If I could breathe under water,
I'd swim to the bottom of the ocean
So when I resurface,
I'll remember I can get much lower than this.

Lying in bed,
A mattress on the floor.
No sheets, but a beer in hand.
The darkness doesn't phase me,
The clock on the wall still blinks from last week's storm. I won't reset it.
I don't want to know what time it is. I don't care.
No sounds arise but the breath of a sweet old dog in the corner.
At least I'm not alone,
And she doesn't care how many beers I've had.

At the end of the day, sometimes I'm sick of taking care of everyone else.
Who the **** is going to take care of me for once?

Sure, it's strong
And beautiful
And poetic
And modern to take care of myself.
Because, woman, and roar,
And I can do it too.

But what about the days when I just don't have the energy left to?
What if I just can't.
Then what? Who?

I cover my face with my hands even when I cry alone
Because I learned pretty early on that you're the only one who can actually dry your tears,
For the same reason that I Crack ****** jokes
To an empty room,
Because laughter after crying always has so much more power behind it.

I just want to remember what it's like to feel warmth from another soul,
Let it shine on me without fear or hiding from the light.
I want to go back to when I didn't feel like I had anything to run from,
Anyone I had to escape before I could feel worthy of taking a new hand.
I want to demolish these walls that I had to build
Just to prove I could keep myself safe
And sane,
Because I'm tired of being the only one on this side.

Crawling out of my skin and scaling the walls
To find the door to a different life.
Opening the refrigerator a million times
Hoping when the light comes on I get a new idea how to handle the chaos.
And driving fast with no hands and my eyes closed
Wishing someone else would pave my path.

The difference is hidden in how I feel even when you're gone.
I still feel whole,
Like a part of me is just somewhere else
But it will be back,
Because it said it would be.
And I don't feel like I'm going to die
Every time I wake up alone
Or rest my head
In my own hands
Because that doesn't mean that
I've crumbled,
It only means I can hold myself together.

I've been lookin' for you.
The one with the kind eyes and the humble laugh,
The smile that spreads across the whole sky
As I find myself lost in the clouds that are born from the scent of you.
I don't think I ever knew what you'd be like,
Other than that the warmth of your heart could thaw my hands after trying to keep me afloat all winter,
That a keen stare could be so gentle that it smooths every corner of my armor,
Or that a tree so steady could bend so far
To show me that soft can still be strong.

I'll take to the streets with my flame,
Light up their darkness
So they can see the strength in my words.

I will not be silenced,
Made meek by the fear that my shoulders are too broad
For their expectations.

I will climb their walls
And fight for my right to love when I want
Or cry when I must.

And when the battle ebbs,
I will calmly sit beside the river and wait for you still.

Someday the words will come,
Before I can draw my sword and straighten my shoulders.
They'll burst from my mouth like a gunshot,
A blast from the cannon in my chest.

Once I'm ignited, there's no stopping the war.

My hands are rough from all the nights I've had to push myself up off my knees.

My lips are chapped from biting back the screams -
Fits of rage still linger in the corners of my eyes. I have been tired.

My shoulders are strong from the weight I carry for those around me.
I'd go hungry to lessen the growls within you.

I'd build a city,
Live on the streets to know I have lit up your nights
And sheltered you from the storm that blows around me.

The journey to insanity seems long,
But worry not, as each attraction is short-lived--
Allowing for only a minute to stop
At each broken heart,
Late nights and early mornings,
Memories of dark
Under-eye circles and unbrushed hair,
And each iteration
Of the inability to recall the last time you ate a good meal.

Once I have the perfect words in my pocket,
I could write love notes on paper airplanes
And preserve our youth -
The novelty of what makes it so  special -
Filling Mason jars with all the ways you make it easier to get through the day.

The hunger darkness has for the scent of the blues
Is what chases away any chance for light to shine upon your waters.
The depths are boundless,
It's easy to get lost in not knowing where it ends.

Is the glass half-empty
Or half-full?
May I be half of you, or would you rather be
Half of me?
What if we
Each made half of us?
Or maybe
The glass was spilled
And as fate would have it
The milk is sour.

Just when things begin falling into place,
Like stars dancing above the earth in some grand display,
The wings fall off the butterflies in my stomach
And the sun burns out.

And then I packed up the tent and retreated to the forest
In search of what I didnt know was lost.

I struck a match to chase out your darkness
And burnt down the whole ******* thing.

She woke up and made the decision not to wear her seatbelt;
She always wondered what it would feel like to fly.

She fell too fast
For him to catch her.
On impact
She shattered,
And his fingers bled
As he tried to pick up the pieces.

As a blooming flower in the garden I'm always plucked,
Used too many times for an indecisive man
To find his way,
Ripping out my petals, singing
"I love her, I love her not."
But as a wildflower, slurping up the raindrops and growing towards the sunshine,
You might be surprised what wishes come true
Now that I've taken root.

When it pours, take my hand
and I'll help you find the music to dance to amongst the raindrops -
If you listen closely, my heart beats to the same rhythm as the lost notes from your favorite childhood song.
When it's dark, follow my flashlight -
I'll lead you into my fort of blankets
And keep you warm through the night.

I've got diamonds in my spine
That help me stand tall and sparkle
But I hide from the sun
So no one sees me clearly.

My heart pounds like a rhythmic explosion in my ears,
And it sets my body on a course, rocking me -
not to sleep like grandma,
But shaking me awake like there's an emergency I cant see.
This isnt music,
It's a battle cry.

I check beneath my fingernails
As if I might find a new place to hide,
And pull the blanket up past my eyes
So I can pretend I dont see the shitstorm coming.
The wind picks up
And for once I dont go to run in the rain,
Instead I roll under my bed,
At peace with the darkness swallowing  me.

My friends are made of cement,
Hard as statues,
never bending to the winds of change
No matter how wild the storms rage.
Somehow they chose me
To join their monument,
Although my corners crumble
And my creases are no longer defined-
I'm not as sturdy as I should be.
How do you ask a statue if you may lean on it?

If I could collect all the tears I've cried
And hand them back to the persons responsible,
Some of you would be dry as the summer sun,
others may be soaked.
But somehow I'll still be the one
Who drowns in the end.

I've been stuck in this spot for hours,
Days now.
Because I know that if I move,
"See you in the morning"
Will become a lie.

The elephant in the room sits on my chest,
Hiding from the rats in the corner.
The rodents squeal and conspire
And play games
As if they understand what's at stake.
I cant breathe well enough
To read them the rules,
So they set fire to the circus I joined.

Does your name define who you become,
Or do you give meaning to your name?
If the latter answers that question,
In what way have I brought pride to mine?

The notion that someone like you
Could ever possibly love someone like me,
Shatters my heart.
I was born a bull,
Crashing through everything I touch,
And you're made of porcelain.

I want to learn little tricks to make me interesting at parties
Because who doesn't love a girl
Who has more to offer than who she is.

I want to know what it feels like to hold me,
Wrap me in embrace,
From the perspective of someone else.
How does my hair smell?
Is the top of my head worthy of small kisses for no real reason?
I want to know if these broad shoulders,
Where I've been carrying the weight of the world,
Appear warm and open,
A place where a tangle of arms and bodies can be left to naturally entwine.
I want to know if my eyes tell enough,
Or if they actually make a bigger mess of what I'm trying to say.

You'll want someone who will guard you in battle or peace,
Exalt with you in feast or famine,
And cradle you through the nightmare until your dreams are born.

You may think you want to do everything yourself,
But nothing in life is more precious
Than a partner that is yours because they want to be.

It's simple for the devil to apologize for his wrongs

When he has no intention of making a home out of the arms that have enveloped him,

No plan to bed down in the memories he has created,

And no desire to keep warm the hearts he has collected all these years.

Writing well falls harshly upon me
As I have to rip down the walls that help me cope with myself.

Like spelunking in a cave filled with diamonds in the darkness,
I have to break things apart and hope the whole thing doesnt collapse.

Heavy sighing
Falls and rises around me

Yet amidst all that comfort
Darkness holds me tight to remind me I'm enough for only myself.

I wouldn't have the anxiety of talking too much about myself

If I could just let someone get close enough to figure me out on their own terms.

Is it really such a bad thing
To want to carry something good and youthful,
Nurture it to a mature and responsible success?
Maybe seeing potential
Isn't always a threat of failure.

I fear the depths of your eyes
Because it's been so easy to get lost.
I dont know what's the sky
Or where the road is unfolding before me.
Those big blue orbs,
Pools of curiosity that beckon me to the edge.
I've always been a risk taker
And I'm thinking about jumping in.

There's a street lamp that I regularly mistaken for the moon
And tonight it reminded me to be careful
Of how bright I think you shine
Because
Your light only illuminates one path.

The only thing I enjoy more than saying your name

Is hearing you say mine.

I can actually enjoy the sound of my own voice
When it's muted in the crook of your neck.
Hearing it bounce back
Means there's something solid before me.

I've been left as an abandoned house -
Dilapidated, displaying broken windows but a locked door.
I was ransacked,
Littered and falling apart.

If you can see the potential
And you exercise patience,
I'll build a mansion around you.

In one small space,
Time ceased to exist and we became the very stars we were in awe of.

You do not have to fall back,
Shrivel small and meek
In fear that your power will intimidate him -
Real men will revel in the beauty of a beast.

Two weeks is a weird amount of time.
Too long to be sick,
But not quite long enough to know someone
And suddenly think that the color of their eyes on a clear sunny day
Is your new favorite color.

I rise every morning to the view of mountains,
An instant homage to my freedom,
An image presented by little angels-
Whispy curtains hovering by my window.
The sun slinks across my bed and demands embrace,
Humbling me to another time,
To night so long
I thought I'd never again be kissed by warmth.

The fan blows quietly and aged snored murmur in the corner. 

The window is open and I dont mind

The sounds of lives, buzzing outside. 

I can almost hear how soft my blankets are as I lay upon them,

Warm light from a low place illuminates mountains around me. 

We are safe.

We are home.

Calm doesn't work for me
Because when I am still,
I climb the walls of my mind
Like I tear at my skin
And pick at my fingers. 

If I'm not having fun, I'm just slowly dying.