I squeeze what's left of me

  Tired of pleading.
I scroll through walls of shapeless consumerist
talent show entries, all yelling to be picked.

I'm suceptible to the game too. All for money like a *****.
1 step from putting a ***** up my *** and eating fish larvae
In a bucket like a good mukbanger.
I HATE humanity
I HATE being here.

I HATE being cheated and losing my capacity for love and trust, always on edge.

I don't want to compete anymore. I want silence,   but  I can't drown out the noise, like tinnitus
Drilled into my skull
It's always been this way. But now I'm desperate. & There's no more suppressing it

I want to run
So far
Into nothing
And bury my eyes
In a dense
   Abyss

The laughing permits
And so does the humming
Step inside yourself
And visualize the dream
Dancers in the dark
Cancer in a sombre heart

A stillborn child when you were
Hopeful
Reminders of a decadent past
Youth and fortune
Love and lust
Starlight
And dust

What remains is
Enough

What's done is
Done
& done

Just took mushrooms

All music seems pointless
So does this poem

Words of wisdom
If you're standing afar.
Someday the Earth
Will die
And so will you
Smiling in its embrace :)

I was genuinely an evil person to my ex
I made you feel low
And devoid of all self worth

I abused you mentally and physically
Dehumanized you
Made you feel like trash
But I was ultimately projecting my own lack of self worth
And there's not much to learn here
But I
Was a ******* and I'm sorry

I hope I learn my lesson for real.
I deserve it, because I
feel it in my soul and it
   hurts
even now

Absolute hell
& Misery
My head aches
Like a ticking bomb and my heart is full of compressed air
I see faces without emotion even though there are human impulses here.

I want to leave
And be forgotten
Like the many dead

I feel bad because I'll never be what you want me to be.
The problem is that I genuinely don't care and I guess that's why you're attracted to me. I'm perpetually out of reach and indifferent and
I don't feel compelled to keep you around nor reach out, but when you leave for good that's when I'll miss you. That's when I'll regret not having done more to hold onto you.
It's a trait of psychopathic narcissism;
I love the idea of being loved, but actually being in love is too much. I cant give you that power even when I know you only meant good
And now I have nothing, because I refused to receive even when you were prepared to give me
Everything

Sitting dead with a headache I read 5 pages of a biography then put it down to rest my demented tik tok addled brain

I scroll through pics of creatures barely human, frothing and I then I revert to a fetal position;
Whilst sitting i receive a call from a stranger I knew 15 years ago and say happy birthday.
My day kinda drifts after this into a damp bag and I pretend to be someone special and good when my heart stops counting in bursts of 10
And 11 and the dawn swirls into nothing