shadow to step into on occasions of loneliness,
And that was all.

But as all things do,
even that became old.
I wore dark lipstick to draw him away from my mouth,
And bared my cold shoulders to keep him estranged from any warmth I had left.

And he still loves me, for some horribly stupid and poetic reason.

Wanna get to know you,
Feel you inside,
What's your favorite song?
I wanna know what your laugh is like.
Your face looks like the sky after the snow,
Your scent like the rain in a fully bloomed meadow,
I want you in the winter.
Baby, I want you in the winter.

We can wake up and make coffee,
Or maybe just sleep.
I can feel your spirit next to me and it flooding me with electricity,
You ever feel that way?
Well, maybe it's just me.
But I want you in the winter,
Baby I want you in the winter.

Because what is love without a little cold weather?
What is love without a little bite?
Keep me warm with the whiskey and your cigarette breath,
Keep me warm in the blankets of a soft pale moonlight,
The way you light me up like a million strands of tiny bulbs,
I want you in the winter,
Baby, I want you in the winter.

Your sleepy eyes and broken smile,
Little messages on my voicemail box.

Your smashed guitar and nights binge drinking,
Smelled your fragrance in my sheets.

Unrewarding look, burned your toast,
So apathetic, let's just go down the street.

You're admiring bagels and counting the flavors,
Ripped jeans and leather boots.

I'm glad I'm not dead yet,
Infinite playlist and a song called 'Robbers'.

You spilled your coffee and smiled,
Horrible delivery of kind words.

It was October
He was inside me
I was crying.

Driving home at sunset,
I don't remember where I was coming from.
I keep seeing it, a brief image as I passed by,
A boy with a rusty old car,
parked on the side of the road,
Feeding the ducks in the pond small pieces of bread.  
I looked over for only a second and I don't know why but I felt so in love with him.
In my chest and in my stomach,
Like a thousand butterflies being released and  fluttering through my veins and circling my brain.
I just loved him so much and I'd never seen him before in my life.
I keep thinking about it again,
And again,
And again.
The boy feeding ducks and I just happened to pass by,
And I can't help but think that
Maybe I should have stopped to feed the ducks too.

I fell into the thought that I was nothing,
That nothing would get better,
The mind controls all.
I'd been told many times, "what we think, we become."
And it's true,
I was becoming less
And less,
I was becoming nothing.

I didn't walk poised,
I walked unnoticed.
I didn't work with pride,
I slipped under the radar,
Good enough,
I guess,
Better than nothing.
But almost nothing.

I didn't start conversations,
I didn't contribute to them either.
I said nothing.
I didn't answer calls from friends,
I stopped replying to texts from worried family members,
They received nothing.
I couldn't consume rich foods on holiday,
I couldn't gain anything.
I couldn't look my parents in the eyes anymore,
I was such a **** up,
I was nothing.

Don't leave me on open ends,
I don't know how to answer this kind of a question.
I don't know what you're looking for.
You crushed me more than anyone ever could and ever will,
I don't know how I let this happen.
I keep filling pages with cliches about our love and how it was real and how it wasn't real and how I've never been so confused in my life.
I was only fourteen, but god I felt you through my ******* body like a symphony written just for me.
All the beats and the drumming and the saxophone swirling up my spine,
You keep playing for me and running back,
Why? Why? Why?
I'm nothing special,
But you said I'm like the tenth dimension,
But what does that even mean?
You hold me like the baby I was when I met you,
When you had a needle in your arm and my tongue in your mouth
And tears on my shirt,
You really ****** me up.
Now you're in town again,
Trying to mend all these loose ends,
So do you wanna see me or not?
Of course you do.
I wanna see you too.

Find me in your thoughts late at night,
You can't forget about me,
I stuck with you.
I was the lover and the giver,
And I kissed your forehead when you cried
And I never let you down for a minute, I was always around,
But we were just friends that ****.

I got your favorite candy on the way to the movies and I touched your heavenly cheeks before they turned down the lights,
I never spoiled the plot because I know you like surprises,
And I held your hand when you pretended you weren't scared,
But we were just friends that ****.

You walked me to my car and you grabbed my hips,
And I moved with your body and I loved every second of it.
I closed my eyes and soaked in every word you would whisper,
Like you were telling me a prophecy in my backseat,
But we were just friends that ****.

Now I smoke and take long drives alone,
And your real girl's your bed, and you love her, I know, you keep telling me.
And I don't know what I did wrong,
I think about it all the time,
You moved your attention away and I couldn't keep you off my mind,
And I wanted to be your real girl so badly,
I get a pain in my chest just when you wave hi to me.
Just a passerby, passing by me.
I don't know know why you even meant so much,
For god's sake, we were just friends that ****!

She was the kind of beauty that was not to be heavily applied and caked,
She was the kind that rolled over in untucked sheets the next morning with a slight glimmer in her eye, and a rosy tint to her cheeks.
The kind with long eyelashes, and a wardrobe full of cotton striped tee shirts.
She was gentle, sweet, and told ***** jokes on car rides home.
She was the kind of beauty you find in low budget indie films,
The kind that warms the pit of your stomach when she walks in a room,
The kind that didn't strike twice.

Lately I've been going in strange directions,
I've been going about this all wrong,
And I don't think there was a right way either, but maybe something better.
There's always something better.
I've been counting out all the options and the faults and their placements,
I've been looking in store windows and staring at all the faces I see when I walk down the city streets at night,
I'm just trying to find a way to make this right
How do I make it right?
How do I make it right?
And these nightmares eat my brain when I sleep,
I'm paranoid someone is watching me,
And they know I've been trying to make this right,
When there is no right,
Time to give up the fight?

My sadness is what keeps me sane,
Welcome back, my loving pain.
I lost myself without you again,
I was just mixed media in a golden frame.
Winter is soon,
I'm so glad you came through,
I am not me when I am apart from you.
My dear, it's been so long, I smiled for weeks,
In summer I reached my all time peaks,
I forgot about you, and I don't know how,
You're the only reason I stick around,
You're the only one I need to keep,
Prey on me until I fall asleep.

I've been circling around and searching my head all night in such a loving unconscious state,
And what a thought it was when I remembered you again.
And your ghost in my body, I felt you like February wind in the back of my throat,
You hit my chest with your fighting fists,
As if to start my heart, already beating out of my chest.

God, I missed your voice and the way your face lit up like a full moon in the summer night sky.  
What a mess you had made me for those few weeks after,
What a mess,
What a mess,
At least I moved on fast.
I don't  want to think about it anymore,
I don't want to think about what could have been,
What could have still lived,
What we could still be,
And I don't know why you're still haunting me on a Monday  night,
I need to get some sleep.
But you're still my everything in my dreams,
Begging, "Please, please, be with me."

Tell me we are nothing.
Tell me we are nothing so I won't have to worry where you are going when you say you can't tonight,
When you cancel last minute,
When you make strange excuses.
Tell me we are nothing so I don't get invested and I don't think about what I'll wear when I see you or what you're doing right now.
Please, please, tell me we are nothing so I don't cry when you disappear, so I don't tell you everything, so I don't think I am special.  
Please tell me we are nothing.
I don't want to fall asleep with you and just be a shadow in the background of your love.
Please tell me we are nothing.
Please.
Please.
Please.

I moved him in all the ways he wanted to move, but just couldn't.
I moved him the way the wind moves the newly freed leaves in October.
He swayed and he swayed and he swayed.

Everyone's looking for love.

To be that cute couple in the coffee shop sharing whipped cream kisses,
With "Good Morning, Love" wake ups,
Anniversaries and flowers.
Sweet love notes, gestures, and uncontrollable smiles.

Not me.

At this point, I'd much rather be lusted and longed after,
So I can run away and be someone's only thought for a the next few weeks until they finally realize I really am not coming back.
I'd much rather cancel last minute on a hopeful young heart instead of showing up and making a real effort to love somebody.

I don't want to do it.

I don't want to be romantic, sweet and kind.
I don't want to be charming, blissful, and whole.
I don't want anyone to be my Sunday rest, my ocean breeze or my favorite holiday.

I can't do it anymore.

A pure treasure since she was born,
Deserving to be delicately placed on velveteen pillows.
Looks like that are lusted after
Like line after line of ******* in an upscale bathroom.
But all the pretty girls are like that.

Their red lipstick and lacy lingerie,
Cocktail dresses and long legs.
Swift movements and carefully crafted bones.
They feel their beauty really sink in with a needle full of ******,
and a high that knocks them off their perfectly pedicured feet.
My God, they are so lucky.

All the pretty girls do drugs.
And all the pretty girls get high.
All the pretty girls smile and wave in their size zero glory.

I keep waking up everyday just the same,
A little lonesome, a little pain,
But overall I'm okay.

I lost my job last week,
I've been getting by pretty fine.
All I have is my thoughts now to help slowly pass the time.
I'm trying to give myself a purpose,
Since I lost mine with my job,
And I can't answer the phone and say "good morning!"
Or talk to mike about his new dog.

But whatever.

That's what I keep saying.
When I keep thinking about hurting myself,
And I think "you're not that person anymore"
But maybe I am.
Maybe I am so much so I can't even rhyme about it because I'm dead ******* serious.
I'm wasting my life right now,
God, I am so ******* special and I'm wasting it.
And I fill all my voids with tattoos,
Soon I won't have anymore room,
I'll have to address and assess this situation sometime,
But I guess I'll wait till then,
Hopefully it's not too soon.

There I go rhyming again.
Looks like I'm okay after all.

You're the worst kind of person.
You take my problems and contrast them to your own.
You have no idea what it's like,
Grow the **** up!
I don't even think about you anymore except when you leave me pathetic voicemails,
Still wasting my time,
But now it's all ******* mine!
You're nothing to me.
You're nothing.
Tell me how it feels to be so worn out and worn in to?
That's how you always made me feel for 18 months!
You say sorry one time
You think that makes everything okay?
It doesn't, so *******!
I don't care what you have to say!
I'm not ready to go down that easily.
I'll never be ready.
You wore me down and washed me out, until I was almost transparent but I stood up for myself,
I was on the ground, gasping and you kicked the air out of my lungs,
You wanted me dead from the inside out!
Now I'm yelling in my bedroom on Sunday morning,
All these words I've been dying to cut out of me,
I don't care if you miss me,
You're a ******* liar!
You deserve nothing,
You are nothing to me!

I'm not sure if we ever grow up.
We grow old in our bodies,
Maybe our minds mature too,
But I'm not sure if we ever grow up.

Our problems stay the same,
As they were at eighteen,
Maybe a little different,
But they still stay the same.

I'm low on cash,
I'm with someone already, but I still love someone else.
I'm being pulled in different directions,
I can't sort all my priorities,
I want to help everyone but I can't seem to help myself.

So, I'm not sure if we ever grow up,
Or if we just learn to deal with things,
Accept them for what they are.
I've noticed suddenly we forget our age,
Drop everything to follow our hearts,
Remind ourselves we only live this once,
And that we are  are getting old.
But perhaps, only our bodies are.

Put me on a pedestal,
Show me off to all your friends,
In your mouth like vanilla frosting,
In your car, Mercedes Benz.
Tell me I'm the best and there's no one like me.
Tell me you're afraid to ever be away from me.

I'm your favorite girl.
I'm your favorite girl.

Watch me like a movie,
take off my clothes in the middle of your childhood bedroom,
Your parents house for dinner is so boring,
Baby, let's go home soon
We can **** until we fall asleep,
I'll reward you for pleasing me,
You're such a sweet boy, it's so easy to see.

I'm your favorite girl.
I'm your favorite girl.

I could be the one you've been looking for,
I could be your dream.
I know when I'm away, all you think about is me.
With the flowers in my hair,
My vintage dresses and curls,

Put me on a pedestal,
I'm your favorite girl.

A hard pill to swallow,
crushed up and snorted,
and taken bitterly like cheap motel coffee,
What a way to start the day.

I didn't think the last time I kissed your lips would be the very last time,
That you would shove me aside for someone half decent, and a dull flamed heart.
And that's when I think:
I am trying too hard.
There is still time, there is still time.  
I've got an hourglass in my head and my heart pinned to my sleeve,
My chest pounding with anxiety and I attribute it to butterflies and give all my love to some strange boy with flowers in his hands,
nothing worth falling for.
I reward myself with a sour taste in my mouth and a thousand metaphorical knives in my stomach.
It's okay, it's okay.
All wounds heal in time,
There is still time, I know.

I was lost out on the atlas
Of love and lust and drinks.
With diamonds on my neck,
A smile on my mouth
And my heart begins to sink.
I don't even know what I'm running from,
I don't know what I'm fighting for.
But I got this feeling in my chest,
Like I never get it, I'll never get more.
It's all rushing to me, when my head begins to swirl,
No matter how many bows or how many curls
I'll never be a little girl.
I wanted someone to protect me from what would come,
But nobody came, and I was so young.
And I've soaked in my sins and my sorrow and grace,
Marked it with tattoos and kisses And unloving space,
Lost out on the atlas,
alone on the sea,
And I can trust no one
But me, just me.
But I keep my laugh and such a gracious hand,
I think things nobody would ever understand,
I'm still happy though, in a cage with my pen full of ink,
Lost out on the atlas
of love, lust and drinks.

Sick in my head,
Sick in my heart,
He was something out of a movie,
An angel coming to take me home.
I thought "this could be the one".
He was perfect and timeless,
Like an old Hollywood film.
******* me in and holding me,
Kissing my neck in his father's car.
So much passion between us
Don't let it fade,
Don't let it fade.
When boys go down south,
They don't come back the same.
His lips didn't kiss as sweetly,
His mouth didn't speak all the words I craved to hear.
He had all the cheap tricks in the palm of his hand,
And I was a thousand miles away.
Don't let it fade.
Don't let it fade.
He can **** me in the parking lot,
But can't kiss me goodnight,
"I'm too drunk, I'm sorry."
And I feel like this could be my fault.
Even when he's with me, he's not even with me.
I just look at him like a piece of art now,
He's so beautifully crafted but I don't understand him.
I'm watching him leave more and more everyday,
I keep telling myself:
Don't let it fade
Don't let it fade
But it's already dying.

Mr. Jim Beam,
He gets me,
On a Saturday night when I'm all alone, on the phone, he gets me.
He makes my chest feel warm
When he says, "darlin, I know today's been long."
Yeah, honey, it's been long.
He takes it slow,
His words flood through me like a steady pour,
Then he comes rushing in like a summer night storm.
He fills my head with dreams and soul
And I sing for him till I can't sing anymore.
Mr. Jim Beam,
Tonight it's just him and me.
I never  regret his company.
I'll probably call him tomorrow and the next day too.
He's so sweet, he loves me, he loves everything I do.
He's quick and loyal,
I know he'll always be there for me,
Just to see me smile, I'm his world and I know it.
Mr. Jim Beam and me,
The only thing in the future I can see,
Nights like this are all I'll ever need.
He's all I'll ever need.

Sometimes it feels like all life is
Is a vicious cycle of holding on,
Letting go, and moving on from everything and everyone that gives us some sense of completion.

You're a synonym for my worst nightmare,
Seeping through my skin like ink on paper,
Finding your way into my veins, till you're right in my heart.
I've been thinking about you constantly,
Your shy demeanor and awkward charm,
The way your fingertips lightly brush my jaw
When we kiss in my car.
I'm finding myself falling so fast,
Unable to catch the breath the I'm breathing onto your neck.
I didn't think this would happened,
You're softening me with sweetness.
I'm waiting for the night I realise I am completely enveloped in you,
I'm already dreading the thought of separation.
You make me feel terrified.