If I'm being honest I'll confess the lonliness and heartache I feel on the inside like a tree rotting from the roots and decaying by the minute. I can feel my bones and soul break and if I'm being honest I sometimes hope this is the last breath I take cause I feel fire burning within fueled by the gasoline that is my sin that I'm too prideful to  confess cause if I am being honest I just want to rest...

The darkness comes roaring at me like a hungry lion waiting to devour my crushed spirit! Drowning in the sea of despair and hopelessness, choking on my pride while my sorrow pulls me under farther and farther. Searching for a way out or a life line but none seem to be present. The fog hovers over the deep waters covering my vision! I can barely see my hand in front of me. Oh how I wish the sun would break through and cast out this storm I'm in but my cries for help only seem to echo through the fog and my mind. Finally my body is calm and I began to float long enough to see a light breaking through the fog. Fear and anxiety fill my heart but only for a passing moment as the light shines brightly on my face, piercing through the darkness filling me with peace and love. A stillness comes over me and suddenly I'm no longer afraid, my spirit is no longer crushed and heart no longer feels the cold chill. A smile begins to form as I see the light turn into a boat. I can't see the man's face but his voice is calm, gentle and deep as he calls out to me “take my hand and I'll pull you up! I grab his hand which is rough but comforting. Pulling me on to his boat, he gives me a towel and a warm beverage. I can't see his face but I can tell he is gentle and does not wish to harm me. The storm rages on with fierce anger but I'm no longer afraid for I have found a friend who has seen this and will guide me through this.

The sky that was once was blue and everything that was black and white now has gray running through it and my world of innocence that was a safe place to hide has now left me feeling paralyzed by the lies and the ghost that linger in my mind and the child I used to be is nothing but a reflection in my eyes. The times they pass us by so if you're not satisfied with the hour just give it a second glance and see that the tides are shifting no matter if we want them to or not and now I leave you with this note as your fingers pass through mine and I see the tears that form in your eyes but don't be sad I'll be okay cause I'm just a ghost.

Oh my soul why are you so cast down? Why are you so disturbed within me? It's because you neglect me and refuse to look at me says my soul. My soul, my soul I cry out I have looked at you! I've looked deep within you! What else can I do for you? You won't really face what's going on inside me says my soul, you focus on making sure the outside looks good but only to neglect the rotting walls inside the house. You paint over the pain with a fresh coat but you can't cover up what you don't face. Your words are piercing right through me, it's true i respond I've tried to paint over the pain and for awhile the days seem longer and the nights seem so short but eventually it all goes back to normal. The nights grow long and weary and the days seem to fade in the background but I don't know what else to do for you! I've tried everything! Have you tried accepting me for who I am says my soul Have you tried to love me and not try to change me? Have you really looked at me and face what your audience doesn't see? You run from me like I'm a ghost, you fear me like a disease, you tremble when I bring things to the surface. You can't run from me, you can't hide, try as hard as you want but I'll always be waiting for you in the dark alleys of your mind.

The tears of yesterday still seem to appear in the tomorrow morning and I am yet again shaken to the core by the fragments of memories that echo through my soul like ghosts looking for their body they once knew but now it seems light-years away from them. I ponder each piece of memory as it rips through the inside me leaving me bleeding but no one can see. To be honest I can't recall when the bleeding began. Was it in my youth, my adolescence or has this always been a part of me and maybe forever will be. Taking each step with each new breath as I bleed internally and adapt to this permanently with no disregard but only left with these open scars.

There's a hole in the bottom of my heart deep and wide and this pain I can't hide. These pain is my tattoo that no one can see because this tattoo is beneath the surface so I won't let anyone see because it's hard to see from far away so you gotta get up close but I won't let you get close to me. This tattoo has become something far greater than what I could of imagined. It has tunneled through my whole body and now I'm forever marked with this tattoo that won't go away and believe me I've tried to get rid of it but the ink is thick and dark and covers me from head to toe so I guess I'll finally come undone and let you see the side of me that lies

I see you standing in the light with your fire burning in your heart that melts the rusty chains of yesterday. The ghost's of your past dance with you all throughout the night, swaying you back and forth between past present, light and dark.
The whisper of the wind sends a calm to your mind like gentle hands of an old friend.
The way the moon hits your eyes makes them both piercing and beautiful. The soothing sound of your voice sends a chill that paralyzes my heart leaving me breathless gasping to hear more of the angelic choir that is you. The touch of your hand across my face awakens something long ago that once lived. The heart is a battlefield, two sides fighting against one another hoping to **** and conquer. One side brave, fierce and Noble ready to take on new heights, explore the mountains and see what lies beneath all of this that we feel is real. The other side is roaring with anger, fear and bitterness. They use to hunger for more, to explore and see the beauty that is what we feel is real but something happened on the adventure. They made a wrong turn and that what was once peaceful become a nightmare leaving them in despair and agony. The sting of that memory still lies deep beneath them reminding them of what used to be but is no more. The battle rages on between the two, old scars are opening, doors that were once shut are staring break open. She turns away then turns back. I see inside your heart a war that is raging inside you. I've come to help but you only run away when I dare to come near you. Your absence has been like a winter day, beautiful as the white soft snow but harsh like the wind. When will I truly see you again? Will it just be in my memories of us and what used to be? Or will it be in flesh? Will I feel your warm body against mine? Will our hands ever meet again? Am I fool for even thinking of this? It was a brief moment that you were with me and yet I have thought about you like you've been gone for an eternity. Should I save me from myself and run? Or stand firmly and wait, knocking on the door of Faith hoping it will be you that answers.