My brain has been infected with memories of years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to smell you again
I want to sense you again

Half of my body lies next to me and half of it lies next to you
Half of my heart is in a jar and half of it in a tomb

My mind is split and I regress into years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to surprise you again
I want to inspire you again

Half of my soul is black and blue and half of it is gray
Half of my stomach is on the floor and half of it in my chest

My love is broken and belongs to years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to lie with you again
I want to lie to you again

The marks on my arm
Remind me of where I've been
Yet don't determine where I'm going

The voice in my head
Reminds me of my failures
But doesn't define who I am

The person in the mirror
Reminds me of me
Although looks nothing like I once was

The people all around me
Remind me of hope
Even though I have forgotten

The world still quite different
Reminds me of the future
And I know that is my goal

I'm done being weak
There's so much to live for
There's so much unknown

I'm done with this pain
It drowns me
It keeps me from hope

I'm done with the darkness
That blocks out my light
That just won't let go

I'm done with it all
And ready to start over
*I am done

I wish you could see me
For who I am
Not just the mask I put on
Nor the costume I wear

I wish you could see me
For what I have done
Not just the charade
Nor the games that I play

I wish you could see me
For I am not what you think
You are blinded by my lies
You are kept from the truth.

I only wish you could see
Yet what would you think?
If you saw me for me
If you could truly see

Storm clouds covered the light
They turned it all black
And forced me to fight
My days were long and dreary
My nights full of horror
I couldn't stay hopeful
That I'd ever see morn
A break never showed
I was to stay imprisoned
In my own mind
Stuck, forever frozen
I began to decline
The voices drove me to madness
My own thoughts against me
Bringing me great sadness
Nothing ever was good
They hoped I would fail
Just one little fault
And the demons would prevail
So I gave them what they wanted
Little did they know
That if I surrendered
They too, had to go.

Silence
A reminder of years long since passed
gazing at the stars blazing history
counting the years
and the scar tissue

Fragile reminders of misuse
karmic justice and accidents
the uneventful days
always bring me back to this

Strength found in moments of exactitude
that only time can reveil
for the present carries on so quickly
the lesson concealed until its history

To revisit the spell of dizzy memory
is like floating on a cloud above the scene
in which you can watch it play
knowingly

The ability to change it
so far from reach
you must wait for the repeat
in the hope that now you'll
possess the eyes to see