Anymore, again
Seldom do I scare
For, the moment, then
I just don't care
Like roadkill, still
Wariness is absent
Taunting will
Having rent spent
Look toward the Robin
For life living advice
My head throbbin'
But his voice, reminds me my vice

She spoke at once
From inside her car
Looked at me slyly
Proceeded normally
She spoke once more
Talked of old times
Talked of future endeavors
Proceeded normally
She spoke at last

And then never again...

No one exists around me,
There are no friends to make
With the devastation that surrounds me
There is no advice to take
If I have fortune
I’ll die of alcohol consumption
The ones who are immune
Will make their own assumption

Making a claim
To love the same
Revived throughout
With speckled doubt

I lie in bed thinking
Here in the beginning
Whether I'll be losing
Or what I'll be winning
Somewhere along
In the days and nights
I lost who I was
I lost my mind
When it all fell apart
I can't recall
Who was there
Or what I saw
The grip I had
Was loose at best
It was nothing, there
When I did confess
Hell is looming
Heaven is gray
God and disciples
Hate me anyway
With no hope
No reason to go on
I turn to what
When it's all gone?
I lie in bed thinking
Here in the end
All I know is
I know I didn't win

My life, is something I dread
A monotonous, never-changing seam
Everyday I try another thread
The thread of a new theme
Nothing seems to work

Many times I wonder
If it's been my own faulty decisions
Or if there's something in the Sunder
To blame for the constant salty revisions
Nothing seems to work

I go about it all with scars
The wounds on my soul
Look up at night, I see no stars
Wake up, and I play my role
And nothing seems to work

Depression and sadness
Alone on the road
Get to the intersection
Approach a crossing
There I see the fire
Like hell on wheels
Like my life in the world
Full of danger and pain
Turn left,
Away from the fire
Going down another road
Full of hope and happiness
With the flames in the mirror
On my way to new things
Leave the fire behind
With all my fears
Until it disappears

Oh, but the moonlight is coarse
And we're strong in detail
But before we go hoarse
The truth will prevail

Always felt
Constant
Loneliness

Reality set
Now I know
What lonely is

**** them with kindness
**** them with love
Love those who **** you
Love fitting like a glove

Walking to avoid branches
Getting hit regardless
Hung up on the little things
As much as you want to discard this

I can't shake the feeling
You don't understand
That what you're doing is stealing

With my heart in your hand
The feeling revealing
I'm slipping like sand

Despair

Given the circumstances
We only exchange glances
We’d hold a stare and exchange rings
If only our love grew velvet wings
But you say what I’d say
If only in the way
Never does one make you laugh and smile
The way I do, loving you all the while
I have no idea why you run
If only I had one

If only...

I’ve counted in my head
The times I’ve looked ahead
But looking toward the future
Is all about the past
Not what was first
But always what was last
A heavy burden planning
Never a thing to say
The crystal vision made
Fades, slowly blurred gray
What is done is thought
As to be good or not
The pressure has amassed
But only the bad has stayed
How many times I’ve done wrong
How many times I’ve doubted
How many times I could, and should
And how many times I’d never

Looking ahead is always a task
Never look first, then to ask
Pass the past, cast the last
Nothing changes about time that’s passed

Grasping at straws
To obey the laws
You set out for me
I can’t help it
I feel like ****
I’m just so lonely
And when I try to communicate
I’m the only one who participates
You tell the truth, but I can’t see

Left out for another
Blowing the cover
Agree to disagree
I know I’m not wrong
But I’ll try to play along
Because you showed mercy
But in the midst of the longest night
When I beg your right ear for my plight
You want me to be something I can’t be

Your day breaks,
Your mind aches
You find that all the words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you
She wakes up,
She makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!
You want her,
You need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!
You stay home,
She goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him
Your day breaks,
Your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won't forget her
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!

All of the memories
I cherish so much,
More than anything,
None of it means a thing
It might as well have been a dream
The Fleeting Angel

Where are you Isabela?
What happened?
I thought we were done with this
You no longer love me
But still you make me miss you
I question if I deserve it
I wonder if you’ll resurface
I quiver at the opposing thought

We’re older now
There’s no need for this
Sure, I love you still
But it’s not the same
And I know the rules
So what else could it be…
Where are you Isabela?
Why must you still make me sad?

Family, in pieces
Set in motion
The future, in splices
Many of us dissipate
The rest of us remain
Throw forward
The throes of time

If I don't know what to do
And I don't know where to go
How can I trust
That which I do know?

Hander of loss
Candid response
Tethered things
And range, arranged
Plural bodies,
Vaguely, qualities
Read a page
Skip a page
Read one more
Never yore
Two explore
Colors and contour
Lone in home
As in Rome

I hurt
Because those I want to be around
Those I want to hold
For a thousand years
I can’t.

As the little time pains
The fantasy wanes
But never let the dream fade

Fear what is gone
Fear what is lost
Fear what is loved
Fear what it cost
Know what was known
Know what was here
Know what was lost
Know what is fear
Love what's now here
Love what's now new
Love what's now fear
Love what loves you

This is how I feel right now
Obsolete manuscript
No one reads and no one needs
Pages lost, incomplete
No one knows what it means
Minds grow dark, so suddenly
I was lost on your street

Hey I'm talking to myself
I can hear you listening in
To my thoughts, to my dreams
What I want, can't compete
Obsolete

Take me to the water's edge
Let me stand in the sand
Let me hear the waves crash-land
Useless part
This useless heart
Useless art
What am I? Why am I
Incomplete?
Obsolete

This is how it feels right now
Obsolete manuscript
No one reads, no one needs
Useless part
This useless heart
Useless art
What am I? Why am I
Incomplete?
Obsolete

All I want
Can't compete
All I want
Is a sleep
All I want
Incomplete
All I want
Obsolete

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's
Hard earned pay
Two of us Sunday driving
Not arriving
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home
Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters
On my wall
You and me burning matches
Lifting latches
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home
You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead
Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing so low
In the sun
You and me chasing paper
Getting nowhere
On our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home

Oh,
Elephant
In the room
You made yourself
Out of my shoes
Displace this place
Misplaced in space
Love the love
You loved to love
Once,
All was lost
Now we screen
To find it all found
It's all profound
All profound

Lazy days
Once dazed with haze
Filled myself
With vague's craze

Oh,
Elephant
In the room
Take my worried days
Take today
And yesterday
Make yourself
Out of my shoes
Because I've got nothing
Else to lose.

And at the end of life
She will have said my name
But I would never know
What it’s like to feel love
From someone that perfect

Lord, it’s a shame, I know
Thinking of how it could go...

I’ll think of you
And you’ll think of you
And they’ll think of you
But who will think of me?
Well no one will
But it’s okay, my love
Because I don’t deserve to be thought of.

And after you’ve painted
A thousand trees,
A hundred birds or more
And a city street,
A single grain of sand
Painted within a mile long beach
Means as much as the sum
Of all the other brush strokes each.

...I just can't.

Almost two weeks later
And I don’t know where I am
I know not who controls me
But every minute,
Of every day
In every situation,
I always wish I were somewhere else

How did I get trapped in this **** life?
Every day is a new version of yesterday
I now vaguely value things I previously never appreciated
Only to keep my interest in this world
I'm in love with the simplest things
I applaud myself with laughter
And on the inside, I yearn for the end
The irony is that I do the same on the outside as well
And nobody knows that I'm not joking

You have no idea
How much I deserve all of this
I am a bad person
Good things happen to bad people,
But bad things happen too.
And so I finally get what I deserve
All my life, i have manipulated people
Toyed with their lives
Done whatever it took to get what I wanted
Whatever that was
And I was very good at it.
Along the way, while I was getting what I wanted
I lost sight of what was important
And now I have come full circle.
I jeopardized what I had for what I wanted
And now all I want...
Is what I already had.