Idols made of glass, idols made of silver and gold that entice me with their words of lust that are sweet like honey but bitter in my soul.
These idols I can keep hidden until they call out "wanna play a game" I must resist I must untie these ropes tied to these false hopes.
Like Linus from Charlie Brown I carry these idols like a security blanket that keeps me secure from insecurities. All my lust and impurities.

You have broken my body under the weight of the world
My light is like a flickering candle in the wind, barely staying lit
My heart is shattered and my eyes burn from the tears
I've barried my hopes and dreams

Why do you torment me and make me live?
Why won't you ***** me out like a cigarette being rubbed against the concrete?
Does my suffering make you laugh
Does my sorrow bring joy to your heart?

Again I say why won't you take my life?
Take back your promises and leave me in the grave so that I can finally be at peace
Let my body wither away like my hopes and dreams.

You've come so far so why turn around? Where would you go? Who would be? Just a little bit longer and you will see that this road is going to make you who you were always meant to be.

Your name on my tongue is bittersweet
Your words go through me like a ghost
Sitting right next to you and we're still not close.

Should I shut the door and let the memories be your replacement?
You can see the emptiness inside of me and you know I can't fake this.

Master, master, master
Where is the promises you made to me?!
How could you use me like a puppet on a string?
Why do you mock me when I cry?
When I'm hungry you only feed me lies.

I hear your cries my child when the tears won't come
I know the things that haunt you, I know what they've done.
I hear the silent prayers of your heart
I know the things that weigh you down.
I see beyond the fake smile and I see a frown.

I hear the awful things they say about you and I see the scars they have left
I know you're afraid to let me in cause you think I can't handle your mess.

"Come to me"I beckon you from the shores
Come my beloved and thirst no more.

The morning I'll never forget
The morning I got that text
The morning I wept

Couldn't believe it was true
Couldn't believe you were gone
Couldn't believe it was you

We were supposed to grow up and grow old and laugh at the stories we told

I've got the matches and gasoline
Tired of staring at this old house
It's just not what it used to be.
The floor creaks, windows busted
I used to love to be here but now I'm disgusted.

Strike the match and watch it burn
Let it be ashes and embers
Let this house be something I never remember

Once you were the rose that grew in my garden but now you're the thorn in my side.
You used to be the sun in my sky but now when you come out I only look for shade.

We built our love on promises and rings
I pledged my vows in front of our friends and family
It's been so long since that day, can't believe how easy it is for hearts to go astray.

Fear comes in the dead of night
When I look in your eyes
And wonder if you shared your smile
With someone else

But love grows in the barren wasteland
When the rains beat down on the tin roof
We'll dance to the music of the storm
And pledge this love forever more

The sky that was once was blue and everything that was black and white now has gray running through it and my world of innocence that was a safe place to hide has now left me feeling paralyzed by the lies and the ghost that linger in my mind and the child I used to be is nothing but a reflection in my eyes. The times they pass us by so if you're not satisfied with the hour just give it a second glance and see that the tides are shifting no matter if we want them to or not and now I leave you with this note as your fingers pass through mine and I see the tears that form in your eyes but don't be sad I'll be okay cause I'm just a ghost.

The darkness comes roaring at me like a hungry lion waiting to devour my crushed spirit! Drowning in the sea of despair and hopelessness, choking on my pride while my sorrow pulls me under farther and farther. Searching for a way out or a life line but none seem to be present. The fog hovers over the deep waters covering my vision! I can barely see my hand in front of me. Oh how I wish the sun would break through and cast out this storm I'm in but my cries for help only seem to echo through the fog and my mind. Finally my body is calm and I began to float long enough to see a light breaking through the fog. Fear and anxiety fill my heart but only for a passing moment as the light shines brightly on my face, piercing through the darkness filling me with peace and love. A stillness comes over me and suddenly I'm no longer afraid, my spirit is no longer crushed and heart no longer feels the cold chill. A smile begins to form as I see the light turn into a boat. I can't see the man's face but his voice is calm, gentle and deep as he calls out to me “take my hand and I'll pull you up! I grab his hand which is rough but comforting. Pulling me on to his boat, he gives me a towel and a warm beverage. I can't see his face but I can tell he is gentle and does not wish to harm me. The storm rages on with fierce anger but I'm no longer afraid for I have found a friend who has seen this and will guide me through this.

Thank you Jesus for my eyes that see the sunrise on that beautiful morning

Thank you Jesus for my family and friends because you know when will see each other again.

Thank you Jesus for the clean clothes that cover my body and keep cool and warm.

Thank you Jesus for my wife and daughter.  

Lord thank you for the gift of life! I'm blessed that you have allowed me to see thirty years!

Thank you Jesus for price you paid
Thank you Jesus for the foundation you laid.

Oh my soul why are you so cast down? Why are you so disturbed within me? It's because you neglect me and refuse to look at me says my soul. My soul, my soul I cry out I have looked at you! I've looked deep within you! What else can I do for you? You won't really face what's going on inside me says my soul, you focus on making sure the outside looks good but only to neglect the rotting walls inside the house. You paint over the pain with a fresh coat but you can't cover up what you don't face. Your words are piercing right through me, it's true i respond I've tried to paint over the pain and for awhile the days seem longer and the nights seem so short but eventually it all goes back to normal. The nights grow long and weary and the days seem to fade in the background but I don't know what else to do for you! I've tried everything! Have you tried accepting me for who I am says my soul Have you tried to love me and not try to change me? Have you really looked at me and face what your audience doesn't see? You run from me like I'm a ghost, you fear me like a disease, you tremble when I bring things to the surface. You can't run from me, you can't hide, try as hard as you want but I'll always be waiting for you in the dark alleys of your mind.

If I'm being honest I'll confess the lonliness and heartache I feel on the inside like a tree rotting from the roots and decaying by the minute. I can feel my bones and soul break and if I'm being honest I sometimes hope this is the last breath I take cause I feel fire burning within fueled by the gasoline that is my sin that I'm too prideful to  confess cause if I am being honest I just want to rest...

Who created me?
     How did I end up in this family?
Was this an accident or for a purpose?
    Been with them almost thirty years and still uncertain
    Am I the only who thinks this way
Who knows maybe it's just me
    Surely there's a home for the black sheep

Oh yes, yes, it's me
Want to make you laugh? Just pull my strings.
Want me to make you feel better like it's therapy?
Medicate the things you run from with scriptures out of context
It's such a lonely road and I can barely see who's in front of me... can you help me find my contacts?

See I think God allowed me to preach but not to a congregation but to this person inside who I hide, hoping he stays behind, so I can keep this act up cause I'm afraid I might act up and people gonna see that I'm not preaching to the congregation but to the person I keep imitatin.

It's like a heavy chain tied to my heart
It's something that that likes to hide in the dark. You couldn't see it on the outside but on the inside it's like its apart of me, I can't tell sometimes where it begins and where is the start of me? This heavy cross I carry with me all day long while my inner voice says "crucify him!" Slowly sinking under the weight of this heavy burden.

I see you standing in the light with your fire burning in your heart that melts the rusty chains of yesterday. The ghost's of your past dance with you all throughout the night, swaying you back and forth between past present, light and dark.
The whisper of the wind sends a calm to your mind like gentle hands of an old friend.
The way the moon hits your eyes makes them both piercing and beautiful. The soothing sound of your voice sends a chill that paralyzes my heart leaving me breathless gasping to hear more of the angelic choir that is you. The touch of your hand across my face awakens something long ago that once lived. The heart is a battlefield, two sides fighting against one another hoping to **** and conquer. One side brave, fierce and Noble ready to take on new heights, explore the mountains and see what lies beneath all of this that we feel is real. The other side is roaring with anger, fear and bitterness. They use to hunger for more, to explore and see the beauty that is what we feel is real but something happened on the adventure. They made a wrong turn and that what was once peaceful become a nightmare leaving them in despair and agony. The sting of that memory still lies deep beneath them reminding them of what used to be but is no more. The battle rages on between the two, old scars are opening, doors that were once shut are staring break open. She turns away then turns back. I see inside your heart a war that is raging inside you. I've come to help but you only run away when I dare to come near you. Your absence has been like a winter day, beautiful as the white soft snow but harsh like the wind. When will I truly see you again? Will it just be in my memories of us and what used to be? Or will it be in flesh? Will I feel your warm body against mine? Will our hands ever meet again? Am I fool for even thinking of this? It was a brief moment that you were with me and yet I have thought about you like you've been gone for an eternity. Should I save me from myself and run? Or stand firmly and wait, knocking on the door of Faith hoping it will be you that answers.

From the begging when darkness ruled the earth
You spoke life and light was born
From the dust you made life
You spoke my very existence with just a word and who could imagine the awe in wonder you saw in me when all I saw was dirt.

In the garden I ran and hid
But your love called me out
Grace covered my sin
Now in adoration I will bow
And sacrifice my life just as you sacrificed your crown.

Hi, my name is Adam and I'm an addict
I'm the part of Adam he's tried hiding in the attic thinking he can tame..that he can grasp it.

See ladies and gentlemen I'm the things he won't face, I'm the hurts, habits and hang ups that he can't deal with so he takes some meds, reads a book, says a prayer and hopes I'll die real quick.

I always come back like **** cause he only kills the fruit not the root of the issues and so thanks for letting me speak. I think Adam's finally gonna let me breathe.

Try to catch my breath
But you steal the air from my lungs
Sharing a table together but you always put a knife to my throat.
Turned my back on you for a second
Only to feel the cold metal of your pistol deep in my back.

My words, your weapon, my pain
Your platform.

There's a hole in the bottom of my heart deep and wide and this pain I can't hide. These pain is my tattoo that no one can see because this tattoo is beneath the surface so I won't let anyone see because it's hard to see from far away so you gotta get up close but I won't let you get close to me. This tattoo has become something far greater than what I could of imagined. It has tunneled through my whole body and now I'm forever marked with this tattoo that won't go away and believe me I've tried to get rid of it but the ink is thick and dark and covers me from head to toe so I guess I'll finally come undone and let you see the side of me that lies

Hold my arms out for love but you cut my wrist and watch me bleed
Look for you in the darkness but you stay silent.
Speak the words that are the longing of the heart of the inner child but you just rip my tongue out and leave me speechless.
This home I built waiting for you to return but every time I open the door for you, you pour gasoline all over me and watch me burn.

You'd think I would learn by now
But the heart fools itself with hope and wishful thinking.

Someday this merry go round will stop or I'll be standing in the ashes of a home with a match in my hand.

This hollow shell inside my chest, this faint heartbeat might be the thing that steals my last breath.

Things I thought I had buried are now resurrecting so I've got two options.. either finally face them or keep running and say "forget it"

Some days I feel so lonely, I'm waiting for the better half of me to finally come and get me but I'm always hiding in the shadows of who I used to be so the only I can be free is if someone turns the light on.

Someone sets the tone for the stage
Someone shoots me with a fire dart and ignites the flame.
All I see is red

Clinched fist with gripped tight around my throat but it's my own hand. This other side of me might one day get the best one..I just hope I can subdue it before it gets the rest of me.

These cold hands wrap around my throat squeezing the very last drop of hope that was within me.
Those cold dead eyes lock with mine and I feel the piercing sting of death and hopelessness burn through my soul like a cigarette burn on my skin.
I'm so tired I just lay there and feel my body become numb and isolated from my mind.

How I wish the bullet would just shatter my skull like ashes across the ocean. Where is my lover that is the angel of death?
Where are you to set me free from this lamp with no light they call life.
Come take to the grave and break my soul over the altar, set me on fire and let whatever was left me be the smoke that remain in the smoke that goes to sky and eventually fades.

The tears of yesterday still seem to appear in the tomorrow morning and I am yet again shaken to the core by the fragments of memories that echo through my soul like ghosts looking for their body they once knew but now it seems light-years away from them. I ponder each piece of memory as it rips through the inside me leaving me bleeding but no one can see. To be honest I can't recall when the bleeding began. Was it in my youth, my adolescence or has this always been a part of me and maybe forever will be. Taking each step with each new breath as I bleed internally and adapt to this permanently with no disregard but only left with these open scars.

The tides are turning
One step away from being swept away
By the undertow
Finding it harder to breath
Finding no relief

Far from shore in the midnight hour
When will morning come?
When will my sun shine?
Am I condemned to eternal darkness
Please save me before my heart is hardened.

Walk with me and tell me it's all going to be okay
Tell me that you are guiding me through darkness and into light
Be the hand I can hold when I can't see the next step
Be the air I breathe when I can't take another breath.

Hold me in your arms like a child who knows he's safe in your arms.
Be my peace from all of life's alarms and promise me you'll do me no harm.

This world is so cold o God how long must this winter last?
I hear you speak in the silence " my precious child this to shall pass