You probably ******* hate me after all this ****.

I'm so very lost
The days of my childhood in the house of God
are coming back to me in
waves as heavy as my baggage
My grandma says to fall to my knees and ask God for guidance
So I'll swallow my pride
Drop to my knees and beg God to bring back the woman I fell in love with
The person you used to be.
I haven't cried this hard in a long time
Work today is going to **** me

I never thought it'd get to this.
I'm sorry
I am,
I don't want to be apart from you
There's a lot I want
But this is what I need
When I can look at you without the warped image created by the indescribable amount of love I have for you.
I might reach out to you.
You're so quick to think that you're always right.
You are a lot of the time.
You ditched me because of convenience.
"I am not one to be stood up"
You said that.
I'm learning to live it.
You can now mind your business and not have to worry about my troubles.
You're on your own now.
I don't hate you.
I'm in love with you still
And cutting you off from my in depth thoughts
Is in its own right self harm
It hurts
I'm hurting
But that's okay to you because they aren't cuts on my sleeve right

for someone who "can't lose" me
You don't really seem to give a ****
For someone who "loves" me
You sure are cold as ****
For someone who felt "at home with me
You sure are cozy in his bed.
For someone who "doesn't want to hurt" me
You sure have no ******* regard for me.
I hope everytime you see that teddy bear
Or
Remember those flowers
it ******* kills you

I guess I'm no longer drunk
that's why I woke up.
Maybe it's because of the hunger pains
I ache
I ******* hurt so much
I'm just so tired of being second best
Not even just with you
But especially with you
I really hope I get employee of the month
I doubt I will though
You probably had *** with him
And you probably ******* loved it
I hope you did
Not really
But at this point I want you to have any reason to come back
It's five-fifty one
And I can't go back to bed because
Stop motion *** scenes of you and him
Are playing through my head
I cut you off.
I can't see you anymore
I mean are you surprised?
I told you I would
Whenever you've needed me I was there
That can no longer be true
If you come to me again
Expect venom in my words
Expect me to be An *******
I've heard ducks mate for life
You like ducks but you aren't one
You're a fox
You're sly
And sneaky
A ******* liar
So lie to him as you lay with him
And I'll lie to myself as I lay alone
Picking up the pieces.
But the thing about shattered glass is the pieces will never fit together the same.
But maybe when I'm done someone will pull me out of love with you and be what was too much for you.
You Take care, mi amour
I'll take another shot.
I'll take black lungs.
You're now connected to the **** who's **** you wanted and the *** he sells.

Im okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I love you so ******* much
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I drank too much.
I'm okay
I'm Okay
I'm okay
I can't believe he's so much more important
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I even bought your favorite apple ale
I'm drunk because I drank it all
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm cutting you off because you're hurting me and you don't care
I still love you
I'm hurting more than you'll ever know
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm lying.

Here I sit,
at a sushi restaurant,
Alone.
Thinking of the disgust on your
face at seeing me.
Here I sit,
Thinking about everything I planned on saying to you
As I handed you the 12 daisies,
your third favorite flower.
Here I sit,
Regretting,
Aching,
Lost in a tunnel of self loathing
Here I sit,
Thinking on the words I said as I Handed you the flowers
"Trash em, burn em, I don't care"
I didn't mean that.
I didn't.
Here I sit
Here I sit.