There's so much I want to say
But I don't feel like it would change anything if I did
What if I just ran away from life?
I'm struggling to stay away with self harm.
Only because I don't want to see your disappointed face.
****, I don't wanna do this anymore.

If I killed myself,
I wonder how long itd take
for them to notice.

As if a frozen waterfall
Words that should fall won't
I'm holding back
Biting my tongue
Because my words feel meaningless
Everyone makes me feel pointless
Everything leaves me empty
I want to scream
I want to bite the hand that feeds
I want to challenge authority
I want to feel something
Anything.
I'm tired of waking up.
I'm tired of seeing my reflection.
This field that I'm looking out over,
This field in the darkness of night
This field understands
It never asked the wind to rip away its seeds
I feel as if I'm giving you everything I can.
But it's never enough.
I'm an empty room
Nothing to offer
Nothing left
I'm the shell of who everyone loved.
I'm a shell.
No one loves who I am
They never will.
What the **** am I fighting for anyway?

Your words are careless
I feel like you could care no less
Is this really love?

Not a peep
Not a sound
I'm not worth a "hey"
Not worth a "hello"
Yeah, today was a test
You failed
I'd tell you otherwise,
However,
All I'd get if I tried
Is static.

It's not that I've stopped loving you.
It's not even that this is what I want.
It's more that I'm tired of being pulled up to the passenger seat, just to be sidelined.
It's not that I want this.
I really don't want to do this.
But maybe it's time you chased me.
Because I feel less and less like you love me.
I feel more like an object.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry I couldn't just be enough to sweep you off your feet and for things to work.
I'm sorry but I'm not going to keep breaking myself.  
I'll be your friend.
I'll still see you.
But my body will be my own.
And my lips will be making rapid retreats from yours until you know what you want.

Tonight is Friday
I'll spend it with my best friends
Pizza and *****.