Five months ago
  things didn't seem
to matter,
this spiral
             I've crashed down
into was my
every day norm.

           Five months ago
I'd allow myself to
be talked to
any type of way,
find comfort
in your
taunts
lies
    games
            and
   ******

fulfillment
               since
I thought
five months ago
he would change,
            I praised myself for
being in a
toxic relationship
& staying strong,
thought
I'd be weak if I left.

Five
   months
ago
    I thought

I needed
           you,
thought that
I was your soul catcher
the one meant to
protect & support your tyrant ways.

Five
    months
ago
               I'd listen to
you & follow
           your lead,
pray for us
prayed for me,
the answer came
                when I felt lies welling up
constantly
drowning on em choking from
      them swimming deep
like sharks attacking
                   me over & over
I five months ago
felt the magnitude of betrayal
                     felt what I thought was
my world caving in,
          hurt me with your
words then love me
            in bed so slowly,
I laid there most times
                thinking what the ****
am
I doing here-
then
you'd make
       my body react,
make me feel so good,
                  five months ago I'd let you.
Let you control and demand things
                             from me more of myself
                to where
I had barley anything left to give.

        I'm grieving a loss
that's easily mending,

Five months
I'd of begged
        even pleaded,

Five months ago
I'd of ran into those
         strong open arms,
now
       I've recapture
the woman
I wish to become
the woman
     I'm working on.

How's it
         I've allowed you so
  much authority
             over me & courtesies
       of my life,

I made you boss
and
I like the luggage & baggage
I still carry,
you where the one
                  playing with my strings
the puppet- your dummy
a fowl fool

I've been
         but that's
    no longer
relevant
    since
           that was

FIVE Months Ago!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

I'm going to be quick
about what I need to say;

You always complimenting me,
admiration shows in your eyes

when you look at me

but I hardly ever express how
I feel or think when it comes to you.

Baby this innocence
about you drives me wild,

the child-like look you give
me makes me giggle and smile

you're so sweet, so very endearing.

Papi do you know that
when your talking to me sometimes

I don't even hear what you've said,
since I'm so busy watching your lips

watching your smile...

I get worried a bit frighten sometimes

because I never wish to lose you

can't fathom the
idea of you not being here with me

I go off the handle and
with out thinking I end up hurting you.

I'm too rough round the edges,
to harsh & brash with my words

I honestly forget your not like them.

You've never said one
bad thing to me or
done anything to wrong me,

always dedicated and upfront,
surge-coated but honest in all your doings

so much so
I even have access to your cell phone but,

I must explain.

I know this yet when we argue
over the smallest things

I forget, really I do,
forget the way you hold me so close & tight

especially when I've had a nightmare,

I forget the times you've stayed up
with me because I couldn't sleep.

Yet I can never for the
countless times you've apologized

on bended knees, tears streaming down your face.

Or how about when I've tried to leave,
you'd beg of me to stay, carry me to your room

and just hold me  or rock
even rubbing me  to sleep & wiping my tears away.

Can't forget the way you kiss me
so slow but deep causing my head to become dizzy,

the way you make love to me or how you
just touch me even the slightest bit,

how you'll spend on me and give me everything.

Baby from the moment I saw you and we
walked down the street talking,

I knew you'd be good for me.

Your protective strong and so ****
determined to provide for me

all the things I've been left with out for so long.

I cry sometimes,
because
I'm not sure I can handle
the type of man that you clearly are,

I cry too, because
I worry that one day my PSTD mind will take it to far...

So far I'll lose you,
lose us and all the great things we've become.

But Baby I can't forget the times before you,
the unhappiness- my life once held

the lonely nights and helplessness
that no longer exists.

Your everything to me and a Godsend

because of this plus so much more

I'll do my best to remember but

seriously how can I ever*

Forget!?!


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

The blossoms fall,
The wind blows...
And the memories flow.
Upon You I call...
The stream trickles
The birds fly.
And no longer do I cry.
As the star twinkles,
Time has been spent with you,
But the memories are not blue.
As I had wept. Now a smile spreads
across my lips,
As the keys of a piano are touched by fingertips.
There is butter on my bread.
My mind is preoccupied by one,
For my heart is the prize that He has won.