flies bite me and you,
your body like a slab of ivory
I never wanted to eat ***** more than when I saw your pink and succulent ****; I tongued it as long as I could.  & you smelled like tangerines and berries, but
watching you try on those cute yet gaudy outfits aroused me the most; the fact you trusted my input.
& you shampooing that dark black hair in the tub with the door open, I never saw a greater contrast between light and dark.
I almost felt love,
I almost felt good in this daydream town- as though astrology was real ,  
   and I hung on to your every word like a happy fool, devoid of
    sorrow--- just awaiting a kiss from your lips,
cherry red

go into debt & be free
slave for a goal, like hardwares and cynics turning coins down by a crumbling and filthy street
today is a good to waste, like forever, and all the days after.
don't be afraid to
             fail

Threw my phone against the wall and it shattered in a million pieces. then I threw the rest in the pond and let the frogs eat the battery and SIM card. You can have it; & I've never slept better. I even read a ******* book.  That's different - & I didn't even miss
anyone -- in fact I realized how much I hated being available to everyone and anyone at all hours. but I don't mind the dark-
it's nice and cool here

this is my therapy moreso than music. I can say what I want -- I'm not confined to a melody , or attached to any notes-
it's free form. it's its own music and has its own dance; I can laugh,
and cry,
and scream, and say how it really is-- and it's really great;
  really great , and doesn't have to be that grand. There doesn't need to  be a big crescendo.
just soaking up the sun with an empty glass in the dull noon is sometimes enough

this is one of those no-hesitation days, seeping with sorrow and ache and gloomy sadness.
If you had a 12 gauge by your bedside you'd understand what I mean by no-hesitation

a dead mangled up bobcat with its head sqaushed in and brains seeping out of its eye in a patch of dirt on the mossy hill,

The bones will be clean within a week. Death doesn't care, we just get in the way

feel like I have 1000 horses laying on top of me
and as a result everything's been getting to me.
You have more time to reflect when you're in a wounded and docile state, and it's lately recognizing that everything is inherently transactional.
No one loves just because they can, they love because you give them all your time,
the ***** loves because you give her your money and your time.
The cat loves because you give it tuna,
The *** loves because you give him your money
Not your tuna sandwich.
It is what is it, take take take take. I wish we weren't just animals looking to get through the night and I wish there was a hand reaching out without any expectations to receive, or maybe it's just me and my loneliness
And misanthropy.
  I just know Im in need, but I'll never recieve