"*******"
"*******"
"You're such a *****"
"*******"
"You're ******* up your life"
"*******"

Your words echo in my head
Like shrapnel from the knife that stabbed me in the heart
Words you can never take back
Words that tore us apart
How could you do this
To someone you say you love
"Forever and always I promise"
Turned into all of the above
I've given up on people
On the hope of being SOMEONE'S first choice
I'll never be good enough
I'm just the back up toy
Replaced by everyone
Loved by none
Attacked by everyone
And when I look up, they're all gone
I sit here alone
For I can never win
I'll sit in my broken pieces
Until I can love again
Just the **** up that is me
Alone with the thoughts in my head
Always silently crying
Wishing I was dead.

A shot to **** the pain
A pill to drain the shame
A purge to stop the gain
A cut to break the vein
A smoke to ease the crave
A drink to win the game.
An addiction's and addiction,
Because it always hurts the same.

Head pounding
Heart breaking
You're not in reach
Yet I hear you saying
"I love you, I want you"
But not enough
You left me here
My heart turned to dust
I'm walking a tight rope
Being pulled to both sides
Soon I'll just fall
I guess it was a good ride
A good ride while it lasted
But I see it's all over
You may still love me
But you also love her
I don't really blame you
I'm not one to keep
No matter what I do
Everyone leaves
I'm not anything special
In is not where I fit
I guess that's why people leave
But, don't worry, I'm used to it.

That can never be lost
You can try to call it love
But at what cost
You can try to hold on
When you really should move on
Because that spark will fade
Until eventually its gone
Once its finally gone
Itll be just you two
Youll realize there was no love
Youll see how youve been used
When that time finally comes
Just take a glance around
Youll see me, arms open
Because Ill never back down
I know that day youll see
Just whose love was true
And then in the end
It can finally be just us two
I know it hurts to move on
But you were like her pill
She never truley loved you
The way I always will
Youll always remember your first
That memory will always last
But now its time to move on
And leave the past in the past
Im here to help you heal
I know I can help you through
I know you can be happy
And most of all, I know I love you

If its not erasing,
Its ripping.
If its not ripping,
Its cutting.
Erasing.
Ripping.
Cutting.
Treat my body like a blank canvas of paper,
Waiting to be tampered with.
Because paper is nothing until you make something of it.
Nobody frames a blank sheet of paper,
But they place priceless figures on those who are
Erased.
Ripped.
Cut.
Those who are worthy enough to be
Erased.
Ripped.
Cut.
I just want to be worthy
So i
Erase
Rip
Cut
Myself until somebody finds the beauty in me
The beauty to frame me, and hang me on a wall
To show me off to the world
To place priceless figures on me
Desperate for worth
I erase
Rip
Cut
And take it upon myself
To hang me on a wall with frayed string
Attatched to my heart
And with every spectator who looks at me
I realize that they want nothing to do with me
No matter how much i
Erased
Ripped
Cut
I was an amateur in my technique
And with every
Erasing
Rip cut
I erased my beauty
Ripped my worthiness
Cut my price
So i broke the string
That hung me to the wall
And bleached myself back to my original state
Taped my pieces back together
And ironed out my wrinkles
But the thing about paper
Is no matter how hard you try to make it as beautiful as the original
It will forever show the scars
From the battles it went through

I cant stop crying
As my soul is dying
My heart is hurting
And my mouth is drying
I take a sip
To wet my lips
That feeling of release
Puts me at ease
Until the buzz starts to lack
And the pain rushes back
No worries
Ill just wash it back down
This time with a swig not a sip
It may be temporary
But for now Im enjoying it
The pain in my life
Seems to be on full throttle
So for now Ill find my happiness
At the bottom of a bottle
The smooth gold liquid
Taking place of my tears
Caused by the pain
From all of these years
I still cant stop crying
As my soul is still dying
My heart is still hurting
But at least my mouth isnt drying.

Quit playing games with my heart,
because slowly i'm falling apart.
Just be honest and say you don't love me,
i'm feeling so much pain, can't you see.
I love you so very much,
and I miss your kiss, your touch.
Can't you see I miss all of you,
but I have to see that we're through.
It's hard for me to believe,
but there is no more love left to receive.
I hope some day i'll be okay,
for now I think it's better this way.

Take me away,
I don't want to see another day
Take me into the screaming silence of Hell.
Give me rest, let me heal
Don't want to be a part of this spinning wheel.
Go away and never come back.
You killed me with your broken promises
You slowly broke my neck

if lips are made for kissing,
why can't I kiss you?
if arms are made for holding,
why can't I hold you?
if a voice is made for talking,
why can't I talk to you?
why can't you see,
I really need you here with me,
why can't my life be perfect...
why don't you want to be with me?
why do I feel pain, thinking that you're never thinking about me!
why does love hurt, when it's supposed to feel good?
why is my life,
not like it should?
why can't you give me one chance, to prove my love?
cause I am sure, you are sent from up above!
knowing that you love me, would make me so happy!
cause now life is nothing like it's supposed to be,
days are dark, summer is cold,
gold is silver, and silver is gold...
love is hurting, pain is here...
my heart is breaking, you're not near!
you're just in my head, in my heart, in my mind...
and I will never be able to leave you behind!

I was reading my notebook
Dedicated to you
All the different colors
Pink, green, purple, and blue.
I was so drawn
Into writings of past years
And when it finally ended
It left me in tears.
As I flipped through the pages
I was stopped dead in my tracks
When the pages went blank
And I couldn't turn back.
I had reached the end
Not even halfway through
This unfinished story
Of both me and you.
My heart kind of sank
When I saw it was through
But it's time to move on
And I'll always remember you.

People throw knives at one another,
Not so much the cold steel,
But words.
Black and white.

Sticks and stones,
They might now break your bones,
But they sink down
Into something that youll never be able to take back.
Because words are glue,
They hold this world together,
And when i found those words,
You cut into my very heart.

I never thought i did that to you.

I never thought i used my words to cut into you,
But i guess i did,
So i guess its fair.

And now we're both kids at the playground,
Waiting for the other to cry first,
Neither of us wants to,
But this game goes on far too long.

So im going to play on the monkey bars,
Like the child that i am,
Because there is freedom in the sky,
And in the movement of my body.

So im going to go clean out my new car,
And dance in the driveway with my love,
And im

Going

To stop using my words
*Like knives

Used
Lied to
Cheated
Defeated
You used me
And now I see
The evil soul deep in your eye
The evil soul that has made me cry
Youre a monster for making me cry
Youre a demon for making me want to die
You used me to get what you wanted
You caused so much hurt
You played me for a fool
You are such a piece of work
How could you do this?
You were supposed to be my friend
Yet you do what you can to hurt me
Is this really how you want this to end?
Why must you tear love apart
For your own selfish times
Youre not fooling anyone
I see the devil in your eyes
Cant you just accept
It wasnt meant to be
You cant force love
Just to fill your needs.

Pain takes nice people
And turns them to evil things
Words of terror bring them down
Down to the end of their beings.
Pain has changed me
To this morbid person
I cant write of love
I have no reason
I try and try
With no success
No matter what i try to write
It just ends in a mess
Pieces of poems
No one understands
These words i speak
I form with my hands
These words i write
Are filled with demons from my head
I can no longer love
My heart is officially dead
Hung up on your tree
Your tree of love
Hung from a noose
A rope from above
You are on my mind
And in my head
I should be happy
I should be dead
Why am i like this
Only bad thoughts
Why am i like this
Head is always hot
Can never be happy
It always turns bad
For real or in my head
I am always sad
Trapped in my heads prison
Can never seem to escape
Chained down from being happy
My life is one big mistake
No one can ever love me
And the demons in my head
Sometimes i wonder
If id be better off dead

And maybe if i close my EYES.
You wont see the pain i hide INSIDE.
Cant get over all this HURT.
And maybe if i only mourn INSIDE.
You wont see the pain you put into my EYES.

Think about you less and less,
Everyday you miss your chance,
Someday you'll never cross my mind,
And you'll sit there wondering,
Why you wasted your time.
You made your choice,
I'll say it again,
You can't have me,
I can't be your friend,
Throw it all away,
Watch the ashes burn,
Yeah I know we were in love,
But this time it's just not our turn,
Pass me by,
You think I'll cry,
But you've got another thing coming,
I'm no fool,
I don't need you,
To chase me, to not chase me,
Either way, from you I am running,
It's done,
It's done,
The battles been won,
We both lost,
But someday,
Love will carry on.

I sure do make you smile
I wish I said more to keep you here a while
I rarely get to see you
and I struggle with that
I try to be in view
So I'm the one you look at
You're the kind of girl
That I'd do everything for
You're beauty like a pearl
and I wouldn't ask for more.

I still love you
I don't know why I hurt you.
I think to feel so much better than you.
I'm a CuntPsychoBitch that lives in her own FantasyWorld.
But please look at me the way you did before.
I'll never hurt you again.

In this life I live
Ive felt a lot of hurt
And Ive learned to forgive.

No things didnt really go as intended
But you have to keep looking up
And always keep a good head.

People will definitely make mistakes
They'll hurt you more than you thought
But you'll need to know which battles to fight,
And when to just move on

This world is filled with hate and love
The people you love can treat you like trash
But thats why you learn to forgive
If you ever want love to last

The push the pull
No give, all take
There has to be a better way
My heart and mind
They crack and break
I overthink and cry today
Fire and fire
This hate we make
Hopelessly watching this rope fray.

You haunt my dreams
Have for a while now
I try to push you out of my head
But honestly I don't know how
You have this grasp
On my heart and soul
You destroy my mind
And you don't even know
I cant seem to sleep
As you haunt every dream
Though I say I'm okay
Things are not how they seem
You look down on me
And I feel lower than dirt
You try to make me feel low
Well, guess what, it worked
I don't know what to do
I'm not sure how to deal
When no one seems to care
Just how bad you make me feel
"Just get over it"
"Just flip a switch"
Well that's kind of hard to do
When you are such a ******* *****.

You were always there for me,
You held the key,
To my heart,
But somebody turned the card,
You somehow got lost in your tracks,
And you forgot the facts,
You were somehow not there anymore,
You walked out the door,
I couldn't see you and I felt so alone,
From that day on you were gone,
And I swear I don't know what went wrong,
But I'm missing you from that day on,
I cannot live without you,
Don't know what to do,
Everyday that passes by,
I cry,
Every tear that falls down here,
Is a memory of you wishing you could hear,
Me crying out for your love,
'Cause there's just nothing above,
I love you so much,
And I know you love me still, 'cause,
I feel you in my heart still,
Only if you would come back I could find the will,
To carry on again, I would be so glad,
If I would see you again, without you everything feels so bad,
My heart is bruised and broken,
A kind of loneliness has stroke,
And I can't breath without you,
And I can't see without you,
Every night you're on my mind,
By candlelight I pray for the will to fight,
Against the feeling of emptiness,
But it somehow infatuates me and I return trying to stop the crying until dust,
I can't take it anymore,
I can't sleep anymore,
I can't eat anymore,
I can't sleep anymore,
I can't dream anymore,
I can't love anyone anymore,
Only you, 'Caus you have a part of me,
Can't you see,
If you would come back to me,
How happy I would be,
I miss you, so much, I linger for you, Come back,
Somehow you are gone,
But I can still see you,
But it's just a memory,
Without you I only worry,
Why are you gone?
A part of me has left me alone,
I've missed you,
Why are you gone?

She has scars on her legs from the damage you did.
And the apex of her wrists will never be quite the same.
          X's carved into her skin,
                         inadequacy,
                                      self-hatred,
  ­                                                loathing.
She feels weak,
and out of control.
Her flesh will never look quite unmarred.
Imperfections because of you mark her skin,
and she cries because it makes her weak
because you made it hard to breathe.

Escape from reality
No where to go
As i lay on my bed
No where to go?
With these headphones i can go places
With each track is a new adventure
With these headphones its like time travel
Past. Present. Future.
You know you want to turn it up louder
The higger the volume
The deeper you go
Pause, play, pause, then play button
You are trying to groove
But cant help if you are needed
Wish these headphones could make me invisible
"Oh what do you want?
Im listening to my music."

A door
Some walls with windows
Darkness inside
With the blinds always closed
How can someone
Be expected to call this home
And empty building
Where you sit all alone
But here she comes
Shining bright
Bringing sunshine
Opening the blinds
I feel her warmth
Radiate from her soul
Im no longer alone
This house is full
Her beauty so breathtaking
From her head to her feet
With her in my arms
My life is complete
My only wish
Is to spend forever with you
My only hope
Is that you love me too
'Cause with you in my heart
Im never alone
And with you in my life
Ive finally found my home.

Why cant you just back off
You dont have a chance
Youre ripping us all apart
But youre not going to win
All youre doing is causing pain
You need to just move on
You need to just be gone
Goodbye, farewell
Youre no longer welcome at this table
You need to leave fast
Before theres two more lonely people
You never were a problem
Until you forgot how to count to two
Now youre not wanted here
Its just us, no more you
Why do you think its okay
To try and rip love apart
For your own lustfull needs
You have such a selfish heart
You need to leave
All you crave is lust
Youre addicted to the drug
You dont care at all
That we're actually in love.

If you have time,

Call me.
Tell me your sorrows,
Share with me your pain.
I'll face a thousand arrows,
Just to meet you in the rain.

Sing to me.
I will lend you my ears,
listen unto your melody.
I will do this for years,
Even if it becomes a felony.

Cry on me.
Pour your tears,
and let me wipe em out.
Like a handkerchief of fears,
Then you can throw me out.

Love me.
Give me the stars
and I will draw constellations.
Let's sail the seven seas
and embark the greatest fascinations.
Together, lets figure words that rhyme.

That is, if you have time.

Are you asking how I know?
Well I guess I could tell you,
Let's give it a go.
I know I'm in love by the way my heart pounds,
Don't you hear it?
It makes a very distinct sound.
I know that it's true, because I'm not one to blush.
But this feeling she gives me, is this incredible rush.
What do I mean?
Well, my heart will skip a beat or two,
My stomach does flips,
If only you knew.
I get light headed,
And I don't know how to explain why,
But I get so happy, whenever she's at my side.
My pulse will quicken, and my hands will shake.
She's always on my mind, for goodness sake.
I lose my breath, when she kisses me.
It's so overwhelming, I get weak in the knees.
All my thoughts seem to just disappear,
Anytime she comes anywhere near.
And when she's gone, my days seem to never end.
With a deep anticipation to see her again.
To have her lips pressed up against mine,
Or even our fingers, to be intertwined.
She makes me forget everything bad.
And makes me the happiest whenever I'm sad.
I could spend all day and forever by her side,
Because it honestly is nice not having to hide.
Hide from what?
I'll write about that another day.
But as of right now,
I can honestly say.
This is true happiness,
I know, at long last,
Oh look, there she is now,
And my heart's beating fast.

Psychotic, sickly, and weird.
Dont come near,
Cuz im a freak with these fears.
Take the blade to my skin,
Draw a portrait, sink in.
Watch the blood overturn,
These emotions are stirred.
Give me some medicine,
Its alll in my head again.
Even after putting up a front for you a thousand times.
You claw at my sadness,
And pick at my madness.
Numbing out the sorrow thats deep inside.
But everything fades,
Like the sun on a rainy day.
These pills arent enough,
Choking on nothing more than cigarette dust,
Waiting on that novitine rush,
All the while im feeling crushed.
Take a breath
Is all theyve got to say,
Well im breathing,
Still im not okay.
Suffocating,
And keep breathing,
All it takes is one single step i say,
End this madness, im all strung up,
Caught in a mess,
That i dont want to adress.
Fixating on all those things they say,
But whats wrong?
I made a left turn,
I do this to myself.

Wondering when it was
I lost myself to reality.

Wondering why the wind sounds so wrong,
And how long ago was it that it lost its song.
Wondering how many days ago
Was it that the thorn bush lost its rose.
Wondering when the face in the mirror
Seemed to smile, but only shed those tears,
Wondersing what it was like to be a star,
And not the aching within a scar.

Im four years old again
Eyes wide open and unseeing,
Trying to figure out,
What it is i must be believing.

Im four years old again
And im breathing.
*Im breathing

I hope everything's alright.
That you can keep up the fight.
You're gonna get through this bad time.
In the end everything's gonna be just fine.
Because you won't have to do this on your own.
I'm here for you, you'll never be alone.
Every minute of day and night,
I want to be your guiding light.
Remember that I love you with all my heart.
I never want us to be apart.
A big hug from me for you.
This will cheer you up, whatever you're going through.

I'm sorry that I said: I'm sorry
but I had something about to worry..
I'm sorry I told you things wich I shouldn't tell
but I couldn't save this hell

I hope you're not angry, hope you understand
I try to hold you close, but I can't
I wish, wish you were here,
but you aren't, but in someway you're near

Sorry for telling you my deepest pain
but I felt like I was locked in a chain
Now I hate myself for telling you
all that matters and all that I knew

What I told you was a fear of me
the fear is gone since I'm with you, see
hope you don't feel teared
crying, screaming I'm so scared..

I'm alone, alone listening to the sea
the sea which I made down on my knee
I hope you don't mind if I cry
Cause I still don't understand why I told you , why

while I'm crying and writing this piece of poetry
I want you to hold me, I want you to see
how much I care, how much I love you
I want you to know I really do

I remember the day
I remember the place
I remember the thrill
As we stood face to face
I remember your lips
How I knew you were true
But I cant remember
Did you close your eyes too?
Lay down beside me
Hold me and hide me
For your love will guide me
Through all of our good times
And all of our bad
I can honestly say
Ive never stayed mad
Cause you have a way
Of winning my heart
And I know that we
Will never be apart
So promise me baby
That youll stay
Cause I need you
Day by day