My sadness is what keeps me sane,
Welcome back, my loving pain.
I lost myself without you again,
I was just mixed media in a golden frame.
Winter is soon,
I'm so glad you came through,
I am not me when I am apart from you.
My dear, it's been so long, I smiled for weeks,
In summer I reached my all time peaks,
I forgot about you, and I don't know how,
You're the only reason I stick around,
You're the only one I need to keep,
Prey on me until I fall asleep.

I've been circling around and searching my head all night in such a loving unconscious state,
And what a thought it was when I remembered you again.
And your ghost in my body, I felt you like February wind in the back of my throat,
You hit my chest with your fighting fists,
As if to start my heart, already beating out of my chest.

God, I missed your voice and the way your face lit up like a full moon in the summer night sky.  
What a mess you had made me for those few weeks after,
What a mess,
What a mess,
At least I moved on fast.
I don't  want to think about it anymore,
I don't want to think about what could have been,
What could have still lived,
What we could still be,
And I don't know why you're still haunting me on a Monday  night,
I need to get some sleep.
But you're still my everything in my dreams,
Begging, "Please, please, be with me."

a crumpled milk carton
discarded...fallen
in the gutter, another
black and white photograph

a tooth fairy smile-
something missing,..

a coldness
from the shuttered window
in the shadows
of a quiet day
...Xavier doesn't play here anymore.

r ~ 8/17/14

Tell me we are nothing.
Tell me we are nothing so I won't have to worry where you are going when you say you can't tonight,
When you cancel last minute,
When you make strange excuses.
Tell me we are nothing so I don't get invested and I don't think about what I'll wear when I see you or what you're doing right now.
Please, please, tell me we are nothing so I don't cry when you disappear, so I don't tell you everything, so I don't think I am special.  
Please tell me we are nothing.
I don't want to fall asleep with you and just be a shadow in the background of your love.
Please tell me we are nothing.
Please.
Please.
Please.

I moved him in all the ways he wanted to move, but just couldn't.
I moved him the way the wind moves the newly freed leaves in October.
He swayed and he swayed and he swayed.