Oh I remember having dreams
That spark in my chest
Giving me hope
A warm light and fire
Feels and depth
That spark died out
And all that is left are ashes
Scraped off by my sharp fingernails
And washed away by the cool night breeze
Craving a hole
In the place where my soul danced around the warm light
She's laying still now
As if held down
In the hollow black space
Tears dry on her face
Eyes tired of trying
Choking on whatever is left to feel
While I can't find one reason
Not to say my goodbyes
Or say nothing at all
Please don't let me feel.
I feel that sharp, painful, bitter feeling crippling through my blood and bones
Sending shivers down my spine
Something missing from my heart
Brain disconnecting from reality
Chocking on my own thoughts and memories
Learning and experiencing
All those special places
The betrayals and discomforts
Moments gone in time
A big mash of feelings; good and bad; and happy and sad.
Furniture disappearing by the day
Memories and accessories packed away in a hurry
Home is nowhere to be found.
A sorrowful goodbye.
And in all that mess I've managed to let him step on what was left of my dignity and use my fragile feelings.
And I will never get to say what I needed to.
I'm moving back to my home country after living in another one for almost five years. I can't even really explain how hard it is on me. This place is so important and precious to my heart. Leaving *****. Boys **** too.
Am I even human if I don't want relationships ?
Any kind. Not only romantic ones.
I just can't deal with people
And with myself but also really some people, most people just mess me up
What the hell
Controls your life;
It tells you how your hair should smell
And your skin should glow
Have long hair
Pluck those eyebrows off
Oh wait now grow them back
If you don't have the right nose and lips
Well, you're ******
Everybody should starve themselves
Who can be the thinnest
Only then you'll be beautiful
Oh, never mind
Now we like curvy girls
But you better get the proportions right or
You'll just be fat
As well as having any different colour of skin or a uniquely functioning mind
Enough to be lower than others
Made fun of
Wear what everybody else is wearing
We don't care for the price
But stand out
And do you
And be yourself
Just be happy.
I ask how can we be happy when we're put into such impossible standards
When we're labeled
When what we have to offer is never good enough
When we feel judged everyday
And by whom?
Who's created this social media controlled society if not us
Every single one of us
You and me
All I'm really here to say is
You are beautiful.
Each of us is made differently in such an exquisite way
And that's what really matters
The uniqueness of each person's nature, appearance and story
The messiness and diversity of life is what makes it so alluring and magnificent ✨
Let's embrace our differences and learn to love the beautiful imperfect
I believe in kindness and that everyone possess beauty. In all kind of wonderful ways
Lost in my own emotions
Where am I going
Where's my path
My senses are gone
They've been swallowed up by my loud mind
No space to breathe
I feel trapped
Yet I'm free to make choices
Alone with my cold, dark thoughts
Body heavily stuck on an old sheet
Days go by without a purpose
Tired legs walk aimlessly
To go and feed the anxiety away
End up making it stronger
Chewing; sleeping; staring
Where does one even find motivation
And so they think;
Oh she became weird
Haven't been going out at all
Never see her anywhere anymore
Distant and quiet
What's wrong with her
We didn't do anything to her
Why isn't she texting
We won't though
Eh whatever we have plenty of other people to hang out with
She used to be cool
When she acted according to our standards
And met with our plans and schedules
Is everything ok?
I've got no one and I'm losing myself
Accept your past so it does not ruin your future.
2. what other people think of you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything, so give time time.
4. Only you are in charge of your won happiness.
5. Do not compare yourself to others, you do not know their path in life.
6. Stop thinking too much, it's fine not knowing all the answers.
7. Smile. You're not in charge of all the problems in the world.
Yes I know its cliche. But its true.
Its so crazy how different cultures are from each other but still you can find things that are similar. And adapting to a new place or environment like different comforts discomforts and conditions you have to get used to
Clothes and languages and hand movements and head movements ****** expressions food
So like this whole concept of countries and flying and how FAR everything is and how expensive and how there are so many people I miss but like they're so far away like there's always someone far away from me that I miss and just like trying to figure out where would be a good place for me and how to get there and ******* money.. GIVES ME SO MUCH ANXIETY
Something I wrote to a friend
I just always need a distraction so that I'm not trapped inside my mind.
I cannot give these feelings a place, they're too strong and terrifying and big.
I feel like my whole existence is crushing down on me.
Every time my period comes its torture. I don't even mind the tormenting physical pain, mentally and emotionally its like my mind is being stabbed again and again. Bleeding out all that garbage I've been keeping in, trying to get my life some what going. But I can't. My whole way of living, my life, its all some lie or misunderstanding or just something that isn't me, that I don't recognize. Idk how to live where to live. Idk why to live. I keep wanting just not to exist. I can't even handle anything. And yes its my period but that's just an excuse. An excuse to finally burst in tears and let all of it out. But that's not going to help as it's a cycle. I keep on gathering this bs in my system just waiting to explode. And I'm never gonna be able to get control not even a glimpse of it. And the bit of self love, care, hope and confidence I've felt just a few months ago has vanished like it was never there to begin with. I can't even explain it. It was like a feeling through my body that pumped everyday; I felt like I've found my self. I felt hopeful and confident and artistic in a way that no one could possibly understand but me. I can't find that feeling! Where is it? I need it so desperately.
This space inside my head
So dark and gloom
Thoughts stuck on repeat
For years the same pattern
Dark, depressing creatures
Slugging around like pigs
Creating dirt and mold in every corner
Hidden in the shadows
Begging for attention
Or ******* out my life air.
— The End —