Babygirl: Poems - Hello Poetry

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4.7k · Oct 2014

Rebel Angel

Babygirl Oct 2014

Rebel Angel

She has always been the one who was different; unafraid.
She was so happy, but i seen the marks left behind from the blade.
She was a rebel, an angel, and all things you define as "misfit."
She was not like the others, she was distant.
She left Heaven and fell to the earth, she is the one who never leaves you.
She is your Rebel Angel, she wants to help you get through.

She is the one who proudly wears her battle scars and defies all the rules.
She is the one who holds you while you cry, and throws away your tools.
She knows the pain you feel, because she herself lives through it everyday.
She doesn't tell you, because this Rebel Angel has fallen; nothin left to say.
She is and always will be the one who listen to the story of your tears.
She will stay with you till the storm clears.

She has fallen from grace, and left all of those she loved behind..
She left, cause they never seen her battle wounds, she was lost in her mind.
She has a secret, she has been hurt, and she longs to die.
That's the real reason she chose not to fly.
Angels can't die, she fell, but when she fell, she fell into love.
He has shown her she doesn't need to leave to be above.

This rebel, misfit, outcast, she is amazing inside and out.
And so are you, there isn't the slightest hint of doubt.
She has fallen from grace, lost all she has loved, but she got somethin new.
She has fallen in love with someone who will be there to always be true.
Don't give up on life my Rebel Angels, you aren't meant to fit in!
You were born to challenge the status quo, don't hurt your beautiful skin.

You may feel lost and alone right now, but i promise you, she is with you.
She knows that pain you go through and she will hold on like glue.
She knows the fight, and she knows you will win the war!
Yes, right now it will hurt and you may be a little sore...
But it will be worth it in the end my beautiful Rebel Angels, don't you see?
This Rebel Angel is him, her, you, and me..

#angel #rebel

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3.1k · Oct 2014

Stolen Innocence

Babygirl Oct 2014

Stolen Innocence

She was 11 when she first realized 'No' doesn't mean no.
It means go ahead, i want you to, go.
She laid there, silent, though her mind was screaming.
She thought maybe she was dreaming.
She was already starting to feel the claws of depression in her veins.
Now he was taking her soul away in chains.

Say no, push him away, do something, he can't do this to you.
She thought, but her mind wasn't sure of what to do.
He is hurting you, stealing your innocence, make him stop!
No, you can't, he will hurt your family if you tell a cop.
Legs spread wide as he takes the one thing she held tightly to.
She tried to close them, he would only force them wider what is she to do?

Stolen innocence is not all he took from her that night.
He took away her ability to fight.
She held it all inside, and she longed to forget..and for a while she had.
She was trying so hard to be happy and forget the sad.
She was livin, but then came the monster..and he had a different plan.
She was all alone left to deal with the beast who was not a fan.

He wasn't the only one who had come to hurt her in that way.
It wasn't the same though, because she wanted it, that's what he would say.
How could she tell him no, he was her boyfriend..
She tried to tell him no as he pried her legs apart, this was the end.
He told her he loved her, he told her, he would never hurt her, but he was.
And soon she closed her eyes and it was all just fuzz.

When he finished, he held her, told her she was his one and only.
But if this is true why does her hurt her...make her feel lonely?
You don't hurt the one you love, not intentionally, cause that's not love.
She was a play thing to hide his dark side; a mask and glove.
He never listened as she would plea, he would only whisper a rough 'I love you.'
She wasn't sure what love was anymore, he took away her innocence too.

Now she is older and all she has done is let men use her body as their own.
She just lay's back and every once in a while lets out a moan.
She still whispers 'No' but they never stop, never hear her pleading.
She is so shattered with one touch you are bleeding.
She tries to pick up the razor edged pieces of herself.
She tried to hide the memories behind a picture on a far off shelf..

All she can do is cry, when he leaves her all alone, she falls apart.
She wishes she could go back to the start.
She tries so hard to change, to stop letting her body not be her own...
Stolen innocence is love, I mean that's what they told her when they were alone.
She longs so much to feel love, real love.
The kind where your heart soars high above..

The only thing she gets any feeling from is the razor she drags deep into her skin.
She does this in order to rid her body of their sin.
She bleeds the screams of a silent mouth, she bleeds the please of a little girl.
She loses consciousness and for once she is at peace, she is back to a little girl.
She knows the way to end the pain he gave her, the burden she bares.
She will end all, now no one will give her those disproving stares..

No one knows the pain she was really in, and now they never will.
If they knew they would understand the power they had to make her ****...
She tried to tell you with the cuts on her wrist...
You just thought she was crazy; darkness kissed.
She cuts the words stolen innocence into her arms.
Maybe you will all see past his charms.

She lays in the puddle of her own stolen innocence as it takes away her choice.
She tried to tell you, she just didn't use her voice.
She begged you to ask her one question..but you never did.
She knew from that moment she would be a troubled kid.
She tried so hard to keep it together, but with every touch, and every hug.
She could feel his arms and hands, like a massive bug.

She lay bleeding the words she couldn't get out of her mouth, though she tried.
She knew no one would listen, not until she died.
So she wore a letter, she explained all she had been through..
And how the pain and the monster just grew and grew.
She never wanted to be so troubled, she never wanted to make your life hard.
But you never once asked why she was always on guard.

You should have listened to the blood flowing from her veins.
You should have seen the way **** held her in its chains.
You should have seen your baby girl change from happy to ice cold.
You should have seen the way he would touch her, or even the way he would hold..
You never wanted to see the pain, you never wanted to know.
So she took the choice into her own hands and her choice was to go..

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2.5k · Aug 2014

Walking in the Rain

Babygirl Aug 2014

Walking in the Rain

She was walking alone in the rain.
All of life was just so full of pain.
She smiles throughout the day.
No one asks, so there is nothing to say.
That's the funny thing, about walking in the rain..
No one can see the tears falling endlessly down your cheeks, no one can see the pain.

She wakes up and she starves herself, trying to be perfect in someones eyes.
No one notices all the pain, or how often she cries.
Depression overtaking her mind.
All she feels is pain, never love; nothing kind.
There is a secret she buries deep within..
And if anyone knew, they would say suicide is a sin..

She is going to let the smile fall, she is going to succumb to the pain.
Nothing more to say as she walks through the rain.
She walks to the place she will say goodbye..
Somewhere beautiful so no one will cry.
She smiles as the blade slides across her wrist.
Darkness has tainted her soul, demons kissed.

She lays down, looking up at the skies.
The most beautiful thing in her eyes.
She starts to close her eyes, the blood flowing free.
She whispers, im coming home, to fly with the angels, can't you see?
Soon her vision fades to black.
She knows, it's to late no going back..

In the rain, she lay there dying.
Everyone thinking she was happy, never seeing her crying..
She hid it well, but you should have seen.
How could you not hear, the nightmare, it made her scream..
You ignored the signs, they were all clearly there..
So, she knew, no one would care.

She took her life, and you sit and wonder why..?
You have no right, because she was begging you every time she would cry.
You ignored her pain, because you were scared..
You showed her, no one cared..
She was a broken heart in a shattered world, she would spend hours in the rain, crying..
When inside, she was already dying..

Famous last words, Im fine, and out came that smile.
When in reality she was begging, look, please save me, go the extra mile..
But you took her word, and that sealed her fate.
She was living in a dying state..
Her eyes could not lie.
So why did you listen, when the tears were always there, about to cry..

You will never know the reasons why.
So don't torture yourself with the questions, because no matter what she was gonna die..
You could have looked and seen, always going for a walk in the rain.
The only time she could clearly express her pain.
She will live in our hearts, a memory..
But what she needed was you to see...

#suicide #death #teen #rain

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2.1k · Oct 2014

Secrets

Babygirl Oct 2014

Secrets

Secrets, they build inside.
This secret she hides, will be the reason why she died.
He was always there, whispering those sweet secrets in her ear.
He would whisper her greatest fear.
He, i bet you wanna know who who he is, right?
He is Depression, the reason she cries herself to sleep at night.

Secrets, secrets, running through her mind, trapped in her head.
Secrets, secrets, she wished, she was was dead.
They started out small, just one word.
Soon, they became all she heard.
Ugly, fat, worthless, broken, sad, not good enough, stupid, lost.
She wanted it to stop, no matter the cost.

He came once in a while, and whisper the secret special for just her.
She was so polite always said ma'am and sir.
No one would have guessed the intensity of the storm inside her mind.
She wishes it would just stop, but she doesn't have anyone to confide..
This is the end for her, she writes a note to a phantom; no one cares.
He sits by watching, she can feel the intensity of his stares.

She writes to her mom, knowing she won't care, she writes three words.
She can just imagine the feeling of freedom; to fly with the birds.
She writes to her siblings, the tears are falling faster than before.
This is what she has dreaded to the core.
Secrets tumbling around her head; she carves them into her wrist.
She has fallen so far down she knows, she won't be missed.

She folds the finished letter and leaves it on her desk.
The scene left behind will be one of the most grotesque ..
She had secrets, hanging from her lips.
But she was to scared they would only make you want her for her hips.
They were there, written in her eyes.
But instead, you believed the lies..

Secrets are like anchors, they are heavy and they weigh you down.
Soon these secrets will cause her to drown.
She takes the blade begins her artwork, with her canvas as her wrist.
This razor is her paintbrush, and with it she will give her story a twist.
She carves the word 'Secrets' into her skin.
She will forever lay in this sin.

The blood creates a pool surrounding her wrists.
She was the perfect one to be darkness kissed.
She had secrets, and they weighed her down.
Now she will stay forever in Heaven with a broken crown.
She was an angel with a dark past, and a twisted mind.
She had finally told all her secrets, she was no longer confined.

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1.9k · Nov 2014

Dear Mommy

Babygirl Nov 2014

Dear Mommy

Dear Mommy, can you hear me?
Dear Mommy, am i the person you wanted me to be?
Dear Mommy, I'm sorry your life is not what you hoped for.
Dear Mommy, I'm sorry grandpa went to Heavens door.
Dear Mommy, I really do love you...
Dear Mommy, don't do it, please, is there anything i can say or do?

I know this isn't what you wanted your life to be like.
But it's like learning how to ride a bike...
Sometimes you have to fall off and scrape your knee..
Sometimes you feel the wind on your face, and finally see..
I know we aren't the best of kids and i promise we will do better...
Please mommy, don't write that goodbye letter...

Dear Mommy, i am writing this to you, though you will never see..
Dear Mommy, i still love you, even after all you have done to me.
Dear Mommy, i am sorry for the pain in your heart..
Dear Mommy, please don't leave us, we have needed you from the start.
Dear Mommy, i don't know what else to say or do..
Dear Mommy, i really do love you.

Life has been hard for you.
And it has been hard for me too.
I want you to know i love you and i will always be here..
Please, put down the gun, you're doing this out of fear..
Taking your life away won't make things any better for you.
It will show us, if life gets hard, we can do what you do..

Dear Mommy, please, don't say goodbye..
Dear Mommy, i know what it feels like to want to die..
Dear Mommy, i can see your pain and i want to help you.
Dear Mommy, if you die, i die too.
Dear Mommy, i am begging you to see..
Dear Mommy, through all this pain, you still have me....

#suicide #sadness #death #loss #mom #killing #herself

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1.9k · Sep 2014

She is Me.

Babygirl Sep 2014

She is Me.

She is crying, alone in her room.
She is the cause of her own certain doom.
She cuts her wrists, and takes pills.
She watches how gracefully the blood spills.
Yet, she is still here..
Her worst fear..

She can't do anything right, she can't even die..
Thats all she wants, she just can't cry..
Stuck in a world in which she is purely alone.
No one to call, not that they would pick up the phone.
She is so tired, the pain to much to handle.
She is alone in the dark with a single candle.

The flame is starting to dim, yet no one notices her eyes.
They never hear her endless cries.
She is dying right in front of them, but they can't see.
She just wants to scream, "Look at me!"
But they don't notice, its like drowning just beneath the surface.
That's all they see, a facade, a hardened surface.

There is one last chance, she pleads, someone, save me.
Someone, please just look and see.
They all say it will be alright, it gets better, just hold on.
But what they can't see, she is already gone.
The tears are endless, they make no noise as they slide down her cheek.
She wipes them away so no one will question; make her speak.

She hides it all away.
Because if you knew, you wouldn't stay.
She cries for her mom, a mom who will never love her, never be there.
She just wants her mom to care.
As the tears hit the page, she writes her final lines.
Her mind a series of land mines.

Goodbye to the one she loves.
Goodbye to the peace of a white dove.
Goodbye to the mother who was there.
She knows, she knows this isn't fair.
Goodbye to the people who stood by her side.
Please, it's okay if you haven't cried.

That's it, that's all.
No one left to call.
Nothing more to say.
As she lay in a pool of blood, life fading away.
Im sorry, but she, she is a girl i know very well.
She is me, can't you tell..?

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1.8k · Aug 2015

Mirror Mirror

Babygirl Aug 2015

Mirror Mirror on the wall...
Can you see the through the most broken of us all?
Can you look in my eyes and see the pain i hide.
Can you feel the pain of when i bit my tongue so hard i cried?
Mirror Mirror on the wall..
You're the one who can see when i drop the ball..

Mirror Mirror on the wall, can you see the darkness in us all?
Mirror Mirror on the wall, can you see the way i walk the tightrope about to fall.
Broken pieces of myself are all that you reflect back to me.
Pain and Anger all that seem to be...
Mirror Mirror on the wall, can you keep my darkest secret hidden?
Mirror Mirror on the wall, can you see whats been forbidden?

Mirror Mirror on my wall..
You're the reason for death i call.
I see my reflection in you and i hate me more and more.
You show me the imperfections i tried to bury in the deepest drawer.
Mirror Mirror on my wall...can't you see?
You're slowly killing me..

Mirror Mirror on my wall, can you see the pounds going away?
Mirror Mirror on my wall, i havent eaten for weeks, im happpy to say.
I don't think you know just what you're doing to this broken soul.
I don't think you meant to hurt her like you did, that wasn't your end goal.
Mirror Mirror on my wall, do i look good enough for you now?
Mirror Mirror on my wall, i am dying because of our secret vow.

Mirror Mirror on my wall, can you see the crack..?
I am skinny enough for you to see my spine through my back...
I am dying, i know it's to late for me...
I just wanted to be perfect, can't you see?
I close my eyes and fall asleep, only to fly with the angels above.
Broken Mirror on my wall, my casket fit my small body like a glove.

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1.7k · Oct 2014

Battle Scars

Babygirl Oct 2014

Battle Scars

She isn't perfect, and she knows that.
She has heard all the things he has said, all the times he called her fat.
She takes and drags the blade over her wrist, she has battle scars.
She longs to disappear and become one with the angels and stars.
There is something about her, something she holds tightly to.
She is lost in the sea of emotions, no idea what to do.

She is a warrior in this world of endless battles; she is on the losing end.
To many injuries all at once to make them mend.
She is winning the battles with scars, but losing the war.
She has been tryin so hard, but what is left to fight for?..
She is on the verge of sayin goodbye to all and giving into the battle scars.
She finds her sanctuary to be hidden in the stars.

This is it, she knows what to do.
She will no longer be around, no one will wonder except one or two.
She takes her razor and she draws a map to the stars.
No one has ever seen her battle scars.
This is the end of hiding behind a smile, when all she wanna do is cry.
She has been dealing with the battles for too long, she longs to die.

She loses the war before anyone even realizes she was fighting one.
They always wonder, why? Why had she did what she done?
Well, here is why..
No one noticed the pain, no one seen her cry.
No one cared enough to ask her if she was okay, so she faked a smile.
No one even went an extra mile.

She took away what you have no right to claim.
She doesn't want you to take the blame..
The choice is what she made, and she will forever lay in the ground.
She never told you about her battle scars, she never even made a sound.
She longed, no, pleaded, with you, begged you to see.
But you couldn't even look close enough to see, that girl was me...

#battle #scars

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1.7k · Oct 2014

Little Angel

Babygirl Oct 2014

Little Angel

She lies awake at night; inside screaming.
All the people in the house lay asleep; dreaming.
His voice begins to whisper into her mind, he never stops speaking.
The tears are always there, they are always leaking..
Her hurt is burdened by pain, loss, and anger.
She longs for the love of a stranger.

Little angel, can you hear my voice?
To end your life, is not the right choice.
Little angel, can you see my face?
It will hold the spot, till love can take its place.
Little angel, can you feel me?
I promise you will have my around always, even when you can't see.

You look at her, and the word that comes to mind is strong.
But when she looks at you, she pleads for you to see you're wrong.
She is trapped in a cage, and she is falling apart.
She has nothin left but the razor edged pieces of a broken heart.
Kiss the wounded parts of my soul..
Give me a heart that's beating, take back this lump of coal.

Little angel, dry your tears.
I'm here to listen, tell me all your fears.
Little angel, don't cut yourself tonight..
I swear it be true, your future will be bright.
Little angel, I know the pain you hide, I know the story buried within..
Darling girl, don't cover yourself in meaningless sin..

You know, little angel, your God is above..
He promises to deliver you all his love..
You must look up and trust he is in your heart.
He has loved you through all the mistakes; from the start.
Take and put the blade away sweetie, you're beautiful no matter what.
Promise you won't pull it out to cut..?

Little angel, this doesn't have to be the end of your story.
Don't close the book, just turn the page, write more about your glory.
Little angel, close your eyes and sleep a restful sleep.
Because no matter what, the angels have your soul forever to keep.
Little angel, this is goodbye for now, but you will see me again soon.
Just remember, i am just above the moon..

#suicide #god #strength #angels #overcome #depressioncuttin

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1.5k · Sep 2015

Hush Little Baby

Babygirl Sep 2015

Hush Little Baby

She sits in her room and remembers the empty words...
They swore they would save her, but she wants to soar with the birds.
One cut to make it stop hurting, to make it go away.
Two cuts, because she will pass out before she sees another day.
Three cuts, because two just isn't enough anymore.
Four, because this one will surely take her to Heavens door.

Hush Little Baby don't you cry..
Mommy swore she would never say goodbye..
Hush Little Baby don't say a word...
Daddy swore he would save you from the screams that went unheard.
Hush Little Baby don't you scream...
No one will be there to save you from the nightmares dream.

She wakes in a pool of her own blood, and it makes her cry.
She was hoping this time it would be it; she would finally die.
She cleans up the mess, because no one can know.
She smiles a smile with an angels glow.
They all think she is happy and fine.
Soon, she will be lost to it all, soon she will be Mine.

Hush Little Baby don't you close your eyes.
They were supposed to save you, now she says goodbyes.
Hush Little Baby don't you fall...
Death is coming and he will help you through it all.
Hush Little Baby don't you die...
Depression will take you and sing a lullaby.

It's to much, and there is nothing she can do...
She tried it all, but no one can here the screams...not even you.
She lays in bed and writes her goodbye.
She doesn't address it to anyone because no one will cry.
Once it's written she sets it down, she knows what to do..
She takes the pills and slices her wrists, she says goodbye to the ghost of you.

Hush Little Baby don't be sad.
They won't even notice, not your mom or dad.
Hush Little Baby don't fear the other side.
Your baby sister will be the one to find you had died.
Hush Little Baby don't feel bad...
You made your choice, it's to late to be sad.

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1.3k · Dec 2017

A Letter

Babygirl Dec 2017

A Letter

This is a letter to the mother i lost way too soon.
This is for the mother i can only see when i look up to the moon.
I can’t breathe without you, how could you leave me?
I thought i was prepared for the worst case scenario, but this is nothing like i thought it would be
I am dying a little more with every breath i take.
I don’t know how long i can stay alive, i've only lasted this long for your safe.

A letter written to someone hidden in the stars
A letter to a mother who caused me the most scars
A letter i will never be able to send.
A heart so broken i'm not sure it will mend.
I lost my soul when you went into the arms of the angels, leaving me alone.
I didn’t think i could hurt this deep or this much, but i can feel it down to my bone

I am 19 and i don’t know how to live without my mom and dad
I hate it when everyone tells me it is okay to be sad
I am not sad, i am not grieving, i am dying and no one can see it.
I wonder if anyone would even care if i just didn’t fit…
Didn’t fit into this puzzle they call life,
Because when you died i lost my smile, and now all the pain i feel is being stabbed with a knife

A letter i write you will never see
A letter i write because the pain is just too much for me.
A letter baring my soul to anyone who will listen to the pain
A letter to make sure i don’t lose it all and go insane.
This letter is written as tears stream down my puffy red cheeks
Because as i write this letter life slowly leaks…

I am lost in a world full of people who have no idea how close to the edge i am
They think i am surviving, and moving on… then wham!
It hits me again, when i want to dial your number and know there won't be anyone on the line
It hits me hard when i realize i will never be fine
I have tried my best to keep from doing what i know would cause more pain
But it’s too late to keep the thought out of my brain

A letter to anyone who will listen to a broken girls final plea
A letter written, because soon i will give in and no longer be me
A letter to say im sorry for anyone who will be hurt.
A letter to let you know i am okay with being buried in the dirt.
A letter to write my final goodbye,
A letter to write, you have no right to cry.

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1.2k · Oct 2014

Mommy & Daddy

Babygirl Oct 2014

Mommy, help me.
Daddy, look and see!
Help, anyone, he is coursing through my veins.
He has taken my soul and wrapped it in iron chains.
Mommy, he is taking over, I'm losing all i have become.
Daddy, please, it's hard not to give in; succumb.

Mommy, i know you're sick, but please don't leave me.
Daddy, i know you didn't wanna but you left and i don't know how to be..
I am trying to make you both proud, but i feel like im failing.
I am goin to give into the monster, he is prevailing.
Mommy, please don't cry..
Daddy, please don't hate me for wanting to die.

Mommy i love you, and im sorry for the pain i put you through.
Daddy, i know this wasn't what you would have wanted me to do.
I am sorry for not being strong enough to beat the monster inside my veins.
I have been broken and he is all that remains.
Mommy, i wish you could see me grow..
Daddy, i wonder do you hear me calling you when i know the wind will blow?

Mommy I tried to tell you about the pain i was hiding.
Daddy, i know this is something i shouldn't be deciding.
I know the pain it will cause mommy and i know i will regret it later.
But the pain i feel is greater..
Mommy, i am leaving soon to be with daddy in Heaven..
Daddy, the best memories ended when i was seven..

Mommy, i am lying here in my own blood, cold as ice.
Daddy, help me, i wish i would stop and think twice!
'Get up, get help, scream, get someone to hear you..' the thoughts swirl in my brain.
But i can't there is no way to open my mouth, there is so much pain.
Mommy, i tried to change my mind, but it was to late..
Daddy, is this really what is supposed to happen, fate?

Mommy, if you're reading this, i want you to know my last thought was you.
Daddy, hold my hand, I'm scared to lose you too.
Watching my own funeral i let the tears fall.
I see your face and i scream your name, but you can't hear my call.
Mommy, i love you and im sorry i had to cut my life short.
Daddy, mommy will die without my support..

Mommy i was selfish and thought of myself before you..
Daddy, do you think she will ever forgive me for what i had to do?
I will always watch over you from the stars above.
Sending you peace with the sight of a mourning dove.
Mommy, i am always in your heart..
Daddy, this is what was supposed to happen from the start...

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1.2k · Nov 2014

Memories

Babygirl Nov 2014

Memories

Memories are monsters, and I don't mean the kind who live under your bed.
These are the kind that hide in the shadows of your head.
They sneak up when you least expect it and choke you.
Gasping for air, but they just hold tighter, taking all the life out of you.
Good ones are monsters of the past.
Bad ones are the monsters who put you in a cast.

Good memories haunt the days of sadness, they show what you had and lost.
The bad are willing to end it, at all cost.
The good ones scream for hope.
The bad cut your wrist and tie the rope.
Memories haunt her wrists.
Memories haunt the shattered pieces of her soul, leaving a darkness kiss.

You wanna know what she does to hide the pain?
All the ways she holds herself together, so she can stay sane.
That smile you love so much, it holds back a darkness unknown to you.
She cuts her wrists to make sure you never do.
She is shattered, and on the verge of saying goodbye.
But none of you will cry.

She wanted her mom, that's all, but when she tried...
Her mom told her she would be better off if she died..
So, that's what she will do, take away the pain of her mind.
All the memories at first were pleasant and kind.
The one person she needs most is lying in a grave.
She is trying so hard not to be afraid, but she was never good at being brave.

She draws her memories in blood, because no one can see the pain she hides.
She is stuck between two divides.
What do you do when you have no one and nothing left to live for?
When death comes beckoning with an open door.
She ran into the arms of the monsters; faded memories.
They swallowed her in sad melodies.

She whispers into the night, knowing no one will hear her pleading.
She longs to make it all stop, especially the bleeding.
Bleeding, bleeding, bleeding, and more bleeding, the blood won't stop flowing.
The room is spinning and glowing.
This isn't what He would have wanted..her dad.
He would be angry, hurt, disappointed...sad...

But this isn't how it's supposed to be, she is supposed to be okay.
But what is okay, who even knows what it feels like to WANT to live today?
She is done with this life and all those who promised to make it better.
But who to write goodbye to, no one would read her last letter..
No one would take the time to read her goodbye, so she won't write one.
Don't play dumb..don't wonder why she did it; it's done.

'Goodbye to the one who loved me truly.
Goodbye to the depression who made me do this so cruelly.
Goodbye to the mother who never wanted me alive.
Goodbye to the one who knew i would thrive.
Goodbye to the one who was always there for me.
Goodbye to the one i never got to be...'

Her final words, but who will even care.
No one will even notice her empty chair.
Just another nameless face in a crowd.
She was once so full of life and proud.
But now it's all over, and she is saying goodbye.
She was the one who you never tried to save, the one who you let cry...

Continue reading...

1.1k · Sep 2014

Save Me?

Babygirl Sep 2014

Save Me?

Save me, please, save me.
I just want you to look a little closer, then you will see.
I am the girl of all my poems, i am the one slowly dying..
I am the one who is always crying.
I am so close to the edge, and i feel like i am gonna fall.
So, why won't you look, why can't someone save us all?

My whole life has been a secret storm brewing to its head.
Every night, crying alone in my bed.
I begged a phantom to be my mom, and love me.
But she can't love me, because she can't love herself, you see?
I had a father figure, he was the best of the best.
He was my rock, and now he is gone; at rest.

I had a family, and a "normal" life once, then the monster came.
He goes by the name Depression, and things have never been the same.
Have you ever felt so alone you could die and no one would care?
So lost that all you can do is smile and stare?
I feel like that every minute of everyday.
And i try to people, but there is nothing they can say..

I want to die, i don't want attention, i want to die.
I want to never have to wake up or cry.
I want to forget a world that has forgotten me.
I want someone to save me.
I want someone to hold me while i cry..
Tell me they need me and i can't die.

I just want my daddy back, i want him alive, and here.
I don't wanna be without him another year..
I want my mommy to not be sick anymore.
I don't wanna have to watch her go through all this pain; be sore.
I just want things to be better, but that will not happen anytime soon.
So, now i will end this all under the pale light of the moon.

Continue reading...

1.0k · Aug 2014

I thought...

Babygirl Aug 2014

I thought...

I thought you loved me, i thought you cared..
But the truth is, you were just to scared.
This is the reality, i guess, it wasn't meant to be.
But i guess that's not what fate had planned for me.
It hurts to know, how i felt was never returned, that it was all fake.
I guess my smile will always be hard to make.

A dreamer with her heart in the sky.
To bad, soon she will always long to die.
You see this dream i have inside, it will soon all fade.
And the consequences will be present for the actions I've made.
Just give it a chance, i thought..
But it was to late and we fought.

I thought this would be the reason never to cut again, but i was wrong.
This is why Depression has once again come to sing its evil song..
A slice of a blade, a swallow of pills.
This Depression is a monster and it kills.
I thought i would be alright.
I thought this would make my life bright..

A single pill to sleep the night away.
A handful to never see the light of day.
I thought i could control it, the monster inside me.
But guess what, he is finally free..
A single cut, and how does the blood flow..
All around the edges start to glow.

Another to ease the pain of whats hidden inside..
I wonder, who would care if i had died?
Love is a trick of the mind, an imbalance, a rush.
The way the look at you is perfect, when you have a crush.
Well, its all a lie.
I thought he would never make me cry...

I thought if i wrote a letter...
Maybe someone would see and it would all get better.
But they didn't notice me.
They believed the smile, they saw what i wanted them to see..
They never saw the artwork i made with them in mind..
They didn't say it was beautiful, how unkind.

So, one last day to pretend..
I'm sorry to all those who thought i was a good friend.
The last piece of artwork will cover my wrist.
So long world, you will be missed..
If you knew this was my final goodbye..
I wonder, would you cry?

I thought i could handle this.
I thought i could live without your kiss.
I thought i was enough for you to love.
I thought it would be better to float with the angels above..
I though you would cry...
I thought it was time to say goodbye...

#love #heartbreak #suicide #sadness #death #loss #teen #goodbye

Continue reading...

1.0k · Oct 2014

A Letter Between Lovers

Babygirl Oct 2014

A Letter Between Lovers

His smile is what makes my day.
The way he tell me he loves me without knowing what i may say.
He and I are so good together, it seems unreal.
I never knew this is how love could feel.
His voice makes me smile for hours.
It's like he has these magical powers.

He is broken, just like me.
It's crazy how he understands all the parts he was never supposed to see.
I haven't felt his warm embrace, i dream of his arms holding me tight.
He makes all the wrong in my world seem right.
I know we haven't been together long, but the way you make me feel..
You give my life meaning and make my shattered heart feel real..

The way this is, it's something of fantasy.
I am waiting for the dream to end, because this doesn't happen for me.
The amount of trust you have..the amount of love you have of mine.
If i lose you, i don't think i could ever be fine.
The insecurities you have, are what i love about you.
Because they give me reason to shower you with my love.
The way you talk of our future, is the peace of a dove.

I know i am not the best.
I know i am different from the rest..
But i will love you with my whole heart, now and forever more.
A Letter Between Lovers, what could fix all of mine which has been tore.
I don't want this to be like those of the past.
Because it will ruin us fast.

We can make it through anything in the world, cause lovers fight.
We fight for what is our right.
Our right to love, and this letter is our secret bond bein sealed.
You are the only one who has been able to help me get healed.
So, what im tryin to say is, i love you for who you are.
You are the best thing i have, my very own shining star.

#love #forever #letters

Continue reading...

1.0k · Jun 2016

Angel Girl - Revised

Babygirl Jun 2016

Angel Girl - Revised

She sits in silence so no one will see.
She lays in her own tears because some days it hurts to be.
She is trying to keep the demons at bay...
She is holding so tightly onto broken words people say.
They're cutting her hands and soul, trying to help them all.
She would soon see, some you have to let fall.

Smile baby girl, don't let them catch on.
Keep it all inside, because soon you'll be gone.
Smile baby girl, the pain won't last long.
This is your life, a sad song.
Smile baby girl, I can see the pain showing through.
Don't let that smile falter, it's the most beautiful thing about you.

Do you still have the nightmares as you lay?
Do you wonder who would come to a funeral in May?
Think of how the cuts feel when pressed into your wrist.
You may smile beautifully, but you're shadow kissed.
You want life to end and to be over.
You have never had good luck; a three leaf clover.

Don't cry baby girl, I know you're in pain.
This is just a circle girl in a square frame.
Don't cry baby girl, when you watch your blood flow.
The world will stop and your heart will glow.
Don't cry baby girl, when you start to die.
Life will end, and you will fall into the sky.

She knows that death is near.
She knows that blade is the last thing to fear.
Her blade is warmth and the kindest friend.
He will bring about her most comfortable end.
She lay smiling in a pool of her own demise.
She smiles because she knows everybody dies.

An angel girl you have become.
Fallen from heaven, you return to where you're from.
An angel girl with a broken soul.
Your wings are cracked, your heart broken, but Heaven is still your goal.
An angel girl no longer on this plane.
She did it, she won, she had let all that's left of her life drain.

Continue reading...

960 · Jan 2015

Code Blue

Babygirl Jan 2015

Code Blue

Code Blue..
My heart is beating through...
Code Blue..
Her spirit has flew...
Code Blue...
She has left me alone with no clue..

The monitor has a flat line..
They say that she will be just fine..
I can't breathe..the room is spinning around me.
She said maybe it's her time to be free.
Code blue...
Please, momma, don't leave me...

They bring her back, and say she is "stable"
About as stable as a broken, wobbly table..
She is in and out of the black..
I pray she never goes back.
Code Blue..
She finally flew..but now she's back and there's nothing you can do..

Continue reading...

956 · Oct 2014

My Story

Babygirl Oct 2014

My Story

I see the pain hidden behind your eyes.
I hear the sound of your tortured cries.
I feel the pain in your body, i feel the battle scars.
I know what it feels to wanna be in with the stars.
I know these things, because i have the same secret hidden inside.
I have the same thoughts; no one would care if i died.

I smile at the people who claim to know me best..
But they will one day be left wondering, just like the rest..
You don't know me..
You know what i want you to see..
I hide the battle scars, i hide the pain.
I bet if i told you what i really thought, you would call me insane.

He calls my name in the middle of the night..
I try to resist, but he takes control with little to no fight..
I am falling to pieces at his feet, he is going to be the victor of this story.
It's really sad, he will claim his prize in all its glory.
I find a sanctuary inside the words i write.
I tell a story as though its someone else's, one that could be bright.

I know the ending of my story, i have known for years.
The answer was revealed to me in all the fallen tears.
I hide all the emotions inside, and i build up walls.
I do this, because when you get close to me, he calls.
I don't mean to be this way, i would change if i knew how, but i don't.
And who knows, maybe it's more of i won't...

This is a chapter that has been rougher than all the others, but it will end.
And nothing will ever be able to mend..
This time the chapter isn't gonna end, my life will, i will end it myself.
Do you know what it feels like to live, while bein at war with yourself?
It's like there is constantly a war goin inside of my mind.
All the days i wake up, i hear his whisper those words i know are unkind.

I won't say goodbye, not yet.
I just thought you should hear my side before you place a bet.
I wager that i will live for a few more months, maybe a year.
But i know when i'm gone it will be few who shed a tear.
So, for now i will say see you later, and remember you're not alone.
Ha, maybe I can be magic and make you a clone..

Continue reading...

918 · Nov 2019

Dear Brown Boy

Babygirl Nov 2019

Dear little brown boy, don’t be afraid.
Do you know how many times momma has prayed?
Surrounded by love and light in a world filled with hate.
Hands up, don’t speak, otherwise you’re guaranteed one fate.
Momma has to teach you things other boys your age don’t need to know…
It’s to make sure you’re safe when you go.

Dear little brown girl, don’t let them judge your dark skin.
God worked really hard, and gave momma a perfect girl free of sin.
You’re beautifully sculpted despite what they say.
You are deserving of love and respect, EVERY DAY!
There are things momma has to teach you, other girls don’t need to know..
So love your brown skin, because baby you glow.

Dear little brown boy, you’re growing up way too fast.
Momma wishes there was a spell she could cast…
One to let the world see your beautiful soul, and not the “weapon” they call skin..
Sadly, little brown boy, this is a war we won’t win.
Don’t let them change or break your spirit…
Because there are many in this world who will fear it…

Dear little brown girl, you’re getting so big and have plans for your life..
You talk of children, and being a wife..
Momma watches, knowing what the world will try to take…
Just don’t let them see how much you have to fake.
They will fear you babygirl when you walk by…
Don’t let them change you into the bad guy!

Dear brown babies, mommas got your back.
That perfect melanin skin, well momma won’t let it crack.
Dear little brown boy, you can be anything in this world you wanna be.
Football or basketball, aren’t the only things for you, don’t you see?
Dear little brown girl, let your soul shine through…
Because momma is here to support whatever you do..

Continue reading...

817 · Oct 2014

A Whole New Beginning

Babygirl Oct 2014

A Whole New Beginning

She is just like any other, only she harbors a dark secret inside.
On the outside she smiles and laughs, but within she has already died.
But hey, smile, make them believe the lie.
I bet you didn't know, all she does at night is cry.
But hey we all have our secrets, I bet even you bury them within.
She isn't dead, because she was raised to believe Suicide is a sin.

She goes to the only safe haven she knows, words.
They sing the most beautiful song of the birds.
They wrap her up nice and tight.
They hold her until everything in the world is right.
Words are the most beautiful thing in her world, the only thing.
They ease the pain of the blade, take away its sting.

Nothing matters when she falls into the world of words.
She finds a sanctuary with the nerds.
There is a hole left in her soul.
She is searching for her missing piece to finally be whole.
She has a secret even bigger than the storm ragging through her mind..
She has battle scars covering he whole body, they are unkind.

The horrific scene on her body is nothing like the damage in her head.
her body is cloaked in dread, she knows she should be dead.
They bully her more than anyone knows..
That's probably because it never shows.
Haven't you ever wondered about the sweatshirts and pants?
They way she moves as though she is in a trance?

Going through the motions, holding together a shattered life.
She drags the blade of a knife...
It takes a lot to hold together the razor edged pieces of a broke heart.
She is a masterpiece, a true work of art.
The angels made her special, inside and out.
Best believe she will make it through this world, no doubt.

The pain will one day subside.
She will know she could have always done more; tried..
She won't give up, because a few don't want her to be on this earth.
She will stay, fulfill her dreams, be a mother; prove she has worth.
This isn't the ending, but a whole new beginning, one she will choose.
It will all begin with Love as her muse.

Continue reading...

806 · Oct 2014

Free Falling

Babygirl Oct 2014

Free Falling

Have you ever felt the freedom of closing your eyes and falling?
Just listened to the whispers of the wind calling?
Then waking up just before hitting the ground; it was only a dream.
Free falling, only you never realize, so you don't try to scream.
You lay back and just enjoy the ride.
This is the story of a ride that lead to how he died.

He was just like you and me.
Maybe a little quiet, but always smiling at everyone he would see.
He was a little odd though, he would shy away from my touch.
I didn't dwell on it to much.
I wish i had seen the pain that was lying behind his smile.
I wish i could have saved him from the pain that had been for a while.

After not to long, I fell for him and he me.
He would give the best hugs when i needed them most, he could see.
I would kiss the scars that line his wrist; he would smile with his eyes.
I held him and listened to him for hours to stop the cries.
And one day i thought he was sick, he wasn't in school.
I look back and i think, how could i have been such a fool?

He was home alone, and he knew the love i felt for him, but he was done.
I thought i could be the one...
He slid the blade over his wrist, once, twice, and thee times.
I still think of him sometimes.
He died in my arms, i tried to save my heart, my love.
He was the only peace in my life; a mourning dove.

I think of him often and the burdens he carried.
I wasn't there to see him buried...
I couldn't watch the love of my life be put in the ground..
He was lost and i thought i had finally found...
He never said goodbye..
And i will always wonder why..

I went to the bridge, and i stood there staring..
Wondering who left in the world was caring..
I closed my eyes as i imagined the feeling of Free Falling..
The whispers of the wind as if it was my name he was calling.
I would stand up and let go; free falling into a new world, to mars.
Now, he and I are joined as one in the stars.

#love #suicide #falling #free

Continue reading...

781 · Feb 2016

An Angel Girl

Babygirl Feb 2016

She sits in silence so no one will see.
She lays in her own tears because some days it hurts to be.
She is trying to keep the demons at bay...
She is trying so hard to hold onto broken glass as it lay.
Cutting her hands in the sharp edges of herself, taping it back.
She has lost her heart and had it broken so many times she lost track.

Smile baby girl, don't let them catch on.
Smile baby girl, because soon you'll be gone.
Smile baby girl, the pain won't last long.
Smile baby girl, life is a sad song.
Smile baby girl, I can see the pain showing through.
Smile baby girl, you know what to do!

Do you still have the nightmares as you lay?
Do you wonder who would come to a funeral in May?
Think of how the cuts feel when pressed into your wrist.
You may smile beautifully, but you're shadow kissed.
You want life to end and to be over.
You have never had good luck; a three leaf clover.

Don't cry baby girl, I know you're in pain.
Don't cry baby girl, this is just a sick game.
Don't cry baby girl, when you watch your blood flow.
Don't cry baby girl, when the world starts to glow.
Don't cry baby girl, when you start to die.
Don't cry baby girl, when you fall into the sky.

She knows that death is near.
She knows that blade is the last thing to fear.
That blade is warmth and her friend.
That blade will bring about her most comfortable end.
She smiles as she lay in a pool of her own demise.
She smiles because she knows when they see her funeral there won't be cries.

An angel girl you are.
An angel girl with a heart of scar.
An angel girl with broken wings.
An angel girl with a broken song to sing.
An angel girl no longer on this plane.
An angel girl whose soul is on Heavens train.

Continue reading...

747 · Aug 2015

The Story Of The Little Girl

Babygirl Aug 2015

The Story Of The Little Girl

Wanna hear a story?
One with blood, and all things gory...
There once was a girl with a perfect smile.
She did everything to make sure no one would hurt, though she did for a while.
She was just like you and I.
The only difference, this girl made a plan to die.

Grab your gun, and tie your rope...
She sits in tears and gives up hope.
Don't forget to hide the pain you hold inside.
Don't forget no one would care if you died.
Grab your knife and carve your wrist...
She lays in a pool of her own blood; darkness kissed.

However the story doesn't end there..
Some say it should, but what about the others who care?
The little girl didn't think about the ones who she left behind.
She didn't think they would feel the pain, she was blind.
Watching as she sees the ones who cry...
She sees a baby sister walk in as she began to die.

Grab your pills, and swallow the pain away.
Numb to emotion, the only way to live another day.
Smile, they can see through your mask.
Hurry, pull down your sleeve before they can ask.
Grab your bottle, and drink a little more..
Pass out in a strangers bed and forget the emotional sore...

Continue reading...

739 · Oct 2014

Safe Haven

Babygirl Oct 2014

Safe Haven

Words, when all else fails, I can fall into the beautiful caress of words.
I can piece together a beautiful love story, or fly with the birds.
I have always been alone, but it's better that way.
At least that's what he would tell me, and I believed all he would say. was so broken, and so lonely, but no one took a moment to see.
No one wanted to see the pain building up inside me.

Those words were my Safe Haven, they protected me from his voice.
They made me feel like i finally had a choice!
I have been pretending in life for about six years.
Can you imagine all the fallen tears?
I used to lay awake at night crying.
I would pray for my final night in which i would soon be dying.

The night would soon come, i was home alone.
I was thinking of you, it felt like a knife had gone straight to the bone.
I wrote a letter, letting my Safe Haven embrace me for one last time.
Did you know, at one point Suicide was a crime..
I grab my paintbrush and i drew your name into my skin; no goin back.
The blood began to flow out freely, and soon it was black.

No one came; I laid there dying for minutes, but it took you hours.
I bet no one will visit me and leave flowers.
I had used my Safe Haven for as long as i could; death was calling me.
I wished i could have know all the people who loved and cared about me.
What if, what if you could take it all back, undo it all.
Would you give up your halo and fall?

You have a choices in this life time, you really do.
With my Safe Haven i have the world at my fingertips, so do you.
Just look up into the storm that is raging and find the sun.
Because i promise someone cares, even if it's only one.
I love you all; i will always be here if you need someone to be that one.
Just promise, until you have lived life, you won't give up and be done.

Continue reading...

638 · Nov 2017

Ugly Truth, Beautiful Lie

Babygirl Nov 2017

Ugly Truth, Beautiful Lie

Wanna hear a secret, a story if you will..
One where Death is good, and Life is the one to ****.
She was lost in a world of hurt and lies.
She was sure to make sure no one saw her cries.
This story isn't one with a happy end..
This is one about a girl who could so easily blend.

She was perfect, because no one knew.
She was holding herself together with just tape and glue.
Today she woke up and knew it would never be the same.
She knew, because the angels had already came.
Wanna hear a secret, just between you and me?
That girl you think you know, isn't who she claimed to be.

She was all smiles, and full of sunshine.
You would never even hear her whine.
On the outside, she was pristine and the girl we all wanted to be.
On the inside she was begging someone to hear her plea.
All diamonds are made when pressure is added to them.
She was feeling that pressure and it was making her numb.

Death comes and whispers in her ear..
"Baby girl, your mommy and daddy are here.."
She longs to follow but Life is quick to jump in.
"Don't you dare leave, you won't be forgiven for such a sin."
She stands torn between an Ugly Truth and a Beautiful Lie.
She takes the blade and rush of warm fills her, silencing her cry.

Continue reading...

628 · Oct 2014

Famous Last Words

Babygirl Oct 2014

Famous Last Words

"So, there is this guy," the famous last words, before indefinite heartbreak.
She knew she should't fall so hard, not just for his, but her sake.
But it was to late, she was head over heels for him, and he was falling more & more.
She was like a ship on the ocean and she was way to far from shore.
She was losing her grip on reality, and falling into this love drunk state of mind.
All the bad things were gone and all the feelings were kind.

They are so different yet one in the same.
They will be that couple where everyone knows their name.
Famous Last Words, I am in love with you.
No way to say it without fear of what the other will say or do.
But she whispered it as her walls began to crumble down before her eyes.
Now she has someone to listen and hold her as she cries.

He listens and makes her happy when no one else can.
She is his biggest fan.
He makes her laugh when all she wants to do is cry.
She has let those Famous Last Words out of her mouth and she feels like she can fly.
The pain and the heartache is almost gone, but there is still a little piece sayin, "No."
But it's to late her heart and her mind are in different places, and she wants to go.

She was once so lost and broken, then her angel came and he showed her hope.
Now when she is going though something he is there to help her cope.
There is a reason they are called Famous Last Words, they are the ones that stay..
Those words can make or break anyone's day.
She has whispered them as she held out a shattered heart for hime to love.
He has given his Famous Last Words and his heart fits with hers like a glove.

Continue reading...

622 · Nov 2014

I Miss You

Babygirl Nov 2014

I Miss You

It's been three years and seven months since i seen your face.
I remember when i was little, and you would chase...
You were the dad i never had, and for that i am forever thankful.
When i think of you, i can't breathe and it's too much to handle.
I am sorry for the pain you went through, i wish i could have taken it from you.
I miss all the times we would spend together, and the time i could talk to you.

I was there on your last day..
And i didn't even know what to say...
I wanted to whisper i love you, and it will all be okay...
And at one point i did, but, you didn't make it to see another day..
I should have stayed by your side like you stayed by mine.
But i was selfish and i thought you would be fine.

I'm sorry daddy, for all the pain you felt before the end.
I miss you and i don't know how to make it through; to pretend.
I would give anything in this world to see you one more time...
I would give anything; commit any crime...
I never knew what i had until i lost it, and now i have to pay the price.
I would give anything to be able to go and make up for not being so nice.

I watched the monster inside slowly take over your body, i watched you die.
I held your hand as i watched you laying in agony, but you didn't cry.
I wonder, were you being strong because you know it was the end...?
....Or were you being strong, because you knew i would fall and bend...?
I would have done anything to take the monster out of you and put it in me.
But I guess that's not how it happens, see...

I grew up knowing I had the best grandpa in the whole world...
I remember when you watched me as i twirled..
All those good memories are just wiped away by the pain of your memory.
I would do anything in the world to have you back in the world with me.
There are days when i wake up and i just wanna close my eyes and fade away.
I wake up thinking, 'Why do i have to live another day..?'

I don't want this life, and you fought for it...so shouldn't i be grateful..?
But instead i am hateful.
I want to tell me it's alright, that i will be okay..
That i will soon see a better day..
But you can't and i have no idea how to accept that you're gone from me.
I would give anything to have you back, give anything to just see...

You are the one other person in this world who believed in me..
You never judged or made me feel not good enough, you saw me for me.
I am sorry for the pain you went through; you never leave my head.
I think of you, and all i wanna do cry and lay in bed...
But it's time to say goodbye...
No more pain left, and no more tears, because i know you are always nearby.

Continue reading...

595 · Nov 2014

Saying Goodbye

Babygirl Nov 2014

Saying goodbye is always the most painful, knowing it's the end.
Saying goodbye, because there is nothing to say to mend.
Saying goodbye, to the one you love most, because it was your heart he broke.
Saying goodbye, is so hard, because the words choke.
Saying goodbye, this is the end of what was supposed to be 4ever.
Saying goodbye, because the soul has come to sever.

Continue reading...

579 · Oct 2014

Almost Four Years

Babygirl Oct 2014

Almost Four Years

It's the moment where she has to hold back tears.
Bam, bam, the sound of her heart against her ribs as they confirm her fears.
Phone in hand, soft words whispered so easily destroying her heart.
She knew this was comin from the start.
She wasn't ready, not yet!
She dropped the phone, and she knew it was fake, a joke; bet!

"I'm sorry, but grandpa is dead..."
Her heart was beating so loud she wasn't sure she heard what she said.
She started to breathe faster, pulling on clothes to go see for herself.
She was so shocked she left all the memories on a shelf.
There he was..lying perfectly still in the bed of his choice.
She was in to much pain to open her mouth and use her voice.

They dressed him, and she stood frozen in fear.
She didn't even shed a tear.
Frozen in fear, the 12 year old girl walked back outside in the cold night.
She stood there not sure if she could handle this fight.
She stayed silent for days.
Then it was time for the funeral, and her heart and mind a maze.

She got there and he was in his casket, not moving, she knew it was real.
Sharp pains of sadness were all she could feel.
She stood there unable to breathe, unable to move, only able to cry.
She longed to feel someone hold her, but all the did was tell her he had to die.
Why though, why did she have to watch as he lay in pain..
She wondered if it was driving him insane...

What was your last thought daddy, was it of me?
Was it of God, who you were goin to see?
Were you in pain when I left you there to die?
I'm sorry, i didn't know it was time to say goodbye.
She writes these lines and the tears are ready to fall..
She has no one to go to, no one to call..

After the funeral, she watched him get lowered into the ground.
She was feeling as though she had drowned..
The tears were falling fast and free.
No one knew the pain growing inside from those little words, just three.
Tears still fall from her eyes.
It has been almost four years and she can't accept everyone dies.

She grew up buildin walls to save herself from feeling the same kind of pain.
She, no one knows, but she is me, and the pain is driving me insane.
I left him all alone on his last night here.
He was all alone cause i was frozen in fear.
I'm sorry for what happened that night..
It was the beginning of a losing fight.

Continue reading...

571 · Oct 2014

The Cutters Checklist

Babygirl Oct 2014

The Cutters Checklist

Long sleeves, long enough to cover all the way to my thumbs? Check.
Pants, not to tight but covers all of the scars? Check.
Smile, perfectly in place to keep the outside world out? Check.
Friends, laughing, FAKING the happiness? Check.
Teachers asking, hide your head, and try not to be noticed? Check.
Avoiding close contact with anyone you know? Check.

She replays those questions in her head, it's the same every day.
She is quiet at home, no one to talk to and nothing to say.
She goes to school and for a moment, her mind clears.
The pain is gone, but her eyes always threatened with tears.
He is there, edging them closer but they refuse to fall.
When they get close, she jumps up and "answers a call."

She has never cut in school, but the kiss of the blade is daunting.
He is calling to her, and she knows he's taunting.
"Come to me, come closer," he whispers with promise to take the pain.
That's what he promised to take away, but that's not same.
When she got close enough, she couldn't complete the task.
He sings to her through alcohol, he is in the bottom of her flask.

She writes a letter, a goodbye..
All the while she tries not to cry.
The tears streaming from her eyes, mix with the blood flowing free.
She writes to a phantom, as she thinks, no one will miss me...
So goodbye cruel world she whispers as she closes her eyes.
She falls into the black as it begins to rain, the world can't hide it's cries.

This is a story about someone who we all know.
You don't think you do, but i promise she is there, wherever you go.
She smiles and waves..
She may be the happiest one you know, but she caves..
The blade will kiss her skin and she will drown in her black.
She knows you don't care, cause you don't think to ever look back.

He is there too, don't forget that..he hides his pain with a smile..
But he too will end up like her, just another name in a file..
Here's a little secret, guys cut too.
You may think they are so much better at this than you..
But i promise they beg for us to look and see.
Just like she, he, and me..

Continue reading...

526 · Oct 2014

Why?

Babygirl Oct 2014

Why?

Waking up hurts, why?
All she wants do is cry, why?
She cuts her wrist to feel alive, why?
She smiles and fakes happiness for all of you, why?
She longs to fly with the angels in the sky, why?
Lonely in a sea of people, why?

It hurts because the monster lives in her brain.
She cries, because it's the only way she feels sane.
She cuts to hide a war, to hide the pain from you.
She fakes being happy, because she knows there is nothing you can do.
She longs to fly with the angels to see the daddy she never had..
She is lonely in a sea of people, cause no one can see how sad..

She fights a losing battle in her mind, why?
She tries so hard to please everyone, why?
She loves with all her heart, why?
She smiles despite the pain buildin inside, why?
She loves the one who hates her most, why?
She is scared to let him in, why?

She fights, in hopes one day she may win.
She tries to please them, so they never get close enough to want in.
She loves because to love means to feel.
She smiles, because one day the pain won't be real.
She loves her, because one day it will all be worthwhile.
She doesn't want him to see what lurks behind that beautiful smile.

She hides the past and hides the pain with a smile, why?
She covers her battle scars, why?
She lives with the monster, why?
She isn't innocent and pure, why?
She builds walls, why?
She hides behind the facade of happiness, why?

She can't let you see, you won't understand the pain she buries.
She is ashamed of the battles she lost, and the scars she carries.
She can't ask for help, so he has taken over her mind.
He took her innocence while everyone else was blind.
She hides from the pain of getting close.
She can't take any more, not another dose.

She is a girl who lives in fear of her own mind.
She is afraid of what she may find.
She is a girl who screams silently for you to see.
She is a girl just like you and me.
She is a girl who cuts to feel, not to die.
Because if she really wanted to die, she wouldn't even have to try..

Continue reading...

517 · Jan 2015

Momma

Babygirl Jan 2015

Momma

I seen her smile, though she wanted to cry.
She told me it was alright, but really she was planning to die.
I believed in the smile she wore.
But she was screaming for help; pain all the way to her core.
She cried with me.
She told me she will always love me.

She left me here all by myself; now I cry.
Except, now all I wanna do is die.
She told people she was gonna end her pain.
They all said she was insane.
I believed the words that fell from a broken heart.
But I couldn't save her; her mind made up from the start.

They say it gets better, the pain goes away.
But the pain will never face until the end of the day.
When the last tear falls from my eyes.
She cries my name as she dies.
But I'm not there, because I'm to broken to watch the end.
I'm sorry momma, nothing will ever fix this...no one can mend.

Momma, I love you.
Momma, I'm sorry I wasnt there for you.
Momma, did you think of me at the end?
Momma, was there anything I could do to mend?
Momma, I think I'll join you in the sky. Momma, I'm doing as you told me to...die.

Continue reading...

506 · Jan 2015

Ten Cuts

Babygirl Jan 2015

Ten Cuts

She took my heart and tore it apart.
She told me to die, little did she know it was my plan from the start.
She wanted this, she won't miss who I was.
She won't, because no one ever does.
She thought it was for attention, but I never told.
Now I'll be gone and regret she'll hold.

One cut for the words she said.
Two cuts for not being dead.
Three for the chance to end me.
Four and I'm finally free.
Five for the tears falling from my eyes.
Six for the endless cries.
Seven for the pain behind the smile.
Eight for going the extra mile.
Nine for the black clouding my eyes.
Ten for the mother who wishes her daughter dies.

Continue reading...

505 · Aug 2014

Ana

Babygirl Aug 2014

Ana

Staring into the night she sees the stars.
All the city lights and the sound of cars.
They comfort her, lull her to sleep..
To bad, this is a peace she won't keep.
The sound of her heart is fading fast.
Time has come and passed..

She lives with a secret storm inside.
One that gives her ideas on what it'd be like if she died.
The disease she lives with has a name, Ana..
She lives by strict rules she can't even eat so much as a banana.
She has always known she has been fat..
The cuts on her wrist were more visible, she would just blame the cat.

This illness, it stole her innocence, depression drained her soul..
Her eyes were black as coal..
She has nothing inside, but a demon wanting to break free.
Hard to believe, that girl was just like me..
I have a secret i keep, hidden with a smile.
To bad, her and i will be just another name in a file..

We aren't human beings once we succumb to depression in all its glory.
We are mutilated human beings who knew only one way to tell our story.
We used a paint brush and a canvas, only the paint brush is a razor and the canvas is our wrist..
But this story hasn't come to it's end, it always has a twist..
You wouldn't believe me if i told you, darkness is bliss.
It hides the pain with a simple kiss..

But im not gonna tell you this stories ending, you decide.
But listen, if you need someone to confide...
Don't end your life, you are a beautiful angel with the power to change you!
Remember, there is always something else you can do.
Stay strong, and believe in a dream..
The only way to end a nightmare is with a scream..

Forget the world and what they tell you..
Because you are the best of the best, the truest of true..
All your imperfections make you perfect in my eyes..
No matter what, don't leave me for the skies..
You have a soul of gold..
And a love that can change depressions mold..

Stay strong lovelies, you are beautiful and i love you! No matter what the world says about you, to me, you are perfect just as you are!

Continue reading...

505 · Aug 2014

The Fallen Angel

Babygirl Aug 2014

The Fallen Angel

A secret lives within her mind, and he whispers to her all night.
The nightmares don't end when she wakes, they continue to give her a fright.
They are demons that want to soothe the soul.
She grabs the razor and begins to draw, her eyes are black as coal.
This is how she lives.
Because the monster is in control and he never gives.

Baby girl, little angel, do you hear that song?
Don't listen close your ears, it will lead you to wrong!
Do you hear that sweet sound?
That is the sound of your tears as they hit the ground.
Do you see that beautiful face?
That will lead you to a darker place..

Depression is a monster, and cutting is relief..
So don't judge until you have felt her grief.
She is just a baby, alone in this cruel world, she has no one.
Do you know what it's like to live in a world with no sun?
The map to heaven, is written in the stars..
Soon she will make it, just look at all her scars..

Sweet darling, mommas angel, please listen to my words voice..
Put down that razor, you have another choice!
She runs away from it all, inside her mind.
But the fallen angel is there, and he is not kind.
He holds her, and sings to her that sweet song of death and pain.
No wonder she is hardly sane..

There is a story to this beautiful girl, she always wears a smile, have you seen?
She has a heart of gold, never mean.
She loves with all she is, only to be broken down to nothing more than a shatter heart.
Cupid has seemed to forgot to shoot her with his dart.
This baby has never even lived, and she is already ready to end it all.
Do you know how hard it is, so see you angel fall?

She is 16, and already she dreams of flying with the angels above.
Flying, and at peace like a white dove.
She smile in the face of all her friends, but cries herself to sleep at night.
This battle is not a fair fight.
Do you know what it's like to be trapped inside your mind?
To know no emotions that are kind..

But this will be her last morning, her last faked smile.
Because today she will no longer go that extra mile.
She writes letters of goodbye to ghosts.
Because she has no one she kept close.
She draws the blade across her skin, once, twice, and many more.
Now she will fly with the angels and her heart will soar.

Continue reading...

393 · Oct 2014

Thank You <3

Babygirl Oct 2014

Thank You <3

I just wanted to say thank you so much to all the people who like my stuff and comment on it, it means a lot. I really love to write, so to know it doesn't **** to bad, lol, is nice. Thank you so much! Oh, and if you ever want me to write something for you, or about something specific i will! Just message me, or comment of whatever. Lol, thanks again loves!

Continue reading...

315 · Aug 2014

Angel of Death

Babygirl Aug 2014

Is the smile in place?
Have you put on your happy face?
Is your make up done?
Do your eyes glimmer in the sun?
Is every detail perfect down to the letter?
Honey, it will never get better..

She is drowning, but nobody can see.
She fakes a smile and you all leave her be.
You are making a mistake.
Can't you see, that smile is fake..
She jokes with you about if i could die....
You all laugh, but really, she wants to cry..

She does, every night, her pillow is filled with tears..
Each cut is linked to all her fears.
She wears long sleeves and sweaters, and you never thought to ask.
You never thought she was wearing a mask...?
Her eyes are telling her story..
She is fighting a battle and it will be gory..

Every night as she lay down to sleep..
She whispers to the stars, because her secret they will keep.
Don't cry, she whispers to herself, don't frown..
Don't show anyone how you are feeling down..
She doesn't eat, have you noticed how she pretends..?
Its to late to make amends..

She sits down and writes a letter, and this is what she said..
Dear Angel of Dead,
Please, come and rescue this angel of sorrow.
Because i don't think i can make it to tomorrow.
I have lived and loved, lost and been broken.
I have cried at all the words that will forever be unspoken.

Every night, this angels wings begin to fall..
I can hear them saying my name, help me answer their call.
I have tried to fly on my own, but my wings won't carry me.
I need to leave this world of darkness can't you see?
My mind is home to a demon, and he is breaking free of his cage.
Everyone told me this was just a stage..

So, this is it my dear angel of death, im hoping you save me..
Show me the horizon of the brighter day, one i can finally see.
This is it, this is goodbye..
Whoever reads this please don't cry..
As i lay in my final resting place, watch over me.
Make sure i get to the place im supposed to be..

She folded the letter, and wrote Anybody on the top.
No matter what was said, it wouldn't be enough to stop.
One slide across her wrist and the pain was fading, twice and nearly gone, three..
She thought, im almost there, finally free..
With one more, the blood was flowing faster than ever, she closed her eyes.
No one was around when she begged them with silent cries.

Smiling as the Angel of Death, had come to take her sorrow..
Maybe someone will come tomorrow.
She will be long gone, she is fading fast..
No one showed her how to let the past be the past.
She died smiling, knowing the pain was gone, nothing left to see..
Oh, did i mention, that girl is me..

Suicide is serious, and i have lived through it, seen it, and tried it.. If you need anyone, i will be someone you can trust..

Continue reading...

292 · Jul 2017

I Wonder If She's Listening...

Babygirl Jul 2017

I Wonder If She's Listening...

She passed away on April 17th, and a piece of me died too.
I woke up that morning and thought itd be a good day all the way through.
My aunt called me and said you should come she won’t make it through the night.
I fell to my knees because God please, no, mommy can’t lose that fight.
I cried the entire drive, because I knew what was about to come.
I whispered i love you as many times as possible, feeling numb.

Mommy, can you hear me?
Please tell me you can hear the words, tell me you can hear my plea.
I am begging for God to save her as i sit at her bed.
I get there it was already too late, she was already trapped in her own head
My heart breaks as i beg you to stay, to hold on a little while longer.
I don’t know how to live without her, she always made me stronger.

I woke up at 01:00 am to a text saying she had passed.
I laid back down and felt like every breath i would take is my last.
I can still remember the way she looked, lifeless under a sheet.
The pain you feel, nothing can beat.
I hide the pain in a shattered smile, and sorrowful eyes.
I wonder if she is looking down listening to my cries.

Continue reading...

187 · Jul 2017

More Time

Babygirl Jul 2017

More Time

The hands on the clock continuing ticking away.
There are so many things i have left to say.
The doctor has come in and gave us the look..
All the adults understand but somehow the kids haven't shook.
The end is near, and i demand more time!
We wasted the gift we were given, it’ll forever be our worst crime.

Continue reading...

180 · Feb 2018

Too Soon.

Babygirl Feb 2018

Too Soon.

I'm falling apart, as i sit here and write this.
I am trying so hard to fight off the darkness, but it's left it's kiss.
She was stolen from me and now i don't know what to do.
Look up at the sky and scream, scream till you no longer have to.
I can sometimes see her when i look up at the moon.
She was stolen from me; her story is finished Too Soon.

Continue reading...

176 · Feb 2018

Dear Diary

Babygirl Feb 2018

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
The tears came crashing down like a dam with too much pressure put against it.
I thought i would be able to push all my emotions down until the tiny box i had would make them fit.
I don't know how to live in a world where my mom isn't.
I am fighting, but it's like i am trapped in a maximum security prison.
How do I pick up the razor sharp pieces of my heart and sew them together again?
How do I leave the only home I've ever known for somewhere I've never been?

Dear Diary,
The pain is here and it is getting worse.
I don't know how much longer I can survive this curse.
I have cut my fingers till blood picking up the remains of my soul.
I don't think there is a place for me in this world, life has taken its toll.
When you wake up and it physically hurts to get up, why continue trying?
You're not here, so why bother trying to keep from dying?

Dear Diary,
It has gotten worse, I tried to tell someone about the pain I feel.
The only response I get is, "It's not real."
They say the only way my pain could be real is if they can see it on my face.
My smile is cold, and dead but somehow it seems to satisfy them enough not to chase.
I am almost to the edge, i don't know how much longer i can hold on.
Please, I am begging you hear my plea and help me stay strong.

Dear Diary,
I have had enough, the pain has come to a head.
All i ever do is lay down crying in my bed.
This is the last day i shall take a breath.
I am holding onto hope someone will see, and stop my death.
They didn't notice... or maybe they just didn't see, it's not fair.
Well this is it world, take care.

Continue reading...

172 · Mar 2018

Just One

Babygirl Mar 2018

Just One

I just need one, because you were it.
So what am i supposed to do now, sit?
I Just need one, because I have so much to say and no one to tell.
Tape and glue can only hold me together so well.
I just needed one, and as I lie in the grave...
Now they all stand around, tear stained cheeks looking for someone to save.

Continue reading...

169 · Mar 2018

I Didn't Wanna...

Babygirl Mar 2018

I Didn't Wanna...

I don’t wanna **** myself to die, i don’t think i could anyway..pride.
There is just..something inside me…
Sometimes all i can do is sit and cry, it hurts so much to just be..
There is a monster, and he lives inside my brain.
He whispers in my ear, and drives me insane.
I don’t wanna **** myself to die, i want to **** myself to **** the thing inside.

I don’t wanna **** myself, but if something were to happen I wouldn’t stop it.
If a man with a gun shoots me, thank him for me.
He did the one thing I was too scared to do, he set me free.
If a man with a car were to hit me while I am walking down the street..
Thank him for me, because finally life will have me beat.
I don’t wanna **** myself, but in this world i just don’t fit.

I don’t wanna **** myself, but I welcome death with a smile.
There are days when things go so well and I forget about the monster in my head.
There are days when all I can do is try to sleep through it in my bed.
I have tried so hard to save myself, but I don’t know how much more i can take.
There is a smile on my face and it’s so beyond fake..
I don’t wanna **** myself, but I won’t avoid it by going the extra mile.

I didn’t wanna **** myself, but he just got so loud and I couldn’t keep him hushed.
I climbed into a warm bath, needing the comfort as i made my choice.
I had screamed so loud on the inside, begging for help, I had lost my voice.
I rolled up my sleeves and looked at the scars from before…
I would never do this again, I swore!
I look down at my wrists and to the water, it was red as the blood rushed.

Now here I am looking down at a lifeless me, and I know I am finally free.
The monster, he is gone..but only to go onto the next innocent life he will claim.
I will have just 15 short minutes of fame..
They will say kind words about the girl i used to be, tell stories of my life.
They will say how loved I was, and how it all washed away with the swipe of a knife.
I didn’t wanna **** myself, but now he finally can’t keep his hold of me.

Continue reading...

155 · Nov 2019

Beautiful, Beautiful Angel

Babygirl Nov 2019

Beautiful, Beautiful Angel

She was an angel too beautiful for this earth.
When she was alive she didn’t even know her worth.
She was my superhero, that’s for sure.
She was more beautiful than all the other angels were.
I had seen her two days before the end…
Losing her was a wound I’ll never mend.

Beautiful, beautiful angel, i hope you’re dancing up there..
I hope you’re running through fields of gold without a care.
Watching down on me from up above..
No one can replace the loss of a mother’s love.
Only 18 when she passed away…
I wasn’t even there, so goodbye I couldn’t say.

It was a cold day in April, when i got the call.
I held onto the back of my couch so I wouldn’t fall.
Tears came pouring down my cheeks and out of my eyes.
I know you’re up there; smiling when I look to the skies.
I drove as fast as I could to see you one last time..
I never thought I would be able to live without you; your life ended at its prime.

Beautiful, beautiful angel I hope you feel pain no more.
Though my heart is broken and sore.
They say only the good die young, so you must have been one of the best.
This pain is my life's ultimate test.
I know you’re home with your love.
I hope you’re smiling up there with the angels above.

I am slowly learning how to live without you.
I knew if I lost you, exactly what I would do.
Two years later and I am still here.
I am living the life you never got to, with less fear.
Beautiful, beautiful angel are you proud of me?
Because thanks to you, I am becoming all i can be.

Continue reading...

152 · Feb 2018

Mommy

Babygirl Feb 2018

Mommy

M - My whole world, and my soul.
O - One and only who made me feel whole.
M - Maker of the joy in my life.
M - Mother of the year, and the best ever wife
Y - You saved my life and you don't even know...
I wish i could tell you MOMMY, you are the one who makes me want to get up and go.

Continue reading...

143 · Feb 2018

Close Your Eyes

Babygirl Feb 2018

Close Your Eyes

Take a deep breath and close your eyes.
Wipe your tears and silence your cries.
Her mom was stolen from this earth and it left her broken and lost.
She is fighting to survive at all cost.
She wakes up and it hits her like a ton of bricks.
She can't breathe for a moment, it's life's little tricks.

Hush little baby don't you cry..
Your mommy left and never got to say goodbye.
Hush little baby don't you scream..
Mommy will be there when you close your eyes and dream.
Hush little baby don't you fall..
You fight on because one day you will get through this long hall.

She wakes up everyday with a fire in her stomach, and an ache in her soul.
She knows without her mom and dad she will never be whole.
The days go by but the pain never seems to fade.
She had nothing left so she fell to her knees and prayed.
Today is the start of a brand new day.
Today, she will smile because she can almost hear the words her mother would say.

Continue reading...

134 · Dec 2017

She Lost

Babygirl Dec 2017

She Lost

I lay back and watch the most beautiful scarlet stream
It was like my angel had crafted the most perfect dream
The life rushed out of her body as quickly as it had once poured in
It didn’t take much her body had become much too thin
She closed her eyes to stop the spinning
She knew this is what everyone wanted, so she was the one winning.

This was mine, it was all for me, my beautiful nightmare
She was surrounded by her own blood, and she wondered if anyone would really care
As if in some sick nightmare she was there, on her knees trying to hold the pieces of me together
She refused to let go, no matter the struggle, her touch was as light as a feather
Her pulse was faint, all she could feel was warm arms holding her scarlett wrists to her chest
The look on her face, it was hazy but panic was evident, she tried to reassure her it was for the best
As her pulse slowed to almost nonexistent, a smile appeared across her pale lips
Angels had come for her darkness kissed, taking her into her eternal rest

She held the shell of what once held her whole world, crying over her, pleading
She held so tight her nails dug into her flesh and she began bleeding
Soon it was so quiet you could hear the sound of her heart breaking in her chest
She couldn’t let go, how could she lay her baby to rest?
She stays frozen in place, she grabbed her phone but her fingers wouldn’t let her dial
She lost her whole world, and now she had lost her only reason to smile.

Continue reading...

131 · Aug 2019

Dark Space

Babygirl Aug 2019

Dark Space

She’s in the dark place.
She knows it’s not a safe space.
She’s fighting demons no one can see.
She smiles and laughs often.. sad? Couldn’t be.
Her brain is a cage and she is trapped inside.
Who would really care if she died?

She’s losing the battle in her head..
Another night spent crying in her bed.
A mother in the grave and one lost to her call.
She’s on a cliff and to the dark place she’ll fall.
Tears streak her rosy cheeks.
She hasn’t felt herself in weeks.

The dark place is familiar and cold.
A friend you’ve grown up with, & one you’ll grow old.
Lost and alone she is calling.
With each passing moment deeper she is falling.
The light has faded from her eyes.
Curled up, hiding away she cries.

The dark space offers old friends.
Razor blades & negative thoughts, it never ends.
Slide the blade against her skin?
If so, then depression will take the win again.
She will not be another statistic on a sheet.
Today death, she will cheat.

She’s fighting back against the dark place.
She’s remembered her safe space.
The words, to get the feelings out.
She’s powerful, she knows what she’s about.
She hasn’t won the war, she won on this night.
It’s been long and hard but she’s ready for a fight.

Continue reading...

131 · Oct 2020

No Right

Babygirl Oct 2020

No Right

You had no right, and yet you broke me.
You took pieces of me, when you could have just left me be.
You had no right, but you took my trust, and broke it for fun.
I gave you the pieces of my heart, I even let you in, because to me you were my one...
You had no right, but you took my willingness to love..
You shattered an already broken heart; congrats, you won the champion glove.

Continue reading...