blamed for everything
blamed for taking the trash out
at dawn whilst the clovers crumble beneath the rain
and the ladybugs
roll over

blamed for
eating a **** without a fork
and ****** my
cousin

blamed for killing myself and leaving extra
fragments in the sink
to pick out
along with the medulla oblomgota

blamed for fighting a lost cause (this is justified, I blame myself too)

blame for picking up the pieces of yesterday's evacuation
blamed
for the Israeli's killing my
infant in a street square
blamed for crying when I'm not  sad

blamed for dancing
when im dumb like a duck
\
blamed for breathing
when I should be laughing

blamed for smiling
when I'm mad

blamed for
going out on a tuesday
to go
tickle some
   kittens

blamed for leaving it out overnight
so it's no longer moist

blamed for wearing a
black cap
  
blamed
for working too little

blamed for seeing only 1 side

blamed for nothing but the truth
blamed by
god

I blame you

even in this uninhabited niche corner of the Internet where I'm mostly anonymous
& mostly free from criticism seeing as
as barely anyone engages or comments,
I still feel guilty 'venting' or
coming across
as weak
I'm truly hurting here, and I wish I had someone to pour myself into
But
I'm not as strong as
I think I am

I'm held up with tape & bandages, and I need to let go of the act.
I'm only human, and this pain isn't a state of mind,
it's an alarm to my senses & psyche telling me I
Need help, & I need to change
because this is clearly no longer
working

My brother od'd
Poured some ice water on him and slapped the **** out of him
& administered narcan
He awoke after a 2nd  dousing of ice water
He then cursed me
And told me to ******* despite being a blue corpse a mere minute ago
But at this point I don't care about the outcome
The first time is scary
The 2nd time is alarming
The 3rd time is annoying
The last time is indifference

I don't have much say here

See these circus families come up in their SUV's snatching up the last of the real estate, desperate clowns
The market is garbage here in California and I'm in effect a holdout, a refugee seeking asylum

But theyll buy these dinky cabins in the mountain
& During 1 winter season roll a snowball and snowman
then retreat back to the plains. Gutless; those who live here only do so because they have no choice,
why is that so hard to comprehend

If you feel 'meh' about someone through an app,
you'll feel really meh about them in person, but my **** has no standards

Today I'll buy a **** steak
& Macaroni salad

My cat Winnie needs a new sweater,

Go driving in the sun until you hit mercury; the dead still lay there despite the incalculable aeons dividing our
weeping vessels
8

Serpent eyes & mediocre
powder coffee
It's too early right now; I woke up for nothing, 10
is for the ground squirrels & paper chasers and office freaks

Back to the drawing board;
I saw a white light
& A kid attempting to write something true. The more you try the
More you lie to yourself.
And the more you care the less the muse wants you back.
It's good to give up

murky black &
a tumultuous sea cut along starry eyed youths
I feel the shimmer in my bones
and the plasma stings my lower extremities

I've never felt this low besides once
& That was when
I was at the edge of a 20 story building
Why was I such a coward