I’ve been enjoying
wandering thrift stores,
finding clothes I never thought
I’d wear before.

Everyone rummages
through hand me downs,
worn jeans, washed-out shirts
and I rummage too,
the scent of cigarettes
lingering on my fingertips,
cheap cologne
leaving hickeys on my neck.

This city has seen me
turn into a better man,
or maybe just a man.
I hope I’ve been better.

Outside, I drive
through avenues of skyscrapers,
no left turns, only right.
I envy them,
their grandeur,
how they bask in the afternoon sun,
shiny and unbothered.

They’re cared for,
with workers dangling high,
cleaning windows
on the 9th, maybe 10th floor.
They’re proud,
unshaken.

If I were as much man
as they are skyscrapers,
maybe things would feel lighter,
easier on the shoulders.

But then again
they haven’t been loved.
Of course not.
They are no one.

And there’s where I have the advantage.

I would chase the scent of your hair
down dark, eerie alleys.
A blessing, perhaps a curse,
if you were there
standing idle,
waiting for me to reach the end of your trace.

I would look up, breathless,
after rolling up and down
Through hills,
searching for you,
a hidden beauty among the others.

Let me kneel,
offering you my soul,
submitting my will.
I would kiss your thighs,
find all the ways to worship you.

My hands would run
through the cotton of your shirts,
seeking refuge underneath
defrosting in the campfire of your hips.

I would dance for rain
around the beauty marks of your body,
planting seeds of kisses,
waiting for a downpour.

Let me be drenched
in all that is you
completely, sorely
you.

I held you
tightly,
on top of an
eight-story parking lot,
right after a cigarette
and a long walk
down the bayou.

A city so similar,
yet so different
from our own,
the smell of desire
checking corners,
slipping through museum corridors,
obsessed with
uncentering paintings
drawn long before
you and me.

Before we leave,
to return to the mundane,
I perch a kiss,
so unnecessary,
but so needed.

Flowers start blooming,
first between cracks in the pavement,
then in the hollow of my chest.
Their roots stretch inward,
clinging to all that
once felt barren.

Petals unfurl
in places I thought
were long forgotten
soft violets behind my ribs,
sunflowers tracing
the outline of your smile.
Each bloom carries
the weight of us,
fragile, fleeting,
but alive.

I'm at that diner again,
sitting by myself
in a corner booth,
analyzing, observing,
thinking about this broken girl
I knew for a little while.

Her dad is dying
In the hospital,
Cirrhosis,
another tormented soul.
I'm glad I haven’t fallen
that deep,
but I see the appeal.

I told her
I can’t be friends
with her anymore.
I isolate when
things get difficult,
and I’m starting to notice
the walls,
having too many
late night drives.

Life has been hard
on her, on all of us.
I hope she finds peace
outside the bottle.

I only enjoy things
when they happen organically now
bars, new drinks,
a warm hug,
waking up
without the alarm.

Nostalgia and melancholy
what a heavy burden,
to carry a weighted heart.
But my arms are getting stronger,
learning to grip,
to lift,
to cradle it with grace.

I don’t know who to thank,
but I’m grateful.

God, I walked down
The whole neighborhood
Today in search of you,

I window shopped
Through people's houses,

Buying nothing
But hope and
Christmas spirit.

I finally reached
The place they say
Your soul resides.

Sat down and had
A conversation
With myself

It sounded more
Like an argument.
I felt out of place.

I don’t think you
Were present there,

Maybe more
In the sniff
Of my cold nose,

Or the reflection
Of holiday lights
On puddles in the street
Warm light bending
Across cold water.

The frost on my breath
Lingered longer
Than your presence did.

Maybe you’re not
In sanctuaries or sermons,
But in the faint glow
Of string lights
Through fire place windows,

Or in the sudden warmth
Of a stranger’s smile
The kind that disappears
As quickly as it came.

Still, the cold crept in,
Needling through my jacket
As I walked back home,
Hands empty.

What a scam.

Oh, little
Prisoner of
Moments
And the
Materialistic,
Misled
And
Misunderstood,
When will
You find your
Own way?
Be late on rent,
Flip tables,
Argue with
The ones
Who mistreat
You.
Little one,
Things will
Be okay.

I saw her working,
as soon as I came
into this diner.
She shines a light,
I know it well,
yellow like sunflowers,
like rays of sunshine.

A presence so apparent,
it has me walking down
the street with a smile,
while I stitch my heart
together again,
maybe for the last time.

Just wait for me
a little longer, please.
The leaves are just
starting to fall,
to decay.

Nunca pensé que
tendría hábitos malos,

que la vida me
enseñaría a vivir,

de manera más,
suave y amorosa,

como una madre
que quiere hijos,

los trata con paciencia
y ternura y rayos de sol,

que alumbra su cuarto
al amanecer,

y cuando las noches
se vuelven más

y más oscuras,
a cambio bebo

café por las mañanas,
para pelear con las

horas que no duermo,
y así mantenerme despierto,

y poder caminar en los
talones de las personas

que no lo merecen,
invirtiendo en las

sombras y lo que
desaparece en lo olvidado,

aguantando mi
corazón en una mano,

y un ramo de
flores en la otra.

Hoy desperté,
otra vez,
tras un día más sin trabajo,
desaparecido entre sábanas.

Chocan contra mi ventana
las 5:00 am,
y me amanezco soñando
con soñar un poquito más.

Persigo migajas de pan,
como hormiga en el desierto,
me desvelo de hambre
y busco hasta la más diminuta gota
de agua en medio de sombras.

Sombras de lagunas
que algún día vieron vida
en el eco de sus ojos.

Necesito un diluvio, Dios.
Manda mares,
ahógame en mí mismo
y déjame soñar con algo más.

Siento que merezco más.

The adrenaline rush fades,
leaving me dangling,
empty handed,
clutching nothing but
bloodied words.

What will become of me?
I thought I was ready
but when will it be enough?
How many lessons,
how much pain
must I endure?

God, I don’t
**** with you anymore.
All you know
is tough love.

When will it
finally
be enough?

Y me encuentro,
sentado en bloques
de cemento,
en medio de docenas
de árboles de Navidad
encerrados en corrales
que construí con mis propias manos.

Te miro,
y pienso en cómo
la vida nos ha tratado
tan mal, tan fría.
Y también en cómo
serían las cosas
entre tú y yo,
si hubiéramos subido
al mismo autobús
al mismo tiempo.

Miro en tus ojos
y no encuentro nada,
así que buscaré respuestas
en el cielo,
en las sombras de tu cabello,
escondido entre telas.

Cuánto me he perdido en ti
tanto tiempo, tanto cariño,
tantas hojas de papel
con tu nombre en tinta
de bolígrafos que ya no escriben,
tantas miradas llenas de sentimiento.

Cuánto me perdí en ti,
vagabundo en busca de un hogar,
caos andante
entre biombos fugaces,
con la extraña sensación
de ser alguien,
para ti y para mí.

I want to lay in the hands of death,
as my last breath fogs
the windows.

I want to be loved,
but love is a complicated thing
and I don’t know
if I deserve it.

I am tired.

Still,
I have decided
I want to live.

I put the seats
back in my
beat up Ford Fiesta.
Four drinks in,
my first bottle of soju,
a great night
with a new friend.

Something’s shifting,
healing,
and I’m scared
of what might come.
I tremble,
cold biting my skin
Like fire ants,
a lit cigarette
flares on my nails
with every drag.

Leaves are falling.

What a long week,
A long month, a long year,
Followed by long hours,
And long seconds.

I’ve resorted to selling
All my distractions—
And hell, was I distracted.

Now I sit in diners,
Drinking coffee
After a long night.

My pockets are empty,
But my soul keeps growing.
He’s starting to receive
Hand-me-downs from the public,
A new kind of love.

And I’m slowly
Finding myself.

I sit today,
In a corner
New york
Diner
In the
Middle
Of houston,
My eyes
Jump hoops
Around
the place,
As i wait
For my
second
Cup of
Coffee
To cool
Down,
And
My heart
Defrosts.

A good woman
stood by my side
for some time.
And she still
will be with me,
circulating through my veins.

I found her after a storm,
back in the isles
of scorching sun
and rain that purified the air
and created mudslides.

In the puddles of water,
her feet stood,
adored by earth,
by wind,
by glory.

I hope I did not leave you
when I went away, my love,
because you taught me tenderness.
Your kisses live in my heart,
and if I die today,
I know I will be buried
with this great love
you brought me.

I don’t wait for you anymore.
I’ve learned to enjoy
my own company.

Because when loneliness knocks
and wants you to change,
you sit and contemplate
under a starry sky.

And my love,
is it night.

Y quien pensaria,
Que estaria agradecido
que no mori
Cuando quise morir,

De la nada empeze
A vivir otra vez,
Con un cigarrillo
En las mañanas

Y una taza de cafe
Para mantenerme
Despierto,
Recorro calles

A pie, y devuelvo
El aire de mis pulmones
A la atmosfera,
Mientras paso

Las manos por las
Grietas de un arbol
Protegido por el
Govierno,

Que mucho habra visto,
Sentido y despreciado,
Sin temor a la muerte,
Ni a un futuro distante.

Pero por que hay que
Temerle a la muerte,
Y a los errores y las
Desgracias,

Si nada bueno
Viene de vivir,
Entonces sere
Como un arbol.

plantare mis raices
En un presente
Fuera de mi alcance,
Mientras pierdo
La cordura,

Respirare vida,
Y devolvere vida.

Lately I've felt
A new type
Of hunger,
The type that
Makes you wish
For something
Better.

I yell at the sky,
Full of desperation
And anger that boils
My blood and blisters
My skin,

In hopes of God
Chiming in and
Sitting down from
All his godly duties
To listen.

But the sky is empty,
Vacant of any life.
A strangely formed
Cloud walks by,

my bones weep
All left unsaid.

I lay in bed
Underneath the
Sheets in that
Spot where time
Seems to forward
Until grass starts
To grow through the
Mattress and vines
Cover the walls,
Civilizations
Fall through the
Cracks and the
Stars fade into
The dark,
Making this
Fleeting moment
A lot darker
And colder,
Hopefully i
Wake up tomorrow
To fresh air
And pretty flowers
With a nice scent
To adorn it,
Im glad i can still
Hope, God,
Im glad.

Me monto en mi carro
Por la mil decima vez
Esta semana,
Para despejar la mente.

El trafico sube y baja
Como la marea,
Las luces son olas
Que rompen contra
La brea, bajo el volumen
De mi musica para
Poder escuchar
Los ruidos de la ciudad.

Y paso rodando
Por calles con
Nombres de presidentes
De aqui, peleando con
El sueño y la pena
Que se agarra de
Mi cuello y descansa
En mi espalda.

Y he limpiado el
Cuarto antes de salir,
Con las esperanzas
De que cuando
Vuelva pueda dormir,
Pero que dificil es sin ti.

So despejo mi mente,
Con una nota y una
Vuelta en un carro
Que ya se le esta acabando
El tiempo, y que muchas
Penas me agobian
Esta noche mi amor.

Preferiria estar arropado
En tu piel,
Despues de bañarme
En el lago de tus ojos,
Mientras me seco las
Manos bajando las
Sogas de tu pelo,
Para asi encontrarme
Entre tus venas,
Y ahogarme en tu alma,
Que desespera me espera.

A lo mejor asi,
Se aclarisan
Mis ojeras.

Oh, Icarus
How was
The fall?

Was it joyful?
As the sun
Burns scars

Into your spine,
I still see a smile
On your face,

You *******.

Choose me,
Use me,
Let me
Take
Your
Troubles
Away.

I want to take you to a flower field,
Lay down, watch the stars as they shine,
And whisper things about how jealous
They are of your beauty.

Even if we are two different skies under the same atmosphere,
We will unite and make them talk
More and more about us—
The moon and the sun,
The never-ending fear
Mongering and unecesary
Stress that will come to us, forgotten.

And the only thing we will hear
Is the whisper of the stars.

Keep calm and wait.
Wait for our futures to intervene
And make one present.

Keep calm and wait
For my hands to run down your back,
Through nooks and crannies.

Feel your breaths,
The breeze,
The side eyes of the celestials,
I want gravity to no longer exist.
I want existence
To be a mere presence
In our everlasting ceremony.

I want God to remember us by name,
Just like Adam and Eve—
Sinners from birth.
But right now,
It doesn’t matter.
Nothing matters
But the look in your eyes.

The sweat that
falls on my chest,
The lip bites,
All those little things
Im able to notice
Under the supervision
Of the night.

The way your lips
Impatiently wait for mine.
The moon shine glaring on your face,
Caressing your hair.
Every little light it sheds
Paints me a picture of how beautiful you are.

Oh, how beautiful you are...

On a cold Thursday morning,
I sit outside, bundled up
in layers upon layers,
battling the weather.

Forty degrees is a heavy burden
for a man raised under an island sun,
beside hibiscus and ixoras.

It eats at my hands,
and feathers my nose.

What a blessing
to feel,
to be alive.

Oh, but what a curse.

Y no estoy
diciendo
que las cosas
van a
Ir mal
entre
nosotros,
pero si
algo llegara
a pasar
me encantaria
estar para
verte crecer.

que seran de tus ojos,
Ojos que insitan a pecar,

Color madera en medio
Del bosque,

Los escuchare caer
Hasta en mis sueños,

Que pena me dio,
Ver inundaciones

Y terremotos,
Huracanes

Y tormentas
Sin nombre,

El silencio
Despues es aterrador,

Me intento esconder
Debajo de sabanas

Despues de haber
Cerrado cortinas.

Arropado en un
Mar de tela,

Me ire desasiendo
De ti

Y te sudare
Como una fiebre,

Ya que es tarde,
Y a pasado tiempo,

Tiempo en el que
Ya no te tengo,

Perdido
Y desorientado,

Me ahogo
Mientras duermo,

Asi que mardito,
Vagare las noches,

trabajare de dia,
Y olvidare tu nombre

En arenas blancas
Bajo una noche estrellada.

Me compre una
Cafetera de estufa,
Prendo y caliento,
Y me siento a
Esperar la chilllaera,
El olor corrumpe
Las cortinas y las
Toallas, abre neveras,
Y limpia migajas de
Pan en la mesa,
Pesado en las arrugas
Nuevas que crean
Valles en mi frente,
Mientras el color de tus ojos
Da vueltas en mi mente,
Invirtiendo en las noches
Donde te tuve en mis brazos,
Atadados entre sabanas,
Y tu , Arbol de ceiba que anclo
Sus raices en mis venas,
Las dejare correr y drenar
Hasta la ultima gota de sangre,
El vapor sube, yo subo con el,
Y me siento en la humedad
De las nubes, peleando con la
Culpa y rayos de sol.

Aveces me siento
A pensarte,
Y me da con mirar
Las cosas que as
Escrito,
Angustiado
Por la Noche,
Y las ganas
De no poder
Dormir me arropan
Otra vez,
Pero tus palabras
Me traen salvacion
En una Noche
Sin Estrellas,
Cerca del agua,
Tan lejos
Pero tan cerca
De ti mi amor,
Tal vez
As dejado
Un vacio
En este
Vagabundo
Sin futuro
Que tanto amastes,
Y que pena
Que me a tomado
Tanto tiempo
Con la nevera
Vacia para darme
Cuenta que tus
Besos eran la razon
Por la que vivia,
Y ahora muero
De hambre.

I'm waiting,
For the sky
To open up
And drop
You at my feet.

Dressed up
In high
Waisted pants
And a bouquet
Of flowers
I hope you
Would like,

When I see
You, tumbling
And shaking
Your fall,

It'll sound like
Whistles of
A happy man
Going on
His day,

It'll show
In the way I
Tap my feet
And fiddle my
Fingers,

My eyes will
Drop your gaze
And my hands will
Tremble along
The tune,

And I'll write
Your name
Upon pages
Of a watered
Down book,

Filled with sentences
And stanzas
That have lost
Their muse,

Sentences filled
With crazy and
Passion, illusions
Of cursed letters,

That attached
Themselves
Upon my skin
Making me a
Slave of
my words.

It's late
Into Halloween
Night,
I'm driving
Down bagby
Street looking
For a place to
Sit and think,
Uncomfortable
In my own skin
I try to zip
Up a tab
Of lsd,

Suddenly
I'm rolling down
The stairs
Down to
To the bayou,
I put my knees
Up to my chest
And wrap my
Arms around my
Legs as a quilt of
Ashes cover
My feet,
So tired but I
Can't sleep.

I see
The blue
Lights of the
Light post reflecting
Against ***** water,
The bayou rising,
Consequences of
A storm
Not present,
The fish splashing
And the people
Walking and running
And biking,
Life is in the
Unexpected,
But there's always
Something to expect
From a man with no
Destiny.

what a shame
There's no stars
In the sky tonight,
Or a pretty lady
With nice legs
To enjoy the
cold front with,
And I wish I could
Throw my skeleton
Into the water,
Watch it sink and
Squirm underneath
The pressure,

But instead I go
Up the multitude
Of stairs,
Observe the people
Dressed in costumes
Taking memories,
Just to drive
Back home
Under the shade
Of tall buildings
And start all
Over again.

I sit in my car waiting
For the money from that
Quick cash job
I just did
To hit my account,

So I can go inside
And get myself
Something to drink,

Fire trucks fill the
Roads under the
Glare of an afternoon
Moon,

God, what a weird
Position I’ve
put myself in.

It felt like my time was coming,
I’m not afraid of what’s to come,

I’ll keep writing odes to love,
And life in sorrow,

I’m fading inward, starting from my fingertips,
So the moon has invited herself

To stay a little longer,
She weeps rain as tomorrow

Arrives with a picnic basket,
Heavy with what once was,

The morning sun sits in a corner,
Just ready to shine once more,

And what a beautiful morning
I have bought with breaths and sighs,

60 degrees haven’t felt this good,
It surfs upon the wind,

Carrying a boombox that
Plays melancholy,

It reaches my ears to remind
Me of the pain,

But thank god for beautiful
Mornings, and the clicking of time.

And pocket change.

She has a swing
To her hips,
But she stands
Proud with
Her shoulders
High, full of
Pride and knots
That I didn’t put
The time to
Take away,

A risk taker,
She jumps
Out of airplanes
And helicopters
Now, she loved
The kind of love
That stays with
You, because
You have never
Been loved like
This before,

And she stayed,
The morning
After.

I know very
Well that
I haven’t been
The greatest
At love,

I haven’t chased
Grand gestures or vows,
But stumbled through
The mornings after,
The movie dinners,
The silences
Between us
Where love sits,
Waiting to be noticed,
Not a princess in a tower
Waiting to be saved,
But just two people,
Trying to stay close
Despite the gaps.

I don’t know if
I’ve loved the
Imperfections,
I’ve loved despite
Them,
The realization hits
Like a slasher movie,
Too late at night,
And too young
And unsupervised,

Sometimes I leave
Notes hidden in
Vases, behind cabinets,
Above the fridge,
And in the pockets
Of the new jeans
That I just got,
As a reminder to love,

Today I found one
In my glove compartment,
It’s getting cooler so
I rolled down the windows
And felt the breeze
Every time there was a red light,
I had the music loud,
Enjoying the mess of genres
That’s my Spotify playlist,
And I savored the moment,
In solitude, learning to love,
Not despite, but because of.

The sound of your voice
Enters through my veins,

It runs havoc as I listen to
You speak how your day went,

Chained by the tremble
In between words

and the way your lips
Would taste like honey,

I try to concentrate but my
Eyes set me loose

As I trace the moles around
Your body,

Constellation of fallen stars
Adorn you from head to toe,

I connect them with stellar
Imagination and wonder,

Which one would I plant
A kiss on first,

Then second,
Then third,

I would spend many days,
And maybe months,

Traveling the wild waters
Of your curves,

On a sail boat,
I hope for a tragedy,

For the wind to get too
Rowdy and tip me over,

So I can swim on the corners
Of your hips,

And drown on the shores
Down your legs

I woke up
On the right
Side of the bed
Today,

I took arms
The day before
And fought a
War,

That waited
And waited
For me, for
The right moment

To present itself
Upon my door,
And the sky
Looking

The perfect shade
Of baby blue,
A war wagered,
On blood and bones,

And love
and emptiness,
Oh, to win
Again,

On my terms,
And then feel
The breeze upon
My face.

Of course you’ll
miss them,
And songs
will remind you
Of them,
and the color  of
A strangers eyes,
and the pattern
The shadows
create while
You are on shrooms,
You were happy once,
Under incoming fire
And quarantine, in
The sky or on boat,
Undressed, and that’s
Not a pretty sight,
But they loved it,
They loved you,
And that’s not
Easy to forget.

I call my grandma
Mama Myriam,

She’s my dads mom,
So I didn’t spend

Much time with her
Growing up

That doesn’t matter
To her when I call,

She talks as if she
Loves unconditionally,

So difficult to understand,
But the time goes on.

And she tell stories,
Not the ones in books

But the ones that make
Her scars ache,

And I listen,
Attentive,  

Patient,
Quiet,

As the city outside
Rumbles the windows,

And my furniture
Decays where it stands,

She tells her stories,
With a cat on her lap,

You can almost hear
The purrs through

The phone,
And what stories she tells,

About love, and life,
And betrayal, and abuse,

What a life she has lived,
She thanks me for listening,

With an “I love you”
As I ready up to hang up,

No, Mamá,
Thank you.

I walked
The exhibitions
Of the zoo
With someone
I hurt,
I didn’t
Feel there
All the way,
I hid in the
Aquarium
And the bug
house,
Since it
Was a hot
Summer day,
Lost and
confused,
I watched
the glitter
Fall off
The look
In her eyes,
Turning into
Flint that
sparked
A fired
burning
All the love
She had
For me.

God, my heart has carved
A hole open in my chest,
Learned to walk and
Started running away
From me.

What will I do now,
That he’s not here
To guide me through,
Oh, lantern in the night,
Why have you escaped,
When we both know
It was my idea,

The ground that I stand
On now feels misplaced
And out of shape, wobbly
Like a bouncy castle with
The top open so you can
Observe the top of the trees,
And the skyline and the stars,
Play catch with the moon.

But I’m not a kid anymore,
And every time the drop
Fills the cavity left open
With fear that the ground
Will some how change back.

Sometimes life feels  
like a train station,  
some depart wearing  
suits and ties,  
with heavy leather  
bags dangling  
from their hips  
as if to show the  
world how strong  
their legs are.

Others arrive
with their heart  
bleeding from  
their sleeves,  
with PTSD  
and memories of  
ruins of war  
that change their  
perspective as  
they drag their feet  
on shiny marble  
tiles that got  
polished the  
night before,  
so they glide  
through their way  
home.

I’ve departed before,
I’ve felt the  
cocoon inside  
my stomach  
hatch into butterflies,  
as the tip  
of my fingers felt  
the inside  
of a train that no  
longer will  
arrive to this station.

Since I’ve
been back,  
the sky  
hasn’t been  
the same shade  
of blue,  
or the stars haven’t  
flickered the  
same Morse code,  
but “I’ve won”  
I say to myself,  
not by chasing the train,
but by letting it pass,
by finding calm
in the station,
and in the realization
that my journey
is where I stand amongst  
the multitude of people,  
a sea of  
distinguishable universes,  
each with their destination,  
succumbed by life and its mysteries.

I’m glad,
for them, for all of us.

Oh my love,
I’ve buried
My worries
In the sand
Of your shores,
Even if the
Raging waters
Dig deep
To find them
And give them
The same
Warmth
That I miss
When laying
Cuddled up
In the coconut palms
Of your hands,
I could feel
The fire,

Oh, beautiful deity
Of a seasons past
Where all year
Was spring,
I’ve grown so
Scared of love,
So malnourished,
You could almost
See the mountain
Range on my chest,
And I’ve only grown
Hungry for the look
In your eyes and
The sound of your
Voice when speaking
My name.

I’ve been
caught
In a long
forgotten
Snare,
its claws
Deep
into my
My flesh
scratching
And itch
in my
Bones
I haven’t
Been
able
to reach,
As I
sit and
Contemplate
Death,
the leafs
Of an
old tree
Slowly
catch
A ride
upon
The
wind,
And
touch
The
soil
In front
of
My feet
with
Nurture
and love,
Making
me
a bed
To
lay on.

Someone
Said,
No one
Baths in
The same
River twice,
Because
When you
Come back,
New water
Will be
Flowing,
But it’s
More
Complicated
Than that
When it
Comes to
Those you
Love,
People are more
Like the soil
Underneath,
That erodes
Over time,
With so much
Life to give,
And so
Much growth.