I've never token interest  in the weather until we started making calls. It's the same conversation replayed.
What are you doing? Nothing.
How was school? Good.
How's the weather?. It's cold in the mornings but by the afternoon it tends to fade.  
Are you okay? Is something wrong? He notices something in my voice. I catch my breath and fake a laugh.
"I'm exhausted from dance it's nothing dad"
I miss the memories that were never there.
The memories that will never be there.

"Because I love you,
Guilt will fill your lungs and expand your chest
Lust'll become a jealous filled routine
Your subconscious will fall into an abyss of insecurities
I will be your contentment"
  
...

"Because I love me,
I'll spit up your guilty pleasure and learn to breathe on my own
Self-love'll become the only event on my agenda
My conscious mind will rise to the forefront-
demanding a serious tone as I tell of such content rooted within me"

The path to self-love begins as a seed; rooting itself with persistency which later blooms at maturity
An effortless act of nature
Yet perceived as a complex act of egotism

Because I love me, I've found security within my own presence

Attempting to resurrect as the pressure builds
Watching my family lose hope
Laughs not as often
Tears held back
Screams and anger
Not at each other but with ourselves
We watch as life spins and takes its turn deluding our home
Safety in no object nor ideal
Wondering the halls of our worst nightmares
Unable to stop
I wish things where better mom

You don't love me but I can't tell
I'm all alone, it feels like hell

distance;
i keep the distance between us.
we cant touch nor talk.
as i tip toe past your bedroom i make sure to not let a creak sound the floor...
i freeze
my body becomes a muse to the world around me.
reoccuring
once
again
i want to speak.
my mouth cries silent whispers into the air.
ive managed to perfect silent tears.
replaying to many times i cant concur what is real and what lies.
your figure is now a lost presence.
a secret is what this is.
one i shall keep and not speak.
my mouth sewn shut.
a muse to the world around.
a muse to my loved ones who refuse to listen.

It won’t be the end of the world.
The sun will keep on rising,
The clouds will still be moving,
People will be talking,
And the stars won’t stop shining.
Maybe it won’t be the end of the world;
But the end of mine.
Darling I don’t know if I’ll still be living
When I lose you.

Your absence led me to this distant abyss
We kissed and we made up so why not feel bliss
I can't lose you, I love you
I love you but I'm losing you
Let me sit and drown in my own tears as i'm pushed away and dragged back in as i run a path thats only destination is you
Hope fills me like a baloon but this despair is the pressure in the air testing me, poking me with a thin needle that resembles my patience
I'm going to explode soon enough
I should give you all a heads up, im going to dump my pitiful worries on the ones i love

what an ugly metaphor you gave yet I find  myself recreating it once again
Just as my second chances turn to fifths or sixth
I've given you another
And I swear its my last

Perception, you haven't a dollar to look through someone else's telescope but your own. I don't recall paying a cost to see the struggles you dealt with. So what gives you the right to have taken a piece of me when you left. Weren't you supposed to have packed your own bags and take YOUR belongings. Not steal what I've worked on for years, my trust, my hope, my optimism. Forget the heart break. There's more to come. I'll learn to survive without you. I'm engrossed by the fact that I'm missing. You've collected your souvenir. You came as a tourist to explore but you turned out to be an unwanted guest with no actual moral to look through my scope. My view. My perspective. The pain I suffer I revealed to you. You laughed because you didn't believe it to be true just because you never experienced my hurt. You took a piece of me and left a mere sketch of what I no longer call love.

Every drop of blood straining from the open cuts on such precious thighs
Kissing the bathtub floor at last; saying farewell as it's drained
From the relapsing body that lays still, compressed in the sorrows of yesterday but not of tomorrow

The ending will be the same
Blood shot eyes
With stinging tears leaving me marks to remember
I stick around because I love you
Although you trap me in a glass box Somehow making me feel invisibe
One day I'll give up on you
I just wish you knew
That day it's coming soon

I wish I had Summer skin during the Winter hours.

It gives me a natural high
Being next to you
Holding you tight
Watching you cry
Knowing I’m the reason why.

I can’t help but love you,
There’s something here that won’t let me leave you,
While we sit in silence my minds racing,
Heart pounding.


But you never loved me,
It’s a game to you,
Playing me like a doll.

I make excuses for you
Hoping one day you’ll fall for me,
Loving me as much as I love you.

Our frames fitting as though we were two broken pieces of glass, or let it be I, the broken window. Limbs intertwined, as I drag my toe up your leg. Lips meeting my hips tracing up to my chest. I can feel the begging of your mouth through my skin, despite the burning desire you took the time to embrace. Minutes feel like an eternity and your warmth feels like love. Silence. Darkness. We lay side by side. I listen and we laugh. A nonchalant night carried on with dialogue. Maybe I fall too easily and break so fast, but isnt that why every shadow is cast upon the presence of a light?

The silent connection broken.
My secrets held on the edge of discovery.
Forgotten promises.
Lost words.