I have a feeling of regret
Of a loss so deep I'll never get that piece of me back
I miss you
I miss your bright laughter on a sticky summer day
I miss your strong hand interlaced with my delicate one
I miss your arm lightly resting on my worn shoulders,
Worn from troubled pasts and nights of tears
I miss your tender lips delicately pressing against mine,
Inviting me to lose myself
But I don't miss your movements you can't control,
Movements expected by society
I miss your loving words
Tracing my ears
Making me feel wanted
Now I sit alone,
Remembering the summer laughter
And hoping for better days ahead

I'm not fine.
I'm not okay.
I'm not even mediocre.
I'm bad.
I feel bad.
I feel like I'm spiraling into nothing
I feel like I lost a part of me
I feel like I should be better than I am
But I'm not.
I feel not fine.
I keep saying I'm fine
Maybe for others, maybe for myself
But I'm not.
I'm not fine.

I was scared.
Not because of you
But because I didn’t want to disappoint you
Because I’m not good enough for you

You seem to see me through this lense
That creates a facade around me
That I’m perfect
But I’m not

So here we are
Sitting in the white, Subaru Forester in your driveway
Listening to the rain falling around us
But we’re safe from all harm and cold

Our eyes meet
Then our fingers
Then our hands
Then our lips

Our lips crash together, not leaving room for air
I forget everything at this moment
All the fear, all the doubt
But like everything, it comes back eventually.

I realize that I can’t be perfect
And neither can you
But that’s what makes us great
No relationship is perfect and we know that

The only perfect thing is the facade that people see when they look into the lives of strangers.

The man sits in his
somber, dark, and uninviting cell
Innocence rings through it
as he thinks about why
why he got locked up

They said he was the one
The one who committed the sin of
Taking a precious life
No ****** evidence was taken
Except for a visual on the color of his skin

If they had taken hair
Or saliva
Or even finger prints
They would no of his innocence

DNA testing was his downfall
But it could also be the solution
Take finger prints from the body
Analyse them
And he's finally be free
From his somber, dark, and uninviting cell which was ringing innocence

"I don't love you anymore"
The words shocked her
Pierced her soul
He said these words to her as an escape
As if to justify his reason for leaving her
Alone
She felt like she was in the dark
Alone
She felt empty inside
Alone
She felt as though there was no one to turn to
She was alone
"I hope we can still be friends"
He has told her, with his firm grip still on her sewn together heart
"I don't want to lose you"
It was a cry
A plead
Please, keep letting me play with your broken feelings
With a steady hand she raised the razor to her ivory skin
When you're alone, it get to be too much
Drops of red fell into the clouds of bubbles in the tub
She felt pain but at least now she knew she could feel something besides the quiet loneliness
Suffocating her

Angry and red
That's what I see when I think of love
Not red like Valentine's
Not red like the blush on my face when you call me beautiful
Red like the anger I feel when you make me look like a fool for believing in you
Red like my eyes, when they're puffy from crying all night
Red like the blood I bleed from my arm
The secret blood
The blood I make happen when I'm in the bath
The blood that delicately falls onto the white bubbles surrounding me
So yes, I believe in love
But it is an angry, red, belief.

Nothing is perfect
They see our relationship through tinted glass, never really revealing the truth of it
They don't see the arguing
The crying
The thousands of mini heartbreaks that come before the breakup
They only see the calm before the storm
The calm before the inevitable shards of glass that come out of breakups
They just see perfection
Through tinted glass
In a window of a house they’ve never been into

Yes I have friends
Yes I have family
Yes I have someone to call mine
But I am lonely
I sit here alone, never anyone's first choice
I try and try to make plans
Everyone always has something
Something more important than they have to do
I scroll through countless read receipts on my phone
Receipts for empty, one way conversations
I sit alone even though I am surrounded by people