I got a lil buzzed a lil ****** but not enough and not in time I’m covered in oceans of emotion I can’t keep up with these tides anymore pulling me out to the brinks in my mind I’ve never been afraid of drowning but it’s the lifeguards putting my head under why did I think I could swim I never should have trusted the ones who taught me should have learned how to breather underwater but I’m no mermaid I’m no better I’m not equipped for this please just let me burn burn burn
I don’t want my turn to win top trophies I never even wanted in the game who told you to put me in I cannot out play you cannot withstand this heat I talk like I like it I don’t mind it I just don’t want to be the center of the roasting *** I’m blocking kicks and getting punched I’m throwing fists they hit the heavens fall back on me liken frozen fury a storm I’ve been living in a game so sick you never make it out alive I try to die don’t choo know the rules I try to die who put you here don’t choo know I’m the underdog that hasn’t won yet

Reach inside Pull it out
Strip down Fall out
Feel good Feel you
Feeling whiskey
Feeling sour
Feeling lonely at this hour
Can’t stop writing
Can’t stop feeling
Can’t stop won’t stop forever for anyone that’s what I say
Scream it ****
Repeat repeat
We getting frisky in the bathroom
We getting lovey dovey in the bar
Don’t ask me why we’re here cuz IDK
Ask me why what I think, you’ll get a novel I think
Don’t think enough just try too hard
Don’t try at all
Don’t seem to keen on loving you
Don’t think we’ll be here long
Bars closing soon, let’s find another
They’re all closed, let’s cross the border
Lines uncrossed we forgot our brothers
Tell our sisters
No family means nothing I told you we lost ourselves
Can I ******* take a break? .

I write for me to right my rights and write my Wright’s. To right my rights would be the only good thing but what I’m doing is writing my rights which is just writing in circles. I should be rioting. But I’m sitting here in circles writing repeating gossip and politics and feats such as the Wright brothers I wish to overcome Dayton but we are just writing in circles not rioting within them.

You think I’m boring I think you’re rude you think I’m soft I think you’re crude you think I’m off my rocker but you put me this way by playing with my emotions playing with my emotions playing with my emotions
I’m a wisdom in disguise

Maybe I need to write about it maybe I need to talk about it maybe I need to take a breath and breathe for second stop choking for a second chill out and breathe and inhale and maybe smoke just a **** just twitch to itch my itch I’m acting like a *****
That’s what started this anyway
Breaking girl code I’m alone I’m in my car thinking I’ll head to a bar maybe the Starbucks stoop drive past my old group write a poem or two alone screaming of you under the lights with the bugs down the way from all the places we used to stay and smoke blunts hit joints argue **** mock me mock sred turn her backwords smoking backwoods what’d you put in my herb your conspiracy’s in my head
Play pool scream at me hit on my friends **** me don’t call for help it’s all fun and games tell me you want to **** my mind it’s all lies it’s all lies tell me why this devil has got my tongue tell me what are you this vampire you’ve come to steal me of it all my whole mind my whole soul not even my hairs no more I can’t dance I can’t sing the better half of me is terrified of life and why because I let you take advantage of me my things your life is a blowtorch to all good beings I’ll make you regret everything you’ve ever done I’ve tried to show you love you can’t see you’re disgusting the way you kissed my cheek when you head butted me I’m done
But I call a ***** on her **** and I’m wrong thought I lost my best friend for awhile for white feminism **** but I’m still a ***** a snitch I’m losing all my **** I’m spiraling into  too nice of women undeserving of their friendship I owe my gs everything
But I can’t seem to do a thing

I change like the leaves on the trees.
Some dead and broken shattered
Dry and died gonna get stepped on and crushed fully back to dust.

How I'm feeling, not speaking.
Gut feelings and Silence is my shame

Can't shake these feelings, tis the season.

For my thoughts fill up the grave.
I thought I could forget my name. I just want some better days. I've been pushing that way, but I've fallen back again. I'm down against the grass and I climb up a few steps. Now I'm begging.

Friends come back to me.
It's the love I need.
The bond.
The friendship.

Smirking because I know better.
I know how to act and feel.
I let myself get in the way.

I fall and fall again. I see my broken pieces.
I see my lacks and slacks of existing.

Sharpen my edges and I'm back again.
Reminded of my power and my friends in loneliness.
Now I sit under the moon.
It's changed its side against the brick.
Too lukewarm inside my body. Too brisk against my skin. The feel of fall is old to me but how I've come to learn its beginnings

I'm not trying to say I did nothing wrong
I'm just trying my best to be moving on
I feel weights that are lifted and I'm holding them high
I realize my power
I am a part of the sky
No movement is wasted
Not even my hair in the wind
Everything everywhere has a connection
They say God is to blame
God be the blessing
God have mercy on us for we are nothing
But they don't see that God is with us
We are to blame
We are blessings be
We must have mercy on everything
You see something wrong?
Don't just pray
Be the change
Tell everyone what is wrong
Use your voice and speak out against it
If you're only thinking and praying do you really think there will be changes?
The thought is something
The intention better
But what really matters are the actions that you're putting out there
If its all in your head then does it really matter to anyone but yourself?
If I write out all my sins, if I count them all up
If I repent and repent and never change my faults
Then am I truly forgiven?
Can I convince myself that I am?
If I understand my sin, I can justify it, right?
Its the logic that saves us, right?
Its the left brain, the reasoning, right?
But what if I'm a sinner?
What if I can never do enough good?
Not helping enough no
Not loving enough no
If I try to do more
Will my sinning ways stop?
Will I be able to,
No matter how much good I do,
Will I ever get out of the dark?