The sway of the ship
rocked my last waking ounce of confidence to sleep
Its tomb forever lost at sea
buried in an ocean of insecurities
far too deep to ever find the bottom of
An expanse whose shores will be littered with the wrecks
of countless ships
set out to sail in search for new land
to claim for a church whose saviour
only ever wanted you
Your words were not your own
they spoke with a sentiment that choked out
every honest flame that burnt within you
I had familiarized myself enough with your work
to tell that even you were not your own
just a puppet
that fell to a master of bad decisions
and whimsical self destruction
You never managed to rack up enough
civilian casualties
you lied with such precision that every vision of truth
got a little off the top of what could be seen
Now standing
I pace the deck of the boat
in hopes of chasing away the hurt
In an act of desperate self examination
I attempt a determination of whether or not
I’ve been led to believe I am more than what I’ve seemed
to this day it is a question that is put first in my mind
every time a mirror can be seen
After covering enough ground in the worry of my pacing
exhaustion offers me a chair and I sit myself down
despite all the time I took searching for hope
I realize that there's nothing I’ve found
So again my surroundings become that friend no one talks to
unless you need something
I just about bring myself to saying their name
when my eyes are brought in
by the raging flame of loathing
The net of my eye caught glimpse
of a wave
honing its act of breaking
A step I find my heart taking
in a long race towards a finish line
painted with the tears resentment shed
when it realized that all those years were dead
to you
I promise
That had my mind
been given the chance
it would’ve pled guilty
and accepted the charge of the crime
of never giving us the time for a
final dance
Had I been given the chance
I would have tied my heartstrings to yours
and assured that their bond would be a door
that could never be closed with words like
I'm sorry
And as the ship meets shore
my hands and knees break
from begging your covert answers
For more
but nothing came
So each question remained
suspended by nooses
tied with aloof fear just loose enough
for each of them to breathe out another
multiplying my confusion
Love
how could a word so true
so commonly used by you
even whisper a lie?