Who are you in my history?
Have you truly saved my soul?
Or is your legacy fake?
Your messages hold such truth I hold dear.
But your followers can be such sinners, and that makes me wonder...
Is it all about the money with the Catholic church?
Is it all about power and forcing others to convert?
I have so many questions.
I don't know if they're heard.
I send prayers and thoughts out into the world,
But is it your name I should call?
What of the others?

What the **** was that?
Did I go crazy for a second?
Did Joey B really take my soul or possess my heart?
Did he **** my mind or maybe did he take it apart?

I'll go with the later. He's an intellectual. He did what he could to steal it all. I don't know why I thought I could hold up against his manipulation. I'm strong-hearted, strong willed. I know now that it's not my love that could save his soul. At the same time it is, because my love is a part of all love. I should have known that if he could withstand it all, I stood no chance.
I know I care too much. I have no power to save. I can heal myself, maybe others too but I can't be their change. They have to choose for themselves. I've known that too. I guess to truly learn I had to face it head on.

But lessons learned, now I am living for me. I'm living for my destiny. What that is? Still learning. I know I am to serve. Serve me, myself, and others because that is what we deserve. Though now I know I must serve with protection. All love. Still open. My heart is saved for those like-minded. We must join together and that is how we save lives. I dabbled in lust and temptation for the last time. I will still make mistakes. Imperfection is our lives. Nothing ever again of such magnitude. Never again will I allow myself to be so tainted. Never again will I see others in such a situation. I know others I can't change but I will offer my lending hand.

JB was on my mind
Too many times
Everything he ever talked about
Became my walk my talk
My singing and shouts

I knew from the start that it would have an end.
I can't ever seem to get used to these new beginnings.

I fell into manipulation
I'm recovering
Trying and recycling...
Recovering

My old and new beliefs
The old and new me
Trying to become
What I've always
Been
Seeker of light
Prayer of health
Child of God
Teacher
People pleaser

_


He she won't be ANY GOD TO ME
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ANYMORE
HELP ME
LORD HELP ME
LORD HELP ME
Father Father help me

Write me better
Color me everything
Paint me neon and glow in the dark purple

Foolish me
Wasteful too
Trying again to not be blue
Force myself suggest you do too
But if we can't then redo redo...

Galaxy Angel Starship
Shikamaru Soloman
I can't name my cat
I can't do anything
Can't eat, just sleep
Dream of nothing and everything at once

Whats that?
You too?
In this circle of dust and dreaming blue?
I can't imagine without imagining you?

Calm, serene
Life to being, wife of me and
No stumbling or worrying
Just straight forward thinking

Here is to good health
Mental and physical
Here is to good friends
The kind that give back
Here is to dreams
Filled with wonder and good vibes
Here is to a new lifetime
Of my own self independence
Of money and happiness
Here is to accepting my faults as strengths
Here is to me!

Burnt my tongue on some free coffee
Writing with a borrowed pen after
Smoking a cigarette
Lit with some complimentary Boston Stoker matches after
Walking across Centerville
Down Miller Farm Lane
To 725
Up Paragon
To unfamiliar roads and then
Back to familiarity
And now
Here I sit
As
Unfamiliar as I could possibly feel
But at the same time
Feeling the sense of home
Because I know I've been here before
God wish me luck

Long winding
Lost roads
Dead dog
Or maybe mountain lion
(**** roadkill)
Car stopped in the middle of the road
Woman drove off the side of the road
(with the ******* pigs)
Gas station stops
No service area
Keeping me on long winding lost roads!

Now there
Misty fog
Hot steam
As I baptize with bubbles
In this hot tub at Grand Haven
A locked cabin
Enjoyed for a time by myself
Alone.