Look at her lips
And at her sighs
And see signs of life

Look at her shoulders
And her hair in the light
And see something right

Look at her feet
And her movements
And everything is proven

But look in her eyes
When you tell the truth
And you'll be caught in endless blues

But you knew i killed myself
And you didn't help me
Instead you came to the next place
Where i went after death
And you acted like you helped me
Like nothing ever happened
And i told you it was weird
That you left before i died
Yet you deny every bit of it
And you changed somewhat
From your looks to your person
And you're distracted by something
Like the time or the signs of winter
If it was space you needed,
You never once told me that

But you act like you loved me
And you act like you cared
But in the end,
When you don't pretend
I can see that you're really just scared

I finally found someone
Willing to pick up my pieces
We helped each other
I picked up her pieces too
I showed her
Pointed my finger
"See? Those are mine"
She picked them up
And put them in her bag
She pointed her finger
"Those, and those, and those,
And those" she keeps pointing
"Those are mine, they're everywhere"
"I'm sorry, you don't have to
Pick them up, and really,
I don't know if you can"
I said "I can. Watch."
And i did.
I picked up almost all of her pieces
And put them in my bag
We weren't completing
Individual pictures
We were completing one
The pieces fit together
It was incredible
But i think my pieces
Were too heavy
One day, she decided
She didn't want to do that anymore
She took her bag,
And she gave it back to me
And then i almost ran over her
And now both of our pieces
Our collective pieces
That we had worked so hard
To find,
They were scattered again
And there are even more of them now
We'll never get them all picked up
Not apart
But she is satisfied
As long as she doesn't have
My pieces
I ruined everything
And now every time i look in my bag
I see pieces of hers
And i cry
I sob
And the tears are hot
And i'm cold
And the pain won't go away
For either of us
And now she's leaving
She's gone
And now we're both
Permanently
Infinitely
Forever
Broken

I don't want to hear from you anymore
You're a liar
You're just a creep
Manipulative
Controlling
You never could have loved me
I literally can't stand you
I'm leaving
You'll never hear from me again
You'll never see me again
Goodbye

I'm going to be sick...
Somebody **** me please.

I always thought
I wasn't brave enough
To **** myself

Now i realize
I just hadn't lost
Anything worth killing myself over

Now i have. I'm sorry

And then I reset...

As I rise from rest
I know a few things
One of which is simple:
Watermelon is the perfect fruit
The others are more complex
I can't really explain:
Love is elusive
It can be my best friend
Or it can be my worst enemy
However, I've had it best before
And...
Abelias.
Like the flower?
Not sure what this means
Maybe it's an anagram for something
Something largely important
Or someone
Who it seems as though
My whole life depends on
This one, I can't seem to let go of
Abelias...

I won't forget, I know
I'll never escape these woes
No matter how hard I try
I can never match that high

What do I deserve?
Death?
Well obviously
Suicide?
Certainly that
Torturing myself
In unimaginable ways
Until I die of just too much pain?
More than that really
I deserve to lose the woman
That I love most in the world
That's the worst thing
That can happen to me
I deserve it
But i'd rather have to do
The other things