Alia - Hello Poetry

Alia Apr 2019

Petrified
Lost in my own emotions
Where am I going
Where's my path
My senses are gone
They've been swallowed up by my loud mind
No air
No space to breathe
I feel trapped
Yet I'm free to make choices
Unguided
Alone with my cold, dark thoughts

Alia Apr 2019

Repeat..

Fan spinning
On repeat
Numb limbs
Slow breathes
Body heavily stuck on an old sheet
Windows shut
Days go by without a purpose
Tired legs walk aimlessly
To go and feed the anxiety away
End up making it stronger
Chewing; sleeping; staring
Ghosting
Empty
On repeat

Where does one even find motivation

Alia Apr 2019

Untitled

And so they think;
Oh she became weird
Haven't been going out at all
Never see her anywhere anymore
Distant and quiet
What's wrong with her
We didn't do anything to her
Why isn't she texting
We won't though
Eh whatever we have plenty of other people to hang out with
Pity
She used to be cool
When she acted according to our standards
And met with our plans and schedules

What about
Is everything ok?

I've got no one and I'm losing myself

Alia Jan 2019

7 life rules

Accept your past so it does not ruin your future.
2. what other people think of you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything, so give time time.
4. Only you are in charge of your won happiness.
5. Do not compare yourself to others, you do not know their path in life.
6. Stop thinking too much, it's fine not knowing all the answers.
7. Smile. You're not in charge of all the problems in the world.

Yes I know its cliche. But its true.

Alia Jan 2019

Overthinking again

Its so crazy how different cultures are from each other but still you can find things that are similar. And adapting to a new place or environment like different comforts discomforts and conditions you have to get used to

Clothes and languages and hand movements and head movements ****** expressions food

So like this whole concept of countries and flying and how FAR everything is and how expensive and how there are so many people I miss but like they're so far away like there's always someone far away from me that I miss and just like trying to figure out where would be a good place for me and how to get there and ******* money.. GIVES ME SO MUCH ANXIETY

Something I wrote to a friend

Alia Jan 2019

Untitled

I just always need a distraction so that I'm not trapped inside my mind.

I cannot give these feelings a place, they're too strong and terrifying and big.

Alia Jan 2019

At least youre not numb anymore

I feel like my whole existence is crushing down on me.
Every time my period comes its torture. I don't even mind the tormenting physical pain, mentally and emotionally its like my mind is being stabbed again and again. Bleeding out all that garbage I've been keeping in, trying to get my life some what going. But I can't. My whole way of living, my life, its all some lie or misunderstanding or just something that isn't me, that I don't recognize. Idk how to live where to live. Idk why to live. I keep wanting just not to exist. I can't even handle anything. And yes its my period but that's just an excuse. An excuse to finally burst in tears and let all of it out. But that's not going to help as it's a cycle. I keep on gathering this bs in my system just waiting to explode. And I'm never gonna be able to get control not even a glimpse of it. And the bit of self love, care, hope and confidence I've felt just a few months ago has vanished like it was never there to begin with. I can't even explain it. It was like a feeling through my body that pumped everyday; I felt like I've found my self. I felt hopeful and confident and artistic in a way that no one could possibly understand but me. I can't find that feeling! Where is it? I need it so desperately.